I have an elder brother who is quite cool and calm and also quite lazy. I say lazy because, even when we were all at home together, he had this mindset of not really doing stuff around the house (maybe it's the ibo man thingnie, not sure), I remember when I went for service, my mum, who was working so hard, would come home to find a stack of dishes he used and left for her to wash.
He also plays a lot of poker but, in truth, I'm not sure if he's addicted to it (I secretly suspect he maybe a gambler but there's nothing to substantiate this intuition) .
My brother is also rather secretive, I couldn't tell you anything about him, he's quiet and secretive.
And he's also prone to stories.
I'm just all over the place with my thoughts now and can't seem to arrange them properly.
I know things haven't been easy with him. At his age sef and with the disappointments he's been facing, I really do think he should be more prayerful- but he's just not the type (he'll turn 30 this month).
He's told my mum at some point that what others do and succeed, he does and makes no headway.
There have been instances where my parents have had to sell a property to raise money for a venture he was to embark on and he disappears with the money only to return to say he was duped- back to square one.
Because he is so secretive, you can't really say which is the truth or a lie.
I mean, everyone goes through ish but, when you hide so much, how can they help you?
He's been in one of these west African countries for about 2 years, says he's into IT.
Before I was married, I knew he used to call my mum to borrow from her once in a while.
I got married, am working and getting better paid and, somehow he started to ask me.
First was part of his rent he couldn't raise, one other thing, I just noticed it was a monthly thing- the requests came in 4 times in 3 months and I've always given him with no questions ( little sums sha, 35k here, 25k, 20k, 25k) and this month was a request of about 40k to chase up a business and I had to refuse.
I didn't refuse because I didn't have but because he seems to be turning dependent and I REALLY do not know what he is doing.
He's just in his own world, cut off from everyone, even his friends ( I know that, generally, we tend to isolate ourselves from our friends when things aren't going ok)- am I being unfair or paranoid?
It's also annoying cos it's little, little sums which suggests he's merely taking his share of pocket money from my salary and not really doing a proper business- for how long?
Should I just give and see what happens?
Currently too, I'm on leave and will be for a year so I need my savings too.
I'm just surprised that this one time I didn't give has him sending msgs to my mum and talking about having not eaten for days and how he sees no use in suffering so much when he can't see any way out- he's not saying it to me- to my mum, but he knows I'll see the msgs ( my family is like that) - what can I do?
Naturally, DH who had been in total support of helping him and was planning towards a business he wants to go into and have my Bro take part in, realised what was going on and wasn't happy as he said my brother was using my brain, he was disappointed as he thinks my brother might just be the quick gratification kinda person- is he right or is it just that he doesn't understand that people can really be struggling?