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Dear Thelma...,







I am a 22year old lady,currently in my finals but planning to go back to read medicine after my first degree.
My bf just finished law school and we've been dating for almost 2years. At first,it was all rosy as I've never had a serious relationship before and I had just come from an unrequited love kinda thing. It has been an LDR (long distance relationship) from d beginning and because he changed location often(due to finishing uni and going to law school and the 2 locations are different from where he lives),I've had to travel often to see him and he has come around to see me sometimes too.


At first,I didn't mind paying my tfare to and fro all the time when I go to see him because most times,he would take care of d accommodation so I felt I shouldn't stress him(we stay in hotels when we see). I would also take care of feeding sometimes or I would have starved or eaten very little.

He used to call often then,send a lot of love msgs and generally made me happy or so I thought.
He went to law school and things started to change. For one,d distance was longer and I still had to pay my complete tfare even when we stayed at a friend's place. So I noticed he's stingy.

Then he started to neglect me. Complaining that law school is tedious and takes most of his time as he had to read. He could go 48hrs without chatting with me or calling me sometimes and would come back and hit me up like he didn't do anything.I complained seriously about it because I really love been paid attention to and as I wasn't asking for money but crying for attention,I thought he would listen but he still kept saying it wasn't his fault that I should be patient till he's done.that I won't like it if he fails
He's also a severe mama's boy.

When I complained about things he wasn't doing right,sometimes he would get angry instead of making efforts to rectify them.Other times,he would promise to make amends but he won't.
At the time I was starving from his attention,I met another guy,just a friend at that time who really cared and at that time,was paying attention. We were friends for about 7months before the feelings started developing on both sides.He told me about his first and I reminded him I have a bf and he said he didn't mind until recently when he asked for a serious relationship with me.He was in Ghana and I'm in Nigeria. We met when he came to nigeria(twice now and we stay in the same state so we saw a lot the periods he was around and I met some of his family members) and I really liked him. While bf was still doing his thing,this guy was different.Never let me pay even half of my tfare even when I wanted to,pays attention to me and calls as often as he can even when he's out of the country and he's a med student which is also stressful so I don't see why my bf should give me excuses.

Fast forward to some months later,I'm falling in love with my friend from ghana and 'm falling out of love for my bf and he has promised to change and is actually making efforts towards that now but I just don't think I love him anymore but I don't want to be that girl that leaves a guy for another guy.
 The thought of not going through with the other guy makes me feel like I'm settling for someone who loves me less.it has gotten to the point where I don't even enjoy chatting with my bf or talking on the phone anymore. Giving him details about my day seems tedious.I'm looking at things with a view to marriage. Because it's possible I will marry one of them someday and possible I won't but if I do,I would want to marry someone who shows me very much that he loves me in a very uninhibited way.
 I'm asking if I should continue with my bf and try to work things out and try to love him again now that he's actually making efforts or if I should just break things off. Thanks TTB fam.

Comments

  1. If you are thinking marriage with any of this guys then please PRAY about it and ask the Holy Spirit for directions, 2ndly you know the qualities you want in a man so if you find one that makes you happy then go with it, i think sometimes you're allowed to be selfish abeg!

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  2. I agree with Laura, sometimes you're allowed to be selfish. you owe it to yourself to be happy. so I'll just advice you to pray about it. and I don't know if this counts but you should also find out who you're closer to or more friends with. iyanu.

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  3. Sweetie I think you should concentrate on getting that second degree in medicine.

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  4. U are in the best position to know what u want and seems u know that already & people's opinion just on this can't be the determinant to help u decide.the Ghana guy may just be fortunate to have extra cash at the moment so that wnt justify anything &ways of assimilation of every1 is diff too, so also are their courses & dedication to them.u have obviously fallen out with ur 1st bf is all I can see here so ...

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  5. You and you alone knows what you want.even if we tell you do this or do that you will still have to follow your heart at the end of the day.so start now......

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  6. Heres the thing, do not feel bad, we all have left one guy for another and vice versa, your bf that stopped communicating with you cuz of law school isnt worth the pity....im sorry to say because if/when you both get married...when he gets pressured at work, he might just blank you, or any form of major distraction sef....its not enuf excuse to not talk to your gf in 48hrs...wah?? that is not cool...at least he'd make out time if its just to send a text...i dont think anyone is ever so busy not to holla at a loved one....one of those days he sha went to pupu in the toilet..lol,he culd hv picked his phone while hes at it and call you...so my dear think well before you settle.....this new ghana guy seems serious and all...see how things go with him...you can give him a shot...but dont put all your hopes there too cuz pple change....your bf was a sweetheart too once. And as lauryn said...pray,pray,pray and follow your heart....dont feel guilty...your peace of mind and happiness is whats paramount here. Sorry for the epistle guys...Mwuah!!

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  7. Focus on your med school darling bt 48hrs is not enuf to make an irrational decision though its enough to av bn angry. he could be out of airtime n broke at that point or extremely busy. how buoyant is he? did you call him in those 48hrs and he didnt pick or does he have to do all the calling? the day ghanian boo doesnt call u in a week wld u also call it quit? bobo lawyer asked for time and now hes come around, he had exams and all he needed was ur support. an encouraging sms from you would have been okay. he probably needed to concentrate on his law school n avaoid every means of complaints from you that might lead to a fight. all guys love space sometimes even some babes too. we dont live in a fairytale land n receiving attention cant be everyday sometimes you give attention too. you probably must have stopped loving him. think twice n pray hard. nobody can make matters of the heart decision for another. get a degree n a good job. T.fare wont be a problem. its 50-50 in a r/ship. dont have a mindset of bn on d receiving end all the time.

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  8. Dear poster,if he's in Ghana n u r in Nigeria u r likely to hav issues 2 cos its a long distance relationship n relationships are always rosy at the beginning n life sets in ,lyk others said just pray ,God helps always

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  9. i'm just like you dear. Had this guy i was in love with during my A'Level. He did not ask me out officially but we loved each other. Later he travelled out of the country but still got in touch with me. One month later, I also travelled out. Both of us for studies. We were in the same country but different cities. When I travelled, the chat, phone call, everything was constant. We wouldn't go a day without chatting. Then it happened! He'll go two days without calling. I'll seat on my bed with my phone waiting for his call but it never came. Just as he was drifting away, some guy on whatsapp was always there. Checking on me,my school and all. I started falling in love with this new guy and falling out of love with the other guy cos my love language is ATTENTION. When my other friend realised he was loosing me, he officially asked me out but by then, it was too late. I was already head over heels in love with this other guy. He bought me a phone on my birthday but that didn't change the feeling. He has accepted his faith and we still talk once in a while and he's fully aware that i love someone else. So my dear, he caused it by putting ur needs n hold.

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  10. Honey, focus on getting ur med degree. And number 2, a lot of peeps leave peeps for other peeps, so deary don't feel bad, and don't force yourself out of 'I don't want to be seen as a bad girl' stay with someone u don't love anymore. Just follow ur heart.

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  11. Thanks a lot guys.
    @BEE twasnt just 1 48hrs.twas more than 3tymz sef.and it wasn't just during exams.twas for d whole sch year.1 year and he wsnt paying me enuf attention.haba!I nr be wood naw.plus I do pay him attention too.I just wsnt gettn it bck.
    @Ibiye u just spoke my mind.twas wen I strtd payin sm1 else attention nd he noticed nd realised he ws losing me dt he actuali stpd mkn empty promises n strtd mkn efforts
    Thanks guys.n special thnks to Thelma*kisses*i sha ve prayed since o.nw waitn for Big Daddy upstairs to take over.luv u guys

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  12. I dont even know what to say. At 22 i was busy drinking. All this phd question. Focus on your education abeg.

    Ps: before anybody judges me i was a graduate at 20 oh.

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    Replies
    1. Asin ehnnn..me too..at 22 I was chilling n grooving too..hehehehe...Nne focus on ur books...believe me ur husband would come when u never heeeexperredit..so live ur life n enjoy what it has to offer n let God take control ok...relax that brain of urs n don't get it worked up cos of a man ok...

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  13. As someone actually doing the 2nd degree medicine, I feel except you r actually determined, all this love matter will distract u from ur desire o n in the long run u may not be fufilled n resentful in future. Abeg forget all dis guys n their matter n do you. Always do what makes you happy. Life is too short o. LolaOye

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  14. Pls focus on ur education but in my own opinion forget the bf and please its not a sin, give your relationship with whoever time so you dont have a recap of what you are complaining about with your bf. Most importantly...Live Ur Life! Lots of people will die just to be 22 a dn already with a 1st degree so dont allow secondary things to take the place of primary. all the best dear....#JoyDaNuGirl

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