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I Found Happiness With a Married Man and I Won't Apologize For It.

Let me begin by saying that I am so happy and it's been years since I felt this way. We ought to take happiness wherever we can find it, isn't that what they say?

Thelma I just don't care. I've been single for longer than I care to remember and I am so f*cking tired of being alone. To you it might be wrong but to me it's all right! Yes I know he's married but so what? It's not like I'm going to have sex with him, I've already told him it's not going to happen and it's fine
by him. 

I cannot remember the last time I had this kind of companionship or had someone give me this much attention, I can't remember the last time I had someone call me in the morning and at night to check up on me... I cannot remember the last time someone took me out and told me nice things. He does all that for me and more. It's not even about money, he doesn't give me money as such. But HE CARES. I matter to him. When last did I matter to someone?

T for years I've done all the right things, I've lived a good life, I've been celibate and I still am. But in spite of all that my life has been bland and empty. Then someone come and shows me what it feels like to be loved and cared for, and you expect me to turn it down? You must be joking!

Don't worry, I know it's not leading anywhere, I know he has a wife and kids. I'm not tryin to replace them but I'm not giving up on what we have just because he's married. After all we're not having sex and we're not physical, so I'm not doing anything wrong! And if you think I am then please tell me why and how I'm wrong. 

The above is a reproduction of a conversation I had with a blog reader. I'm posting this with her permission. We argued on this relationship that she has with a married man; she's certain that provided they're not sexually active with each other, they don't have a relationship; therefore they're guilt-free and she's doing nothing wrong. 
I, on the other hand opine that they're having an emotional affair, and although devoid of sex, might be just as wrong. 

We both argued and eventually agreed to disagree. Yet we agreed to throw this open and hear your thoughts and the reasons behind your thoughts; is there any wrong in being close friends with a married man who cares for you, yet does not have sex with you? Is anyone else presently in a similar situation?

We really would like to hear your opinions on this matter. 


  1. 100% wrong. If your conversations can be put on CNN and you don't feel any twinge, then maybe not. But if your conversations cannot and I bet they can't, and if they were discovered by te wife and didn't cause her any grief, again maybe not. But I bet that's not the case. Not being physical is not the only sign tht boundaries havent been crossed. I always say do as you would be done by. I know if that were you as the wife, you wouldn't want that either. How unapologetic you are though! I agree life may have dealt you a shabby hand as you complain about doing all the right things and getting nothing for it. But still, if you were sitting where she is I bet you wouldn't like the view. OJ

  2. Yes oh, I never sleep... LOL...
    To the matter at hand, What U are doing Dear Poster/BV is way worse than how U define cheating! #SexIsCheating
    Emotional infidelity is Terrible. As much as I don't pray for such, i'll prefer my man having a one night stand & coming back to his senses than to be emotionally invested in another woman!
    Men don't Love like Women. They can only truly care for one at a time, that's why u hear main/side chicks. So as u enjoy, his family starves "emotionally".
    Since he's married & U don't want to replace his wife & kids, why don't u patiently wait for your OWN man & invest all this emotions in him? Always remember, Karma is a 2 edged sword. It's hurt is too deep! *Please Leave Him Alone & Think about ur Marital Future* I wish U well.

  3. Stampoutmediocrity1:24 am, October 10, 2014

    Mediocre. Is it only male and female ish you have to talk about here? Don't worry am helping you. Whenever you see me tag any of your posts as mediocre, know am doing u a favor.
    Signed, stampoutmediocrity

    1. Biko puo n'uzo. When you have your own blog you can diversify the topics you post.J

    2. Mediocre yet you keep coming back. I'm flattered.

    3. Good come back, T. No matter what he says, repeat d same reply

    4. Thelma, please delete/stamp out this person's comments when you see them.
      Stampoutmediocrity, if Thelma's blog is too lacklustre for you, the web is bubbling with a plethora of other websites for you to browse. We like Thelma's blog because she speaks about what matters most to her and those in her social circle at this stage in their lives. If you don't like it, please leave and shut the door behind you. Thanks
      Thelma, your friend is having an emotional affair, and she knows it. Like Ruthylicious said, an emotional affair is worse than a physical affair. Jesus said if a man lusts after a woman in his heart, it is already tantamount to adultery

    5. Immediately I saw this comment some hours ago, I just knew people would come after this joker. And rightfully so. Obviously, this person doesn't know the meaning of mediocrity and does not read Thelma's blog either. So please, run along now. Thanks.

    6. stampoutmediocrity5:01 pm, October 10, 2014, this attitude will never make you become linda ikeji.mediocre. just mediocre. smh. lol

    7. I don't thinking she's looking to become linda ikeji... she's already Thelma... that's wonderful enough.. now keep it moving.. go on... shooo.. *i couldn't wait to type that* lmao!

  4. I feel though you both are not having SEX but it would definitely happen soon,he is a full blooded man filled with emotions n are u,expect that this SEX thingy would happen,and dat aside,u are distracting him from his wife emotionally and physically. Be patient and pray to God to send your own to u.

  5. Hell no..#inmadea`svoice#...that's cheating of the highest order,so you think because u ain't shagging him u free right?there is a difference between being friends and being lovers...can he introduce you to his wife?with time my dear you will feel the urge to shag him because you say his dear stop while you can....that naughty house wife

  6. Please don't be doing excuses my dear u r cheating! Put ur self in the wife's shoe. The bible says flee every appearances of evil. This is an appearance of evil. U r creating damage in his home and putting asunder in his family. Be very careful my dear, all those feeling u mentioned and the things he does for u is very fleeting. He can't be that much of a good man if he is going behind his wife's back, no matter the story he is giving u. U are cheap in his eyes and trust me if he can cheat with u he will cheat on you. And worst thing is one day u will be the one in the wife's shoe. Oh by the way that sex you r still going to have it with him #butitsnoneofmybusiness lol

  7. The sex is coming... the opportunity hasn't just presented itself yet.

    1. Poster, believe it, the sex is coming. As long as you are this deeply emotionally involved, it's a question o time.

  8. Ruthy took d words outta my mouth... Better sex than an emotional affair... And d more emotionally invested he is to u, d less he would be to his wife and children... D more he looks forward to seeing u everyday, the less attention he pays to his wife... Sadly, thats d truth... And when u get to dat point where d man is everythin to u, yu'l wake up one day n realise ur d third wheel...hurts like hell...from someone who has been there, done that, and lived to share d details...its so not worth it... Wait for ur own...
    nothing feels worse than realising a woman is somewhere crying everyday cz her hubby doesnt pay attention to her emotional needs... *shudders*...

  9. U would soon be so neck deep emotionally that you would hurt eventually. as for the sex its just a matter of time. then attention would decline, you would whine more & wish you were the wife which would NEVER happen. then cry day in day out, trust me! never use a man to fill any void in your life. people always leave instead face God till he sends u an angel that is yours.

  10. Emotional affair is truly worse...the fonder the guy becomes of you, the more distant he becomes to his wife. Now you don't wanna be the cause of another's heart ache, do you? You sound like a good person so put yourself in her shoe for a day.

    From me to you, I want you to see this moment in your life as the verge of breakthrough. Like you rightly said you have been celibate, lived a good life and all. What if this is the exact, set time God has planned for you to meet the real hubby? See in my short life I have come to realize that some stupid temptations come at the verge of breakthrough and with the benefit of hindsight we choose rightly but since that wouldn't happen until deed is done, listen to counsel now dearie and take instruction. DESIST!!!

    Trust me, your own man is VERY NEAR, biko don't spoil that opportunity. I beg you. I plead with you.

  11. If it is ok you won't need to defend it like you are doing. J

  12. Lol. The sex you both are about to have is doing push up. Lwtmb. I know that feeling dear, being a good girl et all and getting hurt in d end... story of my life. As happy as u sound Sweedy, you r just an option, he still has a wife. When reality sets in you will still be heart broken. Men could be really self centered... your emotions will come in the way of reasonable thinking, then you will get angry when his wife calls. you will get angry when he talks about his children with that glint in his eyes. Attention is flattering, but then dearie, just be careful... and never because of him close the door to other prospects and suitors. alll d best.

    1. Rotflmao!!!!! @ "The sex you both are about to have is doing push up." yeeeeeh!!!! Hahahahahahaa! La effizy! Na wah for u o! Lmao! How did you even come up with that! Very funny somebody!

  13. hahahahhaahahahahahhahaha I laugh in swahili. Stop making excuses my dear and face your work cos very soon he will leave you since you claim you are not giving him sex.NO married man keeps single female company just to act out mills&boons.
    And just when you are getting very comfy with him he will remind you that "body nor be fire wood" and you cant even tell me you guys don't cuddle or smooch. again you said its not about the money then why aren't you in this healthy relationship with a single guy?and i am sure there are gazillion single guys who would love to be friends with you without benefit.
    I know loneliness is a bastard and can cause a girl to jump at the next available guy for companionship but when his wife finds out my darling, she will not care to know if u are straffing her hubby o; infact nobody cares cos it is generally assumed that this kinda relationship is "Trade by Barter|" (sex for material things) my dear what is wrong,is wrong.
    Trust me I have been there and done that..AND ITS EVEN WORSE WITH MARRIED MEN COS SOMEHOW YOU CAN'T JUST GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.IT TAKES THE GRACE OF GOD O.****** hmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.Leave now if you can my dear.

  14. Oh of course the sex is coming, it surely is! Been there, done that and it absolutely ruined my life as in RUINED my life. Thank God its in the past and I bounced back. Wish I could tell my story but I cant because Thelma Knows who I am. lol , For single girls, married men business is messsyyyyyy business I tell you.

  15. Dream on girl....dream on till the wake-up alarm starts ringing.

    You sure know the bliss has an expiry date and a very short life span? A vacuum has probably been created by his wife, reason he has time for you. It will either occur that the wife wakes up to the reality of her husband's emotional and physical absenteeism or the husband realizes that you are a sheer waste of time and he has a home to reconstruct.

    Stop living in denial and being delusional.


  16. I am laughing in Chinese. Daz-all i can say. Also let us know how it ends.

  17. A dog that will go missing never heeds the hunter's call.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    I guess sometimes in life,u are allowed to be selfish esp when it involves ur happiness. Life is too short to not have a pleasant/interesting/adventurous/memorable memory in ur old age and if this affair wld be one of such memories,pls be ur guest...

    I guess sometimes in life,u are allowed to be selfish esp when it involves ur happiness. Life is too short to not have a pleasant/interesting/adventurous/memorable memory in ur old age and if this affair wld be one of such memories,pls be ur guest...

  20. I thinK I know who the blog reader is, my reply to you is this, do you think the man's attitude to his family would still be the same, your happiness at the expense of others isn't real happiness, it is just shortlived Euphoria. Bikonu please reflect on your decision again. You yourself know that sex is a small part of it, the whole thing will spin out of control soon.

  21. *can give

    Avoid stories that touch.

  22. Lol. This poster you will soon come and tell us how he abandoned you and went back to his wife. The only person that might be happy in this situation is the man. Happiness should never be derived from the misery of others such happiness is short lived. .

  23. The good thing bout this post is: she said she found "happiness" not a Maga or ATM or trap-him-by-getting-preggs in this married man. Happiness is either short-term or long-term and for her she's prolly living in the moment of her happiness. Don't rain on her parade and as long as it's still platonic (for now) then I'll say be happy for as long as ur emotions don't take control of u.
    And this post isn't bout the husband's or wife's happiness or happiness. This post is bout the girl who's finding happiness (maybe in a hopeless place but it's still happiness)

  24. Its not right stop it now before u get hurt he is married pray to God to send yours


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