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Caucasian Husband WANTED!






Good morning guys! So I made a decision last night. It wasn't the first time I made that decision but after getting some rather negative feedback I changed my mind. The decision?

I want to marry a white man, a Caucasian. The feedback? I hear I'm not their 'spec'. I hear and I've noticed that they usually prefer skinny black women. Yeah so I changed my mind and decided to accept my fate and go for a Nigerian man. 

But last night I changed my mind. I just cannot (or would rather not) go through so many things. And the reason I made this decision; Tradition. 

I've often found tradition to be a bothersome thing. For years I've been looking on my igba nkwu with dread. I mean why must we do it in the village, and why must I change a gazillion times into a gazillion outfits? And what's with the different dances, prancing around with a tray of eggs, looking for my hubby with a cup of palmwine, sweating like a Christmas goat? And the most irksome part; Through it all hubby just sits and smiles like a prize turkey. Eeeeeish!

Ok, so I'm not even worried about traditional marriages now. I wish when someone dies you can just go to church or call a minister, say some prayers and put them in the ground. I mean, what's with this week-long fanfare? Different Aso Ebis for different days and all. And as if that's not enough, all the spouses of the children of the bereaved must come with people from their own town (regardless of where they are from, even if they're from Gombe, they must be present!), they must come with a dance band and their food must be specially cooked. Why all the fuss Nigerians. WHY?

So although my sister is a grandchild of the bereaved, her husband's village people must come and pay their respects, they must also come with a dance troop and then they must be specially fed and sit in a special area. 

The whole thing seems too excessive. 

So I've been here watching, people are under pressure, wives are quarreling over trays and cutlery; 

no thats the pot mama gave me in 1973 when I had my Ada. 

Mba! My husband collected it from mama and gave me in 1978 and we've had it since then. 

Ehn, just before mama died she said I should collect that pot. It is my own!

Then arguments and malicious quarrels ensue and women old enough to be grandmothers are keeping malice over plates and matches. And these aren't even village women. 


A friend of mine who's married and lives in the South South has had to join all sorts of associations since she got married; CWO, her husband's village association, the wives of the men also have their own association and various weekly meetings. So I sit down and watch her spend several hours a week attending CWO meetings, hubby's town meetings, wives' association meetings and then cooking for one cause or the other because "all the wives have to".
     Oh, and also host all sorts of people every other week, cook for large crowds and host them in her home whether she wants to or not, but she has to because "all the wives of the men in this family do it". 
     Some times I want to scream out and break into tears. I think what really freaks me out is the fact that she's still in her 20s and this isn't something I'd thought one would have to do till they got to their forties or fifties (you know, because you think of these things are you picture your mother and her peers). Don't get me wrong, she doesn't seem to mind. But mehnnnn, I'm just not cut out for all that. 
     However if I get married to someone from that kind of "setting" I cannot say no because all the other wives and women are doing it. Wouldn't be just be easier to go with the flow and not rock the boat, even though it makes me miserable?

Kai! After putting all these into consideration, and so much more (I cannot go into everything right now because it's almost time for Mass and I'm the designated gele tier for the aunties so time is limited, AND I also do not want to bore you all), I have come to the conclusion that it's either I find a white man who adores full bodied African women and make him marry me, or I marry a Nigerian man and we live in far away Europe or America. 

But I need to know, am I alone in wishing that so many things we term as tradition could be done away with? In the part of Nigeria you're from what traditions do you think should be abolished, and which do you think should he upheld (if any)?

And while we're at it, what's the fate of the Nigerian wife who refuses to conform (to hubby's tradition and familial dictates) while all the other wives gladly do so? Would it be easier to just quietly go ahead with it all and not rock the boat?



Ps; please forgive any grammatical/typographical errors. I'm typing in a hurry and I mustn't get caught "pressin compoota". 

Have a good day y'all. 

Comments

  1. lol. My mother-in -law has lined up the meeting I will attend before the end of the year. She has bought all the uniform for me. She particularly mentioned that I have to tie wrapper o not skirt for one of the meeting ok o. J

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are not alone on this one, i just feel i'm not cut out for that at all, my mum is the president of the women meeting in my town and the founder of their age grade club. I see all the stress she goes through planning meetings, dance rehearsals, cooking for large crowd and she enjoys it so much. It amuses me when i see her worry of how i don't have any interest in such, that's a few yards less of my wifeness material. Don't be so happy of the Europe and US based husbands idea yet o, they have branches there too lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha @ branches!
      I guess one can run but cannot hide...lol

      Delete
  3. "Don't be so happy of the Europe and US based husbands idea yet o, they have branches there too" dats hilarious, I have not gotten married yet, I already have a headache about de matter... Den tinking of marrying a Nigerian man..story for anoda day..
    Ozavize

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Lord help us all. The way christians bury their dead,u wld be surprised its the same people who prayed against the death.
    I've never been a huge fan of associations because it takes away one thing I cherish - Freedom. And if I might add,I haven't noticed any significant impact of their actions to society year in year out.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't know if this is tradition but this thing about having to join in the cooking whenever your mother-in-law or sisters-in-law are doing anything(celebrations that involve over 20 people)... you have to
    Be there to help cook(whether or not you know anything about cooking for a large number of people... and yes I consider 20 a large number) I wonder what caterers or "olopos" as Yoruba people call it are for
    I just can't... but my mom keeps saying I should better learn and quit saying I can't cuz that's how it should be...and she does not do it o! Lol! Cuz my dad'll never ever allow it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank God for hubby oh he's the least bit interested in all these tradition this tradition that, reason why he begged and grovelled for our trad to be done in lag and it happened. Abeg I can't fit shout for all this village meeting thingy.
    As for them having branches abroad very true oh and theirs is even more elaborate when it comes to festive periods they go all out its crazy.
    Lols @ carrying eggs up and down nne all join in d drama that is our igba nkwu

    ReplyDelete
  7. The part of tradition that shld be upheld IMO include: traditional Names,traditional marriage (which mustnt be elaborate),language (spoken and written).
    The part that shld be scrapped shld be elaborate (financial) burial rights. Shld be a 24hrs event. Wear black or what ever uniform agreed on and pls mourn,dont jubilate.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Speaking from experience it's better to just go ahead with it. When you don't everyone will begin to think that you're better than them then they will gang up on you and make you hae yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am d 'leastest' person that is interested in any of these nonsense traditions. Once it doesn't relate 2 God and his teaching, count me out of it. Religion is 4rm God while Tradition is 4rm pple. Can't displease God (religion), jes to please one yeye human being (Tradition), coz most of these traditions goes against the commandments of the ALMIGHTY .

    Dz topic is vexing me sef




    *lips sealed and watching*

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ahh it depends on u oh! Just join pay dues but don't bother attending am not cut out for that either,they used to have the meetings in my parents house see quarrel over 2 naira,I no fit shout.
    For the burial u forgot that the in laws have to come with a cow oh!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I wish some traditions can b abolished thou but lol y did u chose Gombe as an example

    ReplyDelete
  12. Traditions are good but we are too extreme about them, things have gone haywire now. Better to pick what you are interested in and discard the rest; pretty easy if you are a black sheep in the family, people will think twice before asking you to participate.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I didn't know they asked the inlaws families to bring their own band,for my grandma's burial the inlaws came with their families, every inlaw and family had their special canopy, the gave every inlaw a bag of garri *rme like they need it. The meeting part is another thing all together, the only enjoyable thing is the eating part as far as am not doing the cooking, am game

    ReplyDelete
  14. Who has time for all these associations and meetings? Mtchewwwwww!

    ReplyDelete
  15. God Knows me well and will give me a man that doesn't give a hoot about all these cos I no get power o.

    ReplyDelete
  16. A lot of girls I know cannot wait to start attending those meetings you complain of. I remember I went for a friends wedding in December and I had to drive all the bridesmaid to church, coming back nekwa argument white wedding versus traditional wedding. Five of us six girls chose traditional wedding so that when they die they can be buried in their husband's village. We argued from owerri back to mgbidi at some point, I was told to pack the car so we could finish the argument as we were driving on the express lol. since I was the only one who stood for white wedding since it came with some legal backing I had to shut up and drive.

    ReplyDelete

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