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Open Letter Season!

Hey guys, so I'm in the mood for open letters, not just writing mine but reading yours. There are so many people, things and places I would like to write open letters to, and probably already have. 

Tonight though after a recent occurrence I want to write my open letter to a particular category of persons. I hope anyone belonging to this category does not feel offended or slighted but if you do then I tender my apologies in advance. 

"Dear Petite People, (I know this word applies to the female sex but seeing as I'm officially too frightened to use the word short or small... I'm referring to both sexes.)

I've been hearing for such a long time that you guys are a special kind. "special". I remember when *Kwame was on my case and the little things he did upset me, in mock surprise he'll say nawa o! You get offended too easily like a short person. People who are big/tall don't behave like this. I always thought it was a load of crap till I met someone in Lady Ibiam hostel who incessantly complained about her roommate. I remember asking once what the problem was and her response; you know how all these short people are, always quick to fight, always thinking you're trying to take advantage of them. Hmmm. I still didn't get it. In fact I didn't get it the tons of time I heard that or a variant of that said. I only just got it. 

*Bunmi we'd been kickin' it all day and I thought we got along like vodka and ice. We talked about stuff and I shared sh*t with you that I don't with other people, especially people I'm not the closest of friends with. So when in that #newbffs mode *LOL* I wanted to get to my stuff which you stood in front of and therefore posed an obstacle, I playfully said "shift", I in no way meant to be rude or condescending, I would have never said that to someone I didn't feel comfortable enough to be playful with and I most certainly didn't expect your reaction, your tone and the way you snapped at me when you said I should not talk to you in that manner, I should not feel I can intimidate you with my size. Hia! Bunmi na sooooo? 
So dear petite people after all I've heard, observed and today witnessed I've come to the conclusion that it's all in ya heads, nobody's out to "intimidate" you, at least not with their size.... unless said person is an overweight adolescent teen not properly trained. 

Most times we wish we're just as petite as you are. 

One love,
A not petite person."


Like I said I would really like to read your open letters in the comment section. It could be to anyone; me, big people, your future kids, your shoes, a blog reader, your boss, a refutation of the claim that short people are quick to anger, your mother, your car, your boo, your ex, the government, the blog, your dry cleaner ... Whatever! As usual my only request is that we're polite and we keep it clean. 

It could be as short as one sentence or as long as an epistle. And if you feel like your open letter should be more than a comment then mail it to me and if it's cool with me I'll have it posted. *Now eagerly awaiting your open letters*


  1. Dear 29th tooth,

    I understand that you have to grow in order to reach the widely acclaimed adult number(32). But as it is now, I can't chew anything hard without wincing and it's beginning to upset me.
    I ask that you kindly grow fast so I can go back to crunching all the crunchables.
    Thank you for understanding.

    Yours sincerely,


    1. Laughing so hard. I feel your pain though. Kpele. 1ne

    2. Lol! Thank you o jare anon! Very annoying somthn! Lol... it's getting better tho... I think the letter thing worked! hehe..(delusional right? I know! Lol!)

  2. An Open letter to my Best friend...
    Dear Oluwabunmi L, I just want to say Thank U for being MY one & only True friend in the last 8yrs! Words can't express how much I love U.
    I don't mind your flaws cos no one is perfect. I doubt U have any idea what U mean to me!
    Well Sugar, For taking the best care of me like my mom would during my surgery, Thank U.
    For missing classes to nurse me to health, Thank U.
    For cooking the best meals when we were roomies, Thank U.
    For joining me curse all my heart breakers, crying with me & strengthening me, Thank U.
    For making me laugh hard babe, I say Thank U.
    For listening to all my sorry tales. Complaints, Thank U.
    For helping plan my proposal though called off, Thank U.
    Oh for wearing my clothes & shoes/bags without my permission too, Thank U. U think say I no know? #TongueOut
    I Pray God grants U all ur heart desires & I hope U marry 1st so I will be the chief bridesmaid at ur wedding cos U are my mama & should organize my own wedding not sit beside me to fan me!
    I Love U to the moon, back & beyond. I'll keep Loving U till hell freezes! #Kisses

  3. Dear Ungrateful Bosses,

    Please learn to appreciate your workers, especially those who sincerely work hard to help you achieve your dreams. That they earn a salary isn't a privilege. They actually make the organization work to bring in the kind of business that brings a good ROI.

    Learn to say thank you , cos God is watching ya'all in 5-D Plasma LCD. .......................C.E.O

    1. As in very ungrateful bosses erwhere!

    2. CEO, you have just helped me write one open letter I had in mind.


    3. copied and pasted by me. Thank you CEO.
      I missed you Thelma, happy blog anniversary, you are wonderful beyond words, can't write much, sometimes i wish i have your number to call you.Keep doing great. Love you.

  4. dear obnoxious lecturers

    some of you odious ones can be really despicable. Try to understand and accept that no one including you lot is above mistakes and be humble and polite enough to handle such situations when a victimised student approaches you to clear things up ... or just go to hell ... aaaaarrrrghhh

    thanks pesky

  5. Thelma, true talk, its called Napoleon complex and its sooooo very real.

    Anyway, dear fat, youre like satan so please get thee behind me. Thanks. Bye.

    1. Amen for both of us o!!! I really really need this fat to get behind me o! As far away from me as possible! It's beginning to scare me sef! Chai... Size 12 and still growing... ha! oluwa!

  6. My dear high-heeled shoes,
    I can't thank you enough for the great things you do for know, you change my Tees&Jeans from a getup to an outfit. I do not even mind that I sometimes have to have massages just because of you nor do I mind the stares I get, when I sashay everywhere when I have you :D
    I'll spend more money on you, just to show I appreciate you.
    Sweet regards,
    Your fave gurl.

    1. See obsession on shoes, lol

  7. Lols, this is so hilarious.

    Dear chest pain,
    It's been some days since u came knocking. We both know I'm allergic to rain weather but I didn't expect u to transform from allergies to chest pain. Anyhoo,i refuse to take drugs for now cos I believe u wld respect urself and go just the way u came.(and just so know,u wldnt stop me from having an ice cream tonight even if it means waiting for it to get "hot"
    Well,just do and go biko.

    Sasha bone

  8. Dear Ruthylicious, keep calm, its NOT ur blog!

  9. Dear BM, thank you for lovely surprise anniversary gift you gave me yesterday. Wow! You gladdened my sore heart. You are a woman with a heart of Gold and I pray God grants your heart's desires. Amen. From ur biggest fan.

  10. Dear future husband,

    Please come soon. I have been waiting for you.

    Your future wife

  11. Dear GF, I know ur cheating on me but I will keep watching you till guilty conscience makes you come clean.

  12. Dear bf,I have been with you five years now you no gree propose,where re we going sef wey we neva reach....abeg do o or lemme find my way.

  13. Dear morning sickness,

    Please I need you to stop, am getting so weak, am unable to take care of my daughter properly. Please end your cycle, so I can start enjoying this pregnancy journey.
    Thank you.

  14. Mine is goin to be everywhr. Dear anony picking on Our dear Ruth get the F off this blog your irritating me now. Dear Thelma, so u acknowledged people on your blog and left me out cos I sometimes get frustrated trying to prove I'm not a robot. Dear konji please leave me alone Dh is not ready and I'm not ready to ask. Yours sincerely Mrsm

    1. Awww, Mrs M it's an oversight from T.
      Don't bother about that Anon. Him or Her is like the "ay" in okay!
      & pls, settle ur konji oh! LOL

    2. F cosone wud always console one'self

  15. DFH

    Please where are you? Ermmm,i know I wasn't ready before but now I am.Ok #bye#

  16. To self
    I know you have this small stature that doesn't show you are a 29yr old lady, but pls just love yourslf and be happy. Imagine a male colleague asked and I said 29 and he goes, nahh you can't be 29, mayb 25 or 26!

    1. I can imagine how you feel... Iam 27...... 28 knocking hard on the door n people sometimes think I am 21yrs old if am lucky (probably cos the person knows I'm done with school n nysc) 25yrs...... it is well ma sister you are not alone.... just see it as a blessing.

    2. It's actually a blessing, anon

      Dear self
      Try and follow your timetable and read atleast six hours everyday inugo, we don't want stories that touch now do we? No I didn't think so

  17. Dear unborn babies,

    I'v been waiting for you for awhile. please come fast before anxiety sets in.

  18. Dear me,
    Please don't give up on yourself, you are absolutely amazing!
    Study, study, study, time waits for no one.

    Dear God,

    Words cannot express how grateful I am,when I am so unfaithful you still come up and show yourself faithful to me, I don't know why. I beat myself every single day to love you the way you love me, but I don't know what my problem is!
    But I will keep on trying.

  19. Dear God,
    I need you to answer my prayers if not all but some, so I can know you haven't forgotten your child.
    Kind Regards,
    Lol Thelma the short people and anger thing is true thou I call it Short Man Syndrome, coming from a short person 5'1 , thank God for heels.

  20. Dear ex,
    I forgive you. I no longer feel disgust for you and in retrospect I see you really were no better than you can be. So mayb in bad judgement I set you up on a pedestal too high that falling was inevitable. My bad! Can we fix it? No baby! It was never ours to have in the first place.

    Dear me...
    Pls get your act together as time is fast flying and too many things remain undone. Father still awaits in welcome, hurry up and do the needful.
    Sincerely Buby.

  21. Dear Me,

    Please read. Exams are in 3 weeks, we don't want any stories. ACCA ain't cheap to pay for, bike don't let money enter the bush.
    Thank you.

  22. Dear Future Husband,

    Please hurry up and show. I'm tired of worrying myself sick thinking if you will a how, when you will show and why you haven't shown. So please, show.

    Yours sincerely,
    Your Future Wife.

    Dear Mumsie's Friends and Family Friends,
    Please stop asking me about "the brother". Trust me, if I knew him, y'all would have heard about him by now. So therefore, please chill!
    Thank you.

    Tired Single Lady.

    Dear Life,
    Please hurry up and get easier. I'm so very tired of waking up 4:30am and sleeping at 11pm everyday. I know I'm just 23 going on 24 but please hurry up and get better.
    Thanks in advance.


  23. Dear life
    Pls get better n where the hell r all my friends

  24. Dear God,its a sober reflection mood,as the day comes nearer my fear grows bigger,after NYSC,what next,the labour market is over populated and my responsibilities are growing bigger..
    I need a JOB in chevron or shell.
    Yours sincerely,mariam abiola salam.

  25. Dear Chicken,
    Why do you taste so good? ! Please let me go or stop going to my butt. There's already too much traffic there! Bikonu!
    Too much love,

  26. Dear God, I don't feel like it at the moment. I know I've not prayed in days and I've decided not to ask for Grace...(I want to though. I just dunno how to.) I'm as confused as ever sef. I'm happy sha but my health keeps failing one way or the other. Doh, know that I love you more than I think I do and I want a better health now please. I love you forever and help me work things out.
    Dear life, can you just get better for me. I'm not a born hustler so its kinda difficult for me.
    Dear Thelma, thanks for keeping me sane.
    Dear Me, you need to sit up and take things serious. You need to hustle hard to make it. You need perseverance to make all your dreams a reality. One favor I ask, please stay on it for a much longer time and believe things will work.
    That's all for now.

  27. Dear Thelma, i have been meaning to say this for a while now, you have a beautiful stature, am not saying it as a *kissass*. You are big and beautiful and i would kill to have that shape. Stop feeling different about your body

  28. Dear Holy Spirit,
    We've got 7 days for you to do 5 miracles to tell me which way to go at this point.
    Warm Regards
    Your Friend


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