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Let My Uterus Breathe- Toke Makinwa.

I'm sure I cannot imagine the pressure women go through once married. 

One afternoon when I was in the east a couple of weeks ago, while watching Moments With Mo with a friend she scrunched up her face, turned up her nose and said "What's wrong with this one? Why doesn't she want to get pregnant?". I asked my friend what she meant. She replied that Toke has been married for a while and demanded to know why she hasn't conceived yet. 

This elicited a very loud Hia! from me. Is she supposed to get herself pregnant? My friend turned her attention back to the TV but I made it clear that this wasn't a rhetorical question, I really wanted answers; is she supposed to get herself pregnant? Is the pregnancy in her own hands? Did she tell you that she's intentionally stopping herself from taking in? Just what?

My friend became uncomfortable and I could see she wished I would just shut up and let her be but I wasn't done, I really needed to buttress my point because I'm so fed up with people, their tactlessness and ignorance. "But you sef you're thirty-something and you're still single. Why aren't you married yet?"

Yes, I went there. Of course she had no answer and I was satisfied. No answer. 

Why question people on things that are not within their control? Why put pressure on people for things that they have no control over? What's with the pressure we place on married women with no children? The tactless questioning barely one month after their weddings? Why are people so insensitive? 
     Yes, I know sometimes it's out of genuine concern but if this person is not your family member or very very VERY close friend then I think one ought to refrain from having an opinion or questions about another's fertility. 

And of course being single and almost 30 you get asked all the time; Why aren't you married?
And always I ask in response; am I supposed to marry myself?

And silence always ensues. No answer.

I really wish people would just stop putting women under pressure and let us and our uteruses breathe. Especially the uterus! It's bad enough that the married woman in question is yet to conceive, imagine how much worse the pressure and questions make her feel. 

Just saying... 


  1. GbAm!

    Well said, Africans especially Nigerians will just not mind their own freaking business,always shooking their noses into others business

  2. T, why did you pull down the post on Rvcraigs... post? no wonder it dint load more than 5 all for me to refresh n voila its gone! anyways ama goan check it on twitter my self.

    1. It wasn't loading on my own page either, I tried with both wifi and cellular data. So I had to delete. I'll try again and hope it works this time.

    2. Bee is my blog asking you to prove you're not a robot before you post a comment? Pls let me know.

    3. Yes Thelma. It's been asking me that since yesterday. Imagine trying to read and comment on a blog amidst plenty work and you are asked to type in two different words (which may not be so clear) to prove you are human.


    4. yes Thelma, but sometimes its not words but four digits. i dont av a problem proving am not a robot. *smiles* Good Morning

  3. Some people don't even know not everyone wants babies yet they'd be asking questions.
    Some don't even believe a couple could have chosen not to have kids for a couple of years. Yet they'd be asking yeye a yeye way.

  4. That is so typical of we Nigerians. It's as if baby-making is the singular reason we get married. Some couples want to deliberately delay conception after wedding but society won't leave them alone. Even after the first child, 'they' start counting months for you and when it seems you should have conceived again, the pressures start all over. It is just who we are and I am unsure that will go away anytime soon.


  5. LOL. Common mentality Africans have,dey wanna see you throwing up few weeks after wedding like sey d woman na magician. Shioo

  6. T have been finding it difficult commenting since yesterday ohhjjjj. M angry

  7. Unfortunately it's not just Africans that do this, people from other continents do this also, especially if they've not gotten clear info from a couple that isn't ready to get married soon or start having kids. The only difference is even if a Nigerian couple tells the society they're not ready to get married or start having kids their lives will still be made unbearable with terrible gossip and pressure. You must marry and have kids within a year of the marriage or else...

    Let my Ini Edo tell you what she went through for 6 good years. Smh.

  8. Lol...Does the husband get the same pressure as to why he hasn't knocked up his wife???
    Pressures of life are real. If you don't put the pressure on urself,society wld do it for u...

    1. Yeah Sasha, he gets the same pressure. But like Thelma would probably say: ego won't allow umu nwoke (the men) to admit it or show any emotion about it. Do you know how many times I've been bugged to "gaan marry"? Lol

    2. memphis, gan marry (tongue out) *picks race*

  9. I feel you T, mine is even funny, I have a girl as my first child. I recently confirmed that my second baby (6months in the womb) is a girl. I called mumsie to tell her, so she could help me start buying some items, and she goes, Hian, my dear please prepare to have number 3 so you can have a boy.

    I laughed in spanish, I have no intention of having more than 2 kids. Imma okay wiv my 2 cute girlies.

    My people, na cry my mama dey since on top my matter o. CEO

  10. CEO biko tell ya Mama to born the boy for U! LOL
    Since the day I shunned & cautioned my Mom about marriage talk, na peace & quiet I dey experience! NO relative go even do phim!!!
    I will make it vehemently clear that i'll have a baby one year after marriage except someone will borrow me her womb & cash for my kids!
    People should mind their freaking business!!!

  11. Children are emotionally and financially expensive. In this day and age no one should pressure anyone into having them.

  12. Once a single lady goes to the hospital..people will prophecy 'preggo'! A married woman never carry belle after 6months...dey will prophecy 'abortion'...ok o. I just feel make dem leave person and encourage the ones wey dey get challenges! Simple! All this pressure is unreasonable and unfair.......#JoyDaNuGirl

  13. Please T I no be robot na...#getting tired.....#JoyDaNuGirl

    1. Sorry it's not my fault, it's blogger. I noticed it's not just this blog, and it's only when you comment with anonymous.

  14. The pressure to having a male child is exhausting. Add that to an 'african' man... I am tired abeg!

  15. I have special reply to the question of 'why are you not married?'.... I reply: Show me store where husbands are sold and I will gladly make my purchase. Ndi iberibe

  16. It's d society. Honestly, when a lady is married I subscribe to having 2 babies in quick succession then go and rest. Catch all d fun u want n watch d children grow. Not to start having kids at 30+. It's our culture as Africans. Those parents are waiting for their grand children. God help u being a 1st born in a family of only 2 children n ur parents are in their late 50s or 60s, even 70s, they'll be worried stiff. *smiles*


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