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Dear Thelma... (Mrs Married To a Bachelor)




Good day T, pls post this for me. Am I the only person experiencing somthn like dis in marriage. Am 28rs old n we have been married for 3yrs with two children. T I am not boasting but I know I'm a fine lady, I am a size 10 and I make sure I take care of my self. When I go out men still toast me and give me attention. The problem is dat my husband does not like us going anywhere together, when he goes out he goes alone and leaves me at home. I'm not even talking about clubbing, even though some couples go to club together. Yesterday for example he went for two weddings, today he went for his friend's baby's dedication and his uncle 70th birthday but he never allows me to go anywhere. He still behaves like a bachelor, he does not wear his ring and he doesn't take me anywhere. When people ask about him about me he tells them that I'm busy with the children or that I don't want to go out. How can a married man be going for family outings alone? Every night he comes back late, sometimes he does not come till morning and weekends he goes out but he does not let me go out wit him. Sometimes if I insist that I follow him or that we all go out with the children he will change his mind and stay at home instead, but he will refuse to talk to me and make me feel bad till I become frustrated. I don't know what to do again BVs I am very bored in my marriage and my husband does not care. What should I do? 

Comments

  1. You are not married to a bachelor you are married to *ategun*

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  2. My dear poster,ur hubby is living a double life.which man will have a size 10wife after 2kids and not want to flaunt her?there's sth fishy.

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  3. It is well dear poster, please make yourself happy n go out with your kids. Your hubby is married but living single, most men like that hardly change, if they do its usually at old age. Talk to him about it n pray too, if he doesnt change, talk to someone he respects about it, maybe he ll listen. I did all the above with my ex hubby even though in his case he tells people he is not married, i did my best but he refused to change, he said its either i deal with it or i leave, afterall he doesnt plan to marry a second wife so why am i bothered?, well i chose to leave. I pray in ur case it wont get to that though. All d best

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  4. That's my husband for you. I was so unhappy until I look at my problem differently. I asked myself what I could do to make the situation tolerable? The answer was to accept him as he is and not to expect anything from him. This has made me less unhappy. I focus on myself and kids. Presently, I'm job hunting. The kids won't remain toddlers forever. I have chosen to ignore him. What he doesn't realise is that the situation will not remain the same forever. I have started a life for myself. One day, he'll find out I'm not there anymore. I will not be like my mother. Start your life. Be your own person. Someone other than wife and mother. Go out with your kids. Accept invitations from other mothers. Let your husband live his life. And you, yours. Nothing is obligatory in this life.

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  5. This is exactly how my husband behaves. My marriage has been horrible to say the least. Most times I feel dead inside, but I have 2 kids, I have to keep pushing.

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  6. Honestly marriage is just one over hyped institution and maany r crying to go into it. My hubby stays at home but is married to his Play station. I'm just bored and stressed. I just get angry n pissed off.
    Sex is even d last tin on my mind. He doesn't turn me on anymore.

    In my next life I sure won't marry. I'd be single till I am 40 if I decide to marry at all. I'd probably have my only child in my 20's.

    Marriage is hard abeg, it's aa sex killer.

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    Replies
    1. Play station kwa? How can that be affecting marriage again? :-(... Maybe tAlk to him about it. Suggest a technology/gadget-free day once a week, then progress to twice a week, etc.
      All the best

      Delete
  7. Honestly marriage is just one over hyped institution and maany r crying to go into it. My hubby stays at home but is married to his Play station. I'm just bored and stressed. I just get angry n pissed off.
    Sex is even d last tin on my mind. He doesn't turn me on anymore.

    In my next life I sure won't marry. I'd be single till I am 40 if I decide to marry at all. I'd probably have my only child in my 20's.

    Marriage is hard abeg, it's aa sex killer.

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    Replies
    1. Your situation is actually fixable. Your husband is home, you have access to him. Go through all the games, google the ones that might interest you, start learning about them. Start askinghim to teach you how to play. My husband has spurts where he plays games for 2 weeks at a stretch, one time i made him explain assassins creed to me. I am 32 yrs old, i really don't care abt games, but if thats how to get quality time with my husband, then i do it. And he is happy when i sit with him while he plays. We have also been talking about teaching me how to play.

      People should stop letting life live them, but start actually living life.

      my sister in law who lost her husband, they were married for 9 yrs. She used to bake, he was supposed to be on a diet, he was the one that sampled all her cake mixes, gave ideas on how to design cakes etc. Marriage is about companionship, if you dont attempt to create it there wont be any.

      www.pynk360.com

      Delete
  8. Hmmmmmmmmm permit me to say this, but with all these talks about husbands, am really scared. Now my questions goes thus
    1.don't people seek the face of God before getting married this days?or do we get married because our canal body likes such person?
    2. What happened to counselling, books,seminars,courtship e.t.c.
    3.finally what happened to spiritual n physical preparation? .
    Why are new generation marriages failing? It still baffles me. Dear poster am not blaming you but I feel there are some certain things u didn't do before marrying this dudes,u looked with ur physical eyes and not your spiritual eyes. All I would say is draw close to God, pray, ask him to direct u,cry to him for mercy,he is a God of mercy and he can change and turn any situation around, I have witnessed it. My Sis hubby did worse than your hussy but months and nights of prayer arrested him. Pls read STORMIE OMARTIAN'S power of a praying wife and you would understand what I mean. Wish u d best.

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    Replies
    1. My dear everyone has their faults no matter how much and how long u look with both ur physical and spiritual eyes. In fact no one wld get married if all we see in someone are their faults/bad side. What I think is marriage changes a man more than it changes the woman.
      To the poster,ill advice u to hang out with ur kids. Visit ur fam and friends with ur kids,encourage play dates for ur kids. Your marriage is pretty young to start stressing u out. Maintain ur look and keep a cheerful attitude. Don't develop early wrinkles over this pls...

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  9. #i refuse to be scared of marriage...Amen#. Dear poster, what u need now is to be very prayerful. Ma aunty had a similar experience ( hers was worse cos she dint have kids), bt prayers changed her story and nw she is having the best times of her life. #More grace

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  10. These marriage stories are scaring the s#%^* out of me. Dear poster, i like Mabel's comment, i could have written it myself, please take the advice, draw close to God, ask for direction. Also, make your own life beautiful and with your kids. You are already married now, i dont believe in divorce so apart from seperation, you havent got many options, are you now going to put your life on hold and be miserable because of one man? Make your life beautiful, go out, have fun.

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  11. Find ways to make yourself happy, but let all you do be pleasing in the sight of God. Never relent in prayers for him and your marriage. Tell God and not man all there is to it. Look great. Get your hair done. Visit family and friends. Try to be cheerful, (easier said) but for the sake of your children and so that you don't become a bitter person and unconsciously transfer aggression to them. Keep believing it's only a phase and it will pass one day. May God help you and grant you great joy even in this situation.

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  12. mrs poster..my simple advice, serve him exactly wot he serves you..do exactly wot his doin..I bet you, he will complain the same way you are,then he will have a taste of how it feels, peace will later reign..#love doc..#mrG

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    Replies
    1. Terrible advice. Retaliation will accelerate the crisis and ruin the marriage fast. There are better advice up there.

      Delete
    2. Wow fastest way to ruin a marriage.

      www.pynk360.com

      Delete
  13. Everytime i read all these sad tales of bad marriages, am so happy and grateful that i left my ex hubby, i mean how will someone live the rest of thr life unhappy and praying for smone to change, just how?????, people are strong oo, i just cant biko, Life is too short, who gets married to be alone n turn prayer warrior, i ll rather be single biko, its easy to advice people to pray, try n be happy n all that when u are not wearing the shoes. I ve worn those shoes and it hurts badly, how do i walk a journey of a million miles with tight and painful shoes, just how bikonu????

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Just how? Eh how?

      Delete
  14. When did it al start? Was he like this when you were dating/courting? Who are his friends? How does he see you i.e as housewife, liability etc? Some times the things we complain about later in life have their roots in the foundation of our relationships but we just overlooked, excused or turned a blind eye to them. Its sad when one has to marry and then have to turn to your kids as solace...Pray and try keep your self busy. make yourself veeeeery relevant.....may God help you and restore your home completely in Jesus name....@THELMA thanks a bunch got my shoes....and @EZIUCHE you are such a darling......#JoyDaNuGirl

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  15. Dear poster, sorry for what you are passing through , same thing happens to me but in my case my husband takes me n our son for family outings but other times he prefers hanging alone, until yesterday when u got angry n decided to take my self out n guess what he followed me to the eatery cos he couldn't just imagine me going out alone with our son by 7:30pm. Lol I had fun.
    My advice to you is that you 1st take care of yourself , go out regularly , if you can afford it eat out once in a while, make friends , get busy try something new learn a new vocation , just get busy, it will take your mind from being left alone.
    Pray, poster pray like your life depends on it,(it does in a way) fast pray cos it obvious that your hubby is living a double life , he has side chicks n regularly has flings. Lastly if you know someone he respects let the person talk to him, he will change by Gods grace but it might take a lil bit of time.
    Best wishes.

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  16. All these stories that touch the heart. All of you advising retaliation... Remember that there are always 2 sides to a story.

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  17. Marriage ans it's plenty drama. God help us

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