It's hard for me not to scream when I hear certain things about Nigerian marriages. Notice I just referred to them as 'Nigerian Marriages'? That was deliberate. Nigerian marriages are "special", Nigerian husbands are Kings.
For the purpose of this post I'd like to stay within the constraints of yesternight's show.
A very distressed woman called in, she was distraught and in tears. She said she was tired of her marriage, she felt she was living in bondage. She said that when she complains people ask her not to talk, saying that some others are experiencing worse things in her marriage. Apparently she's been married for over ten years and her husband neither wants her to work or have a career. She's not allowed to work, have a career, have friends, visit friends, have friends visit her, attend social functions, friends' weddings and the sort. Two years ago she began to feel like she was hopelessly wasting away and begged her husband repeatedly to allow her get a job. She said that she had dreams and plans, she had things she wanted to achieve, the kids were grown and she was doing nothing with herself, still hubby refused. She got family members involved, his and hers, and elders he respects, all to no avail. She said her husband wants a wife that would wait on him hand and foot, be home when he gets back from work and cater to his every whim, but she was tired. So, she got a job! Now she has a job and about three kids and a husband to care for, her husband has adamantly refused for her to get a maid or assistance of any form. So she's up before 4am to clean, cook, get him and the kids ready for the day, then she tries to get back early enough to make lunch and dinner. Still he will not let her get a maid.
Now as though this isn't enough, from the minute she decided to get a job, her hubby washed his hands off EVERYTHING in the home, save for the children's school fees. So in over two years he has given her no allowance, no money for her upkeep and that of the children, no money for food, clothes, transportation, fuel, home maintenance, Nothing. He doesn't speak to her either and has been angry for these two years, saying he just wants a wife that will do nothing except wait on him, hand and foot, and be there when he gets home from work.
In tears she explained that her life is very difficult, her salary is very poor and she doesn't know what to do and how much longer she can cope. Among the things Aunt Landa said (which I find questionable, as that line of thinking will only foster that King mentality, thereby not helping marriages in the long run IMHO) she asked the lady; did the both of you discuss these things before you got married?
This brings me to my topic today. I have a question for you guys, the adults among us. Please what are those things that couples should discuss when considering marriage, before they get married? I really need to know this. I hear things like the number of children, religion/denomination etc... What are those factors that couples should discuss and settle on before proceeding into marriage?
All the knowledgeable peeps in the house, married or single, please share.
Photo source; www.newsday.com.ng