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Showing posts from December, 2014

Hello 2015. Happy New Year Everybody!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to the most amazing, most awesome,most precious, most priceless, most beautiful people God could ever bless li'l ol' me with. 
Guys 2014 may not have been all that we had hoped it would be, but guess what; we made it to 2015 for a reason. So let's rejoice with the knowledge and hope that there's a great purpose and that this purpose would be fulfilled in our lives. 
My prayer for us all is that 2015 brings with it a bounty of blessings, love, career advancement, healing (in our bodies, minds and relationships), promotions, achievements, higher levels and greater dimensions, marriages, babies, peace, good health and all round happiness (regardless of the storms Nigeria may face in the coming months). 
I'm posting this live from HOUSE ON THE ROCK and be rest assured that I lifted you up in prayer as we crossed over... I hope you did the same for me.
Much love people! Catch y'all later. 

Here's a List Of Things That Need To Stay In 2014.

So guys, this is a list of things that I think, pray and hope stay in 2014 and don't make it into 2015. Here goes!

1. Nike brows or every other type of horribly DRAWN brows, especially those ones with concealers six shades lighter that the offender for some reason doesn't even attempt to blend in. Aaaaargh!!! Stay in 2014 please. 


2. Instagram celebs. Instagram celebs, twitter celebs, internet celebs; all these supposed celebrities that have no real relevance in REAL life and are actually very basic, very ordinary people in reality. Please stay in 2014 and allow us to see road in 2015. You know yourselves. 


3. (Nigerian celebrities especially) Taking pictures with someone else's money, cars, clothes, homes... Have some dignity please, work hard and be patient till you make yours. You're not deceiving anyone. 
4. Twerking. Thanks to Miley Cyrus this gave me a huge headache in 2014, and I'm hoping it stays here in 2014. Along with the gross tongue-out trend in pictures. …

Dear TTB Readers which is worse; A Stingy Man OR An Unfaithful Man?

"An unfaithful man is better than a stingy man".

Grocery Shopping- Jay Stan.

Now to my fellow guys wey dey Naija, make I ask una sometin. You remember de last time wey you and ya wife or ya significant oda go market to buy tins. You still remember as she make you carry all de tins wey una buy? You just de follow her for yansh and dey frown ya face like pessin wey lick lime. But you no fit talk anytin because say you no wan hear her mouth.
Hmmmm......, Naija guy go gree follow him woman go market to go hold shopping bag for her? Unto which levels wey dat one go happen? Naija men and dia ego wey big pass dem head, go gree follow dem wife go market or go helep her buy house tins? "A whole Him"!
I remember all dos saturdays wey my mumsi go force my papa to go drop her for market. I remember how ee go take my father like forever to gree to go drop her. And den my popsi go make sure say one of us (de children) go join dem go market. Afta him drop us, him go kuku go sidon for one joint and den wait for us to finish shopping. Den as guy man, him go come bribe …

Before We Say Goodbye To 2014...

It's just some hours away from 2015 and I most certainly cannot allow this year to end without asking you; how was your 2014?

Divorce Is Immature and Selfish. Don't Do It.

Divorce is always on my mind because I got a divorce four years ago. Not that I wanted to. In fact, when I thought we were going to a couples therapist we were actually going to a divorce mediator. And then, when it was clear that we were going to have to get a divorce, and I had all the money to fund it, my lawyer finally said to me, “If you drag your feet any longer, you’re going to have to get a new lawyer because I’m retiring.”
So we got a divorce. I hated it. (And of course, I blogged about it the whole time.) Subsequently I have become a vocal critic of divorce. I think it’s an incredibly lame and selfish route to take. Here are five reasons why:
1. Divorce is a cliche among people in denial.  I see divorce in every story. For example, as soon as I heard about the school shootings in Chardon, OH, I got stuck on the fact that the kid’s parents had just gotten a divorce and left him with his grandparents. I blame the parents.
Heather Armstrong is a great blogger who I have followe…

Leaving It All Behind.

Weeks ago a 19yr old lady called Aunt Landa and in tears she told her that although she was only 19 she had had eleven abortions. She was broken and that was baggage she wouldn't want to carry along with her into 2015. 

Top 10 Nigerian Artists Who Failed In 2014.

..... and it is time to look at the report card on who won in the music year and those who lost out. Here are the losers of 2014 ! (In no particular order)..
1--- May D : May D seem to be the architect of his own misfortune. Since releasing his debut album, the self acclaimed Sure Boy has been a very lazy artiste, choosing not to put out records every now and then. When he does, he seem to put out decent records… If he does this constantly, he would have released a hit record in the music year but he was only able to release one single all year, titled Ibadi. The video for the record came out only few weeks ago. If the likes of Davido, Wizkid can be releasing songs almost every month, May D has no excuse for his laziness. He had a fantastic 2013 though.

2---- Wande coal One of the biggest losers this year is Wande Coal. His work ethic also can be questioned. He was able to put out smash singles out in the year with Baby Hello, My Way and Plan B all dropping in 2014 but somehow, Wande…

I Have Everything I Need...

It was one of those portions of the Bible we were forced to memorize, back then I thought it was a pain in my neck, today I'm grateful for it. There's something so reassuring about those words; "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want/I lack nothing/I have everything I need". Very reassuring indeed. 
Good morning TTB readers, I'm thankful for this new day and I'm thankful for you amazing people. I just thought to wish you a beautiful day ahead. 
Meanwhile any size 11 want this pair of shoes below? If you do then leave your email address with your comment, I'll pick randomly but if I choose you then you're going to have to give me proof that your feet are size 11, this is because the last giveaway I did for size 12 shoes, it turned out that the person that wanted them was a size 8 and just wanted to sell them. That's unfair, I could sell them as well and keep the money, I need money too. 

Still On The Matter... (Plus Another Brain Teaser).

OMG I saw on Instagram this evening and I immediately remembered yesterday's post. Uyi I'm taking the piss here, I know. I just couldn't help myself.... especially since you claimed never to have heard any of the Bini stereotypes. 

Meanwhile, let's solve one brain teaser before we call it a day, shall we?



What Do You Bring To The Table?

Some weeks ago I was having drinks with a friend one night when she said to me "I don't know what I have to offer a man besides my living form" this she said with a sweeping gesture across her body. It was the day I did the "you want him to wait, but are you worth it?" post. 
Overtime we here people talking about potential partners and asking what they bring to the table. I remember when I was talking to my friend Matty a few years back and we were discussing this friend of mind who was very hot, very sexy eye candy. All the men wanted her and she had some kind of Kim Kardashian status. I remember Matty asking me about her and her personality and I remember him say "I really don't care how pretty a woman is, what I care about is what she brings to the table. What value does she add to my life? What value does she add to our relationship? I just cannot marry a woman who does nothing for me, and I don't mean financially". I wish I'd asked Ma…

Dear Thelma... (His Mother Is Strongly Against Our Marriage).

Dear Thelma, good day dear I decided to write to you after your post on tribes yesterday. I am currently facing this issue in my relationship. My fiancĂ© is from the east and am edo, this year marks our 3rd year in the relationship and the year he proposed. He has met my family and I met his mum before but everything was normal till he said he wants to marry me. I cant explain how she changed overnight, that her son cannot marry me or someone from edo state, she said she cannot be alive and allow her son to marry me. He is still telling me not to mind her, that she will calm down after the wedding, which she said she will not attend o. He is the only son so that makes my problem even worse. My mind is telling me to walk away because the stories I hear about wicked mother in laws are terrible and I don't have the energy to be at war all the time, sometimes she calls my phone and threaten me. But how can I just throw away 3 yrs of my life at age 31? Besides I love this man and I don…

Open Keypad; Crack Ya Ribs episode.

During lunch at work last week, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly;

"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blind folded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blind fold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blind fold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversatio…

Must Love Happy People!

“To the individual who scrawled the word ‘faggots” into our door:
We regret to inform you that you completely failed to use glitter paint and/or sequins, your work looked rushed, and your handwriting was positively atrocious. 
It is for these reasons that we had to remove your work from our door with sandpaper. Fabulously yours, The Gays in Apt. 611” ******** I honestly don't care if you're gay or straight, I just love happy people, people that can still be lighthearted in the face of hate and condemnation.  I don't care much about a homosexual debate this morning but I had to share a picture that warmed my heart.  Good morning world! May your day be filled with joy, laughter and warm hugs from the people you love.

"You're From Benue State, You Must Be Very Promiscuous". Let's TalkAbout Stereotypes.

When I was reading about the title that was just conferred on Genevieve Nnaji, all I was eager to find out was what state she's from. If I had to guess I would have said Anambra or Abia, I learnt that she's not only from IMO state, she's also from Mbaise. 
Mbaise. What???

Admit It. You're Jealous Of Dabota Lawson.

Some days ago during a conversation with someone, we, for reasons beyond my comprehension presently, began to talk about Dabota Lawson and a number of other young women. This isn't particularly the kind of gist that interests me but what I found very interesting was my partner, Sandra's take on things. Among the category of people we talked about Dabota was her subject matter, maybe because her marriage to the said billionaire Sunny Aku, is the most recent. 
Let it be known that neither *Sandra nor I know any of these people personally, Sandra doesn't have any access to any "inner caucus" gist about her life, so when she said "Please I'd rather be dirt poor than live her life. I can swear she's miserable" I was dumbfounded. 
We argued back and forth. Can she really swear that she's happy to be married to a man her father's age? Sex nko? What do they even talk about, they have nothing in common... Life isn't all about money, it's…

What Should I Do About This...?

Good afternoon my people. I would like to tell you I went to church this morning but I didn't. Last night was rather exhausting and I got very minimal sleep. 
I have a question for you guys. Having not slept much last night, at about 9 or 10am I decided to take a nap. I closed my eyes and just a few seconds later I began to dream. In the dream I walked into my friend's room and saw her mum sitting by the dresser. Her mum asked me some random question and I responded saying "I'm not like *Amina who likes that kind of thing biko. She has the energy for that kind of 'waka'. Me I don't."  
Amina is someone I know who also happens to be pregnant at the moment, she's well past her first trimester and is showing very visibly. (We're not too close and she doesn't visit the blog which is why I don't mind posting this here). 
In my dream her mum laughed at what I said and then I realized that there was someone on the bed, I thought it was just her …

Is "Staying For The Children" Really Worth It?

"I would have just gone and lived the life I wanted, I would have listened to my friends who said 'forget about your husband and go and build a life for yourself', I should have been selfish. If had, I would definitely be living a better life right now, like my mates. But I couldn't leave, I had to stay because of the children."  

The pain in *Mrs M's eyes was louder than her high pitched voice. Looking at her I could see a thousand 'what ifs?', regret, doubt and discontent. Mrs M is a mother figure to me, quite elderly, somewhere between her mid-fifties to mid-sixties. 
What brought on all of this, this uncomfortably honest conversation, you might ask... Well it started with a simple "I went to Oto market because things are a lot cheaper there". Then she went on to recount how she ran into Agnes at the market, an old friend she hadn't seen in years. 
You see, Agnes used to live on the same street as Mrs M many years ago, somewhere in…

23 Year Old Prostitute on The Murders In Bed and The Children SheTraded.

When I read stories like this I believe it when people say it's not everyone you see on the road that's a human being. I've said before how I often wonder about the people I see around me, this 23 year old person doesn't have a heart, I wonder if she has a soul. 
Uche Agunta is a 23 year old lady who has been arrested and is being held custody at the Imo State Police Command. She was arrested for hunting male organs which are used for money rituals. The secondary school dropout has been long successful in carrying out the task by luring men with sex and at the height of ecstasy, using a razor blade to cut off their private organs. Sun Newspaper interviewed Uche. She explained how she was caught when she tried to cut a 38 year old man’s manhood. “I am a prostitute and I smoke. I have a gang and we specialise in sleeping with men and cutting their manhood during sex. We use the manhood for money rituals. I have killed seven men in the hotel in Owerri. They had sex with me af…

New Year, New Me.

Guuuuuuud morrring! Guys, how was your night? Mine was ok, yesterday I went for a carol service/party with two QC alumnus, I'd not seen one since we left high school in 2002 and even while in school we never spoke. I always thought she was this mousy quiet person but last night I learnt that looks are really deceptive sometimes; she's witty, opinionated and very mischievous. We were having quite a laugh listening to Asa-wannabes and an overly enthusiastic choir, but it was all good. While there, Idu called and then we decided to meet up somewhere in Phase 1, some rooftop place, can't remember what it's called, and there we were till almost 1am. 
And after last night I decided that things have got to change, Idu (also a QC alumnus) and I seem to have been having the same line of conversation for too long, for way too many years, and this makes me feel like we're not changing, we're not growing, we aren't evolving, our lives, while not stagnant have yet to t…