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Dear Thelma... (I'm in love With My Friend's Man and It's Her Fault).

Good morning T. Let me start from the beginning. My friend's fiancé moved to my city last year and since then she comes to visit every other month. The second time she came to town she asked me to come and stay with her in his place as he goes to work during the day and that's how I started spending time there. He is a very nice guy and we all got along very well. When my friend left I went back to my house. Next thing I know she started asking me to go and keep him company when she's away, or to escort him to places because he doesn't know his way around. If he wants to go and hang out she'll beg me to go with him because he doesn't have friends in town and because she doesn't want him to start chasing other girls or vice versa.
So we started hanging out occasionally. Whenever my friend is in town she will ask me to come over and I'll go and stay with them. When she left I started spending more and more time with him but it was very innocent and she knew about it. She even asked me to help her cook for him occasionally and I started cooking and taking over to his place. During this period I broke up with my boyfriend and it was my friend's boyfriend that was there for me and consoled me. T this was when I really started having feelings for him. My friend still knew that we were friends and she didn't mind. One night I went to a club in his area and since he lived nearby I went to sleep in his place instead of driving all the way home, although we didn't do anything we spent the whole night talking and I really wanted to make love to him. I know it is mutual but nobody wants to make the first move. My friend is coming to town next week and I'm dreading it. I love this guy more than I loved my ex and somehow we feel perfect together. I remember your post of accidentally falling in love with someone and now I understand. Honestly I did not plan this to happen and it is not in my nature, that is why my friend trusted me so much with her boyfriend, not that she's naive. I really don't want to hurt her but I don't think I can bear to see them together and I can't stop thinking about him. I know you will say I should forget him and not hurt my friend bla bla but it's not that easy. I really love this guy and before u judge me remember she was the one that pushed me to it. What if we are meant to be, what if God used my friend to bring us together? Pls what will you do if you are me?

The blog reader asked me to post this and would like to hear your honest opinions. 


  1. Dear poster,please I have a question....Are you saying if you don't get to date your friends man,you will NEVER get any man to date that you seem to fit so perfectly? Remember your ex boyfriend at the time you were dating him.felt all perfect and wonderful and all....

    You seem like a really decent person and I pray you find the strength to do the right thing which is STAY THE HELL AWAY from your friends man,he is not yours,he is seem to have conveniently forgotten that.

    And NO,you don't get to leave in denial,its not your friends fault, its the fault of you trio,you,your friend and her man. please take responsibility for your actions.

    If you still decide to go ahead and steal your friends man,please note that it would not last because it would not be on the right foundation anyway.

    Yeah,that's my epistle

  2. #live in denial

  3. Dear poster, u didnt tell us if the guy is in love with u as well. It is totally unfair to do that to ur friend, what you are about to do ll break a friendship forever, pls think twice. Do u want to live with the guilt for the rest of ur life??..... I still cant drop a comment except am the first, am so angryyyyyy. Thanks everyone for the warm wishes i sincerely appreciate.
    Ifunanya Ekene

  4. Only if you think it's worth losing your friendship, personally I don't think so.

  5. @Poster, u've jes painted a picture of a BACKSTABBING friend that's trying 2 justify her wrongdoing. What u mean by u love ur GF's fiancee and can't bear 2 see them 2gether? That's a bunch of BS. U need 2 tell ur friend what's going on if that's d only way dt'd bring u back 2 ur senses and KEEP A DISTNACE! Stay off ur friends man and pray that God sends u ur own man soonest or else, the Karma that is going 2 hit u harder than whn a tornado meets a volcano is doing push up!!

    May God deliver us 4rm every backstabbing friends like U!

    *lips sealed and watching*

  6. It called Rebound feeling. You are trying to quickly fill the void your ex left.

  7. you love him, he's perfect, if you don't date won't make heaven...the lies we tell ourselves

  8. Does He Love U? WIL he marry U? Is ur friends friendship that cheap? Will u be truly happy with him after everything plays out?

    Answer & make Ur decision!!!

  9. Don't do it. Your friend trusted you and this is how u betray her trust? May God save us from unfriendly friends, you said it yourself, she put you in charge to keep him in check. The poor girl did not know that it's you she should be protecting him from. Nawa.

  10. Lol,i wld always say,love,happiness and all those mushy feelings are very selfish. Ur saying all this cos ur the one feeling what ur feeling (w/o putting ur friend into consideration).
    My dear if he doesn't love u,do North West ur time and emotions and I feel u need rebound sex to clear ur head.
    I blame the friend. Why put yam where goat dey and not expect anything (with the poster being the goat). Yanga dey sleep,trouble go wake am. Hmmmmm

    1. I totally agree with the feelings being selfish part sash a.


  11. Girls need to stop trusting stupidly. Personally I blame the friend, that's a very foolish thing to do. It's almost as if she was actually testing them or daring them to start dating.

  12. Me too I don't understand, asked her to hang out, to keep him company, to cook for him ahn ahn people do that for real? Anyway my advice is for you to cut off all relationship with the guy and tell your friend no when next she asks you to do missionary help

  13. Me too I don't understand, asked her to hang out, to keep him company, to cook for him ahn ahn people do that for real? Anyway my advice is for you to cut off all relationship with the guy and tell your friend no when next she asks you to do missionary help

  14. U are right o jare. It is indeed her fault.

  15. Been a while since a post ever made me this angry....i am pissed! And guys call me crazy when i say i have some friends (who I love dearly) but could absolutely never introduce to a boyfriend. They'll get to know about him days to the wedding. In this case, i blame her friend though. You cant trust people anyhow.

  16. What exactly does the poster expect us to say? Urge her on and heap the blame on her friend? Crucify her friend for trusting her? There are so many evils in this world!

    The title of the sermon in my Church today: DO NOT BLAME GOD OR SOMEONE ELSE FOR YOUR MISTAKES.

    I don't know which angers me more: developing feelings for your friend's man and allowing the evil feeling to grow or justifying your devilish action.

    Remember, God is not an author of confusion. Snap out of the day-dream and face reality. The guy may not even have genuine feelings for you for all you know (except to sleep with you a few times and clear his head).


  17. I honestly don't see why we are all so angry at the trusting friend. What kind of life would we be living if we can't trust aanyone? Can't trust the friend, can't trust the fiance either. She trusted her friend to take care if her man because she didn't trust the man to not get involved with anyone else. What a life. But poster, I think you are on the rebound and the truth is you come to love who is around you, who is familiar. Another reason why I don't subscribe to the theory that there is only one person for you in the whole wide world. I say move on and let them be. Cut off closeness from the guy. You don't need to be cooking for him etc. Don't lose your friendship over a man. I remember my friend's mum of blessed memory told us girls,never to fight over a man. You need your girls to hold your hand and cry with you when the man breaks your heart as some will. OJ

  18. All I could do after reading the post was LOL. So you think you are in love #in jack sparrow's face/voice# well, like favorite said, once upon a time your ex was perfect. Now this one is perfect, don't worry you will find another perfect man after you have left someone else's man. I'm not in d mood to bash you, cos that's what you deserve. Btw your friend is a Learner with capital L.

  19. How can u ask d cat to watch over fried fish. That aside 'friend' move forward n look for ur own man. U will be ashamed forever even if u didn't eventually get married to d man. Meanwhile, if he married u, he will abuse u later on in life of snatching him frm ur friend n how u can't be trusted.

  20. As for me..I will not become an escort or a fill in the gap for my friend's man abeg. let him go out and make friends! The more you spend time with someone, the closer you get...its that simple. You shud have declined the offer to be his map and cook stylishly in the first place to avoid putting yourself in this kind of mess. he might be attracted to you also which I feel is the 'mutual' feeling here but he wont leave your friend for you. Besides you are just seeing the side of him HE wants you to see! When you enter finish you go see say no be so e be!.....let it go....#JoyDaNuGirl


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