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Dear Issy, I don't Hate You, But...





She said I was very unfriendly, and whenever she saw me I always had a scowl on my face, I never said hi or tried to be polite. She said I hated her. I said she was younger than me, I shouldn't be the one doing the greetings, shouldn't be the one making the efforts. Besides the way I saw it she should be the one sucking up to me. 

For months we'd see but not say a word. Sometimes we'd nod coldly towards each other in greeting. Everyone said I treated her like I hate her. I didn't hate her, I just wasn't fond of her. In fact I wanted her out of the picture. 

There were several reasons but were they really good enough? Maybe not, I knew there was something else I couldn't quite place my finger on. 

And some days ago it suddenly hit me. He doesn't call my phone the way he used to. Even though he doesn't live too far away he used to call me at least two or three times a day. When anything happened I'm the first person he would tell. Whenever he saw an awesome movie he would immediately call me and ask me to see it. If he wasn't happy he'd ring my phone nonstop to talk. He would always call to know if I'm ok. He was interested in everything I did, everything I got involved in. When I wrote stories he'd ask me to send them to him to first read through, before posting on the blog. When I went somewhere and got stranded he was the first person I would call and he would undoubtedly show up. Sometimes he would call me randomly just to encourage and pray for me. When we talk he would spend hours just listening to my stories; listen to me whine about my friends, my job, some blog readers, my finances... Anything! Whenever he noticed something wasn't right whether in my weight, my attitude, my blog posts, my skin... anything... he would immediately get through to me and say something. 

And some days ago I noticed... All that has stopped! He doesn't do that anymore. He just doesn't! Yeah we see occasionally, yes we talk for a minute or so every other week. No it's not at all the way it used to be. 

And it all changed when you became a part of his life. 

So my darling, I don't hate you. In fact as you must have noticed I've started making an effort to get to know you, to be friends with you. But if I'm to be honest I'll admit that some part of me still resents you. 

I don't have many people who love me that much, who show me that level of loyalty, love and unshakable support. I'm not only his baby sister, I was his bestie! But now that has changed. 

And I resent that. 

But...

I accept it. 

And I'll make more effort to accept you.

    So you see, I don't hate you, I may resent you a little right now but I'm working on that too. I think some day you and I might actually be very good friends. Some day...



How do you react when someone you love so dearly (family member or close friend) begins to date someone and you're suddenly displaced....? Don't you just hate it when that happens? Aaaaarghh! LOL. 


Comments

  1. Lol. I know this feeling too well. Do you know this is why some mothers in law are so mean? It's because they feel like you're replacing them. Of course some of them overdo it, the very wicked ones.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anon u are right! Some MILs are evul pipu.

    Well T, I don't know what u are feeling cos i've never worn those shoes (I'm the one giving my siblings all the attention right now).
    But I think u should keep making the effort to get close to her. When u guys become real friends, u'll be in a better position to protect ur brothers interest!
    And someday, a guy who'll abandon all his family excesses & pay u 100% attention will find U Hon!

    ReplyDelete
  3. At least you're willing to make an effort. The resentment is very normal o! I hate my friend's hubby for the same reason sometimes. He didn't do anything to me but he took my friend away. I guess the solution is to find my own husband lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehe U resent him 4 taking ur friend away?

      Loling @ dz comment



      *lips sealed and watching*

      Delete
  4. If you love your bro as much as you say you do then it would only be natural to transfer the love you have for him to her and you'll be surprised that she will also pay as much attention to you as your bro was doing. Happened to me so I know what I'm about.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hmmmmmmmmm. I can perfectly relate with this feeling. @phransea is right,she has said it all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't agree with Phransea and Mabel. You don't have to transfer your love to her, instead transfer it to your own boo. I think if you were in your own relationship you won't even notice them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i think you have a point there on if she had a boo, it won't hurt as much..
      mabel and phran are also right..in a perfect world, thats the right thing to do.

      Delete
  7. Abeg Thelma I feel you jere, it doesn't even help that she might not be there forever, the only person I am willing to "send" in my only brothers life is his WIFE(the final busstop). Girlfriends come and biko , I aint gonna waste my loyalty on any of them.
    HSF

    ReplyDelete
  8. If u're very important in ur brother"s life, dt info will be passed on to his babe. But be careful with d resentment so u don't become a wicked sister-in-law. Meanwhile for a while, keep them in their place, pretend they don't exist.

    ReplyDelete
  9. As much as Evry1 should feel this way, then u get what u sow!!! Feel u just being selfish cos same applies to all siblings & rmbr u end up in some1's arms too.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Truth is... its bound to happen. When there's a woman in ur brother's life, the attention is certainly going to shift from you to her and I guess thats what we all want as women..the guy who will leave his family and cleave to us! I experienced it with my fiance sha..the coldness was coming from his immediate younger sister but i mentioned it to him and he 'straightened' things out by telling her to respect me as she (his sister) respects him! So deary...ur time is just around the corner so support dem so your sister-in-law sef go support you too...#Big smile....#JoyDaNuGirl

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm not sure, Thelma... but I think the girl in the picture could have shaved her arms... lol

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thelma the way ur feeling is very understandable. In fact like another Anon has said that's why MIL behave the way they do. Also it even happens between friends, when ur close friend makes another close friend and she begins to share her time with her too you'll begin to resent the new friend.

    ReplyDelete
  13. It is a normal feeling but we shouldn't allow it get out of control.You could have been in your brother's shoes and your attention shifted totally from your brother to your man.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  14. I agree with Phransea to a large extent. try to transfer the love and see what happens. happened to me too and now i am closer to my bro's wife than all my siblings put together, interesting eh? I'm always with her, home alone with her, chatting with her, gisting 247 with her, going out together, everything. in fact its so funny, sometimes when my bro gets home and i had been with her all day, i immediately leave cuz I'm no longer comfortable.lol But i don't know, ur case is different cuz she aint married to ur bro yet so i think for now, u can just try to be civil but really, u don't owe her more than that. put in the extra effort when (if) theyre married.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think you should make more efforts to accommodate her. if your bro doesn't call you everyday like he used to, why don't you turn the tables around and call him? life is give and take. Sisters in law can make very good friends and sisters and you never know where the relationship could lead to in future and the benefits that lie in wait for you. so look beyond the here and now and look at the big picture. forget the fact she's younger than you. she could be the next minister of foreign affairs

    ReplyDelete

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