At the wedding yesterday I got talking to one of my former classmates who I spotted at The Palms some months ago. Before I mentioned this we'd been talking about our 'single situation' and relationship goals. Then I told I'd spotted her with a particularly handsome young man and asked her who he was. Turns out he's her Ex and in a perfect world they'd either be married or engaged by now. The hitch? She's orthodox Christian and he's of the Grail Message.
Just to pick her brain I asked her why that was so terrible. After all (she said) he had everything she wanted. He was a looker, perfect oyel job chopping oyel money, great chemistry, an amazing guy, fantastic boyfriend, kind and caring. So why should his religion be a problem? I listened to her try to hash out reasons why it wouldn't have been right or wise to marry him; they're not Christians, they're stigmatized... they're... You know we Christians we know right and wrong, we are... moral. We know good from evil... we, we have good morals, there are certain things we can and cannot do.. At this point I asked, a question I already have the answer to but I asked her anyway to put things in perspective for her; Is morality a function of religion?
For a second she was taken aback and didn't reply immediately. So I asked, is there anything that you've said a Christian would do that your Ex wouldn't do? Are you saying he is a immoral person? Are you saying he is evil and doesn't know right from wrong? I watched her battle internally; No, he isn't any of those things, he's a good man, he's just not a Christian.
Its at times like these that I can relate with people who say organized religion is crap. I know all the arguments, for and against, at least most of them. I'm not even saying in her shoes I would have acted differently, hell we probably wouldn't have even dated in the first place, how much more consider marriage. But for a moment let's take some time to consider things.
If there's nothing inherently wrong or evil with the Grail Message or other similar religions (seeing as they do believe in the existence of a supreme being), why does it become imperative to dissociate oneself from them? Easily the Bible says be ye not unequally yoked, but if like majority of Christians, you're one of those who are Sunday-Sunday Christians, who know in their heart of hearts that the reason they're Christians is because they were born into a Christian family, one of those who don't live every second with heaven as their end goal, then I honestly don't think that Bible verse applies to you.
I remember a post on Bella Naija with a similar topic and I couldn't help but notice two comments. What those two comments had in common was that both commenters are Christian women who claimed to be married to great husbands, kind, compassionate, successful, considerate, generous and generally good men. The men, one is freethinker the other is a Grail messenger. Now this got me thinking; can all women married to Christian/religious husbands can speak of their men this way?
Is morality a function of religion? Hell! After all a sixty year old reverend father once called my phone and said he saw two oranges underneath my blouse and couldn't stop thinking about sucking them. Lest I derail we all know those Christian brothers, some whom were met in the church, who turned out to be wife beaters, serial cheaters and deadbeat fathers. With this in mind I wonder; what does it profit a woman to marry a Christian husband with zero morals or compassion?
When I began to notice that our conversation was getting in the way of our enjoyment I quickly drew it to an end with a conclusion I was certain we would both agree on; "It's just that one would like for their children to grow up in a Christian home.", she nodded enthusiastic in agreement and we moved on to other topics.
But hey, these were random thoughts that sprang up during a lively conversation at a wedding and not one given much thought to. Yet I beg for more clarification; bear in mind that I'm not advocating marrying outside or into a particular religion, I just like to think further and learn from other's thoughts, experiences and opinions;
Does one's religion affect or influence the quality of their relationships/marriage?
Is religion a vital ingredient for a good marriage?
Does religion a good person make?
And while we're on the topic can anyone enlighten me succinctly on the tenets of the Grail Message? I know there's google but I'd love if someone could just tell me the general message behind them, I'm also trying to figure out of there's something sinister about the religion.
Ps; this post is hinged so much on morality because morality was the main reason my friend gave. It's also the reason I hear so many people mention when this topic is mentioned.
Ok guys! I need to start getting ready for Adaobi's wedding.