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My Reality!




So....

This evening I was to go over to my friend, Chocolate's place for a sleep over but then I remembered I was meant to see her mum this evening as well. I couldn't negotiate that so off I went to momsi's place. A few minutes after I got there Chocolate's sister-in-law (who's the same age as us) came down with her twin babies who she had about four months ago. Chocolate also had a baby two months ago. Now while I was there the in-law had guests, two ladies, about our age too. One was heavily pregnant, the other came with her daughter who's about a year old. 

Just on Thurday I went for Yoko's introduction, this time last weekend I was in the East for Adaobi's traditional marriage. Next month Yoko and Adaobi would wed on two consecutive days. 
     Ngozi just called to tell me that dates have been picked and I have to be in Asaba first week of December, and also to remind me that I'm both bridal makeup artist and designated Gele tier for both days (with pay of course. LOL), plus Wedding Planner as bestie of the bride. 
     Presently Chocolate's friend Candy is staying over at her place for the weekend as well, Candy is Chocolate's bestie and she wed a few months after Chocolate. I think she might be preggers too. 

After I left Chocolate's mum's I headed home but seeing as I'm averse to sleeping in my own bed on weekends, I took a detour and went to my friend's. It's actually her boo's place but she's there and they're my family. My friend and her boo are presently making altar-bound plans, so wedding bells are in the offing. 
      Just ahead of me as I drove over here were two jeeps driven side by side, one with GROOM covering the plate number and the other with BRIDE. 

So you see, all around me I'm surrounded by weddings, marriages, marriage plans, pregnancies and babies. I'm at that age where the last of my friends who aren't already married are just getting married. The married ones are having their first or second babies. It seems at this point in our lives everything else in on pause and weddings/marriage/pregnancy/babies is the only dish on the table. Careers have taken a back-burner for now (of course we're still keen on our careers but for now they're not as primary...), of course no one talks about hot men and first dates anymore, no one cares who's having what party where and when, or the latest club that just opened on the island, the Runs babes are also among those settling into homes, religion and politics are mere words without meaning. Nothing else matters at this stage. 

So you see, when you wonder why I write so much about relationships and marriages, remember that this isn't a news or gossip blog, besides that, I'm not going to post stuff I have no interest in like sports or scandalous details of other people's personal lives. It's my personal blog and (presently) it's centered hugely around what's happening in my life and in life around me, and right now this is my own reality. 

Of course personally, as I have neither fiancé, hubby nor baby presently it's different for me, but I don't feel so inclined to share my 'personals' at the moment. I'm more excited by what I see around me, and this happens to be what I see around me. The only conversations I hear are about the best diapers, the best wedding planners, the best baby formula, the best methods to employ to get hubby to do what you want, the best crèches, the tribes with the best nannies etc... Wow. In a moment of realization it dawned on me that right now this is my reality, and it's a very interesting one too. 
     So just before you get mad or confused about my seeming fixation on these topics, just remember I'm at that (st)age and this is my reality.



********
And writing this has made me curious. I would really like to know; what is your own reality? What's taking/taken priority in your personal life and in the lives of your friends and peers? What do you and your people talk about the most these days? Do you all have a common ground, similar goals, similar ambitions? What is it that you find matters the most to people that are your age or in the same age-group as you, at the moment?


And (again) while we're on the matter, what other kinds of topics would you like to have discussed here? What do you think you and others might find interesting that's not already on several other blogs at the moment? I would really love to hear your thoughts. 


Comments

  1. My reality at the moment are ivfs - the clinic with the highest success rates, good customer care, bla bla bla. Been married 6yrs and faced with infertility issues. Every1 whom I got married before has kids and im still 'doing sisi'...stuck inbetween. So my dear T, this is only a phase, your own bus will arrive and we'll rejoice with you. Life has its stages and the end is death. God bless us all

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    Replies
    1. In spite of your own challenge which I particularly avoid touching on because it is such a sensitive and heartbreaking topic, you still found it in you to pray for me and wish me well. And for this I pray for you too, I cannot wait to hear and share your testimony. You really must be a blessed woman. We will rejoice with you too, much sooner than you expect. Amen.

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    2. Amen dear anon,we are all in God's waiting room for one thing or the other too.

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  2. Thelma Biko in the name of God,take ur time. Got married a few yrs ago am back to school have a first degree oh,its crazy I wish someone.adviced me early to get my career on track

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  3. My reality right now is dealing with infidelity, with the awful hurt that it brings. With the realisation that the dearest person to you whom you thought you knew inside out is't really whom you thought. That your idol has feet of clay. That the Bible knew what it was saying when it said the arm of flesh shall surely fail. While I am not bitter, neither am I wallowing, it may seem like I am because some of my comments come off as caustic. Some days are good days, others are not. I'm in between. But that is my reality now. So I completely understand if all you can talk about is your reality. Keep doing you. Your obvious excitement for and enjoyment of the good things happening to your friends just tells me it will happen for you sooner than you think. In the meantime, reality remains what it is. My reality...OJ

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    Replies
    1. It is well,pls take care of yourself make you happy,no one can decide if your going to be happy but you

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  4. Heck, who am I deceiving? Some days I am as bitter as ewuro/onugbu/bitter leaf. OJ

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  5. my reality..figuring out the next step..life after school...med school, grad school, law school, certification programs.. my friends are searching for their first official desk job,some are following their passion (design, art, fashion, modelling) because they have the rest of their lives to have a desk job. relocating..finding love, losing love, moving out of their family houses.. it's amazing.. Hope God guides us through this new path. I wonder who will get married first! and I hope I'l be in touch with most of them for more years.

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  6. My dear T. I wish we could switch places, cos most of my friends are single and just 2 are married and are not preggers yet. I can't talk to them about hubby or diapers and all that stuff, I'm even lucky they come around. Btw I and chocolates baby should be about the same age#bigsmiles.
    Mrsm

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  7. T I feel you Mehn infact I am wondering who would be my bridesmaid as all my friends are either married or mummies

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    Replies
    1. Me too o! I'm even wondering who will come for my wedding, especially the trad that might be in the village. Everyone might claim to be too busy with babies and husbands. It is well.

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  8. My reality is my baby, I didnt know life revolved around them. If I'm not feeding I'm rocking to sleep or cooking or cleaning. Haven't gotten help yet so I'm home alone for now. sleeping through the night is now a pipe dream. Nobody told me it would be this hard ooooooh. Mrsm

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  9. my reality now is incourses, it seems every week or the other I av an incourse to write. no time for other things jare(except my boo of course). I can't come and fail med school.

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    Replies
    1. Lol, same here. The path we chose...

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  10. T, my reality right now is really different from yours hmmm yours is quite intense though. My reality right now is career, career, CAREER! I cant afford not to get my money right before I turn 30. So yeh did a quick check after I read your post, scrolled through my bbm contacts and noticed only 2 of my friends are married and even at that, one has a really ‘fancy’ job and runs 2 major businesses on the side and the other got married and a month later she went back to school for her MBA (even after bagging 2 degrees). So I mean, if I’m chatting with a friend, we are pretty much talking about jobs, career, finances etc. had a conversation with a friend the other day about a management program that would allow you earn a minimum of 20m a year as “starting” salary. Yeh that’s pretty much what we talk about. lol

    I thank God for my parents though because no pressure, if my dad isn’t talking to me about investment and money market funds one day then the next day,its my mum talking to me about property and how I can own my own property with just 7m and pay over a few years. I have seen tooooooooo many things around me not to even take this serious. I don’t want to be one of those women who has to ask her husband for money before she can buy credit or tampons (yes, true story). Naija pressure doesn’t even help much so I feel you, the other day, a so called marketer from my bank called me and the first thing she says is “whats your occupation”, I’m like are you mad? If you pull my details from your system, you would see my profession and see that I opened the account through my company and then she goes “is it still Miss or Mrs”, I already knew what she was getting at. I had to go and cause drama in the bank the following day and they had to call one of their ogas to come and calm me down and said the lady placed the call because she just wanted to be sure. Imagine??? So basically because a young unmarried lady has xxx amount in her account, it has to be through runs or stolen or something? That’s Nigeria for you.

    T you have soo much power in your hands by the way, my friend makes more from doing make-up over the weekends than she gets from her normal work salary in a month. I even thought she was joking until I calculated it myself and saw that if she charged between 12k-15k for homeservice on Saturdays and does 3 jobs a day, that’s already over 150k a month and that’s just Saturdays o! Also, you can sell yourself as a property Lawyer, its 10% (even though legally it should be 5) these days for legal fees for property agreements. so imagine if you find a landlord that wants to let out his flat for 4m, that’s already 400k for you for just one property. And I’m sure you can draft a property agreement in your sleep. We all can, we didn’t go to lawschool for nothing. Now is the time for you to build your empire hun. I think I should become a motivational speaker, no? lmao.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not too late to become a motivational speaker either. LOL.
      My hands are already into all you've mentioned, except I've not pursued the makeup angle as aggressively as I'd thought I would. As for the properties, agreements and all of that, they're my daily bread.
      Naturally, a year or two ago my friends and I were exactly where you and yours are now, this thing is in stages. I'm sure in a year or two, after all the marriage frenzy and baby booming everyone would get back to aggressively pursuing those careers and bagging as much as one can. We've already begun and (some of us) have secured our careers to a point where we're a bit comfortable, but now it's time to make room for something equally, if not more important; family and babies (and the kids are a big reason we go through this hustle in the first place.)

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    2. Oh, and that 10%, I pray! Sometimes getting that 5% even takes you fighting for it. Still, I always begin with that 10%, you never know which clients would accept without haggling.

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    3. Chai,this makes me want to come back to Nija,my reality is waking up at 2 am to read with my tommy as big as a whale and my boy pulling my hair

      Delete
    4. Thats good to know T, that youre already into it and @anon, everything will work out together for good for you.

      Delete
  11. @ FNLP biko which management programme is that? Help a broke housewife out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. its a particular company's own o not like its a general thing. Companies just have it in general once you get in. Me too i need the connex oo lol

      Delete
  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  13. My reality now is all my friends have masters degree,degrees,abt two of same age with me have enrolled for their PHD n m here battling just with an OND all because I put my family first n invest all my finance in them. But av taken d bull by d horn n enrolled for my HND. GOD help me to pull through this.

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    Replies
    1. Amen,sometimes we have to be selfish so don't feel bad oh,do u cos one day ur family may not remember all u did for them

      Delete
  14. wow, I'm motivated by all this comments. lemme face my medicine diligently biko, if my other dreams come true, superb. but I would be silly to leave something substantial just to chase the wind.

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  15. Mine is dat I'm at a point where I'm thinkn of life after school. In my finals yet as thoughts of career consume me, Pple expect you to get married few years after you finish bt who does dat?I want to enjoy this last lap in school( fyb tins lol) bt yet project and sch work can be choking. Most of my frnds av bfs I'm pratically crackn my head on who wld b my date for dinner, no boo so, bt I'm definitely not going to go alone d last one without a date was annoying. All I know is lines fall in pleasant places for me.

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  16. To all the stong women/ladies in the house, I say we'll done. May all our dreams come true.

    T, some issues we could discuss are business and investment opportunities. Testimonies of life's challenges etc, this will greatly encourage a number of people on the blog.

    For the unmarried sisters in the house, pls enjoy your single hood well, marriage can be very tasking on the woman, it's sometimes very tiring and annoying.
    I always tell my husband, in my next life, (all things being the way they are now). I won't marry till I am about 45. I'd probably have a child for the man I'm dating whom I love at an earlier age.

    As for my reality right now, it's babies and baby making and pregnancy blues. I can't wait to have this baby and just move on with my career. I got a job a few months ago,i had to turn it down cos I found out I was expecting. I can't wait to find the dream job as soon as I push out my "Angel" inside me.

    I use this medium to intercede for every woman in waiting. You joy shall come and it shall be in double. God will open your wombs and give you the gift of children. In Jesus Name.

    I love all my TT blog visitors.

    Clare.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh thnk u clare 4sharing dis! V bn telling T abt business nd investment opportunity discussions! Testimonies too, life changing ones! Let's c if T wud do smmthingnau

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  17. My reality is jst d same as urs! Every where I go its either wedding, babyshower etc! I was in my room som days back and then I was reminiscing,I realised 97 percent of my friends r married both male and female! Hian! No one seems to talk about clubbing, pool party! Etc! And am so happy for them but at d same time as so so scared for my self! I am 29 yrs of age with a good job and my boy friend is out of d country in search for greener pastures and also to study for his second degree!! Baba God pls help lee boo get dis greener pastures!! Friends r telling me not to put all my eggs in a basket! Bikonu, where will I get another good basket to keep some of my eggs *eyes rolling* btw thelma I love ur blog and am addicted! Pls am sorry for this long epistle.

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    Replies
    1. I know it can be difficult being single while everyone is married,but its betta to do so late than be unhappy for the rest of your life

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    2. Who says those that married early are unhappy?

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    3. Tolulope I meant its betta to take your time to marry the right person than to rush and marry the wrong person

      Delete
  18. My reality is the same as yours Thelms. I went for a friend's friend's wedding yesterday and it occured to me that all my own friends are married. Who will be my own chief brides maid? Who will make up my train? I'll just have to start making new friends who are still single...

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  19. my reality rigth now is trying to create a balance btw managing my home, my lil boi, schoolwork, and my current pregnancy. U really dnt wanna hear how hectic tis can be.

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    Replies
    1. Did I type this? We are in exactly the same shoes,will be due next 2 weeks plus school,plus my boy, family etc sometimes I breakdown in tears

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  20. May God help all of Us biko...
    Life is hard. It ain't easy. U'll think the other person has it together until u hear their stories!!!
    It's gonna be alright now or later!

    ReplyDelete

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