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The 30 Year Old Virgin

Some months back one of our younger readers sent me a mail, and after the main body she added this sentence below, quite like an afterthought. Yet her afterthought was the first issue that I trashed out in my mind, it was the factor she raised that I paid the most attention to and gave the most detailed response, in fact I had to cut a lot of my reply out so she wouldn't tell me "Thelma it's really not that serious". I saw this post and she was the first person who came to mind. Just in case she's still reading, and for anyone else who has similar questions, you might find the piece below enlightening. I particularly enjoyed this read because I found it very relatable.
The blog reader asked me:
Thelma What's your take on the whole virginity thing? Do you think its overrated...important...or just there?

Tomorrow is my 30th birthday. I am officially a 30-year-old virgin.
While this may be shocking for some, I know A LOT of women in the same boat with me. I struggled with sharing my story, because of people’s doubt and disbelief. Then it dawned on me that I’d be remiss not to give all the glory to God for what HE did in my sex life, not me. So, here it is.

My family always calls me scary and it’s semi-true, lol. “What was that noise?”, “Why is that man standing over there?” I was known for being overly cautious. I guess my fearful ways spilled over into the bedroom, because the thought of having sex scared the crap out of me. See, if you think I’ve remained a virgin because I’m super holy, you’re completely wrong.

I was scared until the age of 15. It was then I started dating a guy I really liked. It wasn’t long before he began to put the pressure on me about wanting to have sex. This is when I really began to contemplate doing it. I still don’t know if my step-father’s intuition informed him of what was happening, or if he found a note in my room. I believe it to be the latter, lol. All I know is my step-father took me out and asked me a million questions about this situation. Let’s not get it twisted, he wasn’t trying to badger me AT ALL. In fact, he was schooling me on how to handle this immature high school situation, because we both knew I didn’t want to have sex with my boyfriend, but I didn’t want to lose him either. I took his advice, informing my boyfriend that I was worth the wait. Well, apparently he didn’t think so and we broke up. I lost my BOY, but I kept something so precious that is only worth giving to a MAN… my virginity.

Well, two years later at the age of 17, God got ahold of my heart and I completely gave my life to Christ. I realized I couldn’t do anything outside of God and without Him my life was pointless. Pretty deep for a 17-year-old right? Now, I wasn’t perfect. I dated my fair share of guys and kissed a bunch of frogs. However, I never compromised my Christianity by having sex before marriage. I remember when a family member THOUGHT they knew about me sleeping with someone they knew. There was another situation when a guy I was dating lied, saying we slept together. And of course there are the smart comments people would make every blue moon about me NOT being a virgin. I’ve ignored them, but let’s be clear: I heard them LOUD and CLEAR. But I’ll address that later.

We’re all grown here right? I hope so. Did you know when you have sex with someone the 2 of you become 1? “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31) When you become one with someone, it’s HARD to let them go. That’s because your body was never meant to become one with a random person in the first place.

Sex is a beautiful thing. However, it’s so beautiful and precious that God put a fence around it to protect it. That fence is marriage. Also, did you know that sexual immorality is the ONLY sin that is referenced to as “sinning against your own body”? “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commit are outside the body, but whoever sin sexually, sins against their own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18) Who really wants to sin against their own body? I’m so thankful that these were the type of conversations and bible studies I had the privilege to be involved in…that encouraged me to abstain from sex before marriage.

A few years ago, I ran into the ex-boyfriend that was pressuring me to have sex. He saw me crossing the street and honked to get my attention. We exchanged a few words and that was that. As I laid in bed later on that evening, I couldn’t help but to feel extremely grateful to God. What if I would have broken down and gave him my virginity? Only to randomly run into him on the streets years later. No mam. I totally dodged a bullet. But when I think things over, it would have been like that for EVERY relationship I was in, with the exception of my fiancé. Let’s face it, none of those relationships were leading to marriage. They all resulted in me being insecure, feeling rejected, and heart broken. I’m almost sure the pain would have been worse, if I’d given myself to them physically. Talk about an ungodly soul tie for real.

It’s funny how society tries to flip the script and make it seem like if you’re not having sex before marriage, you’re being uptight and ridiculous. Listen, God knows what he is doing. He’s sparing us from a whole lot of unnecessary drama: Single parenting, STD’s, broken hearts, etc. However, we’re only human and I’m aware that this type of drama unfortunately occurs in marriages sometimes. We never understand why, especially when people commit their life to someone before God, family, and friends. All we can do is pray.

Now, I’m no angel and I don’t want you to think it was easy. It was HARD. I remember praying to God like “I’m getting too old not to be sexually active. A sister has needs.” Let me tell you, our wedding date is September 06, 2014 and I am BEYOND ecstatic. I can finally see the light! I’ll be giving my husband a gift no one has EVER gotten from me. It was so worth the wait, but I can’t stress enough that it was solely the power of God. He can keep you, if you want to be kept. This is why I decided to share my story with you or shall I say, testimony.

I don’t care if people believe me or not. All I can do is give glory to God and speak on what he’s done. Of course it seems impossible to remain a virgin in a sex driven culture, but my God is greater. Purity is possible, and you are so worth the wait.



  1. Congrats, I encourage women and young ladies waiting for the right time to have sex (marriage).

    However it's so sad that emphasis is laid on women, keep you virginity bla bla. We never seem to talk abt a man keeping hois virginity until marriage.

    So is ur fiance a virgin too? Has he beeen keeping himself for that special woman (you)?

    To each his own.

  2. Congrats, I encourage women and young ladies waiting for the right time to have sex (marriage).

    However it's so sad that emphasis is laid on women, keep you virginity bla bla. We never seem to talk abt a man keeping hois virginity until marriage.

    So is ur fiance a virgin too? Has he beeen keeping himself for that special woman (you)?

    To each his own.

    1. People have this misconception that there are no male virgins. This was written by a woman so it's only normal she's writing to and for women. Likewise it would be absurd for a man to write about his virginity to encourage women to keep theirs, you understand?
      I know of several couples who wed both as virgins, I know of some who are still dating and are both virgins, one of them happens to be a very close friend, age 34, virgin still. Because in his teens he vowed that he would keep it till marriage and he has not broken that vow. There are more male virgins than people imagine, they just don't talk about it the way women do for reasons best known to them; eg the same way society also ridicules women who keep their virginities till a certain age and some are ashamed to admit they're virgins. How much more men?
      That said, I completely understand your point but this does not apply to virginity alone, so I wouldn't even get started.

    2. Yeah Thelma... I have a friend(a guy) who is a virgin. And he's waiting till marriage. He is 22 tho. I have another 23 year old friend.. also a virgin. Waiting till marriage.

      And yeah.. about them not broadcasting it... most of them don't feel the need to cuz like u said... the ridicule they face... my 22yr old virgin friend has this other silly friend that always teased him about him not being a man yet... I just could not understand that. So much so that, sometimes when my friend voices his opinion about something, he'll give him that "what do u know?" look. Lol... and it was almost as if it was written on his forehead! lol... we used to call him pastor then. I remember one time we were somewhere and a group of guys were talking about virgins... and how they can't marry virgins and all what not. they didn't even let him say anything cuz they'll just go *pastor *Seyi, what do you know?! This wan na pastor o!" lol!
      both of us felt sooo out of place! lmaooo!

      So yeah, cuz of reasons like this, some men won't come out to tell you they are virgins. Even girls.

  3. If you're keeping your virginity, don't keep it because of your future husband, keep it because of your belief. I'm a man and I don't think any man deserves your virginity if he didn't keep his. So let it be for the institution of marriage

    1. An extra like for this. It's a bit pathetic when virgins say "I gave him my V" when the hubby cheats. Did he ask u to keep it for him?

    2. An extra like for this. It's a bit pathetic when virgins say "I gave him my V" when the hubby cheats. Did he ask u to keep it for him?

  4. T welcome back!!!! Yagaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
    I'm just glad u can hug & kiss ur love anywhere anytime again ie ur Ipad.

    I've been too busy with The 3days regional convention of Jehovahs witnesses. It ended today, so I'm also back fully too.

    Dear Poster, I duff my hat to U. Society need more of u. Both male & Female. Although I'm not like U & have no regrets what so ever! Smh to me. But I & T are in the new celib club. LOL

  5. I just love u Thelms! Thnks 4 enlightning him or her

  6. M a virgin buh my finger enters my V wen m wet

    1. I'm celibate but my finger enters my V when I'm horny.

    2. U mean u masturbate? Then U are not a virgin logically coz u've had sex with urself countless times buhahahahaha. I jes hope u don't hv a spirit husband too lol

    3. No I dnt masturbate! I mean, sm ppl be like its too tiight so ur finger cannot enta, dats wat I meant!

  7. If I hear! Smh... @ anon 6:24pm


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