Skip to main content

10 Things I Used To Hate About You.


Blog reader Christopher who sent me the 5 Mistakes Women Make article also sent me this, and just like that post, this one is also a MUST READ. Thank you Christopher! I've never met you or asked for anything but when you see these beautiful and life-altering pieces you think of Thelma Thinks and send them to me. I am truly grateful. 





How I learned to appreciate our differences.
By Phil Callaway


Six months before my wedding day an older man tapped my shoulder in the post office and offered some free advice. “Ramona’s a lovely girl,” he said, licking a stamp. “She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.”

And that’s what I decided to do. But before Ramona agreed, she sat me down one Sunday after church, placed my hands on a Bible and asked me the usual questions:

“You are pretty good at basketball, Phil, but have you ever in your life been able to hit a laundry hamper?

“Will you refrain from using phrases like ‘I told you so,’ ‘I never had to chew my mother’s tomato soup,’ or ‘is there anything to eat around here?’

“Will you agree to take me shopping once a year just for fun? Will you pace the floors while I am in the changing room or will you relax a little?”

I didn’t feel comfortable lying to her right there in the sanctuary, so we retreated to the parking lot where I kissed her deeply and agreed to work on these things.

Six months later we stood at an altar as a preacher peppered me with more questions: “Wilt thou take this woman to be thy lawfully wedded wife, Phil? Will you rinse the sink when you shave and make the bed when you’re the last one out of it? Will you forget baseball statistics and remember her birthday? Will you affirm, admire, and accept her—and quit eating chicken wings with a fork, so long as you both shall live?”

I agreed to work on these things, then I kissed her deeply.

Minutes later, as I stood in the receiving line watching people I’d never met kiss my bride, the same man who approached me in the post office whispered some more advice: “She looks mighty fine today,” he said, “but she’ll drive you nuts sometimes. I’ve been married fifty-six years. I should know.” Leaning closer, he tapped my shoulder with his cane. “You want a happy marriage?” he said. “When the things that attracted you to her start to drive you apart, find a way to reverse the process.”

I’ve been thinking about the old man’s advice for 18 years now, and it’s finally starting to make sense. Allow me to explain.

When Ramona and I were dating I was attracted to her many attributes, including the way she took life slowly. I was constantly running. She taught me to stop and taste the strawberries. Three weeks after our honeymoon, the lack of speed with which she approached life made my adrenaline race. I found myself sitting in the car Sunday mornings tapping the dashboard resisting the urge to honk. By the time we got to church, worship was the farthest thing from either of our minds.

Eighteen years have brought me full circle. In a world that’s on permanent fast forward, my wife is a living illustration that slowing down is not only enviable, it is possible. Perhaps it’s also possible, as the old man discovered, for the things that drive us nuts to drive us together.

That doesn’t mean I’ve come to peace with everything she does. During our first year of marriage, I wanted to follow Martin Luther’s example and nail a list of irritations to the bathroom door. I couldn’t quite come up with ninety-five theses, but ten came to mind:

1 Your sense of humor is warped. The funniest thing I did this week was hit my head on a cupboard door. You laughed as if I were Peter Sellers. This was not funny to me at the time. It still isn’t. Please do not laugh when you read this.

2 A vow of silence is fine for a monk. Our late-night “fights” are as one-sided as a Chicago Cubs game. You grow quiet during arguments. Silence can be a virtue, but it can also be maddening.

3 You are kind to phone salesmen. On our first anniversary a phone call interrupted a candlelight dinner I had prepared. You walked away from a perfectly good (albeit rather burnt) pizza to talk for upwards of two minutes to a complete stranger because you were too polite to hang up.

4 Generosity isn’t always a virtue. Last week you made four pies and gave away three. Our tithe to the church now exceeds the ten percent solution Jacob recommended in Genesis 28. You gave ten dollars to the Girl Scouts and the cookies weren’t that great.

5 What’s next, pickled ice cream? On Wednesday you made banana meatloaf. Meatloaf is bad enough without the fruit. What other recipes do you have? Can we go through them together?

6 Morning is broken. I am a night owl; you rise with the sun. You delight in greeting me early and releasing the shade loudly. Unfortunately, I do not wake up until noon. Please do not sing to me before 8 a.m.—even on my birthday.

7 You are a cheapskate. I wanted to buy a new car and you said, “Sure, or shall we just light 3,000 dollar bills on fire?” You believe we shouldn’t spend more than we make. If this were true, why did they invent credit cards?

8 You throw things away. Last week my wool sweater went missing. The one I got for my seventh birthday. If I don’t glue things down, they walk away. When we have children will you package them up and send them to the Salvation Army?

9 Necking won’t fit on the calendar. I love to do things we haven’t planned. Like quick trips to the city, surprise purchases, or necking on a back road to nowhere. You like the necking, but you like to plan for it.

10 I am from Switzerland; you are from Zimbabwe. I love to be on time. You do not. Is this a cultural difference? Meet me in the living room at 8 p.m. sharp and we’ll talk about it.

After some thought, I decided not nail the list to our bathroom door and it is a good thing. Through the years we have had numerous discussions on each point and eighteen years in the University of Diversity have taught me that if we were the same we’d be in trouble. If we were both spenders, we’d be bankrupt. If we were both spontaneous, we’d never get anything done. If we kept all my wool sweaters we’d rent thirteen U-Hauls each time we moved.

The Bible describes marriage as two becoming one. Ideally it is a partnership of two distinctly different individuals who are stronger together than apart. But this won’t happen until we swallow our pride, praise each other’s uniqueness, and encourage each other’s strengths. And a little humor helps too.

Martha Bolton, Bob Hope’s joke writer and the author of I Love You … Still (Revell) agrees. Just like Ramona, her husband, Russ, likes to throws things away. “It wouldn’t be so bad,” Martha told me, “if he would stop with his things. But he throws my things away, too. I’ve had to dig through the trash to find that bank deposit slip on which I had written my next book idea. I’ve tried paying him back and letting him ‘discover’ a few of his things (favorite books, day planner, chess set) in the trash, too, but he just laughs and doesn’t get the connection. This has been a habit with him for so long, I don’t know if he’ll ever completely give up his compulsion.”

Martha’s secret? “Just keep loving him and check the trash.” Better still, she has come to see the benefits of his clutter-free personality. “He doesn’t like clutter in our relationship either,” says Martha. “He doesn’t hold grudges or bring up past issues. If something keeps getting in our way, he’d rather toss it out than continue to hang on to it. It’s turned into one of the things I love about him. Of course, I still check the trash every week before the garbage man takes it away. I’ve still got deadlines to meet.”

Joanne Robideau, a thirty-four-year-old mother and high school teacher says, “I used to hate the way my husband, Gord, went into things without planning ahead and just did things off the cuff. Now I’ve learned to appreciate his spontaneous approach to life and how quickly he adapts to situations. I used to get anxious when we would walk into something we hadn’t planned for, now I rely on his ability to take over. What I thought was a curse has turned into a blessing.”

I agree. Though Ramona’s silence caused me grief at first, I’m learning to wait until she’s ready to talk and to remind myself that those who say the most do not always have the most to say. When book sales brought in unexpected abundance, it was her generosity that helped us respond as Christ would, giving away what we didn’t need. Her kindness to phone salesmen was the same kindness that first drew me to her. Thankfully it has tempered with time. She now offers a polite “No thanks,” followed by a click.

Perhaps best of all, it is her warped sense of humor that allowed me just last week to hang a small blackboard beside the phone. Now each time a telemarketer calls, she says, “Why don’t you talk to my husband?” and she holds the phone by the blackboard, grinning while she runs her fingernails over it.

Comments

  1. See people, Genuine Love is heaven!
    I just read this & imagined their life together. Her laughter & the weird look on his face when his head hit the cupboard. LOL. But this paragraph got my attention:

    "The Bible describes marriage as two becoming one. Ideally it is a partnership of two distinctly different individuals who are stronger together than apart. But this won’t happen until we swallow our pride, praise each other’s uniqueness, and encourage each other’s strengths. And a little humor helps too."

    There are still great husband's to be out there! We go Find them & Marry them! AminJesu

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice, Finally an article with some sort of balance.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Understanding, tolerance, sacrifice, mutual respect...... I love this.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bottom line: Marriage isn't SETTLING DOWN, it's FOR BETTER FOR WORSE. See what a couple has being going through for 18 good solid years. Scary right? But that's marriage; coping with each others BS, focusing on your uniqueness and improving with each passing year. GOD help us all, the married and the intending.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For better or worse and it's other accompanying verses are man written. Traditional marriages don't do vows but prayers. Man-made problems shldnt be a factor to endure in marriages (not when they can be prevented)

      Delete
    2. Welcome back sasha "fierce" I missed ur comments..lol

      Delete
  5. Nice article. Marriage =patience, tolerance and acceptance.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. That's what this generation doesn't understand. The both of you are two distinct people who must learn to live with and appreciate each other. Its a lot of work and you must make up your minds that your marriage will work. All the initial gragra will fade away eventually you must now make the decision to stay married.
    Many of our parents who have been married 20, 25, 30 years, you think they weren't tempted to give it all up and walk away? God knows its not easy but a lot of us are just too lazy to put in the work it requires and so end up giving up. God help us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen.....u've said it all, dis days most of us are just too lazy to put in the extra work required to make it work n dts d root of a lot of prbs bin faced in marriages.

      Delete
    2. @sunshine i swear Nigeria was better then, marriage was d least of most people's problem unlike now where there is so much pressure everywhr, d streets, at work (for those that manage to get a job), then u ll now add a troubled marriage to it, dats why its a bit more difficult for people of our generation to be patient.

      Delete
  7. I totally enjoyed reading this... et more.

    ReplyDelete
  8. As i read this, it just replicates the rship i have with my husband and it made me smile, some days i jus think its too soon to judge or conclude but then i remember wat my first marriage was like even from day one. Like Ruthy said there are still good men out there, just take your chances cos u never know. *dancing to pharell's happy*

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hello Everyone,
    I am Mrs Theresa Wallcott Owen, from mexico. My life became devastated when my husband sent me packing, after 17 years that we have been together. I was lost and helpless after trying so many ways to make my husband take me back. One day at work, i was absent minded not knowing that my boss was calling me, so he sat and asked me what its was all about i told him and he smiled and said that it was not a problem. I never understand what he meant by it wasn't a problem getting my husband back, he said he used a spell to get his wife back when she left him for another man and now they are together till date and at first i was shocked hearing such thing from my boss. He gave me an email address of the spell caster who helped him get his wife back, i never believed this would work but i had no choice that to get in contact with the spell caster which i did, and he requested for my information and that of my husband along with our marriage pic. He also told me that i was going to pay the sum of $170 to enable him cast the spell and i sent him the money, but after three days, my mom called my that my husband came pleading that he wants me back, i never believed it because it was just like a dream and i had to rush down to my mothers place and to my greatest surprise, my husband was kneeling before me pleading for forgiveness that he wants me and the kid back home, then i gave Dr. Okirika a called regarding sudden change of my husband and he made it clear to me that my husband will love me till the end of the world, that he will never leave my sight. Now me and my husband is back together again and has started doing pleasant things he hasn't done before, he makes me happy and do what he is suppose to do as a man without nagging. Please if you need help of any kind, kindly contact Dr. Okirika for help and you can reach him via email: okirikaspiritualhindustemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

  10. BE CAREFUL HERE NOBODY CAN HELP YOU HERE OR EVEN SUGGEST HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR EX OR LOVE BACK,ANY TESTIMONIES OF MOST SPELL CASTER HERE MUST BE IGNORE.BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE SCAM I MEAN REAL SCAM WHICH I WAS A VICTIM AND I GOT RIPPED OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BECAUSE I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO GET MY WIFE BACK AFTER SHE LEFT ME FOR OVER 2 YEARS WITH MY 7 YEARS OLD SON JERRY,I HAVE APPLIED TO 7 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTER HERE AND ALL TO NO AVAIL THEY ALL ASK FOR SAME THING SEND YOUR NAME YOUR EX NAME ADDRESS AND PICTURE PHONE NUMBER ETC WHICH I DID OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND MOST OF THEM WERE FROM WEST AFRICA UNTIL ISAW A POST ABOUT MAMA ANITA SPELL AND I DECIDED TO GAVE HER MY LAST TRAIL.SHE ASK ME FOUR THINGS MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND $180 AND SAID MY EX WILL COME BACK IN 24HOURS, I HAVE PAID OVER $3000 ON SPELL CASTING AND COURIER AND NOTHING HAVE WORK FOR ME AFTER 3 DAYS I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HAVE LOST SO FAR SO I SAID LET ME GIVE HER A TRY SO I CALLED HER AGAIN AND SEND MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND THE $180 BECAUSE I SWEAR IT WAS MY LAST TRY SO I WAS WAITING AS SHE TOLD ME TO WAIT TILL NEXT DAY AND I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE MY WIFE AND WANT HER BACK AT 9PM THAT DAY I SAW MY WIFE ON LINE ON FACE BOOK AND SHE SAID HI AT FIRST I WAS SHOCK BECAUSE SHE NEVER TALK WITH ME FOR THE PAST A YEAR AND 9 MONTH NOW I DID NOT REPLY AGAIN SHE SAID ARE YOU THERE? I QUICKLY REPLY YES AND SHE SAID CAN WE SEE TOMORROW I SAID YES AND SHE WENT OFF-LINE I WAS CONFUSED I TRY TO CHAT HER AGAIN BUT SHE WAS NO MORE ON LINE I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT AS I WAS WONDERING WHAT SHE IS GOING TO SAY, BY 7.AM THE NEXT MORNING SHE GAVE ME A MISS CALL I DECIDED NOT TO CALL BACK AS I WAS STILL ON SHOCK AGAIN SHE CALL AND I PICK SHE SAID CAN WE SEE AFTER WORK TODAY I SAID YES SO SHE END THE CALL IMMEDIATELY I GOT OFF WORK SHE CALL ME AND WE MEET AND NOW WE ARE BACK AGAIN I CALL MAMA ANITA THE NEXT DAY THANKING HER FOR WHAT SHE HAS DONE IN FACT I STILL CALL HER AND THANK HER AS MY LIFE WAS NOT COMPLETE WITHOUT MY WIFE PLEASE BE CAREFUL HERE I HAVE BEEN SCAM THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IF YOU WANT A TRUE LOVE SPELL THEN CONTACT MAMA ANITA (mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa