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What's Your Theory?





Hey guys. Have you ever wondered why some relationships last for a lifetime and then end up in a marriage that lasts only for a moment?


I've not only heard stories, I've seen it happen. One of my besties dated her boo for eight years. Eight beautiful years of fun, laughter and togetherness (I say 'togetherness' because it wasn't a long distance relationship and they were together through most of those eight years), then they got married and separated after about six months and eventually got divorced. 
     One of my favourite musicians Emeli Sande dated her hubby for ten years and they got divorced after just one year of marriage. I'm sure you know or you've at least heard of someone with a similar experience. 

Frankly it makes no sense to me. Over the years I've tried to ask my friend why but her explanations alway fall short of dispelling my confusion. 

Some couples have a blissful relationship for several years on end but when they get married things fall apart and the center cannot hold so this beautiful couple of yesterday rush to court for divorce papers citing irreconcilable differences. 

What gives? What differences appeared that were absent in the five or ten previous years of dating? Was someone pretending all along? Did someone suddenly change? Had all the love been spent up during that long dating period? Was someone not mentally prepared? Could it be *see finish* syndrome? What could the reason for this be? Guys, what's YOUR theory? 


Let's talk. 

Comments

  1. its God oh...because u can't be perfect at all....got this friend who's been in a relationship with her boyfriend for ten years,now she's practically begging for marriage from him,I can't deal oh....but na only God fit do am...that naughty house wife

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  2. I feel they stop trying all the nice things they do for each other n the passion just goes away, pple need to keep the fire burning..act like u r still trying to win each other over

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    Replies
    1. My dear that fire u talk about is usually pretenses, maybe not intentional. But when u get married u get tired of doing it.

      www.lifeforyankee.blogspot.com

      Delete
    2. That's the prblm if pple will stop pretending,we will all find out life isn't that hard

      Delete
  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. Reason why people need to stay away from being married but who would listen?

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    Replies
    1. I dont understand you wale."stay away from marriage? Plz explain

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    2. Lol! You really didn't mean that! Did you?

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    3. are you referring to me or wale?

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    4. My ladies, please don't make me explain; very sure you wont understand me even if I am able to.

      I will leave you to reflect on this - In every marriage, one person is bearing the load more than the other; if you want to succeed in your marriage, be prepared to be that person. Question is, who wants to be the load bearer in this day and age?

      Delete
    5. Wale do you enjoy being married ?

      Delete
    6. Clearly, he doesn't. and Wale I totally disagree with u that in EVERY marriage, one person bears more load....u cant just generalize like that....but to a certain extent, I agree with u, no one would listen if u tell em to stay away from marriage...."everybody wants to marry"....

      Delete
    7. @memebaby, It doesn't seem like to me?Im seriously getting worried for Mr wale's marriage.someone please send an SOS to his wife.Maybe if she understand the extent of damage to her marriage.she might just seat up.Wish I could talk some sense into her head.
      HSF

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    8. Hehehe, see why I wrote that you wont understand me even if I explain? We will always see things differently most of the time.
      It is difficult giving the advice but this would be my decision if I were to belong to the present generation. I couselled people every now and then and do not see why over 90% of them should be married, but they wont listen!

      Delete
  5. Ahh my cousin dated a girl for 9 yrs and divorced after a year of marriage,she cheated with his best friend,something about going dancing from there love enter,its sad cos my cousin was devastated

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  6. Please if anyone based in ph is interested in buying original human hair...plz reply dis comment so I can drop my number. ..tnx

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  7. Marriage isn't easy T, it takes a lot of work and commitment from both parties. Forget all the wonderful stories you read on paper about perfect marriages,

    There isn't such bliss. I have been married for just 2 years, yet it feels like 22 years. I'm married to a good man, great dad to his child, and all.

    But there are days when the whole marriage thing takes its toll.

    First, sex life plummets to a downward spiral at an accelerating rate.
    Even when there are no babies, then comes the babies, and as a woman you are emotionally drained even with all. The support system around.

    Couples must make DELIBERATE effort to want to make things work.

    CEO

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  8. This is the 4th time am gonna type this & not sure it will be that detailed again:-(

    Don't think I can explain why things go down the drain in a supposed perfect relationship/marriage.i would say it lasting is only God's grace with 2 committed pple.
    Am not married but lived with my ex for a month & a half cos I travelled to his end & it was d worst we were in 5yrs yrs as at then . ordinary his shoe/feet odour caused fights & i never knew that bout him for yrz, TV sef had its own cos our shows may be running same time, so many silly/lil things became major & we could go on without talking & being in same room for a long while wch never happened b4 & i could only imagine what happens in marriages.
    I can only say a marriage lasting & the love not dwindling can only be God's grace not that his grace departed from the rest thou*dunno and thinking smiley*

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  9. Yeah... cuz marriage is different! I say that cuz Angelina Jolie said so! She said after dating and living with brad Pitt for 10years, being married to him is totally different... I don't think she explained further!

    So married people... Mbok! come and explain to us o!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehe.. there's a *lol!!!* after the Angelina said so o! She's definitely not my go to source for marriage/relationship advice!

      But I do agree(think) that it's different!

      Delete
  10. I dated dp for 6 yrs we've been married for one year. The only difference is we live together now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbam. Dated DH for 2yrs been married a year plus and for us, marriage is so much better not as much work as I tot. The trick is for you both to be emotionally ready, learn to not take urself and little things too seriously, life is not that hard. Communication doesn't stop at relationship instead in triples in marriage, talk about everything even the sound and smell of your farts. laughter all the time is key.

      As for peeps dating for long and not lasting in marriage, they weren't ready simple

      Delete
  11. I'm not married but I would say finance may be a major factor ..or discovered they can't live in the same house together..but emeli sande's was funny..makes you think that's why kourtney kardashian's relationship is way better than her other 2 sisters. been with her bf and had 2 kids and they are still together and not married yet. I guess marriage is not for everybody.

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  12. Dont stop working at being a better person for each other, Baby dont you ever get too Comfortable!
    Its a concious determined effort and choice you must make.

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  13. I think its just the simple see finish syndrome. the whole ''hey we are married now so nothing else left to live for, nothing else left to do, we have reached the end, no need to make my partner happy anymore, its over!". and then just like that, they stop putting in effort cuz to those kinda ppl, marriage signifies the end. lol

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  14. Like I have said in several other discourses on this blog, MARRIAGE IS HARDWORK, very hardwork!! Going into it with the expectation that it will be a bed of roses is a recipe for disaster. This scenario of long-term relationships crashing after a few months of marriage isnt strange, it's perfectly explainable - they probably started taking each other for granted and the downward spiral started.
    You see, while dating, it's all fun and cozy and romantic and warm but once marriage comes in, something drops. The wives just settle in and generally become complacent. All those morning kisses, spooning, morning-wood-meeting-morning-dew, hand-holding and general naughtiness begin a decline, most especially when the muffins start popping out from the oven. This is a natural sequence so I am not blaming the female folk. However, this is when the work comes in. Husbands will generally complain to their wives but most times wont be taken seriously.
    If while dating, the couple do not quarrel and everything is all nice and smooth, they wont survive the tiniest upheaval when it comes. I have been married for 10 years and dated her for 3 before that and I tell you, I have asked myself on so many occasions if I made the right decision. If you don’t have these doubts, something is wrong, seriously wrong and when you have them, don’t dwell on them. Lean back and think of the good times and why you fell in love, married and still love this person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're a man???(picks my jaw from the ground)
      HSF

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    2. Meaning? I be woman before? lol!

      Delete
    3. @Eazee E...I agree with you dats just the simple truth...I am engaged now and when the little questions start coming to my mind, I relax and think of how good he is to me etc...and I get back in full speed ahead....but on the side ...this trick will only work for you if you guys have a healthy relationship...cos if the guy dey 'kill mosquitoe' for my face wetin I wan remember?......#JoyDaNuGirl

      Delete
  15. Marriage is a commitment. You make that commitment to stay married and so when you do eventually get married, it is expected that you will do everything possible to stay married. A lot of people get married and events take place that leave both parties wounded and feeling like it was a mistake, and without any of them making the effort to make it work, they consider divorce.

    Besides, as much as we may often fail to agree, Marriage is as spiritual as it is physical, therefore we may not also agree to this, but Yes, the devil is fighting marriages especially these days. All the more reason why both parties must be prepared to do everything possible to make it work between them and shame nay sayers.

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  16. Hello Please can we do a post with cheating in relationships and marriages, deciding to forgive the person. how u were able to handle the pain and move on. Also making sure the guy does not take you for granted. I understand its a risk to forgive a cheating partner and that he will not change, I will just like real life and practical experiences, Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This discuss stemmed from an arguement with someone on this post, And it appears a lot of people stay in relationships with cheating partners- Guys n Girls. They get married praying for a change which does not come and then they end up getting a divorce when they coud have just broken up earlier.

      Delete
  17. Change is constant and Marriage comes with changes, in relationship, its just the two of u, whereas in marriage there are other people (inlaws and children), these other additions can make or mar a marriage. Another factor is d belief that smone ll change to a better person, some ll say the devil u know its better than the angel u dunno, so a lot of people meet the devil and stick to him for 6years and when they move into Hell (his home) the heat becomes unbearable hence the eventual divorce.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Change is constant and Marriage comes with changes, in relationship, its just the two of u, whereas in marriage there are other people (inlaws and children), these other additions can make or mar a marriage. Another factor is d belief that smone ll change to a better person, some ll say the devil u know its better than the angel u dunno, so a lot of people meet the devil and stick to him for 6years and when they move into Hell (his home) the heat becomes unbearable hence the eventual divorce.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbam!
      @eezie E, you are on point aswell

      Delete

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