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"I Never Want To Walk My Mother's Path"

"Like my mother has been singing in my ears these last months, “do not look at the physical, my dear daughter. Find a man with good character and after God’s heart.” My mother married the tall, handsome, lightskin attorney from the US.
She turned down the short black man (who is today a minister and who later married her colleague and and treats her like gold). Ahhhh She turned down so many good men!! My dear mother has been miserable for the last twenty five years. She failed to look beyond the physical. As a result, it takes a handsome and financially stable guy ten times more effort to toast me. Ahhhh I will put your character through the burning furnace. I have found that most of these type of guys are very proud and egoistic – major turn off. I don’t care what u look like. What matters to me is your character. I want to be a happy wife. The rest, we can work for. I never want to walk my mother’s path."

I saw this comment under a post on Bella Naija and it brought to mind once again the way we place so much emphasis on the things that don't matter. I have a friend that's so taken by the physical, once a man is conventionally handsome her legs literally begin to shake, she nearly begins to have spasms and palpitations and as far as she's concerned such a man can 'get it' any day, any time, anywhere. I always frown at her disapprovingly but I never really say anything because we all have our individual types, right? 
     But then I wonder at her and other people who attach so much importance to a person's outward appearance. This is just me ringing an alarm o! There's more to a life than a handsome face and broad shoulders, there's more to life than a small waist and big hips. 

Naturally looks being transient, fade. One day you will no longer notice those features that made your legs weak, one day those hips that made your heart stop will become invisible to you, whether the looks have faded or not. What matters at that point is what's on the inside. A man's broad shoulders or pointed nose isn't going to pay the kids' school fees or show you loyalty when you're feeling frayed.

I learnt both lessons because I've dated the man with a beautiful face and a beautiful body who happened to have a very ugly useless inside. I've also dated Mr Adonis with a square jaw, six-pack and legs of steel, and I didn't know when I even stopped seeing/noticing all that. It was on those occasions when my friends saw him and screamed in that OMG That's Your MAN???? manner that I remembered he was a hunk. 

So yes, nobody wants to be with Quasi Modo or he's female equivalent but err let's learn (for those of us who don't already know) to focus on what's really important. Lest we have 'stories that touch the heart' in the future. 

...And oh, but blessed is he/she who finds that Tyson Beckford/Agbani Darego with a heart of gold, ambition and class. (If such persons exist. Do such persons exist?)


  1. 1ST TO COMMENT. Thelma where is my gift?

  2. No one is perfect so such doesn't exist!
    Everyone has a devil inside them. Some big, some small. Some bearable, some will kill u.
    Find the person whose devil suits U & u can be happy with!

  3. Hmmmm I agree with you T,most men/ladies put looks before character and they never know they are walking d wrong path. God help us to see beyond the physical.

  4. Sadly, I am still very much into the physical/looks.....ah well, God will help me when I am ready.

  5. I still don't get. Who's a good man? The one who becomes a minister and treats u like gold but keeps pets littered in every zone and state or the one who's good looking but isn't rich and therefore u hv to manage aka suffer?
    I tot the good ones were usually the faithful ones irrespective of his looks and pocket.

    1. Treats her like gold actually connotes that he doesn't do those things you mentioned eg keep pets littered etc. reading through the comment it wasn't a reference to his money alone.

    2. C'mon,a good number of men treat their wives as gold yet still have one or two by the sides. And we know this...
      If he's faithful and stingy is he still a good man?
      I hv no problem with this post but the term "good man" is very open to different interpretations and expectations...

    3. On the contrary I think the term "good man" is objective. Maybe women's needs and expectations are subjective but not what it means to be a good person. I was also going to point out to you that being faithful does not automatically translate to being good. Bottom line is; don't let a person's looks be the main factor you use in deciding who you spend your life with.

    4. Both of you are kinda saying the same thing. I'll add that a good man isn't above mistakes and covers his misdeeds to the best of his ability. Jacob was a good man but his family worshipped idols right under his nose. David was a good man but he committed adultery and murder within a month.

  6. Now I remember my knowing and serving God comment on the other post..single folks are so blessed for the opportunity to get it right.

    1. Yes Wale we are, unfortunately some of us never do.

  7. The only thing I can say on dz post is..

    Memphis is short, Wale no too get money, Eesah no fine na Im make Amaka reach 39 years for her papa house o

    *lips sealed and watching*


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