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Living With The In-Laws. Yay or Nay?







My friend was introduced to her fiancé sometime last year. Initially she wasn't interested, then she decided to give him a chance, then she actually fell in love with him, then his people came to see her people (as per marriage). Now he has said that they will live in one of the flats owned by his family in a building where his mother also lives, as well as a couple of his siblings, both married and single. 

My friend was/is horrified. She's refusing, he's insisting and this is where they are presently; at a crossroads. 


Last week this was one of the topics on Inspiration fm's Sharing Life Issues and the comments left me even more confused than I was initially. Some said NEVER to try it. Some said it all depends on the husband; if he's able to stand his ground against his family or if he's the kind that bows to their pressure. Some said it depends on the character of the wife. Some said if the husband is the first child then it's ok, if he's the last child then a wife should NEVER try it. One woman said they lived with her parents-in-law for years and it was a beautiful experience and everywhere her mother-in-law goes today she sings her praises, so it all depends on how the wife handles things. Some said living with the in-laws isn't so bad. Some said living with the in-laws can break a marriage. 

What say you? 

My friend is still quite insistent in her refusal to live in the same compound where her fiancé's mother and siblings live. While some people can understand her worries, others can't. 

 What do you think about living with the in-laws, either in the same apartment or in the same compound as them?

Have you or someone you know had any experiences living with a spouse's family?

What's so wrong with living with them, why is it considered such a 'terrible' thing and what would you advise my friend to do?

For those of you that are or have been in that situation what advise would you give someone that has to live with members of a spouse's family?

Let's talk.




Photo source: womenofchina.cn

Comments

  1. Not in this time and age. I can stand my ground but I'll NEVER be comfortable when my wife is at crossroads with my parents? Who has power to start judging family matters then (who even died and made me Judge)? Apart from this there's bound to be interference in almost everything in your marriage. No privacy. What for? His parents have lived their private lives and had kids yet won't allow their daughter-inlaw breathe? Biko, it's not proper.

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  2. No oh,MBA don't try it for any reason,my mother in law comes to stay with us for like a year,right now we are going thru a divorce so whatever she does Biko maintain ur distance. I just had a baby who isn't a week old and I am the one cooking for her. Biko unless u want to divorce some time in the future say no! Wish I had known this earlier

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  3. Well it depends on the character of everyone involved and also d size of the house and the size of the wallet. But i ll say its safer to live on your own without any third parties. I lived with my ex-hubby n his mum n it contributed a lot to our breaking up. So Nay Biko

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  4. I no do.....my intended in-laws are very nice to me o etc but abeg I no want. ..and thelma thanks for the call, my phone has been giving me issues lately and I must say you sound younger than 29!....#smiles....#JoyDaNuGirl

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  5. No way,I do not support it,my friend's Wives lives on their house and I witness the way she talks them,especially when they cook an horrible meal,this is common with the westerners. I prefer to manage a one room with my hussy than to live in a mansion with my in laws. So biko do not try it except u gat strength for wahala.

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  6. She shouldn't do it. It can break a home. I am separated from hubby today because of his siblings living with us. Even though we agreed during our marriage counseling that in laws won't live with us, he brought them in after the wedding against my advice. He never saw anything wrong in their attitude even when they are wrong. He doesn't even have time for his own new born son because if Them, he gives the feeding money to his sister and she decides on what to cook. Living with in laws is a complete NO, NO.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have always been a silent blog reader. Thought I should comment on this because I have experienced it first hand.

      Delete
  7. Big No!!!for all reasons listed above & much more

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  8. No! Noo!! Nooo!!! Please what is wrong with some men! Why o why? Would you want to live in the same compound as your mom and siblings! Why?!!!!!! The bible is very clear on this.. "Therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" Gen 2 v 24. Leave being my own key word here! if you don't have the means to "leave" your father and/or mother, then you're not ready to get married. Very few cases turnout well. The woman that enjoyed the experience is one out of a thousand o if not million sef.

    I have this aunt(my mom's cousin), she and her husband live in her husband's parent's house. I know her husband's mom. She spends most part of the year abroad. But anytime she's in naija, she and my aunt always have problems. Serious issues. And the woman is very bitter. I understand why. My aunt is bitter too.. I understand why! women are like that! They need to be independent of each other. Sometimes it's not character, some people are just not mature enough to handle some mothers-in-law and it leads to serious problems. Sometimes divorce or separation!

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  9. My mother in law is currently with us because of the baby. Im not finding it funny at all. She insisted on sleeping in my matrimonial room sef but I stood (knelt ) my ground o. 4am she is in my room. Every thing that goes on in the house she puts mouth. If I'm having a private conversation with my husband she puts mouth. All my guests she jumps into the conversation. She complains about everything. Im tired abeg.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Imagine!!! Why o why would she even suggest to sleep in your matrimonial room!!! That's just i*sa*e!!!!!! Kilode?!!!!!!!! What for?!

      Subomi.. you wie just be very very patient with her and pray very very well!!!!!

      Some of these women... they can so like to make irksome suggestions... imagine if Subomi had not "knelt" her ground! if she wasn't wise and mature enough... shey there won't be serious wahala?!

      There's this friend of Iya kabuoy whose mother-in-law used to demand for pounded yam, moi-moi and akara, Amala and soup. She came to look after the baby o.. the baby was not even 2weeks old! Orisirisi!

      Delete
    2. sleep on your matrimonial bed?????? please when is she going?

      Delete
  10. Emphatic no! All that it depends are just ways to start up trouble. Nothing worse than being in the ministry of 'see finish' which is what happens most of the times. My cuz and his wife stay in one of the flats in his father's house, and though it appears peaceful on the outside, the fact that I and everyone else knows she doesn't cook but feeds her husband fast food among other side talks is enough to give me an insight on the high grade of eye service going in there.
    Why set myself up for possible trouble that can just be avoided? I don't even like the idea of family coming to live in my home much less moving into a house where there are bound to be boundaries and power tussle

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  11. Don't ever agree to live with your inlaws, don't ever agree. Everybody should hug their lane biko

    ReplyDelete
  12. where is the like button for all these comments????
    anyways, i think its a VERY BIG NO!!!no matter how nice they are to u, do not be deceived!Dont ever agree to live with ur inlaws especially wen u can afford to live elsewhere!

    #thatghchick

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mba nne. If it is money issues, rent the flat out and use the money and rent another flat elsewhere, FINISH! J

    ReplyDelete
  14. I didn't want to add my own nay seeing that it it's a unanimous agreement but, I couldn't help it. Naaaaaaaay nooooooooo neverrrrrrr don't do it, its a trap ohhhhhhh bad bad bad move.

    ReplyDelete
  15. It's a no no for me. She can come visit and leave but not living in biko.

    ReplyDelete
  16. it's pretty clear that everyone is against it. The bible says a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Sweetheart, If he's not ready to leave so he can "cleave", then I don't think you want such a man because he's already failing the number 1 instruction for a successful marriage.

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  17. Lai Lai! Thelma tell your friend not to allow it. Women are naturally meddlesome especially in their old age so they feel they can get away with anything. If you know that you're still praying for the fruit of the spirit don't even bother.
    Also, it takes a very strong man to say NO to meddlesome in-laws and mean it. I grew up in a home where in-laws aren't welcome past one week and you can't just show up one day and say you're going to sleep over.. My dad understood that his kid sisters can be overbearing and he took steps to protect his wife from all their wahala.
    She and her boo should sit down and talk about it now and most importantly, boo must be strong willed cos trust me, most wives who have been forced to live with their in-laws move on from that period more bitter at their in-laws and vice versa

    ReplyDelete
  18. Chai Chai Chai, where is my loooon epistle. Biko I can't type again.


    My sister n I warned my mum well well never to meddle in my brothers affair with his wife,

    Mothers in-law usually tend to meddle in affairs that concern them not.

    It's a VERY VERY bad idea, no matter how nice they start. The end is usually bad, very few pple hv good tins to say.

    It's a NO No for me, even to visit, you must call. What's all that showing up unannounced.

    As for in laws that come to ur house to dictate what they wanna eat. Na God go judge them. God knows im'ma cook spagetti and noodles, who no gree chop make he drink garri.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chop knuckle babes. You are like me. If I cook and you say you no eat, na your wahala be that. I hate it when people make life unpleasant for another. The way my mama train me, whatever you are given, you eat even if you no like am. Food is food!

      Delete
  19. Chai Chai Chai, where is my loooon epistle. Biko I can't type again.


    My sister n I warned my mum well well never to meddle in my brothers affair with his wife,

    Mothers in-law usually tend to meddle in affairs that concern them not.

    It's a VERY VERY bad idea, no matter how nice they start. The end is usually bad, very few pple hv good tins to say.

    It's a NO No for me, even to visit, you must call. What's all that showing up unannounced.

    As for in laws that come to ur house to dictate what they wanna eat. Na God go judge them. God knows im'ma cook spagetti and noodles, who no gree chop make he drink garri.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ah! Its a NO NO, my mum saw hell in the hands of my dad's sister that lived with us so please no gree o. Sometimes I get bored with visitors not to talk of living with in-laws, I no fit abeg, I love my privacy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! So I'm not the only one who gets bored with having visitors around? I used to think there was something wrong with me but I know I'm perfectly alright.

      When my dad's relatives used to come "unannounced" from our hometown, mehn! I hated having them around because we (the children) wouldn't be free to do as we liked in our house.

      The living room, they would hijack it. We could not watch our programs and talked as we wanted. We had to leave the parlour for them.

      In my head, I would be counting down to their departure date. When they return to their place, unto jazzing things against us. Foolish and wicked people!

      Na them make me hate having visitors around and neither do I like being one in another's house. I love my privacy.

      Delete
  21. Its a big No No,the family will always feel the need to interfere ,the cons are more than the pros,pls your frnd shuldnt agree

    ReplyDelete
  22. I agree some family members are not good. But it depends on d persons involved. Pple shld mind their biz even if they ve to live

    ReplyDelete
  23. Like Ibiye George said, he's already laying a wrong foundation: by not LEAVING his father and mother.

    Even if it's a self contained apartment, let him get it.

    Thelma Nwando, if your friend is READY to do: eye service, lick asses and use her hair to wipe their feet, let her agree to this arrangement but if she isn't, let her call it a quit!

    A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage and like they say, a woman's intuition is 90% right (no quotation here).

    ReplyDelete
  24. No matter how nice they are..u will never be free in your own house .. I don't want anyone saying "don't u think that skirt is too short" ..cos I like to walk round the crib" half naked".. They can come and spend a few days or weekends but not move in...

    ReplyDelete

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