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The Things We Can't Let Go Of...




I just read somewhere that today is World Peace Day and people were urged to spread love and be at peace with those around them. It's so easy to pray for and preach world peace and all that but let's make things personal; can you make peace with everyone around you, even the ones who have so terribly hurt you and betrayed your trust? 


In my life I've hurt and I've been hurt. I've never had much difficulty forgiving "friends" for their wrongdoings. I've forgiven my then closest friend for calling our other friends and spilling some of my deepest (family) secrets to them in such a malicious and spiteful manner that I was momentarily temporarily paralyzed. It went something like this:
Phone rings: 
Closest friend: hello, babe, have you seen Nwando recently?
Mutual friend: (sensing something was about to happen) No why?
Closest friend: Are you serious? So she's not there with you guys abi?
Mutual friend: No, I just told you I've not seen her. You know how Nwando is naa, nobody knows where she is. 
Closest friend: hmmmmm. Mehnnnn I have serious gist for you people ooo!! Is *Nkechi etc there?
Mutual friend: Yes she is. (removes mouth from phone and whispers to me) You better listen, your best friend is about to say some shit about you. (Puts phone on speaker)
Closest friend: Nwando did bla bla bla, her bla bla bla bla. Haaaa! Serious Ishhhh. Bla bla bla bla. Omo!!! Disastrous bla bla bla.... 

Everyone turned to me with shock and horror in their eyes. I wished I would just evaporate. 

Well that wasn't the only time that she messed up and hurtful as it all was, I forgave. I've forgiven friends for ruining my relationships, I've forgiven people who betrayed me, I've forgiven people who maliciously lied against me, I've forgiven men that made promises and hurt me in the worst possible ways, I've forgiven someone for sexual assault, I've forgiven people I trusted who shove a rod in my back... Bottom line is that I can be very forgiving. 

BUT there is one grudge I have been unable to let go of. Now it's weird because this person was no close friend or true love of mine, yet his own deed has been so difficult for me to forgive because his betrayal had a chain reaction; it led to some very unpleasant events and occurrences in my life. I'm sure when he was 'betraying' he didn't expect the eventual outcome, but hey, those things did happen and it makes it so damn hard for me to forgive and just let go, and believe me I've tried. 


Are you like me who easily forgives but has a few grudges and pain you just cannot let go of even after the offender has begged for forgiveness? Or do you just find it difficult to forgive?
     What is this thing that's impossible for you to let go of and why is it so difficult to just let go?
OR;
Have you hurt someone so badly that try as you may they've just refused to forgive you? Do you become indifferent knowing that you've done what you can to right your wrongs yet they've refused to forgive you? Or do you still carry the weight of the guilt knowing that they're still holding on to the pain you caused them?


Let's talk hurt, betrayal, pain and FORGIVENESS. 



Photo source: amarudontv.com

Comments

  1. I haven't been dt guy dt hurts pple's feelings, (maybe a few dt I don't kno abt) but lots of pple hv hurt me b4 and I forgave them wholehertedly but keep some of them @ arms length. I have this thing about forgiving pple way 2 easily no matter wht transpired between us and it has really helped me in leading an easy going life.. Jes as Lewis B Smedes said "TO FORGIVE IS TO SET A PRISONER FREE AND DISCOVER DT THE PRISONER WAS U"

    So T, I think u shld 4gv that friend of ur's no matter what it is even tho forgetting won't be easy and hey, it's not mandatory to forget.




    *lips sealed and watching*

    ReplyDelete
  2. I forgive easily too,hold no grudge against anyone but dere is one person who I know might never forgive ME and hasn't forgiven me. It's my aunt.I slept with her husband. I know u all might judge ME but I had to if not,I wAs gonna lost someone dear to me but only him came to my rescue by giving me a whooping sum of money to save d situation. This was ten years ago and I have forgiven myself for doing such shit but she still hates me for dat and wouldn't allow me come close to her house. Guys don't judge me biko but I just had to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And her hussy had 2 sleep with you 2 do u dt favor? Gosh, were do these kind of men spring 4rm?


      #it is well

      Delete
    2. "Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight;so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge" - Psalm 51:4.

      You have asked her for forgiveness but she refused. Please continue to seek it but don't kill yourself over it; seek God's forgiveness too, never repeat it and move on with your life.

      -F

      Delete
    3. I'm not trying to excuse what you have done but i just want to ask this, has she forgiven her husband?

      Delete
  3. I find it easy to forgive but I may set limits going forward. I try not to hold grudges because whenever I do, it affects me badly.

    I however have a strong feeling that where my kids are concerned, I may not easily forgive. Here, I cannot guarantee anyone of a your-sins-are-forgiven-carry-your-mat-and-walk kind of forgiveness.

    God help me.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pardon me people, My New SO reads this blog so lemme behave!!! Deleted my comment.
    Let me offload the Ex drama in the past! So help me God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ruth I'm so happy for you, i just don't know why.

      Delete
    2. Hehe but now he will see that u have deleted a comment and make u tell him what u wrote......as much as I'm happy for u and ur s/o, I'm not happy he reads this blog because u won't be too free again. No offence s/o if u r reading this, we love u really :)

      Delete
    3. Thank U Lauryn. Tolu U know I luff u? Don't worry, this is the stage where we are both pretending not to shit, RME. After the initial ceremony, when I get comfy enough to even fart in his presence, I will start Spilling Major on TTB.
      For now, *Moon walks away*

      Delete
    4. Can't wait till the ' I no dey shit' stage is over then. Luff u too hehe

      Delete
  6. I can forgive a lot but someone once did some thing that may neva forgive,when I remember it anyways let it be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear, have u never hurt anyone? U have no choice but to forgive, remember the parable of the master and the servant in the bible (assuming u r a believer). We have hurt God so much much much more yet he sent his only son to die for us. We have no choice but to forgive in order to set ur self free. Don't let someone else put u in unnecessary bondage x

      Delete
    2. Tolulope,it isn't easy,when u were adopted by someone who treated u betta than a daughter and one woman comes along making fun of u cos u were adopted,tells u not to take care of ur mom,makes fun of u cos u had to have a cs to deliver her grandchild and then expects u to take cia of her all in the name of being ur mother in law? Least I forget she also makes sure their is no peace when she is around,causing u to go into depression,na only God go judge her

      Delete
    3. U have said the main thing only God can judge her... Cus u forgive doesn't mean u need to like her, even the bible says AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE be at peace with all men, which mean the Lord knows it's not always possible, just try not to be around her, don't let any evil human raise ur blood pressure x

      Delete
    4. My dia,easier said than done,when she lives with u

      Delete
  7. I have had two friendships in my life that has broken down due to unforgiveness from their part and there is no day I don't think of these two girls although it was years ago. That period was a tough time in my life and I did hurt ppl I loved not out if spite but stupidity and immaturity. I have tried to make peace and although we are now civil to each other if we see( which we never do) we can NEVER be friends again. People have terribly hurt me too but I'm never the type to be able to hold grudges cus I have too many prayers I need God to answer. So no there is no body I have that I have unforgiveness against, could I could die one minute from now and Hell is definitely not for me. Although that has made me kinda keep to my self more cus I hate the drama of fighting and roller-coaster of forgiving and begging. At least if I fight with my family we will have to forgive each other cus I'm stuck with them.

    ReplyDelete
  8. And to answer ur question,she has forgiven her hussy,but me she vowed she can't forgive. I have asked GOD for forgiveness and I still do. Plss what is SO?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SO=Significant Other. Since she has forgiven her hubby who is d one she shld be holding a major grudge on, then jes do as F said. God is ever forgiving and merciful

      Delete
  9. Is it possible to not forgive someone for hurting you badly and taking away something really dear to you but you have forgotten about the incident... Okay not forgotten but you have stopped thinking about it and even when it crosses your mind it no longer hurts you're just indifferent. You no longer feel like killing somebody, there's just nothing yet you've not forgiven...

    ReplyDelete
  10. We are all human and we have all been hurt by someone we trusted, one way or the other. Forgiving can be easy but forgiving and forgetting is almost impossible. But, like falling in love, it is a decision one has to make.

    I forgive very easily too because I have come to discover that not doing so will keep hurting me and wont let me move forward. There are 2 quotation that I remember whenever my brain starts to 'touch' with unforgiveness - 'unforgiveness is like letting a tenant rent space in your house (spelt MIND) and not paying rent' and ' anger and unforgiveness is like picking up a piece of hot charcoal to throw at the source of your anger and hoping it wont burn your hand'.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I HATE my sister-in-law's husband. He has tried to make peace over and over again but I just can't bring myself to forgive him. I just can't and I am on person who forgives and forgets easily. It even took time for me to forgive my sister-in-law but I consider her family so I just forgave her but her husband, I just can't

    ReplyDelete

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