For some people, the worst thing you can do to yourself is open your mouth and utter the words celibacy or abstinence. It's like; babe you're not a virgin, that ship has sailed so what's this one about?
A few weeks back someone took my number and had been calling repeatedly, I ignored most of his calls because I knew it was pointless. So my friend asked why I wouldn't take his calls or meet up with him and I told her there was just no point; I wasn't going to 'do' him, and I knew that was the (only) card on the table. My friend became outraged and immediately began to berate me; Do you have any idea how rich this guy is? Do you know the kind of difference he can make in your life? When last did you travel out or take a vacation? When last did you buy something new for yourself? How much of your plans do you think you can accomplish on your own? Don't you know you need financial backing? Aren't you tired of 'managing'? You're just being stupid, just wasting your time, this whole thing is pointless! Why can't you sleep with him? After all it's not like you're a virgin!
I was shocked at her outburst but I ignored her. I wasn't mad at her, if anything I appreciated her honesty, I know some of my friends go all *yimu* behind my back because of this abstinence thing. And I honestly do not blame them.
Yesterday I stumbled upon a comment on LIB asking her to "stop this celibacy nonsense Linda, after all it's not like you're a virgin". That's the first time I was hearing of Linda's 'celibacy situation' and the comment, annoying as it was, is the actual sentiment most people have about celibacy.
A lot of guys have said to me they can date a virgin but never a girl who says she's celibate. More than a few have said something like "Wait, so she's been shagging other guys in the past but now that it's my turn she's suddenly celibate? No way!". At least you know a virgin is a virgin, but someone who's celibate... Ehn, what's that again?
So sometimes it feels like an island. The men don't want you, strangers think you're deceiving yourself, your single friends think you're being stupid, your married friends think you're being ungrateful and wasteful. Yes, wasteful. What I've had a few say to me is; this is your time to sample as many penises as you want, to have as much sex as you want guilt-free, and you're there wasting yourself, getting none? That's what marriage is for; sexual deprivation! You'll have enough time to be deprived of sex after you get married, why not enjoy it now while you can, with as many men as you'd like? One particularly made a similar comment when her hubby hadn't slept with her in months and she was desperately horny! If she could she would have beaten me, she couldn't understand how I was there turning down offers left, right and centre when all she wanted was 5 minutes of sexy time. In her words; nawa o! Those wen get cap nor get head, those wen get head nor get cap. (That's similar to saying some have food but cannot eat, some can eat but have no food...)
So this is me asking YOU your sincere opinion on celibacy/abstinence. What are your thoughts on it? Would you date someone who's celibate although you are and have been sexually active? To what extent do you agree with the "After all you're not a virgin" statement?
And to everyone who's struggling with this decision, those of you who mail me and others, I'm no advocate for celibacy, my struggles and decisions are very personal. But... I pray you find the strength you need to stay strong and stick to your resolves for as long as you'd hoped you would.