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Don't Give Up On Me Just Yet. (I'm Interesting, I Promise).






Dear J,
I'm interesting. 

I know you may find this hard to believe but trust me, I'm actually interesting. You're just going to be patient, very patient to see it. 

Its incredibly painful for me to watch the light in your eyes fade, light that's been there for years, the hope and excitement of finally getting a YES from me... I know you must have thought that the moment you finally got that elusive YES it'll be fireworks, there'll be fireworks all around. I watched as the realization hit you, I watched you watch me and think "Is this it? This is a major anticlimax", I watched you nearly lose interest and I watched you hold on still only because; you'd wanted this for so long, maybe you shouldn't throw it away just yet. 

So I'm begging, please hold on a little longer, I'm interesting I promise. 

It's just... I need time, I beg of you to be patient, I just need some time to get used to you, to get used to this, to get used to us...

I need some time to learn not to think, think and overthink about the things I want to say before I say them, and when I'm finally done thinking and I'm about to speak the other person moves on to something else. So I stay, words stuck in my throat, never out my lungs, never into your ears. I stay, like a painting; mute. And I see you wondering if you're willing to spend your future with a fixture... But I'm interesting, I promise. 

I need time to teach me not to worry so much about how you'll perceive what I say, what I do, how I act.

I just need a little more time for you to see that I could be all you need, the laughter, the fireworks, the light in your eyes. 

That's all I ask you for. TIME. Be patient with me, I can be all those things you'd hoped I would be. 


***
Hmmm. The struggle of being both quiet and introverted! Not only do my words latch onto my throat refusing to be spat out, I tend to live inside my head. 
       If only I could paint you a picture of my mind you'd see how interesting I am. But I can't, so just believe these words, I am actually interesting. 

***
Please EXTROVERTED people in relationships (familial, friendship, courtship, marriage etc) with INTROVERTS how do you cope? Introverts in close relationships with the other half, how do you guys make things work?

I worry I may lose J because with each second that passes I watch J lose interest in me. I see the light slowly fade away from J's eyes, I see them almost glaze over and I see J wondering how much longer we'll go on like this, yet the words stay stuck in my throat... All the things I want to say to J, the stories I have, the experiences I've had, the emotions I feel... I just can't seem to get them to come out and J's tired of looking at me like I'm some painting. I'm not a painting! How hard can it possibly be to TALK?

Aaaaargh!


Comments

  1. As a fellow introvert I'll tell you this: honestly you don't have much of a choice but allow the interesting mind be revealed through communication. That's the ONLY option. How else will someone know about the beauty of the mind if the owner of the mind doesn't reveal its beauty? He wouldn't want to resort to guessing games and tolerance in order not to be a laughing stock among family and friends. I've always let whoever it concerns know that I'm an introvert; so introverted I can be all by myself in as long as 2 months, but I really try to go with the flow when around lively people, no matter how hard it obviously is. That way they understand better. Stay blessed T, and all the best with J.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thelma you can write, be writing to him. Just joking, I know what you mean dear, just try to make more effort.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was gonna say the exact same thing - Write! Email,sms,lil notes,love letters,whatever it is,just pen some thoughts on paper. And also,call. Some people are better at talking over the phone than in person...goodluck hun!

      Delete
  3. As a fellow introvert, I'd say u shld always tryna go with d flow. Yours is even better sef coz obviously, u can communicate with pple effectively either by speech or writing. Keep trying.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Phone calls gives you some kinda confidence, you can try that or write him,send texts but also try to open up there's nothing more beautiful than having a really nice conversation with someone you feel u can trust or have a good time with

    ReplyDelete
  5. Since you can't say it, why not just write it like others mentioned. Just write and send before you have second thoughts about not sending it. You write very well and also able to express yourself with writing.

    About coping with an introvert,am yet to met one apart from myself.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes, write as has been suggested. Write even some more. Don't over think some things when they pop in your head...just let go gradually.
    You know you're interesting, so what are you waiting for?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Write. Write.. Write...
    In all my relationships, Sms', emails & hand written letters conveyed my thoughts & feelings like no other thing. And I got my desired/expected reaction from the SO.
    But I'm learning to be less of an introvert, I don't want to be a boring mom tomorrow!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Try long hours of chatting. Like me, I'm good at chatting than speaking over the phone. Maybe long hours of chatting can help you become more expressive. My closest male friend lives in a different country n we've never met before but we talk everyday. Morning, some afternoons n evening. It's been on for a yr n 6 months yet we've never met. I grew to know him n so did he over whatsapp. Would hardly say I miss him if we don't get a chance to chat in a day but he always says it without fear. I was too shy n introverted to let him know I did miss him. Later I graduated. When he says he misses me, my response would be I miss u small. Lol n he'll go ahead n say he misses me more. That's the point we're at now n he understands. Hoping one day I'll boldly be the first to say it. It took a lot of patience from him though so try n make him understand ur personality. It's gonna help

    ReplyDelete
  9. This right here is me, I won't describe myself as shy but if I like someone communication is kind of awkward and I need to get out of my shell. Texts,bbm etc am great at but it can't make up for the physical communication. I think I lost him cos of it,but I was/am working on it...it's well

    ReplyDelete

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