Skip to main content

Mena's Confusion.

This isn't just a story and your opinions and thoughts would be appreciated. Yes (Memphis) Mena is real and yes she is one of us on TTB. 

It was a beautiful day, a beautiful date, a beautiful conversation, a beautiful moment. Unfortunately the situation was far from beautiful. 

Tony walked Mena to her car that evening and just before she drove away he whispered to her

"I really like you Mena, we can make this work"

Mena smiled and slowly drove away. 

However a few minutes later the smile was wiped from her face as she came to terms with reality. So many questions that needed answers. Mena needed answers. 

She got home and immediately felt exhausted. Just before she shut her eyes to sleep her phone rang, it was Tony. She put the call on silent and shut her eyes. In the minute that followed Tony called four more times, all four times Mena ignored. 

By the time morning came Mena had five more missed calls from Tony and two texts. The first; "I just can't stop thinking about you baby, I feel like I've finally found who I've been looking for."

The second; "please pick up your phone, I need to talk to you. You haven't given me an answer. I hope it is a Yes, I don't think I can go on if it isn't". 

Mena read the texts over and over again then put her phone down and started to prepare for her day. 

At age thirty her life wasn't exactly where she had hoped it would be. At thirty, one was too old to live on handouts and with no job, it was left for her to go out and hustle. Mena was very broke and had decided that morning to approach a company who's objectives really interested her. She planned to inform the Manager that she would like to work for them, with or without pay. 

Just before she stepped out of the house Tony called one more time, yet again she ignored the call. Mena then decided to put Tony out of his misery and sent him a text. 

"Dear Tony, I'm sorry I missed your calls. I saw your texts too. It breaks my heart to do this but the truth is I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. Take care and have a good life". 

Mena pressed the Send button and hoped that somehow Tony would take her No for No and leave her be, but just as she had expected her phone rang immediately and it was him. She ignored the shrill ring of the phone and headed for her car. 

As she turned on the ignition her phone alerted her that she had a text. Of course it was from Tony. 

"Not interested in a relationship WITH ME, I suppose?"

In a second an image of Tony at the bus stop struggling to hop into a keke marwa a few minutes after they parted yesterday flashed through her head and Mena felt the tears sting her eyes. 

Of course any thirty year old Nigerian woman not only wanted to be in a relationship but wanted to be married as well. Mena wasn't exactly attracted to Tony but she was very fond of him. She could sense that Tony might be a good man but what was she to do with a forty-two year old "good" man who had no money, no job, no business, no car and no visible plans for the present or the future. One who for some reason was squatting in a friend's house and spent his days hoping that "favour would locate" him? 

Mena broke into tears. She had never considered herself a materialistic person but she couldn't afford to make the wrong choices. She grew up in a home with a father who had nothing and a mother who singlehandedly had to raise six children. She knew first hand how difficult that life could be. These days education was even more expensive, raising a child was no child's play. She herself had little or no money. "No I'm not saying I want a rich man, but this... this isn't what I want lord". She cried into her hands. 

Mena drove to the office with conflicting thoughts in her head. She struggled with the decision she had just made. She had heard stories of women who said that when they met their husband he was not at all what they had expected or hoped for. He was broke, unkempt, scraggy and wretched. Today those women boasted that if you saw their husbands now you would never believe that they were the same persons of yesteryear. Mena wondered if she was making a mistake, what if Tony is one of those beautiful gifts that came in ugly packages?

But then at 42... At 42 he could barely take care of himself. All she knew he had at the moment was a hope that some local government chairman in the east will give him a small contract, that was all. He basically had little or nothing. 

Mena drives to work with these conflicting thoughts in her head. She's confused and she would really like to hear your thoughts. 


  1. So..Mena is real? As in a TTB reader?

  2. Hmmm< This one pass me.
    What i dont like is that he is waiting for favor to locate him. How about mixing faith with works/deeds.
    Mena can you talk to him, encourage him ask him what his plans are, If it doesnt align with your plans in 3 months...RUN!!! You cant afford to live below average.
    Dont be sentimental, You deserve better and if at 40 he cant get himself together...

  3. I would pick Mena's option given the scenarios painted. It is true that some great gifts come in not-so-beautiful packages but there is a limit to the 'brokenness' of the package because when a package is destroyed to a level, it could affect the gift contained there in.

    Tony is a classical example of a man who has no prospect. 42 and no meaningful means of livelihood? It is a different ball game if he had a source of (small) regular income. Truth is, for God to bless you financially, you must have something you are doing. Even if he gets the small contract, does he have a plan to make more money after the one he realizes from the contract has been exhausted?


  4. Looooool @ Memphis
    Didn't Thelma start this by answering the question she knew you'd ask?
    As per the article,poor Mena.
    She's broke and then a broke 42 yr old guy is toasting her?!
    Kai,I wouldn't think twice walahi,cos the guy kinda sounds like a dreamer.
    Why isn't he being proactive in job hunting rather than waiting for favour of for some contract.
    I think she needs to sort herself out first before even thinking of adding someone else's burden to her list of woes

  5. Dear Mena please fix yourself and hope for better. Don't SETTLE! He is 42 not 24 he is equally running out of time. His energy and strength will start failing him soon and that will decrease his chances of being gainfully employed by a company should he give up on chasing contracts.

  6. Exactly babe. Do not settle.
    If u end up with him, I'm sure the fondness will disappear when he can't buy U ordinary mamput & u are dead hungry....
    I'm with U on that babe. If u were 20 & he's 28, there might be a few years of hoping on God for miracles...

    I just tire...

  7. Yes. Some great gifts come in ugly packages.
    No. Faith without works is dead.
    What will happen after money from the contract he's hoping to get gets exhausted. Keep waiting for a string of luck.
    Doh, life is too short to wait for luck. As much as Mena might need a serious relationship now, the one Tony has to offer isn't the best for her. He either go out to work or he forgets about woman. A broke man has no business with having a girlfriend.

    Been bored all day and I was procrastinating coming to TTB thinking Thelma hasn't made a post. Now I have four to read. Weldone T. You keep some of us sane.

    *Ive graduated to T. Looking forward to calling you Nwando someday. I hope I've not done *Kabuoys style today. You all have a great day filled with perfect perfection.

    1. Ruby! Ruby!! Ruby!!!! "What I do" again nah?! What style again now? Ehn? Me that iv started writing short short sometin! Lmaoo! Issokay! "Aggama" eyes on you! Lol!

      Have an awesome day too... and congratulations! :*

  8. U mean he is 42 with no meaningful means of livelihood? A classic example of a man without prosppect like F said. Hon U are not being materialistic, but objective. We know 5hit happens in life but @ 42, Tony is a no no 4 any of my sisters!

    *lips sealed and watching*

  9. Mena abeg pick a struggle o!... You need to sort yourself out first and stand on your feet before you add another persons struggle to your own which in this case is a life time matter.
    I say to whoever asks me, yes am single, yes am 29yrs, yes I will like to marry, yes I will like to have kids (when I get over being terrified of carrying another human being inside me for 9months) but all these doesn't mean am ready to start at foundation level with you o! I mean if I can dig my own foundation, why can't you as a guy dig yours before bringing me? Am all in for laying the blocks and roofing but I absolutely refuse to help you dig yours. I'm still removing the sand under my fingernails from digging mine and you're here asking me to pick up the shovel again. Mbanu!
    By the way sweetie, how did the job waka go? Did the manager say you can resume?

  10. Like queen spicey said pls pick a struggle, at 42 with no prospect and waiting for handouts hmmmm this one is not encouraging at all. Your fears are very valid.

  11. NO dear, NO! you made the right call. 42 and broke? Mba o.J

  12. Mena just pick a struggle just as Queen Spicy suggested. If at that age he has nothing on ground pleaseee for heaven's sake when will he take hold of his life na. He is relaxed cos he is living in a free house plus free food. I don't help friends that don't wanna help themselves jare. Ama kick u outta ma crib EOD. Biko you made a right choice by turning down the proposal #come get a hug 4 that.

  13. Honestly Mena, I really do not see any reason for the confusion here.

    I'm not trying to be insensitive. Your Joy will definitely come. In Jesus Name: amen.

  14. Fill in the blanks.....

    A **** at 40 is a **** for life.

    1. A fool at 40 is a fool for life. **just in case mena doesn't know**

      (and that's not to say the man is a fool too)

  15. Dear Mena,

    You are not being materialistic, you are being rational. It doesn't make any sense to get married to a jobless 42 year old man at age 30. Where will you guys start from. It's very possible that God will open his heavens tomorrow but he should start doing something in the mean time.
    I have a problem with people who think if they don't get office jobs they can't work. I know an educated married man who is a security guard because there were no better jobs. His family doesn't live on the streets and his wife makes enough money to make up for the gaps but the point I'm trying to make is, he's not hopping Maruwa about hoping that some family member somewhere will give him government contract (who thinks like that anyways?) he's out there doing something and God is blessing the work of his hands.

    My dear Mena, your husband is coming. Please don't rush into marriage. Don't settle for less than you actually deserve just because of societal pressure. None of the people giving you side eye now or asking when you will get married will agree to pay your children's fees or house rent so please, get that job, take good care of yourself and keep praying and improving on yourself.

    When God eventually decides to show up, even you will be amazed.
    Stay strong dear, Jesus loves you very much.

  16. I'm a bit older than you Mena, i'm single and have what some peeps will call a comfortable job....but I will not settle for such a man. At 42, still dreaming...naaaaa....PLEASE DO NOT SETTLE.

  17. Biko I agree with every1 here.dont settle because u think some1 else won't come. U might regret ur actions 95% after a year.the best is yet to come.
    Concentrate more on sorting u now aspa job & means of livelihood.even getting married now without a woman having something doing is war not to talk of u both.ur man will def locate u,am as old as u are & single too.dont think am being irrational or insensitive

  18. The guy should stop waiting for favour to locate him and try and work hard,go out and look for what to do,Mena should not settle for him because even if she can love him,when the going gets tough it won't b a nice scenario...there's just something about when things are good n u r in love ,its not being materialistic and you should look harder for a job,try and talk to a lot of peopple to help with a paying Job

  19. Waiting for favor! It is well..

  20. Did he fall on bad times? Please check for that. Why is he still single at 42? Is there a particular reason for that? even if you dont marry him, it won't hurt you to find these out so you have a better understanding of why he is where he is at this age in his life and maybe help set him straight....not necesaryily for your marriage to him o but to help him get back out there for his own sake. I hope you get better understanding from the Holy Spirit......#JoyDaNuGirl


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa