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Blog Reader Asks... Thelma Asks...

I need to get this off my head, why are women preoccupied with finding a partner rather than making plans as to how the relationship will survive and thrive after finding the partner?
Is this not why many fall for scammers/unwilling men?? There will be less issues to deal with if this thinking/behavior is altered. 

This was a comment but I had to make it a post because I quite agree with Wale. I see too many women all too often placing so much emphasis and importance on finding The One, getting a boo, bae, significant other, hubby... You get him and then what? 

So ladies, Wale has a question for you. 

But I'll also throw it back to Wale and anyone else who has answers; what do you think is the reason for this and how can this reason/behavior be altered?


  1. Pressure is the reason! Pressure from Family, Peers, Society, Biology (age) etc

    The only way we can alter the focus on finding a mate lies on the will of the finder!
    Me, for e.g. I used to be stubborn, insolent, unforgiving etc due to past experiences. But I knew these traits acquired from my previous relationship will destroy my next relationship so I started to study the bible again with an older spiritually mature woman.
    Gradually I got Ruth back!
    Women should focus on making themselves awesome ALONE by getting closer to God, this way, when HE finds them, Together forever in happiness will be achievable!

    Have a Great Sunday Everyone! #Hugs

  2. Man: plans usually start before marriage.
    Woman: plans usually start after marriage.

    The question somewhat implies that women just find bae, hook them and relax. That's far from reality as only gold diggers and unserious individuals do that.

  3. Memphis na lie o! Like Ruthylicious said society has made women want to settle down with anybody, giving no thought to what happens after. That's a big reason for the sad state of marriages these days.

    1. I agree that most ladies want to get the man first, but when you say they give no thought to what happens after, my dear, I disagree. Unless in some odd cases like I stated before, you hardly see any married woman not running things around her home, and that includes the family's future.

    2. memphis, married woman running things around her home is not the same with making plans to succeed long before meeting the man.

      Many women work very hard in marriages especially when the man deals a bad hand. Surviving the power struggle phase of a marriage (after the honeymoon) requires a different kind of preparation, picking up the bits and pieces after losing out is natural but every battle can only be won with a plan/strategy.

      Hope this clarification helps.

  4. I think the solution is for us to make up our minds that there is no exit before entering into it. Personally, I believe that where there is no real issue of 'between life and death', we should resolve to face and surmount all challenges. Even in the issue of death, God can still work things around except the foundation is very faulty (like my case-at the risk of sounding like I'm giving an excuse).

    We need to give marriage our all and not succumb to societal pressure. Afterall, the person who leads you to make a mistake may not pertake in the consequences.


  5. Wale, I quite agree with you. At some point, I was just obsessed with the idea of falling in love with someone and to be loved too. I actually talked to God about it(lol.. yeah! I'm silly like that. I talk to him about any and everything.. even when I have a crush on someone! Lol) I was in 400level then... so yeah I talked to God about it. but the funny thing is I wasn't thinking about what'll happen after. And then one day I just sat down and thought.. so after I fall in love, he loves me back... Ehen? what next???! And yeah.. eventually.. they came.. and I just knew I wasn't ready at all... I wasn't even half baked sef. That was when I realized I had been dwelling on the wrong things, praying the wrong prayers and I had my priorities scattered... so I went to rearrange them and I think i'm back on track now... there's a large "work in progress" sign sha. Lol... it is well tho!

    And thelma... yeah... my own reason was peer pressure... not directly sha cuz I didn't care mehn... but eventually... almost everyone around me was in a relationship... and it almost began to feel like somfn was wrong wiv me. lol... but thank God.. i'm way past that now. How can it be altered.. well, now that you know, start taking necessary steps and making necessary plans.

  6. the simple answer is pressure. too much pressure in the society and the not-so-strong ones easily fall for it.

    I thought the normal thing to do was to plan for what would happen after one finds the partner. Well, this is what i would do. i want to get the "after" sorted first before i start to worry about the "now".


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