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The Sexualization Of Kids.

Sexualization and kids are two words that should not be in the same sentence but that's just the way I feel about this topic.

I tend to steer away from (publicly) discussing certain issues such as this because I'm neither a wife nor a mother but sometimes when I feel too strongly about something I refuse to stay neutral or quiet. Also I spent the most of last year and the greater part of this one being a mother so let me allow myself to believe that gives me a modicum of entitlement. 

There are certain things I just fail to understand. There are things I see parents do these days, they've become normal but I find them very appalling:

While I won't necessarily term this as sexualization, I fail to understand why a child who's still growing baby sprouts on her head should have artificial hair fixed to that hair. Why JUST? What's the purpose behind this please? Why should a little girl get a weave or have braids put in her hair? When did combing the little one's hair neatly and putting in some cute ribbons stop being enough? The main reason we adults affix these things to our hair is to enhance our beauty, your little daughter needs her beauty enhanced? She's not cute the way she is? What message are you passing across to her? When did it become normal to tell a little girl that she isn't enough the way she is, because that's the way it looks to me. Two weeks ago a blog reader asked me, what do you think about mothers who fix their little daughter's hair? I responded that it's plain wrong in my opinion. Her response; "Oh I thought I was alone in this. Until a girl reaches the age of 16 I see no reason why she should wear a weave". I also thought I was alone in thinking that it's plain absurd to add attachments to the hair of a child, especially when this child is below the age of 6. 

Some clothes are simply plain wrong and inappropriate for children. I fail to understand why a mother would dress her little daughter in clothes that leave her half naked and little to the imagination. Yet when you voice your disapproval you get told that it's you who has a problem; if you see an innocent little girl and find something sexual in her dressing no matter how skimpy it may be, then you must be sick or perverted or a paedophile. Wow! To me that sounds as stupid as saying I'm vegetarian therefore if I walk into a lion's den it wouldn't eat me. 
     First off, you CANNOT control the way the world sees or perceives you. But while you cannot control how the world sees you and yours, you can control the dressing and appearance of you and yours. 

Now this is the one that seriously gets my goat. What's with the way little kids dance at parties these days? I always wants to smack some mothers that excitedly cheer on while their four year-olds twerk to nack your akpako and roll their chubby little waists and pop their tender booties. 
     Two weekends ago I told my friend when we were at a one-year birthday party that there were things I thought were simply inappropriate, like kids knowing all the words to songs with very sexual lyrics and dancing in that titillating manner. She didn't seem to think it was wrong, most people I complain to don't seem to think its wrong.
     So I said; hey, maybe it's just me. Maybe there's something wrong with me. But last night I was passively listening to a radio show when a guy called in and asked this same question; what's with parents who watch their little kids dance like prostitutes at parties, in front of everyone and actually cheer them on! The three or four presenters all seemed to agree and one even shared a story of how his 7 year old cousin was dancing at a party and everyone cheered, then the girl suddenly broke into some dip-it-low booty poppin' moves and her mother immediately sprang up from her seat and dragged her off the dance floor. For me this was an Aha! moment; So I'm not insane then, I'm not the only who thinks that's just outright wrong.


6 year old Albert in his booty pop music video. 
Well his parents seemed to think its a good idea, he couldn't write the lyrics to the song but knew the words and what he wanted the video to look like so he told them what he wanted and they made it a reality. Yay! 
     But isn't it absurd that the same parents who said he couldn't write, rather than focusing on teaching him to write made a video for him called booty pop where half naked grown women were shaking their behinds in his face?

I'm not a mother yet and I'm not in anyway dictating to other mothers on how to raise their kids. But these are observations I've had over time that really bother me which I would like to share and have discussed. 
What's your take on exposing young children to adult 'material'? 
Is it innocent (My friend says it is because the child doesn't know what he/she is doing) as it may have no negative impact on the child, or should children be allowed to grow up before encountering certain things and implementing them on their own terms?

Let's talk. 


  1. What I just cannot stand is the raunchy dance moves at parties. WTF?

  2. Really sad, I thought I was the only one cringed when I witness things of this nature. I really fear for the leaders of tomorrow, makes you wonder what tomorrow is going to be like.
    When a male child grows up seeing women as tips and associated then it will be hard for him to respect women. When a girl thinks she has to be almost naked to be attractive then she'll probably end up with very low self esteem and be taken advantage of by sequel predators.
    We need to imbibe a sense of self-respect and respect for others in our kids.

  3. Like seriously t,I thought I was d only one who had dis perspective,it's so sad dat dese parents dnt know how much harm dey expose children to. Dis is d reason yyy sexual abuse on little kids wud never stop because a man who cnt control his libido wud see such a child n want to grab her. dis is d same reason my frnd does not allow her four year OLD son attend his school's party weneva dey organize one n she has vowed never to allow him. Solution lies in d hands of d parents cos dey gat a lot of work to do

    1. 'Because a man can't control his libido'? Oh its man's fault now huh?... Ur friend doesn't allow her son attend School's party?she cud as well put him on lockdown asylum. Like seriously? As mush as I agree with all Thelma said, who deprives a 4 year Old child of kids parties? That's psychological torture.

    2. Uyi, as a parent you have the right to decide which party your kid attends..that's why you are the adult

  4. T, i'm on the same page with you just that i disagree with your "I'm not a mother yet and I'm not in anyway dictating to other mothers on how to raise their kids". People might say i'm judgemental but Call it for what it is...WRONG!!! there is no justification at all especially with the dressing... there's this little girl in my church whose mom keeps dressing her in very skimpy gowns and without tights or leggings.. making our little boys in church mope.. when i called her on it, she said she told her mom.. when confronted, mom was like pls its my daughter... meanwhile mom doesnt dress skimpy ooo. m still trying to figure out her plans oo... its plain wrong.. Ezekiel 9:4. Me i preach modesty in everything....May God help us all

  5. I share the same point of view with you Thelma.Children of this generation simply amaze me with the level of exposure and liberty at their disposal.hmnnnn!
    children be watching porn and acting daddy and mummy afterwards.u hear them saying "
    Ife has a boyfriend in my class*didnt you kiss bode that day?* errr mummy, Lanre is not talking to Teni because Teni now has another boyfriend........... and they go on and on imagine that from children of 5,6,7,8-10 years old. and parents be giggling....... like seriously?
    I was at a bar the other day and a man walked in with his son and that boy can't be more than 8 years.they sat and his dad ordered alcoholic drinks while the boy was also trying to order same his dad asked that he be given chapman,the young boy just started sulking wanting a taste from his dads' glass of Hennessy. and I am like why not give him a cup too afterall you brought him there so is he expected to be drinking Bournvita and Ribena?mshewwww I felt like telling the guy some truth.
    what is so hard in treating them like kids when they are kids and adults when they are adults? some parents sha.smh. I sure will have alot to do training my kids when i start having them *cunt woit*

  6. I was once at a party and I saw dem kids singing 'chop banana till you go yo' I looked to my neighbour like 'are you seeing this' but dude's face was like 'aww, aren't they cute' so I thought maybe I was just being uptight. So Tee, this article was my own 'aha' moment

  7. Happy birthday, Vivadrew! May your joy be full this new year.

    Thelma, I try in the ways I can. It's strictly Disney junior, Boomerang, MFamily and any other children channel. I try to adhere to age restrictions and parental guidance on movies. No soundcity, no channel o... etc

    In fact, I've stopped watching TV because I don't really have the time. Its either super sport when hubby is around or Disney junior for the children.

    And there is nothing like "they don't know". I can still remember things that happened when I was 3-4 years old.

  8. A lot of things are turning upside down.
    I have been labelled all manners of names simply because I insist my daughters wear their natural hair (no relaxer) but do I care? There are more important things kids (both sexes) should focus on and being 'sexily dressed' is not part of it, neither is a dancing prowess.


  9. Please where is a good, clean restaurant where I can eat amala or pounded yam with ewedu or efo riro in Ikeja? The closer to the airport the better.

    1. I will tell you if I can tag along. Otherwise lips sealed.

    2. No worries, you can come along. please open lips

    3. There is one on Isaac John, just opposite Jevinik. I hope that isn't too far from the airport & the info isn't coming late.

      P.S - There are two restaurants there; Calabar kitchen and another behind. Just walk through the bar to get to the restaurant at the will love their amala.

    4. There is a place called Iya Wale at FAAN. Very close to the airport.I hope you will enjoy it.NK

    5. Oyinlola, the info is not late at all. Thank you!

      @Anonymous with Iya Wale's place. You try small with that name and description, good one there.

  10. Damn. I feel sorry for the baby with the braids. Can you imagine how she will have been crying when they were doing that hair. And isn't it too heavy for her small head? Ratchetness at it's peak.

    1. I say! i feel so sorry for her, if me as an adult cant sit down to get my hair braided, i carry it naturally, how much more a child?
      Parents of these days ehnn..they seriously need flogging, sometimes i wonder if that is how they were trained.

  11. I'm with you on this.

  12. www.eniwealth79.blogspot.com6:25 pm, September 16, 2014

    I was at the salon the other day and a colleague who is a single mum brought her 7-8 year old son to have his hair-cut. I was surprised when they asked her what style to cut for the boy and she told them to ask him. Boy described mo-hawk or whatever it is called, said he wants his hair dyed and relaxed. All of which they did for him. At the end of the process, my colleague asked him if he liked it and he said yes, she simply paid and they left.
    It's the beginning of a new world.

  13. Wow im just speechless here , warrafeckinghell...

  14. This might not be exactly in line with the post. But I think instilling morals in your kids is quite different from making them ignorant. I go to my Aunt's house and the only thing her kids are allowed to watch is cartoon. Not even football. According to her football is a violent game. Am like "gal are u kidding me?" and her kids are 7-12yrs old.
    While you go about instilling morals in your kid, don't make them ignorant. When they ask you where babies come from, don't say babies are vomited. Or something lame like that. Choose your words carefully and explain to them in PG words the process of child bearing. A child curious enough to ask such questions, will find out whether you tell or not. Just learn to strike a balance.

  15. This might not be exactly in line with the post. But I think instilling morals in your kids is quite different from making them ignorant. I go to my Aunt's house and the only thing her kids are allowed to watch is cartoon. Not even football. According to her football is a violent game. Am like "gal are u kidding me?" and her kids are 7-12yrs old.
    While you go about instilling morals in your kid, don't make them ignorant. When they ask you where babies come from, don't say babies are vomited. Or something lame like that. Choose your words carefully and explain to them in PG words the process of child bearing. A child curious enough to ask such questions, will find out whether you tell or not. Just learn to strike a balance.

  16. LOL... I'm I seeing & reading all this?
    Thank U Dad & Mom for the awesome upbringing! A lil severe discipline but I appreciate it ALL... even my only had her natural hair till she was 7. Amazing curls & natural braids.

    Most Mom's today are "Ajebutter ITKs"! So I just watch & smh.

    To my future kids, We are gonna sleep, walk, eat, breathe, dance & talk the bible...
    Your lovely mummy!

  17. Thelma, I am a mother of 5 children and I agree with you 110%
    I have learnt to take care of my OWN and not put mouth in such matters because, one can either be called local or razz or bush woman for not being 'modernized! or following the trend. I just tire for we women!
    Another truth is that the 'media' is oozing of sex! Parents now have so much to do!

  18. I even disagree with using anything at all on a baby's hair be it ribbon or that hair band that people use for their baby daughters this days, the poor baby's hair would just be pulling and you don't care because in your mind your baby is not fine if she dosent have ribbons on her hair. Some baby's sef have hair only in the middle and people would keep trying to manipulate the little hair that's there, it's not cute atall. Atleast let ALL the hair grow evenly before you start making the hair. That's why I would always give kudos to how Beyonce takes care of blue's hair....Leave it be

  19. T u will live long for this! Just finished watching a very disturbing video of a lil girl dancing in ways my adult self n a striper pole wld find worth multiple thoughts, n this while being cheered on by a pack of sickos n who I assume is her mother. Kept wondering why n how anyone wld be surprised if u hear one of em had sex with her n or worse, raped her. I am not a mom bt I make my opinion on this clear to my friends n cousins that r often; it is up to u to protect ur children's innocence for as long as you can, in all aspects of their lives; education, entertainment, interpersonal relationships. Learn how to give age-appropriate answers to their curious questions. At certain age, u should b what u are: a parent. Not a classmate, not a friend, but mom or dad aka the ones who instill a series of boundaries n rules n a sense of morality n self respect. Learn to communicate with ur kids with words n if necessary whoop their asses (our parents did n dats y we know the things we know). When a child is older, then there's room n a need to build a friendship; he/she is old enough to appreciate the relationship n the responsibility of both expected behavior n consequences.
    I remember my mom had a rule of no braids as kids n we all rocked low cuts throughout secondary school with braids she approved for holidays. She was always quick to tell us we cld do whatever we want to "as soon as u get outta secondary school". I played with colors as soon as I could bt I eventually got tired n today I not just rock my natural hair, I let it grow locks n has been so for a decade!
    My point; children have such a limited time to be children n we should do our part as the adults in their lives n try as hard as we can to help them b such for as long as they should n stop all these crap we allow them pick up in the name of modern trends
    Sorry abt the epistle. Jst happens to b a peeve of mine.

  20. I see all these things u've mentioned above and I marvel. D part that ticks me off is d seductive dance moves @ kids parties and u see d mothers cheering. WTH. Me I have said no watching of soundcity and those other sad music channels in my house.


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  22. On Thelma, please don't get me started on this topic. Sometimes I almost wonder if I blinked and by the time I opened my eyes again, the world had changed.
    I always say I'm very grateful I was a kid in the era that I was - the 80s and 90s - but, these days. What is it to be a kid again? The lines have become so blurred. I wonder when people's values changed.
    Regarding your first point on the hair attachment, I personally ( and this is me o, I'm not saying it has to apply to everybody) got my first "attachment" when I was 23, and in my final year of University. My mum always said "You are OK the way you are, those things would make you look older", and I always grew up believing I was good enough just as I was. As a kid, I used to plait my hair like other little girls, but my mum would randomly inspect my hair every few months and decide I'm due for a haircut, and ne t thing I knew, I was sitting on a bench with my hair being snipped away. But I learnt to be confident through all of that. I learnt to answer my friends when they ask "what happened to your hair?", and I learnt to realise that my self worth isn't determined by my appearance.
    To this day still, I believe I still have traces of that. I occasionally go for a week or two of just combing my hair in a simple afro, go to work in a corporate environment, and not for a split second do I feel inadequate. When people ask me how I get my hair like that, I say that's how it grows out of my head.
    Sorry for the long epistle, but my point is for as long as kids get the idea that they need these extra material things to be beautiful, they would grow up into adults who are heavily reliant on them.
    As for the other points you raised, let me just say may God help us all.


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