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Blog Reader Asks...

Plz can we discuss this on the blog.
People advise that when a couple gets married it's best to maintain their individual personalities and have lives independent of each other, eg your own interests, hobbies and passions. I actually agree with this but I want to know if it also includes the friends you had before you were married, and if yes does it include friends of the opposite sex. I'm asking because my friend still maintains ties with the male friends she had before she got married and some of her Exs. She goes to see them and hangs out sometimes, her husband dsnt know about this, but she says it's harmless. I know she's not doing anything immoral with any of them but I want to know what people think about it, can a husband have casual female friends and can a wife have casual male friends? Please what is wrong with a married person having friends of the opposite sex if it is innocent? I'm not yet married but engaged. 

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  1. It's very dangerous to keep old friends of opposite sex. Friends of same sex that are harmless, won't give wrong advice etc can be maintained. Exs should be discarded completely. That's a no-go area

  2. You can keep friends of opposite sex but pleeeaasse X your Exs AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. It's dangerous hanging out with an Ex when you're engaged or married.

    1. I beg to disagree, Im still friends with my only EX and believe me when I tell you that i have zero feelings for him , I mean so much water has passed under the bridge.We still talk, chat once in a blue moon, congratulate each other on milestones(wedding, births etc) and my husband seems not to care,even though I know my EX avoids calling me when his wife is around(na him wabi).
      My husband on the other hand had to get rid of his EXs because one wanted him back to unabashedly and I can't deal biko.PS this advise is not for the faint of hearts I no send you message oh.

      On the other hand I agree you can keep friends of the opposite sex, esp as if you work in a male-dominated industry how you wan take do am?

  3. No no. Recipe for disaster. Besides Nigerian husbands will never allow it.

  4. Naturally some boundaries must be created when one marries. I can't go and visit my male friends like before. Once in a blue moon if I must and will inform my husband.No for Ex. J

  5. Male friends yes, no stringes attached. But friends with my Ex? Nah! We can't be friends mbok. I can't say why but our friendship is Xed, so he should remain in the past

  6. Why doesn't her husband know now, if it's all innocent, it is Totally wrong to still be seeing ur ex's after marriage. You can still see some of your male/female friends the ones we are both very sure you placed in sister/brother zone, not friend zone lol

  7. No no no,dis is the same thing that almost caused my cousin her marriage,don't have all the time in the world to type would have told d story,the idea of keeping male friends and EX's is a no no. It's deadly and dangerous.

  8. Please what is an ex?


    As for male friends, nevers! Its unecessary.

    1. An Ex, is a man/woman "one" had emotional or sexual relationship with in the past.

      Let me add, the person in the narrative above is playing on coals, they will burn. Maybe not now but eventually.
      When the past comes calling let it go voicemail, it has nothing new to say.(Mostly When either "party" is engage or married)

    2. loll u actually replied. I know what an ex is. just being silly.

  9. Let your spouse be your only friend. Avoid unnecessary trouble, it's not worth it.

  10. I'm not in support of anon 11:14pm, wats d point of getting married wen it denies u of social responsibilities?
    I'm a Guy and I'm best-friend with a lady getting married next month.
    I guess our years of friendship shud go out the drain cos she's got a spouse. Lol! Nah!

  11. My Male friends will automatically become our Friends but for EX it's a capital letter NO. i no wan hear say i roast goat, one leg no done. Lol

  12. why wont you have friends of the opposite sex. as for Ex i guess its individual differences. my boo sees n hangs out with his ex once in a blue moon but they still talk every now n then. was, still n never would b 100% comfortable with it but i trust him so i don't nag too much just a lil. lolz he tells me before and after each visit so am cool. i on the other hand don't av my ex's number, i dont need it if i run into him id say hi n dts final.

  13. Well, the husband not knowing about the male friends throws her motives into question.
    There should be mutual trust and honesty in marriage.
    Being independent is entirely different from leading a double life.


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