One afternoon when I was in the east a couple of weeks ago, while watching Moments With Mo with a friend she scrunched up her face, turned up her nose and said "What's wrong with this one? Why doesn't she want to get pregnant?". I asked my friend what she meant. She replied that Toke has been married for a while and demanded to know why she hasn't conceived yet.
This elicited a very loud Hia! from me. Is she supposed to get herself pregnant? My friend turned her attention back to the TV but I made it clear that this wasn't a rhetorical question, I really wanted answers; is she supposed to get herself pregnant? Is the pregnancy in her own hands? Did she tell you that she's intentionally stopping herself from taking in? Just what?
My friend became uncomfortable and I could see she wished I would just shut up and let her be but I wasn't done, I really needed to buttress my point because I'm so fed up with people, their tactlessness and ignorance. "But you sef you're thirty-something and you're still single. Why aren't you married yet?"
Yes, I went there. Of course she had no answer and I was satisfied. No answer.
Why question people on things that are not within their control? Why put pressure on people for things that they have no control over? What's with the pressure we place on married women with no children? The tactless questioning barely one month after their weddings? Why are people so insensitive?
Yes, I know sometimes it's out of genuine concern but if this person is not your family member or very very VERY close friend then I think one ought to refrain from having an opinion or questions about another's fertility.
And of course being single and almost 30 you get asked all the time; Why aren't you married?
And always I ask in response; am I supposed to marry myself?
And silence always ensues. No answer.
I really wish people would just stop putting women under pressure and let us and our uteruses breathe. Especially the uterus! It's bad enough that the married woman in question is yet to conceive, imagine how much worse the pressure and questions make her feel.