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Worried Blog Reader Needs Your Advice.





Need advice everyone pls , so I got married about 9 months ago , have a baby, of late hubby keeps complaining about every little thing I do, I recently just got a job n I have a 4 months baby, don't have anybody helping me out with house chores , I wake up 5am every morn to prepare n come back 5.30pm now all hubby does is say house is not clean cloths not washed , etc I am really trying to balance it all but it is not working ,can anybody advice me on how I can go about this cos now am feeling totally worthless with all the complaining. Secondly whenever I talk to hubby probably like a gist , something we are supposed to talk over n laugh over hubby goes 'don't interrupt me', 'you are challenging me ' how do I tell him we are supposed to be friends and not a father and daughter relationship , where u can't oppose your dad( u can even so that nowadays) pls help
Troubled poster.


Comments

  1. *confused face* how long did you know your before you guys got married? Is his behavior recent? Would you say he changed because something you did? Or you saying you did not know he was like this before you married him.
    If you are saying he changed then probably something is wrong that you aren't taking note of. Is he having pressure at work?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We dated for a couple of years before married n yes he has pressure at work, what could I have done that would make DH that am challenging him?particurlarly as am the one giving him a gist? (More confused)

      Delete
    2. Don't quit your job. For how long will you be a stay at home mum. This is a hurdle you need to cross and if you decide to by pass it now by quitting your job. What happens in the future when you are tired of sitting at home? My advice is everything that Clara said. May God give you the strength you need.

      Delete
  2. Dear poster, is it possible for you to get a help, you are a very strong woman oo, 4months old baby and working mother at the same time.
    Does hubby also go to work or he stays at home?, if he goes to work then I think he should be able to understand u need a helping hand for the house chores..Maybe you should bring up the discussion with him of you guys getting a help at home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He works, leaves home same time I leave and comes back about the same time too, tried getting help but it's not so easy nowadays no parent is willing to give out their child anymore(not like I blame them)+ I can't afford to pay an hired help

      Delete
    2. Hubby is no longer the center of attention. His ego can't handle it. Keep your job. If you have a freezer and a gen, keep prepared vegetables and cooked meat. This cuts your cooking time to an hour. Grind your tomatoes and store in bags. Arrange for someone to clean your home weekends. Not a young girl before hubby will sleep with her to spite you. Men are funny and are driven by their egos. I have two toddlers who just started preschool. I'm ready to work and I am job hunting. Maybe he doesn't want you to work. Working and earning an income gives you a measure of independence. Which men hate. Get an IUD. This is not the time to fall pregnant. Don't quit your job. That is what hubby wants you to do but it will only make you resent him. Be selfish and think of yourself. Don't use all your money on housekeeping. Don't let him know how much you earn. He will make you spend it all. Look good and smell good. Braid your hair or buy wigs. My hubby has never asked me if i miss working. Or how i manage with the kids. That's why I want to get my life back. Don't give up your ambitions for a man. Make a decision to be a woman, mother and wife. The successful Nigerian women took that path and look at where they are today. Your husband may not like it but that shouldn't stop you. Chin up, fist bump.

      Delete
  3. Dear Poster, IMHO.
    Look for a way for U & hubby to contribute a monthly salary for a house maid.
    If U can't afford it, U'll need to quit ur job. There's no need sweet talking U.
    A wife/mother has specific responsibilities & nothing, not even a job should come between that.
    If U can't afford a monthly help, get a weekend one then try to always pick up after U & hubby so the house is always clean.
    Then as for hubby's attitude. TALK to him Hon. Use ur female whims to find out what's wrong with him.
    I wish U well Dearie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ruth is right.. you can also suggest he takes up something in the house.are you just 3 people living in the house ? i think you both can work it out and you don't need to quit your job just yet only if oga can learn to communicate better with you and help around the house. you guys are suppose to be a team (e.g he can do the laundry and you clean) sighh.. all the best

      Delete
  4. Is he in support of u working? If he's not, U both need to talk about it. Seems like he has refused to understand the stress and effort ur putting in. Just approach the discussion with wisdom n discretion. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Marriage is certainly not easy and I pray all single ladies going into marriage understand and really know the kind of man they are marrying.

    Dear poster, I am so sorry for ur stress cos I understand first hand how bad tins can be after having a baby with no support or help.

    Even if u r a full time house wife, U still need help, that's a fact, and if hubby is going tru challenges @ work, I advice u. Try not to quit ur's despite the challenges else, you wld be worse off in d very near future.

    You seem to have been acting like super woman, that's why your hubby thinks he can afford to complain. Guess what, you ain't a super woman.

    If he won't listen, put ur feelings in writing, at a very good time, give it to him to read it.

    Listen, if u don't get a support system, you willl BREAK DOWN, depression will set in and ur marriage will be worse off.

    Pls u guys shld also learn to pray together, u will be amazed at the calmness u feel even with all the challenges @ hand.

    A couple (family) dat prays together . (who no go, no know).

    The early stages of marriage can be very challenging, keep working at it. Wish u all d best.

    ReplyDelete
  6. A couple (family) dat prays together stays together.

    ReplyDelete
  7. A couple (family) dat prays together stays together.

    ReplyDelete
  8. No offence meant but IMHO, i think your husband is a bit myopic in his actions, when has it become only the wife's duty to clean and organise the house, you are supposed to be his helpmate not his slave.
    I think you should talk to him about it, he should be able to help you with chores since you guys leave home and return almost at thesame time. My dear, you are not a robot, yoy guys need to have a major heart to heart, sorry if i sounded harsh and unreasonable *na ow the mata pain me i express am*
    BTW: where is Shasa bone, i miss her witty comments

    ReplyDelete
  9. What u need is a Help or a nanny dt will come in d morning n leave at night when u come back frm work. Most men don't help with house chores only few of them do. Just accept it o

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hmmmmm its too early for complains now hubby should be more understanding than this. But you really need a help tho working or not. I pray you find one soon and I pray understanding, happiness and peace returns to your home

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hmmm..... Take your marriage to God in prayer.Try to get help (your mother if she has the time or otherwise get professional cleaners you can afford). Talk to hubby but if he continues complaining ignore complaints and live your life till he comes around.Make sure to be a YUMMY MUMMY,no matter what you do DO NOT LEAVE YOUR JOB,spend wisely and save money for yourself so in near future you could start a business/invest.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you everybody for you comments and thank T for posting, thinking of having a talk with him tonight, to see what he can help me out as per house chores, can't afford a nanny now, DH job is a bit shaky right now which was why I got a job in the first place , but I will try and cook food n store in the freezer ,n yes Clare I act like a super woman , I have become a multi tasker of life , just hurts me that hubby doesn't see all that but am going to have a chat with him about it n if that doesn't work.

    I will write him a long letter before I break down, it's stressful already being on a tight budget, but to add unappreciation to it , is just too much to bear.

    Thanks everyone n thanks T for a platform to unburden my mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hope your talk with your husband went well?

      You guys finally got to the "power struggle" phase of your marriage, you will have a life of bliss if you can go through with patience. It can be a big life of struggle if the phase is not managed properly; you need tons of prayer, the guidance of a respected mentor and overdose of patience for this phase.
      The power struggle phase is about control, "you are challenging me" gives the man out easy. In plain words, would the woman allow herself to be controlled or use wisdom to control the man while giving the impression that he is in charge!
      I can sense your resistance (likening it to father and daughter relationship where you can't oppose your father). Sorry, it is not a father and daughter relationship (many fathers argue a lot with their children these days) but a marriage where you expect the level and health of the relationship to minister to both parties even when there are arguments.

      You married a traditional man but you have to learn how to manage him, not saying he is a bad person but you want to level up with him so peace can reign at home. Find a woman mentor that you admire and start spending time with her, you will learn from her experience.

      You know your husband better and this is a one side story, my comments are based on the little I could glean from your short write up.
      May God help you through your journey.

      Delete
  13. Dear Poster,1st of all pray about it and try as much as possible in evryway you can to Talk to your husband ,Communication is key,if he loves you he will understand where you r coming from and things might just get better

    ReplyDelete

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