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Dear Thelma,




I am a 29 year old working class lady comfortable to an extent but unfortunately I have not been too lucky with relationships. I am dating a guy whom I met about 7 months ago. He is out of the country now to study for his secondary degree and also in search for greener pastures.


My issue is this, ever since my bf left the country about 2 months ago he has completely changed. The first two wks was okay but ever since he hardly even answers my calls, to chat sef na wahala, he is either complaining of the weather or he has too many school assignments. He even told me one time that he can't be calling so I volunteered to do the calling yet le boyfriend won't pick.

He  told me that over there in the uk one doesn't answer calls often. Pls o I have never travelled to the uk before but I don't think it is true. He snaps at me at every given opportunity and even call me names. When he was in the country he was so loving. He has even met with my parents and he told them of his intention to marry me as soon as he comes back. When my bf was in the country he had a steady job but he felt travelling abroad would be better.

I am now of the opinion that he isn't into me as much as I am into him hence the sudden change of behaviour oh what do you think is the issue?

For christsake if he loves me the way he claimed before leaving nigeria I think two months is just way too short for him to change. Pls I need advice because am going crazy. Pls forgive me if u don't really understand my mail, my heart is jst too heavy.

Comments

  1. "...in the uk one doesn't answer calls often..". This has to be the craziest lie I've heard in a while. My dear poster, your suspicion is in order, but try breaking off communication with him for about a month or two. If he doesn't contact you or does so in a cold mood within this period, then know for certain that it's over between you two.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bro, i actually laughed at that one...

      Delete
    2. 2000likes for ur comments jarey!!...yimu to d guy..I've been in uk for 2yrs now..and calling naija is the easiest. Keeping a longdistance r/shp requires a mutual effort. Poster,it's obvious ur guy wants to use ds medium to find uk babe here and hv his fun ('em London chics aren't smiling here at all oo..).
      Biko..I know it's not an easy decision..bt move on. Thankfully, ure just 2months into d r/shp. Focus on making urself happy or else no one else will. Cheers

      Delete
  2. You have the answers you desire already, why not just tell yourself the truth. Even in war zones, people manage to call their loved ones talkless of in a civilized society. Your boyfriend is telling you story for the gods.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I ll advise u move on with your life and forget about him, in a normal relationship u dont beg for love and attention, he should be the one calling not the other way, just know that smone who ll love u right ll come, just believe and it ll happen. All the best dear. In other news i can now comment *dancing shoki*

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  4. Firstly, one would want to believe that his interest has faded but looking at it from another angle he may just be trying to settle down cos of school work and getting by in a new country isn't that easy. But like memphis said give him a break for sometime and see his reaction then u ll knw what to do next. So sorry that u r hurt, I knw hw it can feel....hugs dear

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  5. Pls dear poster read the signs,move on with ur life.the right guy will come at the right time..lol@ "one doesn't answer calls in the UK.dis lie na die.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I would advice u 4get him & if that seems hard at the moment, make ursef available for other options.since he had a comfortable job here & felt travelling was the best.he would be desperate to get his papers no matter what he will have to do for it.
    I was engaged to a guy who left for uk and felt his life couldn't be better any other place.i even had to opportunity of travelling & staying for months without overstaying my visitor's visa. He suggested his parents should come see mine for a mini intro sef but at the end he's married to a whitey now & she's gonna drop his baby soonest & was still swearing am d 1 after 6 yrz of waiting for things to gt better.am yet to recover from the heartbreak, humiliation & brain damage that has cost me & guess what.he left me at 29.am the saddest & most depressed now.avoid all these & make a wise decision today!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry but why are you depressed? Please pick your life up and make the absolute best of it. I dated a guy that made me miserable he even broke up with me 3 days to my 30th bday came and begged on my 30th in the same june. By october he showed me pepper na me beg to go. When people show you who they are believe them. I knew i was better than the crap he was giving me. That xmas i partied and went out like it was going out of style. I overlived bcos i knew if i stayed put i would be depressed. I even went out on many dates abeg. By august 2013 i met my husband who thought i was crazy but he married me in the registry 10 months later. My point is stop being sad, God didnt make a mistake making you. He made you beautiful, make sure you infect others with your beauty.

      Delete
    2. Thanks alot miss Pynk, ur words just lifted me up & gave me d strength I need.do appreciate. Guess it's me not having something to devote my time into that's causing my over thinking. Am making all that effort now.thank u

      Delete
    3. Wow, Dee.
      I'm sorry you had to go through that but, everything will be just fine dear.
      You will meet a man who will be so committed to you, you'll totally forget whatever you reckon you feel now.
      Hugs dear.

      Delete
    4. Thanks Dido, that's my only consolation.someone better/God sent is def coming sooner than I think sef.plenty hugs too
      How are the bunnies in d oven*wink* been a long while I revisited ur blog snc it got private

      Delete
    5. Haba, Dee, bunn"ies" kwa?
      You wanna dash me? hahaha!
      He's doing good, should come through any moment from now :)
      I don't mind having "bunnies " butt maybe the second time around.... by God's grace.
      You seem to be doing good regardless, that's the spirit jawe.

      Delete
    6. Lol.ok I will wait then.2nd time it is:-)
      It's well with u both, good news we shall hear, Amen
      Yes o, have decided to have some fun now & forget my worries*side eyes at the yeye worries sef* thanks dear, take care
      Let's end the private conv b4 T go vex.lol

      Delete
    7. Dee,
      You are beautiful and wonderfully made. Get into some activities, i really helps. Swimming, playing Tennis etc..

      Delete
  7. In as much as he may have a hard time settling, If he is into you he will make out time to call text or skype. Na lie o they pick calls in the UK. This doesnt mean he is seeing someone else he is probably trying to tell u without saying that you should move on as he has nothing to offer which is what happens when a 27 yr old goes ahussling.

    ReplyDelete
  8. People make time for what is important to them, if this man values your relationship he will make time for it, it seems you are the only one interested in keeping the relationship going. Communication is one of the most important pillars in a long distance relationship, and it seems in your case this pillar is crumbling (or has crumbled already). I agree with Memphis, break off communication and see what happens.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lols. There must be truly something in the air esp in Uk that makes people speak,act and sound differently when they land.
    My dear,just carryon with ur life ok. He's head wld prolly hv a reset once he's done with his studies and decides to come back (cos if he stays back after,Oyo is ur case)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I remember what an Aunt (a citizen) told me in London last year: 'once your guy enters London, forget him and find another because London babes are baaaaad' and I did see some 'badness'. This is by the way, and by no way limited to London. Also, this is not suggesting that the Poster's bf's attitude is as a result of UK babes snatching him; it may just be him reacting to new exposures. As said in previous comments, dear poster, please move on.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wldnt say "bad",il say more of "get carried away".
      In Nig uni's,the students are 100% nig but in Uk,they are very mixed. Ur interacting with people of diff countries (which u only see and hear on tv),ur roomate might be brazilian,ur study group might be made up of Asians,Brits,indians,etc,ur new circle of friends are from a diff country. So,its easy (for a guy) to forget he has a "love" back home. And,if I might add,sexual morals are very low and "Winter is coming" (if u know what I mean)...lol

      Delete
  11. Break-up line of life.

    Dear Poster, please pack your heart together maybe with superglue or something and move the hell on

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Poster, the handwriting is very clear o.I'll give u an example. I live in the UK and my boyfriend lives in Nigeria but he does most of the calling although its cheaper for me to even call Nigeria. He craves for my attention every single minute. I'm even the one that gets snobbish sometimes so he'll miss me small(lol). But we can't go a whole day without chatting. This is how it has been for one year and six months.So I don't see why your boyfriend should give such silly excuses. Just see how he's treating you barely 6 months after his travel. Please take a walk. The earlier you realise you are the "price", the better. He should do the chasing and calling not the other way round. I enjoy my relationship because that guy knows my worth and so he doesn't treat me like crap. My boyfriend knows my study time. He'll even chase me away to go and read if i want to keep chatting. What stops urs from doing same rather than ignoring your calls? Please you deserve better o!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Reasons why I Love this blog!
    See how fine tuned everyone's advice is? Dear Poster, we got ur back! U'll need to move on but we are here for U.
    If U need anyone to get drunk with U,
    If u need anyone to pull ur hair back while U puke, If U need anyone to cry with U or give U a shoulder to cry on, just mail Thelma.
    If U also need anyone to constantly check up on U with encouragement, mail.
    U WILL BE GREAT Hon.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Erm, my dear poster, you have counted all the fingers on your hand and they are five. What else are you waiting for? Th body language of a guy who loves you will be unmistakeable. So please, move on! This life is too short and too sweet to be spent on sad things.

    ReplyDelete
  15. something is definitely wrong..it may be another woman or not but everything is not right..Give him the space he obviously wants and see what happens. i am also in a long distance relationship with my bf living in the UK, so i know that they pick calls often. We talk everyday that sometimes am like "Dude take a chill, am not running away". We face time in the morning as i am getting ready for work even if its just for 10 mins, we chat periodically during the day and sometimes he calls my mobile just to hear my voice and at night, we face time or Skype or Tango or Viber ( Yes, i have all the Video/voice call apps courtesy of him) at night for 2-3 hrs before i sleep..Everyday! it can be exhausting but because i've been in your situation before and also been with guys that waits for who will call first or the ones i barely see or talk to even tho they are 'under my nose' i appreciate every moment of this and thank God. So my dear, let it go and see what happens..

    ReplyDelete
  16. "I am a 29 year old working class lady comfortable to an extent but unfortunately I have not been too lucky with relationships".

    You should stop the pressure of wanting to get married and focus on being happy first, so no man will take you for granted.
    Don't know how many relationships you have had before concluding that you are not too lucky with relationships. You may have to look inwards and change one or two things about how you approach relationships. This applies even if your beauty and good character shows as soon as you enter a room.

    ReplyDelete

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