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Dear Thelma.... (Should I, Should I Not?)

Good morning T, my boyfriend wants me to spend some days in the east with him and his family this Christmas. We have dated for almost one year and he has met my family but he has not proposed yet or anything. I've not met his family before as we don't live in the same town with them so this will be my first time of meeting everyone, except his brother that lives with him. We are both old enough to settle down and I know he is serious about me. But right now we are only just dating and he wants me to spend a week with his family so that they can know me and "get used to me". Is it advisable for me to do this? Please BVs what do you think?

PS: my mum is late and I was not planning on spending xmas with my dad, so I am free to go if I want.


  1. I think u should go. Maybe it might even catalyse the 'putting of the ring' bt one week is kinda much sha.

  2. Go If u really want to? I do Not see any Problem frm where I stand sha!

  3. He wants his family to give the approval. At least thats what it sounds like to me. Personally i wouldn't go because it seems he cant make up his mind himself. And the visit may work against you. Has he declared he wants to marry you?
    In my own mind, this is auditioning in front of his family without you knowing where it is going. Has he ever put you on the phone with say his mother? Is there a way you can go on xmas day and make it a days visit?

  4. I think so too, sounds like an audition to me. Think carefully.

  5. Sweetie, please don't go and spend a week in his village. Not all leads to See Finish Syndrome. they probably want to access if you are good enough for their son/brother. He should be the judge of that. You can visit them without sleeping over. Besides, it's customary to visit and sleep over after he has brought wine, and made his 'intentions' known to you family. If you don't have anywhere to go this xmas, come to my village, i'll give u a good time- im female n married- if they really want to 'know and get "used to you"', they have all their lives to do dat. Ciao!

  6. I ll advise u go, its good to know the people u myt end up with as family. Some families are full of sh** and u can never know this from a distance, its important u spend some days with them so they ll get to know u and u get to know them, nothing is better than marrying into a family where u r loved and accepted and u loving em equally. I made that mistake in my previous marriage, if i had spent just one night with that family before marrying my ex, God knows i wld not even step a toe in, by the time i got to know them, it was already late, so dear poster if its possible to get to know the whole village before stepping in permanently, Please do and dont forget to be urself while u are there, it is better for people to see the real you and love and accept you the way you are from day one. If it doesnt work out just know that it wasnt meant to be, but i believe it ll work out by God's grace. Happy hols in advance.

  7. Anon 9:59am, GOD bless you.

    Dear poster, if a man/woman wants to introduce the spouse to the parents it should be a dinner date, not spending days and weeks with a family you're not married into. It's so wrong. If you go it'll be a case of *me against the world*. Your every step, word, cough, sneeze, table manners, jokes, morals, flaws, dress code, etc will be brutally monitored. At the end of the day you may probably be wondering if they expect their son to bring home an angel. I'm not insinuating that his family might be that bad, but be rest assured that it's usually the ways of a typical African family. Keep your dignity abeg. If you must go, let it be for a day, then leave. Stay blessed.

    1. Na me tell Memphis to comment this one oh! Word bruh.

      Poster that's an audition for a role u desire & u are just an upcoming actress *seeing as he hasn't popped the question yet*

      If he had put a ring on it. Solidifying ur foundation, then I'd say go. But for now, stick to visits biko!
      Families na wahala!

    2. Abeg make una let her go see the Guy's Family oh! I totally agree with ifunaya. She's not there to show pride, As much as it is an audition for them it is likewise an audition for you too! Observe and know them. Wonder if u are married and den u still end up getting to know(cos its inevitable) and its too late. Do it now dat you've got the chance to Say NO or YES.

    3. @ memphis and Ruth i had same opinion before, and everything was settled before i got to know his family, thats when i knew i had entered one chance, even at d early stage i wanted to back out, most people wr like u r not going to live with em n bla bla, but guess what in less than one year, his mum moved in with us and she had major OCD, she doesnt open doors, does not touch tv remote, does not switch off bulbs, does not hug pple, would not let me carry my baby if she is d one carrying him at d moment except i go ve my bath and come back, what was i supposed to do, start dragging d baby with her or what, bone oh, people have major issues and u cant know that from a distance. If the guys family doesnt like her and says thr son should not marry her, its better for her, u ll find a family that ll love and accept you which is what it should be naturally. Please DONT SETTLE..

    4. One more thing Ruthy, its not always about the ring and marriage, its all about Happiness

    5. One more thing Ruthy, its not always about the ring and marriage, its all about Happiness

  8. I go with Uyi and my name sake ify. Well said. Nothing more to add.

  9. What are the sleeping arrangements if u decide to go...?

    1. Lol @ sleeping arrangements. Sounds funny to me.

    2. LOL! This just killed me! Important question! LOL. I remember some years back when...* coughs*

  10. Is it me abi things have completely gone upside down. As a girl friend alone if you stay up to a week in the village with my family it's a minus. Go very early in the morning and leave the same day. Will that guy agree to come to your village and stay one week? Abi what applies to you does not apply to him. Trust me you can't know everything about a family in one week. That is why the igbo's do what is called "Uju ese", which is the best way of finding out about a family. Biko until he declares intention, do not go. What if he finally does not ask for your hand in marriage what will you do with the so called "knowing his family visit". J

  11. Don't.sleep.over. Before they see you finish. That's how my cousin invited his girlfriend that he wanted to marry to the house and wanted the girl to sleep over. My uncle refused, said 'that must be how she goes around sleeping in people's houses. If you were a fiancee already, that would have been another issue entirely

  12. Am with Memphis on this one!

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  14. Please I don't think u should go. Ur not married yet so stop acting like u are. Respect urself as a lady.

  15. I also dnt think you should sleep over...u can just visit and go the same day..

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  17. NAWA OOO! all this commenters advising you not go. if they were in your position they wld jump on the 1st flight. how many of you are married? pls my dear poster GO! it doesnt bite. are u not interested in meeting the family u r going into? u dont have to stay a week, 3 days wld do. get to know them dont cling to ur bf too much, help out but dont slave. just be urself and dont try so hard to impress be friendly. not every guy pops d question 'will u marry me?' some just make u understand their intentions, act it n u guyz start planning towards it. we r not all romantics. ask the married peeps not all of them got d proposal or d ring b4 d wedding day. this guy is already showing signs by askn u to meet his pple. my brother cant just bring some girl he has no future plans with home. what do u really want? do you see urself waking up next to him forever? if YES then GO. theres no hard n fast rule to marraige. what works for A might not work for B. my 2kobo

  18. After being in relationship with him for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is DRAISEDIONSPELLCASTER@GMAIL.COM you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other problem.


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