Skip to main content

Dear Thelma... (Do Men Change?)

Hello Thelma, my question is simple; do men change? I know it's stupid to expect a man to change after marriage but the guy I'm dating who recently started hinting at marriage used to be a serious playboy. I told him I don't know if I can marry a man like him but he said that in his defence he played around because he didn't see those relationships as commitments and he doesn't think he did anything wrong, but a wife is someone he makes vows to, somebody he promises to love and never hurt till death do them part, he will make this promise before man and God and he will honour it. Now I am worried, I know they say men don't change after marriage and that most times they become worse but what my bf said makes sense and he sounded sincere. He hasn't officially proposed but I'm now confused about what to say if he does, especially as our families have just met. 
Pls help me post this so that I can know what people think.


Personally I would like to hear from guys, is there a possibility of a man changing his (player) ways after marriage and is his logic honest and valid; he wasn't faithful in the past because he didn't owe it to the women in his life to be?


  1. "...he played around because he didn't see those relationships as commitments and he DOESN'T THINK HE DID ANYTHING WRONG..." Sorry, but such a person will NEVER change. From this info it's obvious he lacked/lacks respect for women, albeit unconsciously. However, it's entirely up to you on how you'll proceed from here. Stay blessed.

    Thelma, I've missed you and my fellow BVs. :D

    1. U took the words right outta my mouth Memphis!
      Those relationships were freaking commitments my dear poster! He dated & promised them heaven on earth! (which is inevitable in most relationships).
      For those relationships to have ended & his defense is what u just told us, then he'll NEVER change Dear. Either u marry him & Endure or U bounce now!

  2. Memphis we miss ya too. Where has thou been?welcome back
    Hmmmm tough question,the truth is nothing changes after marriage,so dear poster do not expect him to change after marriage. Now I would say,take it to God in prayer,marriage is a life time thing,never marry without spiritual confirmation,m not saying you should visit prophets because u have one head like those so called prophets do,kneel before your God n ask him if dis man is his will for your LIFE,when you marry God's will for your LIFE,when d storms come he would b there to calm it. don't mk your decision merely on LOVE.WISH you d best.

  3. Ok Thelma wants to read from guys.
    ama sit sit and look look!

    Memphis YAWEZON!

  4. How has he treated you since you started dating him? If we should all hold the past on our SOs, none of us will ever get married.

  5. As far as I'm concerned,people change when they meet the person worth changing for (which in turn is a decision they make themselves)

    Welcome back Memphis, show us the money u went to

  6. Nawa ooo. D epistle i wrote just wiped b4 my very eyes... ana ma bia.

    1. Lol... pele! Oya come fast o! We are waiting and expecting... lol

      PS: I typed this comment/reply twice!...

    2. Lol @ kabuoy i shall retype.

  7. Why do women always think cheating is only a male thing?
    Na wa oo!

  8. I'm not a man but from the experiences of some people around me, there is possibility of him changing and being faithful after marriage.

    My eldest brother is a good example. His body count is something I am sure he himself doesn't know. Yet, after marriage he changed. We are so close, therefore I know. As a fact, he sees no big deal in sex anymore i.e. no reason to look for it elsewhere than the home. Even when he had issues in his marriage, he didn't resolve to promiscuity.

    In another sense, my own (ex) hubby did not change. He simply doesn't think it necessary to be faithful to one woman.

    Having given those instances, can you sincerely tell if he's been faithful to you since both of you started dating? If the answer is a definite yes, it may be a pointer to the fact that he is sincere with you and can stay faithful after marriage; afterall change is the only thing constant in this world.

    Choose wisely.



Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!

One More Post...


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.