Skip to main content

Self.


  




*Wole and I had been talking on the phone for weeks, we were yet to meet. Apparently he'd seen my picture when *Funke used it as her DP and then he pinged to ask for my pin. She hit me up and asked if it was ok and I told her it was, only after seeing his picture though. He was cute, really cute. I was about to give her the go ahead but first, I had to enquire. "I hope he likes orobo o! Because I know I look slimmer in pictures and I don't need anyone meeting me and saying 'I didn't know you were this big!' ". Funke and I laughed about it and she said she would convey my message and we'll see what happens. Wole mustn't have minded because I got an invite from him almost immediately and we became friends. 


Some weeks later after spending so many hours on the phone talking, chatting and texting we finally decided to go on a date.  We'd grown really fond of each other and he decided that it was about time he got to meet this new flame of his. We got to the restaurant at the same time and I was genuinely happy to see him. We ordered drinks and got to talking and he then began to act a bit strange; touching me innappropraitely and making lascivious suggestions, quite unlike the Wole I'd been talking to for weeks. He kept at this for a while and at some point it became offensive and I became uncomfortable. I made it clear I wasn't comfortable with it but this even made him pursue this course further. Suddenly he abruptly said he had to leave. 

He left saying he'll call me later in the day but then I didn't hear from him that night, or the night that followed, the night after that or even weeks later. Eventually I had to ask Funke what was going on. I noticed she wanted to speak but she was hesitant till I forced it out of her mouth. And here's what she told me; when Wole came home that evening and 'boys' (he lived with Funke's boo and some other guys) excitedly asked him how it went and if we were now the latest couple in town, Wole rolled his eyes and exclaimed "Olorun ma je!" God forbid. "Ah! Kilode?" They asked (I presume). In Funke's words; "Nah mehn, I couldn't wait to get out of there. She looks like a blimp!". Funke said this in a shaky voice and waited hesitantly for my reaction. I only wanted to know what a blimp was; seems I'd momentarily forgotten. She told me. "A blimp... You know, a fat blow up doll". I actually laughed to her utmost shock and immediately changed the topic. 

Funke was only too eager to do so too but before she rang off her voice took on a very sober tone as she asked me if I was sure I was ok. I assured her that I was and in some kind of awe she said "Ah ore you strong gan ni o! I swore I wouldn't tell you and I was hoping you won't ask, I didn't know how you would take it because if it were me God knows I will die!" Funke is one of those hyperactive people that exaggerate things, of course she wouldn't literally die. But knowing Funke sha, she would almost die. LOL. 

BLIMP. It didn't hurt yet every time I meet someone for the first time I wonder if they're thinking "She looks like a blimp!".

.......

Some months ago Ginika and I decided to hang out one Saturday evening so I took her to Sailors Lounge. We sat outside so that we could enjoy the cool breeze from the water and people-watch. While we were exiting the lounge to the waterside I noticed some good looking men at the bar and when I went back to the bar some thirty minutes later, I was surprised albeit pleasantly when one of them tried to strike conversation with me. Next thing I know they were all talking to me and we had a good laugh. I'd gotten what I wanted and was heading back outside when one of them asked for my number, he said they would probably go to The Place afterwards and would like for me to join them. I told him I wouldn't be able to, but I gave him my number anyways. He promised to call and said he'd like us to have drinks later in the week. 

So when I got a text for him some ten minutes later I was quite eager to know the content. Was he texting in an attempt to persuade me to come to The Place with them? Was he texting to say he was looking forward to having drinks with me later that week? Or maybe he was texting to say he liked me, ...most likely it was just a text to say that it was nice meeting me. 

I opened the message and it turned out it was none of the above. His text only contained two words. 

FAT GIRL

Just like that. In capital letters. FAT GIRL. 

I was very confused. What could he mean by that? Was this meant to be a joke? A twisted compliment? Was I meant to be amused? Flattered?

Less than a minute later he sent another one and this time in addition to the FAT GIRL was the ROTFL smiley. 

He sent a few more texts with either a laughing smiley, laughing and crying smileys or a tongue out smiley. 

I was torn between sending him a stinker and getting up to go and 'give it to him' at the bar. Yet I just sat on my chair  unable to move. 

I must have a skin of hide because in my immobility the only emotion I felt was confusion. Why would a grown ass man who I met barely ten minutes ago deliberately try to hurt my emotions or my self esteem. It was baffling that night, it's still baffling this morning. Needless to say I never heard from him after that night, the reason he asked for my number was just so that he could taunt me. Seen. 


These aren't the only times that my confidence has had reason to be shaken as a result of my weight. Of course there have been shouts of "Elephantiasis" in the past and the frequent "Orobo" once I set foot in the market. Then there's the bank security door that reminds me without fail that the door only takes one person at a time... I guess this is the most embarassing as everyone around hears it and looks at me in horror. 


And why I write this now? Because last night my friend had planned to go out but changed her mind because someone teased her, saying she's big. 

Haha! 

Reminded me of that day in Law School when my skirt found it's way into the cloth hanger of my roommates and their conversation went something like this 

"Ha, babe, na you get this skirt?" T held it up at both sides for W to see, emphasizing the wide width
"God forbid o!!!! Jehovah, who get this Iya Akpati skirt o!"
"Ha, who dey fat like this oooooooo. Tufiakwa!"
"Make una come see o! Everybody come and see o! Mama Iyabo skirt!"

They tossed it around and then finally tossed it on the floor close to where I was and laughed for several minutes, before collapsing in exhaustion from laughter. I got up, picked my skirt, folded it and kept it in my box. 

My Law School roommates... Story for another day. 

And in all this I kept my act together and kept my head up. So when this bambino told me last night that she wasn't going out again because her neighbour said she is big I wished I could say just in one sentence everything I've said in this post. 

This isn't a post about sob stories, it's not written to get anyone's pity or reassurances (don't worry I already know I'm beautiful), and it's not to show anyone that I'm beyond feeling inadequate regardless of the taunting and the insults. But in truth, I actually am. I am because of this unshakable feeling of love I have for myself. Love. Not necessarily self-confidence but self-love. 

Yes guys. This is a post about self-love, the only thing that can keep you standing, smiling and laughing in the face of unpleasant situations. It's the one thing that will cause your self-confidence to be unwavering regardless of the arrows thrown at you, and it's my message to EVERYONE this morning. Love yourself, love yourself silly, love yourself beyond reason. Love yourself so dearly that the love you have for yourself creates an shield around you, a shield that negative words and actions can never penetrate.

The ONLY person who owes you anything is YOU, don't ever forget that. And you owe yourself that kind of great quality loving.






Comments

  1. Damn,i cldnt read till the end. Are u for real? He took ur num only to say that? Wtf? What kind of men do parents raise?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Go girl.Self-love......

    Pamper yourself, put yourself first cuz hey the world has none to offer you neither does it owe you anything.

    Finally,that love you so freely give others, Ermmm could you puhleeze give yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This post just made me angry, people should really think before they talk. You really have self control. As if the first guy wasn't aware of your size. Please lemme just stop ranting. Lool. I love you Thelma *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm finding it difficult to believe that grown up people can be that mean..it's really sad..I' glad to know that you aren't shaken by it at all..btw hello to my namesake under whose comment I replied..lol

      Delete
  4. I wouldn't leave that place without pouring a drink over his head. God knows. He is a perfect illustration of an 'agbaya'.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tee, I love you plenty for this, how you always stay positive no matter what, how you always lift the good out of the bad and how you are just so strong, i'm not going to tell you how pretty or great you have it, you already know that. I'm just going to say keep keeping at it. This post in two words "Love yourself"

    And that dude, i feel so sorry for him.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sonme boys r just plain stupid..haba na,y will colet ur no 2 insult u!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The men in this post r complete idiots. Keep on loving yourself T.

    That's my new mantraa

    ReplyDelete
  8. And people wonder why I'm addicted to TTB? Imagine the person behind this blog & see if U wouldn't want to stick to her mind like Glue!!!

    As for the people u described, I smh.
    But ur closing remark, SELF LOVE. I think it's okay to be a lil bit selfish sometimes if no one is getting really hurt just to make urself happy! Nice!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Permit me to say God will punish those guys, imagine?I would not be surprised if those guys sisters and mothers looks like hippopotamus. Good riddance to bad rubbish. I love your courage T.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Are u kidding me? There are loads of insecure people out there who use others to make themselves feel better. E-hugs Thelma.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hmnn! You see why I said i'm still a "baby"... God knows I will give both of them a piece of my mind!!! or would I? Maybe not! But then again... how can you be sooo mean to another! I mean?! How?!!!!

    I can almost relate to this though... my parents, SUNSHINE and friends tease and taunt me about my weight. Sometimes I feel really bad and ugly... other times I just ignore them! But they are not as mean as those two ewus in the post! I'm so upset!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow that I'm stunned speachless, what could push a grown man to act like a blubbering idiot? I'm equally confused, to what end please hian!

    ReplyDelete
  13. It's beyond me how a grown man will take your number to just to send derogatory texts after knowing you for like minutes...
    did I even call him grown? #longhiss

    ReplyDelete
  14. If I didnt know you Thelma, I would completely disagree that these things really happened to you, as in those guys at the bar? SMH I am ashamed for the sort of people mothers are breeding lately.
    HSF

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice article. If not for my health issues and men matter,am okay with the way I am-BIG. But diseases like arthritis and diabetes dont care about my unda 30 age and my self love. D oda side effect would be dat men see me and see sex. I only get d fat girl comments from junior ones and fellow girls. I remember d first time i eva knew what it means to love urself. My first morn bathing in the uni hostel. See slim girls with stretch marks,cellulites,bulgy tummys and too much waist entirely. And here was I,a hundred tyms ovaweight wit no stretch mark,no tummy,lil waist and no cellulite on my big thighs. Suffice it to say dt i hardly eva wore clothes in d hostel. Gini? I had to showcase my talent!

    ReplyDelete
  16. In 5yrs I just pray d highest number of suicide won't be from fat people the way this world is going..is it a crime to be big ?
    This happens everywhere now and its so sad.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wow, some people are so badly behaved. Smh

    ReplyDelete
  18. Beyond your self love Thelma, you also have plenty self control.
    The first guy, I would have ignored, as that was a third party report (pathetic loser by the way). The other one shaaaa..... WWJD doesn't even come to mind here!, and there are ways to make evil people sorry for their despicable self, without actually being insulting. Ndi ala!
    I keep saying it, the devil ain't my problem here on earth, it's my fellow mankind that actually bothers me.

    ReplyDelete
  19. That guy is an excuse for a man,I dnt get how pple r soo mean when there's a lot of love to give us....T u tried if it was me I will go back n slap him...may God deliver us from Animals in human form...in reality the only thing to have to b able to stand things like this is Self-love lyk you said

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thelma, I know this is next to impossible but lemme try. Please please please I want that guy's number. Tell me you still have your old phone around and the message must be somewhere there or the backup is alive or something. What I shall do, I know not but for the love of -okay, God has nothing to do with this- for the love of we both, please reply me and tell me you'll give it to me. I would very much like to haunt some asses this week.
    Looking forward to a positive response, thank you.
    I love you #nohomothough.
    Oma

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nwando,pls give her his number. I wld love to know he got tortured one way or another...(70x70 forgiveness no follow for this matter o)

      Delete
  21. Still numb....i dont think v cried this year and thats deliberate but this post almost brought tears to my eyes, and i thought i had it real bad when the nysc LG officers used to call me "orobo".....i thought i had it bad..... Now reading this, that was nothing. I want to believe the BOY that sent the 'Fat girl' text was a teenager mba it cant be a grown man ahn ahn.

    Mehn, self love is key and i sometimes take mine to the extreme and even throw in a bit of selfishness in there too, sometimes its needed. I just cant believe some human beings. You are soo right T, you need to love yourself sooo damn hard that the love you have for yourself just automatically blocks out all the negativity. Spot on.

    ReplyDelete
  22. All I know is that last man is sad. He's too sad, crass and low-thinking.

    ReplyDelete
  23. When I was in school, my so called friends and room mates used to laugh at me cos I was really slim and busty. As in my boobs were large. They used to call me shapeless babe, see ur breast like watermelon, very ugly combo o, no ass chick...it went on and on. I used to feel sad most times, until the day I came back from class and was about opening our room door when I heard someone mention my name, I paused and listened, she said ' how I wish I have like (she calls my name) boobs, I would be the happiest in the world' and the others agreed and said they wish same. From that day, anytime they tease me, I just turn and tell them that if it's easy, dey should go buy it in the market, and that clams them up. You need to see some of them today looking like expired goods, while me, i'm still rocking my very 'sexy boobs' and flat tummy. I ain't thin anymore, but I love my body one million times over.
    T, don't mind those people, i'm sure that their lives are really miserable, so they feel comforted sometimes when they hurt others.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dear Lord! How mean and utterly insensitive can human beings be? So upset now.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Wow so someone can actually do that, I don't even know what to say.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wow !! Some people can be so idiotic.
    Trace

    ReplyDelete
  27. Wow,am dazed, surprised,confused,infact plenty mixed feelings.where do these guys come from???
    I really admire ur spirit girl in all situations but not replying or slapping the guy at the bar that was close by sef makes u a patient person I must say.Thank God for ur self love dear,so many weak people would ve been depressed /committed suicide by all these.
    U not even 1 bit big to me,am 5"7 & a size 10/12 & used to be the smallest amongst some set of friends,they ve got very good men as hubby so def it's not ur size.these ones are just unfortunate idiotic motherfuckers(excuse my swears) u only mistakenly met

    ReplyDelete
  28. AWWWWWWW T God bless you, Like I say self love is the best type of love. Society frowns at big girls and the insults are real , even if you have a body like Kim K there will be one insecure C**t that will try to bring you down. That's just how people are, but been a big girl makes me nervous at times, been talking to this new guy and he is nice, but I'm shy to meet up with him because of what his reaction might be. Thank God he is in Naij. My 21st is on Monday guys and I'm not looking forward to it.

    ReplyDelete
  29. The last guy is just a nincompoop! Why would he do that for no apparent reason?

    Some people are cursed already but they just don't know it and I pity the lady that would call such a husband. If she adds weight a la pregnancy & child nursing, she's in deep faeces.

    Thelma, my SIL and her sister are also on the big side and they got men to love them, wife them and have babies with them; so what's the fuss?

    To all those who have been taunted years back, have you taken time to check the state of life of your mockers if possible? Some have it real BAD-evidence of what they sowed in time past.

    Life is a SEED; whatsoever you sew, you reap. Thelma may be on the big side today and slim tomorrow. The same thing goes for the slim ones.

    Is it that HARD to be NICE?

    ReplyDelete
  30. wen I was younger,I remember been teased cuz of my big bum,tiny waist nd smal body.I was so depressed ehn,until d idiots dat were mockn nd making my life miserable startn professn feelings.since den I love myself nd shape more dan anytin.u cant make me sad cuz secretly u want my body so wt d hell.dose 'boys' dat tease nd insult are just premature.insultn dem back is just a waste of tym,deir brains wud nt recognised dey are being insulted.mtchew

    ReplyDelete
  31. Some humans...smh. Well, what goes around comes around, unless GOD'S Special Grace blocks road.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I really don't know why I'm just seeing this. From a particular point of View
    wch is Some1 is absolutely Inlove with herself and dat is all dat matters.
    I really don't care wat/how the others feel abt Thelma really, but how thelma feels abt herself and ThankGod she never disappoint. As for the Bank Security, there's really no one to blame there. Somehow it sounds like a comic relief in all you've written.
    Big Ups to you Babes....

    ReplyDelete
  33. Wow I am so shocked and angry , t you should uv given him a piece of your mind mehn cos if not he wud do it again to someone else, I hope he meets his match some day. That's a bully and reminds me of the mean girl post u did, he probably has a small weeny and gets satisfaction from taunts like that pls display his no lets insult him for u

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ewooooo my comment disappeared.
    I support oma, please let's have their numbers or pin to lambast hell and hate out of their miserable lives.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Was just about to ask for his number too, let me make his life so miserable that the next time he sees a big lady he will bow in respect. I'm "big" myself (a size 12) so i understand the struggle, people will not let me hear word with how fat i am, but i take it in with a smile cos i know they are just teasing me, BUT the day someone, anyone EVER uses it to try to berate me, i will fall on them with my big body and flatten them like the floor. Idiotic people, Mtchewwwwwwwwww.

    By the way Thelma, for you i have a lot of respect, that self control is out of this world, Lord knows i just can't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Size 12 is lepa na, we that are size 14,16,18 and above nko.U sef follow they use style taunt us wey big abi?
      Kontinu........

      Delete
    2. Haba Lauryn u no dey for orobo o! Leave fashion n their 'plus size' tagging o! N @ Bloggitup, lol at the 'u dey taunt us'. As for d ode in d post; owu onye ara simple n T I just confirmed u are related to Job!
      Can't overemphasize d need for self-love! Speaking as a queen-sized diva (plus size is for wusses *tougue out*), i know for a fact that sometimes people lash out on the things they secretly wish for! So what if I have an ass that could break the internet long before KimK ever discovered cameras! If someone has a problem with that, it is exactly what it is: his/her problem! I may be big, but I am also smart, fun, pretty n pretty darn fit n healthy as well! (Yes! Orobo can be fit too!) So idiots like d gongoni head in d post can go n hug live transformer in d rain!
      Besides, sometimes u need a package that's just as big to hold d sheer amount of fabuliciousness that is the person; like T...n Me! *winks*(Yea yea, I do have a Narcissus complex sometimes! U can talk to my Chinese friend Sue Me if e vex u!)

      Delete
    3. Hahahaha @ Bloggitup and Ziggy, I'm a short geh o that is why i look fat for my size, how can i taunt you na when na the same ship i dey,

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa