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Dear Thelma...




Thelma hav u ever done something bad and the guilt wanted to kill u? Pls I wld appreciate advise and not judgement and insult. I cheated on my boyfriend some months ago. He wasn't in town n I ran into a former classmate, we did it about three times but i stopped seeing him n told him not to call again. Thank God he has left the country now so he does not disturb me anymore. When It happened I tried to forget it and told myself to move on. But my boyfriend just proposed to me and our introduction is next month. Since he proposed guilt has been killing me, that was the only time I have ever cheated on anybody. I really really love my bf and everytime I see him now I start to feel guilty. They say the truth will set you free, T should I tell him or I should just forget about it n pray to God for forgiveness. Pls post on the blog so that BVs can advise me. Thank you. 

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    ReplyDelete
  2. I would say no..don't tell...you guys aint married yet so learn to live with your guilt....and pray for forgiveness...guys have a way to insult ladies with things of their past...so stick to the don't tell all rule.....my one cent opinion.....that naughty house wife

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. naughty housewife is right.. if you don't want ur relationship to die.. better keep quiet. unfortunately, this is something you will have to live with.. try and forget about it.

      Delete
    2. But the death of the relationship is not the end of her life! The guilt can wreck her life, she is woman with a conscience and I just admire her for that.

      She is moving on to be this guy's wife, not telling him will make things terrible on the long run. She should tell the guy to free her mind and let the guy deal with it, she should not be afraid of the consequences except if she is writing herself off.

      Delete
  3. Sweetie keep your mouth SHUT.... A friend of my mine confessed to her boy that she cheated and begged for forgiveness, that was the end of the relationship. If she hadn't confessed, he wouldn't have known and that seems to be your case. Whatever you do, DO NOT confess.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Confess to God n ask him to forgive you,but do not tell you bf because it could be deadly ohh. Try take it outta your MIND n learn to live with your guilt.

    ReplyDelete
  5. It seems I'm the only one with A different view. If he were just a boyfriend, I would say Shut up & move on. But since marriage is involved, I'm going to say Tell Him. In a very serene environment when he in a good state of mind. Talk to him calmly & be very sober. Ask for forgiveness & tell him u need to get it off ur chest cos u want to go into the marriage with honesty & no guilt. IMO, if he Truly loves u, he'll forgive u, seen as it was a long time ago, u have cut it off & u still feel guilty!
    P/s, THIS is what I will do. Hope u do same. #PersonalPeace is priceless.
    All the Best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great advice yes but Wale you are a guy and am sure you know most guys can't forgive their ladys' fling, even the ones she had before she met him.
      The day u start falling in love and just running your mouth; be sure that the storage device in his head is storing everything.and i have come to know that most guys NEVER forget this piece of info.tell him u once stole,lied or even fought; he will conveniently forget those which i even doubt but the moment you say 'I SLEPT WITH............. all his antenna will stand like an erected penis.
      Abeg forget all these clean conscience talk afterall you did not kill someone.

      Delete
    2. Gbamest!!!!!!!!that naughty house wife

      Delete
    3. Wonderful comment, blogitup!
      Your head is there.

      Delete
  6. Personal peace is priceless. That being said, remember that guys find it real hard to think of their girl with another man. It paints a horrible picture in their heads and they can't take it, which is contrary to what they expect when the shoe is on the other foot. Even as a woman who's been cheated on, sometimes you have to bite your tongue to refrain from referring to the incident just to hurt the person back so are you sure he won't keep bringing it up to keep you on your knees? That is no way to live either. Only a rare man can forgive and move on and not let it cloud his judgement of you. Weigh it carefully. OJ

    ReplyDelete
  7. Majority says don't tell... I say don't tell too, ask God 4 4gvness n 4get abt it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. There are some secrets u sadly take to the grave and great beyond. As long as there was no witness or evidence to the whole thing or u ain't pregge,if the dude wants to blackmail u,even at gun point,deny him. Shit happens in life and one has to move on...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If the guy wants to blackmail you, even at gunpoint, deny it....'
      Absolutely love that line- your comment is mega apt.
      There are indeed secrets you must take to the grave regardless of how heavy they maybe.
      If you must tell, tell it to the winds to let it off your chest.
      If you must make your peace, make it to God and aspire to be a great wife to your fiance.

      Delete
    2. If the guy wants to blackmail you, even at gunpoint, deny it....'
      Absolutely love that line- your comment is mega apt.
      There are indeed secrets you must take to the grave regardless of how heavy they maybe.
      If you must tell, tell it to the winds to let it off your chest.
      If you must make your peace, make it to God and aspire to be a great wife to your fiance.

      Delete
  9. *strictly my opinion* I'm a guy and if I really love you I'l 4give, my kind will find it hard to break away at this point but just so you know it'll take Julius Berger to rebuild my trust for you and this type of marriage will be subject to dissolution at some point

    my point : don't tell don't cheat again_God bless you

    ReplyDelete
  10. babe abeg love yourself and do the right thing by yourself, if you are ready for a heartbreak you can go and tell him but if not, just tell it to God and move on. And who says the guy too did not peruse other babes in the course of your relationship. abeg stop stabbing yourself, clear your mind and enjoy your new relationship status. afterall you were not engaged to him when you did the deed... waiting for your IV oooooooo and not the story that touch.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU DON TALK AM FINISH. BIKO DONT TELL, I REPEAT DONT TELL... TO AVOID STORIES THAT TOUCH

      Delete
  11. My Oga doesn't even like seeing my ex tlk more of telling him you cheated, expect ur ass to be kicked to the curb.

    ReplyDelete
  12. IGNORANCE IS BLISS

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ermmm,i dnt get oh.

    The deed is done, what good would telling him do? Just make it right with God & do not repeat the act.

    By all means,keep your mouth SHUT.

    ReplyDelete
  14. If I hear tell?! Please abeg of u keep ur mouth shut.... Even if my hubby cheats on me I really don't want any silly confession because that's the beginning of the end. Please forgive ur self and don't die of guilt. If u really really love ur fiance as u claim please give ur self Brain and keep quiet. Ignorance sometimes is bliss.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Save yourself and him the stress of heartbreak,do not bother to spill cos he will surely use it against you and am almost sure of that.Who knows; he might have cheated on you too.
    Pray to God for forgiveness and FORGIVE YOURSELF then go ahead and live happily ever after, its not like you guys are married and you committed adultery, its called SINS OF SPINSTERHOOD.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It does seem that many of us are missing the key point here. The lady said the guilt is killing her! It is not about the guy, it is about her. You cannot teach a woman like this to not tell, she cannot handle it!

    This is why I really admire her, I love people with conscience not those types that chop and clean mouth and wont mind killing the husband in the future so they can have their ex back!

    Very easy to tell her not to say a word of this incident but she will continue to struggle till whenever. Not everybody is a hard chick, she should tell and have her personal peace.
    And it is also the right thing to do, there are consequences for every of our actions and we should have the courage to bear those consequences same way we enjoyed the offense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was once like her Wale, every kurukere move I made I felt so guilty I spilled.From partying, drinking to hanging out with friends or even my toasters.not even sleeping with a man o, but where did all that get me?NOWHERE cos anything and everything I said was used against me.
      She is in love wale and its always like this when you are in love,your emotions starts to overrule your thinking but men ALWAYS find a way to use what you u tell them in your weak state against you later in the future.
      Anyway if she wants to spill let her go ahead but i pray she doesn't regret since she is about to spill after he has proposed to her

      Delete
    2. Bloggitup, I care less about whether something is used against me or not as long as my conscience does not put me in jail. Trust me that I know what you are talking about your confessions being used against you, it shows how shallow some people are.

      The part I can never live with is where I do something wrong and could no longer feel any guilt.

      Delete
  17. it seems d bae in question still in love wif d side nigga (classmate) dats y she's findn it difficult 2 let go."thank God he left d country so he doesnt disturb me anymore" meaning if he were still in d country d disturbance would hav led to d fourth time and maybe d fifth

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dear Babe, first of all you should know the kind of guy you have. Is he the type that would let you off the hook despite the hurt. We claim that human beings are the same every where but I beg to differ if we had "oyinbo" mentality it would be so easy to say tell your boo.

    However we have Naija and African mentality. Your telling him will so end the relationship.

    It's up to you, are you ready for the consequences of your telling him? If you are please spill. I warn you though, it will be a disastrous issue.

    Men never forget, he will haunt you with those words cos he ain't Jesus Christ o. Marriage is a diiffernt ball game.

    My hubby still remembers the names of my ex(s), and all the details I told him. They never forget!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Follow your mind...

    ReplyDelete
  20. as 4 me I wud take it to be grave,av learnt my lesson wit aving a conscience.bt if its rily bothern u,tel him nd ask 4 forgiveness bt only few guys can 4giv dat.

    ReplyDelete
  21. While I agree with you Wale, I find it hard to understand why whenever a woman does something in secrecy it's easy to say she can kill her husband, but how come no one says a man who is cheating and hiding it well away from his wife can also kill his wife?? OJ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not to derail the comments here but what is done in secrecy is often a precursor to many other things.

      A cheating man and a cheating woman are never the same, you probably can relate with that even if you don't agree. I am not justifying cheating in any way but a guy could sleep with a woman and never remember her name the next day but very very few women could do the same. The purposes/reasons behind cheating is never the same for men and women.

      Delete
    2. I wonder ooo.. good point OJ!

      Delete
    3. That's the common view but not always true. Most girls also cheat for the fun of it. J

      Delete
    4. Infact ehn.. Wale sometimes you sound like my dad... if I didn't know he does not know his way around social media... I'd have thought he was you!
      Ahn ahn! Well... that's how I always argue with him too! lol.. Anyway... at the end whether I agree or not I just say yes sir and move on! so Wale, YES SIR... *moving on*

      Delete
    5. @ J, I was talking about married men and women. And again, culture do play some roles in behaviors when people are married. It is a general belief among the Yorubas that a cheating woman will kill her husband, it will take a lot to go into the details of this belief but it is what it is.
      Of course a cheating man can also kill the wife with STDs/HIV etc. A cheating woman brings double the dose.

      Kabuoy, you wont kill me here. That is a big compliment you know and it shows I am learning right; there many things we don't realize until much later or after certain experiences. Reason they say you can have more clothes than an elder but definitely not as many rags.

      Delete
  22. Here is a post I clipped from a long convo on how friendships with married men become affairs. This fiance in question is also a christian man. Bottom line is being cheated on either male or female is not something one forgets ina hurry. Just that we have different capacities to forgive and forget, and to that end I think women are more forgiving, maybe because of societal expectations. The scars left behind are immeasurable. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.Its long and heartfelt, but worth the read. OJ
    I have to split it in 2 cos its too long.

    Well, it actually happened to me, i was a victim of a relationship with a married man who also happened to be my ex. I had been brought up as a religious child and taught right and wrong from a child. Got into school and had a relationship, left town and we broke up. When i came back, we decided to hook up and have a drink or two.
    I have read posts about how the married men gave some ladies money and expensive gifts, but that was never my case, all it cost him was a cup of chapman. Even while we were dating, I had always been the one to shower him with gifts, always getting him gifts on his birthday, Christmas, Easter and always being the one to do more for the relationship, I was crazily in love with him, but I cannot recall just one single gift he ever got me.
    So when I saw him after a long time, the emotions all came rushing back and that night on our second meeting and after a cup of chapman, we went into the conference hall of the hotel we went for a drink and did it. My eyes opened when it all ended and I thought " THIS IS IT? DID I JUST CHEAT WITH A MARRIED MAN?' I have never felt so ashamed in my entire life. I literally felt like the ground should open up and swallow me, what a shameful act. A whole me? having sex with a guy in the corner of a conference room? I could not even have the decency of asking the guy to rent a room? I felt like some cheap ass N500 prostitute.
    After the whole saga, I could not live with the guilt, it was eating me up daily and after a few weeks, I had to tell my boyfriend what i had done. It devastated him and for the first time in my life, i saw a guy cry and that just finished and broke me and doubled my guilt. I lived with this guilt for a very long time. Though my boyfriend forgave me after many friends and family spoke with him that if I didn't feel guilty about what i had done, I would never have told him and it was likely that i will never do such again, but the scar it left on our relationship was immeasurable. I suffered for that singular action and anytime we had a fight or an argument, he would go back to that issue and remind me of my infidelity. Some people advised us to go our separate ways because the issue will never be forgotten, but we chose to hold on. It was not easy, to be constantly reminded of your sin, it was a living hell. Issues will come that i should normally react to, but i will remain dumb because of a past sin, it was horrible. But as they say, time heal all wounds and gradually he stopped talking about it and today, thank God for His grace and mercy and for giving me another chance, it is a past phase in our lives, we are happy and growing stronger by the day.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Continuation: I am truly grateful to God for giving me such a wonderful guy, he is a perfect man in all ramification who frowns on promiscuous living. He is loving, caring and all you can ever pray for in a man. When i think about how close i was to losing him, I just thank God for giving me a second chance and for His mercy and grace over my life. I have heard similar stories like mine, but they never made it back.
    Do you think with my experience that I will ever have anything to do with a married man again? Never!!!! I have drastically reduced my male friends and if he ever complains about any guy or man, i cut it off and keep my distance. I will rather keep my relationship and home 100 times over than give an ear to some guy out there who is only after getting you into bed and after then, treats you like a piece of trash and as if you don't exist. I came to realise that if he had thought I was so good, he would have married me and not the other lady, so why do I want to be the other woman or a concubine to a man who didn't think i was good enough to be made his wife? I am worth more than that or be used as a second hand or a form of entertainment when he is bored at home and needs a little excitement in his life, because HE WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS FAMILY FOR YOU!!!!
    This is a sinful act i regret with all my heart that I will never ever allow happen to me again in this lifetime.
    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Bear in mind though that you just never know what will happen when next there is a crisis in the marriage. Is he going to bring it up again? No one deserves to have that hanging over their heads.You are tiptoeing on eggshells around each other, afraid to make jokes you used to for fear they are misconstrued or you have lost the right to. I speak as a woman who is currently dealing with finding out my hysband had been unfaithful. I am badly hurt, badly scarred, trying to deal with it without making him feel he has to spend the rest of his life trying to atone, afraid to now make the jokes we used to about cheating husbands for fear of reopening the wound. But I think if the show were on the other foot, would he do same for me? I honestly don't know the answer to that. Sometimes I wish I were still in my blissfully ignorant state and had never found this out. I'm asking God fro grace to move on and heal, but I tell you, something precious has been taken from me. Think about it carefully, I still say. I don't condone what you did by any chance. But just my opinion. OJ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now I know why you asked that question. May God give you strength and the grace to triumph over the challenges you may have.

      Delete
    2. Thank you Wale. That's why while I dot encourage the poster to keep her secret, at the same time in realizing that life isn't only black an white. There are many shades of grey in between. OJ

      Delete
  25. On a lighter note, for all those writing about taking secrets to the grave, just know that you are holding your evidence right there with you when you show up at the gate in front of St Peter. And you wont be able to toss it anywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Lol. Haba Oga Wale, God would have thrown the thing in the sea of forgetfulness so u show up to Sir Peter footloose and fancy free. OJ

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ms poster you have the final decision. A free conscience or a probability of a broken relationship or even marriage. Your sins thrown at your face in the future because men do not forget such in a hurry as women.You have the pros and cons before you,weigh and choose. J

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dear Poster, you sound like you will sleep with the ex again. That's my concern.

    The danger of not confessing is that you are losing your conscience in bits. For instance, if you are not disciplined enough and you happen to cheat again, you won't feel as much guilt and it may get to a stage that you don't feel any guilt at all.

    If I were in your shoes, I would do one of two things: confess to him and take any consequence in good faith if I know he is the responsible and gentle type who wouldn't use it against me even if we do not end up together OR walk away from the relationship without confessing if I am unsure of his reaction.

    But like a lot of BVs have rightly said, men do not take the issues of women cheating lightly.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
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Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa