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Dear Thelma... (Should I Marry Him?)

A friend of mine once sent you a story with a bit of my story in it and ever since then I have been a visitor to your blog. Today i saw a post somewhat similar to my condition. Just trying to know what people would say to mine. Am currently dating a man 20yrs older than i am. He was married before but the lady has blocked fallopian tubes so she packed and left. I didnt know he was up to 40 when we met and he didnt know i was just 19 back then. I have my perfect man as every female does and He is almost perfect. We have been together for about two years now. The problem is,as a medical student i want to be done with even my house job before getting married to him because if i marry him now,he would want kids immediately. He has always disturbed me for sex but my mother once said there are certain prayers a woman who didnt meet her husband as a virgin cannot pray. It may not be true but I dont plan to have sex even a day before the court says am a wife. Just last week,we had our first row. Working in the hospital where i am now, i have seen people with his wife's case get pregnant. I had to tell him to go look for her and try again. I do not want to stand in her way. To him,it felt like i said there was no future for us. Right after that we were sort of in an intimate position and he wanted sex. I refused as usual and the man blew up. I was so scared that day that i started to cry and he had to start begging. I dont know what to do. I have only told about three of my friends. Two want me to marry him and the other said nah. Maybe you and your friends may have a bit to say too.


I'm not quite sure what you're asking. If all his wife did was pack and leave then they're still married. 
If you're asking if you should get married before you accomplish those things you want to before marriage, my answer would be ask him to wait, you're still young, what's the rush? 
If you're asking whether you should give in and have sex with him, I'd say you shouldn't. You already know what you want and you sound very certain, why compromise on it just to please someone else?


  1. Sorry to deviate, I typed on the 'do women even have a chance' post yesterday but it disappeared. So I have spent the whole saturday @ d mechanic's workshop trying to fix my mum's AC. Now I hate anything that has to do with d mechanic's, but my mum insisted. As far as I'm concerned it's a man's job. So y then do we forget what our jobs as women are? D kitchen is for women. Take it or leave it. Learn how to cook, learn how to clean. If your special other helps, it's a privilege and not a right. A woman will hit a man first, and scream blue murder when he hits her back, but if a man hits a woman, it is expected she defends herself right. Most times we women over stretch this Gender equality thing, and we are guilty of having double standards. And no, we weren't created equal. We were taken from the men's ribs. We should be helpmates. Its unfortunate that some men turn d helpmate thingy into oppression and dictatorship. This is the reason lots of marriages don't last these days... enough of d rants. Let me back to mechanic biko. I am hungry and I'm in calabar south. Scared to even get anything cos of these area boys.#why do bad things happen to good people# lol. Now isn't this a man's job? Btw Poster you are 21 abi. You still have your life ahead of you biko. Take a brisk walk, u can even jog if u wish. Let the man go back to his wife. He is very married.

    1. Permit me to just correct something u said. Eve was formed from Adam's rib while they were chilling in the Garden but Man and Woman were created on the 6th day long before Adam was formed. Thank you...

    2. R u insinuating that Adam wasn't the first man? Because Corinthians 15:45 says, “And so it is written, The first man Adam was made a living soul.”..doesn't this mean there were no other human beings made alongside Adam.

    3. @Sasha bone are U a pre-adamite? (The group of xtians that blvs dt there R human creatures roaming d earth b4 Adam was created).

      The Bible says nothing about the existence and death of any pre- Adamite creatures, either spirited or spiritless

      The Bible clearly states that Adam was the first biological man—in Genesis 1–5; and Deuteronomy 32:8. There are also tens of biblical verses reiterating dz fact.

      The question now is, how many parts of the Bible are u guys willing to concede as being ‘errant’, or in need of ‘reinterpreting’, in order to accommodate the evolutionary/uniformitarian interpretation of the fossil record?

  2. I wld totally go with the advice Thelma has given u...

    1. Least I might add,pls have him do a fertility test to confirm if he's been shooting blanks or not.

  3. Pls do not marry him, he knows you are young and a virgin that is just why he wants you because you will be able to give him the children he wants. He is also still married to his wife and I think you are even too young for a second hand husband. How did you even enter such relationship.

  4. You guys should get what Sasha bone is saying. What she mean is that the woman was not an after thought of God, God created them Male and female when he created man. The woman was in the man since man existed. If man was complete, God wouldn't say 2 will become man, He will say 2 will become one and half. We complete each other, I make man , without me man will not be man. I hope I get your point Sasha bone

  5. *two will become one

  6. Pls cut him off! He's about to RUIN your life. Those who encouraged you to marry him are not your friends. Take it or leave it. The only friend you have is the one who's against it. He's very much married. Tell him to go back to his wife n sort out themselves. You are pretty young dearie. Please wait for your own man! And one last thing: your mom is right about the prayer. If you don't end it, one day he will forcefully have his way with you!

  7. Please leave this unhealthy relationship my dear and focus on improving yourself..... you are still very young and your own special person ordained by God would locate you soon ok? let the man go back to his wife>>>> please leave him before it gets too messy.

  8. Please be sure the wife actually has fertility issues. What if he's the one with the problem and the woman packed out. Please do your investigation well, and don't be in a hurry to settle with him. Just my two cents advice

  9. Nne, please don't marry him.....Kapish.....#JoyDaNuGirl


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