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When You're Not Sure...

When you don't know what to call what happened. 
When he made the most cruel threats and you knew they weren't empty
When you gave in because you were afraid of what he would do
When he forcefully penetrated you and your eyes smarted in pain
When his penis tore into you and you tried not to scream
When you let out the scream and it made him grab you harder
When your scream turned him on more even more and he increased the pace
When he roughly tore in and out of you, trying to make you scream louder
When you gritted your teeth not to give him the pleasure
When he slapped your butt cheek to elicit the scream he wanted
When you yelped in pain, in terror and in shock
When the fear you felt caused your juices to dry
When your nether region was dry as sand paper
When his manhood forced in and out and bruised your dried tender flesh
When your dryness was causing him to lose his rhythm
When frustrated he bent, forced your legs farther apart and hatefully spat in between them
When you thought you might vomit your dinner from disgust
When his saliva wouldn't last long enough to keep you moist
When you never knew that oral sex could make you so sick
When he put his tongue between you to force your juices out
When you became so frustrated you spat in your palms and rubbed in between you
When you just needed this ordeal to be over and done with
When pain, hate and fear made you slowly zone out of that reality
Just then another slap, he needed you to scream out in panic
When he wouldn't stop hitting wouldn't stop pulling your hair so you wouldn't stop screaming
When he finally lets out the final grunts as he releases inside of you
When he shoves you off the bed and discards of you like filthy rags
When you lay huddled on the floor in a foetal position
When he gets off the bed and kicks your leg out of the way to make room for himself
When he puts his clothes on and grabs yours and throws them out
When he gruffly nudges you and tells you to get out
When you get up naked and scamper to the door
When you shamefully gather your clothes off the floor
When you put them on and his driver takes you home
When you can't talk about it because you're not sure what happened 
When you're not sure what to say, what to do, who to talk to
When you carry the pain within you because you just cannot let it out
When there's no one to talk to because there's no one who understands
When no one understands because you don't even understand 
When you're not sure if you were raped or you were made love to. 
When you see him years later and he's your closest friend's boo
When you're not sure who to tell, what to say or what to do,
When you try to tell your friend and she looks in your face and asks if he forced you
When you're not sure if you were raped or made love to. 
When you'd like to scream RAPE yet there was no FORCE
When you realize fear made you gave in without any struggle or fuss
When still you've loathed men and yourself since that very day
When you wonder if that for him was his idea of harmless fun
And now more than ever you cannot tell if you were raped or made love to. 

a fusion of fact&fiction. 


  1. I don't know if I would be able to come to terms with him becoming my closest friend's boo.........
    I went through something similar but not as brutal and not outside of marriage. That moment after you are verbally assaulted and made feel worthless (with unprintable name callings), he goes ahead to thrust his manhood into you and fondle your breasts. He realizes you just lie there without dancing to the rythm but still goes ahead to satisfy himself and after emptying his shit into you, he rolls over snd sleep off without a word. No apology. No guilt. You just lie there and keep mum out of fear......or stupidity.

  2. hmmmm..shey ur parents read your blog sha...tori won ti fi obo jo ina....when you were gallivanting around,were we there?dnt come and bore us with ur useless u wonder why you are single and desperately searching...if your voltrons like they should come after me...atleast my words would hunt you....ashewo kobo kobo......bisi...

    1. Jezz !!! You do not always have to say what comes to mind , some things are better left unsaid, if you can bring someone's parents into this so il ask, did your's not teach you how to respect others?
      Omg that was so uncalled for , are you not a human being? and what makes you think its her, people make bad decisions at times and even if it was her, she is putting it there for people to learn, if you do not like what she posts , go somewhere else, this post if for people that want to read and for other young ladies to learn from it. Not for an ignorant person like you , that's why you are anon, and that comment is Yoruba is just too rude. Who are you to think you can judge others?
      I pity you and i'm sure you are a woman SMH. So pls do all of Thelma's readers and LOVERS a favour, pls keep your fingers to yourself next time so you wont type spiteful comments.

    2. She shouldn't come to her own blog and bore you? Lol.

    3. @ruqkayah u should av just kept quiet...even T the victim didn't reply, it's obvious the anon is an ardent reader who is looking for attention

    4. Momoh Adeola I'm not the/a victim.

    5. Tee thanks for clarifying. My heart goes out to the person who endured this. And thank you for ignoring the Anon above, some people are just not worth the energy.

    6. I don't kno wat Bisi means, but it sure sounds likea name to me. She's not Anonymous,!...Anyways Like thelma wrote, fusion of fact n fiction. So nobody knws wch is fact n wch is fiction....and dats why I keep loving her write-ups. I will marry u Thelma, if u say Yes. Lemme go and make money for us first sha!

    7. Bisi for the sake of nay sayers like you, God ll give Thelma a wonderful tomorrow filled with love and laughter, she already has that but God ll keep her shinning and grant all her heart desires, thank God man isnt God sha. I remember when i got newly divorced some people i tot wr my friends were saying 'ehen she quickly went n married n gave birth' now who ll marry a second hand like her, young n single girls never marry finish na she go marry?, but God has changed my story, my fiance is not only handsome, he is rich, young(we r both 29) and loves me more than anything, now i ve made sure i ve all of them on my bbm, come my wedding day, i cant wait for the shock on thr faces wen they see my dp as some of them r still single. Nobody is anyone's God and God knows and takes care of his own.

    8. Chai, Bisi GET WELL SOON!

    9. Funny how Thelma's so called ''friends'' wont tell her the truth. But I guess that's how life is. 1. I'm trying to get the point with this post. 2. My problem with this post/Thelma is the blatant hypocrisy. I remember several posts ago, Thelma categorically said she had to delete a comment because the person used explicit language, (language/words similar to the ones in the post above). All I'm saying is at least practice what you preach. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I think this post is just somewhat tasteless and then add the hypocrisy on top. K

    10. God bless you Ifunaya, you nailed it straight. Sometimes I wonder if men were God....hmmm, thanks much for the birthday message yesterday and to TT and all others who wished me well, e hugs to you all. TT we will celebrate you soon. xxo

    11. OMG God bless you Ifunanya. Amen to your prayers and I wish you even more blessings. Thanks guys!

      "Kikx" the point of this post is to talk about people's dark experiences and to let anyone with a similar experience know they're not alone. As for the language, when someone experienced this kind of torture it was not censored, the language expresses the way it happened and the pain the victim felt. While I deleted and REPOSTED your comment, I deleted it because of the expletives used in insulting me when I felt you or the Anon could have made your point across to me without calling me names or insulting me in that manner, especially as I'm sure I did not offend you in anyway. I hope you see the difference now. It's amusing how you're always so quick to call me a hypocrite or judgmental. When have I ever given anyone the impression that I'm a saint? So I guess it's YOU who is my friend since you're the only one who is honest with me? ROTFL for days! Thanks but no thanks, I don't need this kind of caustic friendship with your warped "honesty".

      Uyi please work very hard, but it's too soon for you to start working hard for a wife biko, build your dreams first.

    12. Bisi, sho mo pe o need help sha?

    13. "Bisi" and "Kikx" are we to believe that these are new readers? Lol. See names o! All in the name of insulting Thelma, she must indeed be a great person. Thank you we know she is not perfect but that is why we love her, why does that pain you? Hunter Bisi please Ebola is real, avoid bushmeat you hear? Kikx several posts ago and you are still here reading TT, lol, why are you still here? T is a hypocrite abi? You hate her so much abi? Her posts are tasteless and useless abi? So why can't you just go away? Looks as if you are addicted to tasteless things.
      Good morning TT readers, have a blessed day.

  3. Anon 9:42pm
    That was totally unnecessary,haba
    How can you be filled with so much hate for another?
    Rather than get 'bored' by her 'useless tales',you can decide to not visit her blog to read these 'tales'
    Am sure you won't be missed.

  4. Stuff like this happen all the time especially in marriage ul be amazed. When you realise you actually married a monster, when it dawns on you your marriage is gonna be sadly ever after, when your head tells you you're gonna have to leave for the sake of ur sanity...

  5. This is what happens when his orgasm is the only thing he cares about.
    Not only that, such a man is selfish, uncouth and cruel.

  6. Omg. This is so deep Thelma. I cringed the whole time I read this. Picturing every single scene. I'm actually having a headache now just trying to picture what whoever went through this must have passed through. @ times I even had to fold my legs together and close my eyes as if it was happening to me. Chai. How does such a person get closure? I guess il just kill d bastard. It is well.

    1. You tried, I could not read beyond the 5th line. There is a limit to what I can handle.

    2. Same with me oh Wale. I couldn't read past the 6th line. Esp cos I'm eating.
      So these things happen in marriage kwa? 1 more reason to marry a thin guy. So I can beat him ni. LOL

      As for Kiks & Bisi, u are both lucky I came to the opera late. Una for choke. Get well soon anyway! Hate is fatal.

  7. Thelma you have a way of getting into my mind. It is very frustrating when you're not sure if you were raped or not. And how can you tell anybody when you're not sure. Who will understand?

  8. The many ways fictional words mirror fact...
    And people wonder how some split personalities develop...

  9. Too real, I almost felt like it was happening to me, I'm almost shaking. So sad.

  10. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  11. God bless you, Thelma for being so even tempered and patient. Me, I can't take the kind of ignorance that some people display o. Because ultimately, it is the inability to speak and/or understand the English language that causes some of the comments that we see.

    As always, your writing is beautiful and the emotion is very real. To the people speaking ill of Thelma, remember that it is only an evil person who condemns the victim and not the aggressor (supposing this were a real account). Just saying.

    May you never have to deal with anything that brings you shame, pain, anger on a daily basis and of which you can never, ever speak because there are spiteful, judgmental people like yourself out there in the world. Carry on being anonymous o! People with vitriol in their souls have no need of a name.


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