Skip to main content

How To Be a Great Wife (Even When You're Single).


How to Be a Great Wife
It was March 2003 when I uttered, "I want to be a great wife" to a woman I barely knew. She was the owner of the hair salon I frequented and I was the business manager of one of L.A.'s hottest eateries. Every week I'd come into the salon with little time for small talk as I worked on my phone and computer. On this day I had left my laptop and cell phone at the office.

So we talked and talked. I later learned that after I left the salon, she called her only son and told him, "I just met your wife."
After a month of her endless prodding, he called. Four months later he proposed and eight months from our first date I became the wife of the kindest and most brilliant man I've ever known. And it began with me deciding while I was still single that I would be a great wife. There is a widely accepted myth within the African-American community that men are intimidated by confident women. In reality, strong men love independent women who know exactly who they are and who they want to become, and love themselves, flaws and all.

As the founder of the Happy Wives Club, I manage a community with nearly 1 million women in more than 110 countries around the world. Several years ago, with the support of my husband, I packed my bags and traveled the globe. My mission was simple: to find the common denominator of couples who were happily married for 25 years or more.

I visited 12 countries on six continents and interviewed couples of every ethnic background. I shared my journey in The New York Times best-selling book Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage (Thomas Nelson). It was mind-boggling that there were 11 common keys that every one of the hundreds of couples I interviewed—from South Africa, Europe, Asia, Australia, North and South America—claimed were their "secrets" to a happy union. Even more astonishing to me than all their similarities in spite of their vast geographical differences was this: All the happily married women I interviewed were some of the strongest women I've ever met.

Here are the actions I observed of these women from all around the world:

1. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. The happiest women in the world, married or single, are those who know who they are and fully embrace themselves. There are more than 7 billion people in the world. Your spouse forsook all others for you. Don't let her go. Grow together. Blossom alongside each other. But don't become so different your spouse no longer remembers why he chose you.

2. STAY CONNECTED TO GOD. Every happily married couple I've interviewed believes in a higher power. They may not all agree on who God is but they do believe their creator made them to love and respect their spouse. Do not underestimate the importance of this in the happiness of your marriage and in your own life.

3. MAKE THE TIME FOR DAILY CHECKUPS. I have yet to interview a couple who have been happily married for 25-plus years that did not have a daily ritual. In South Africa, one couple had what they called their "daily board meeting." Before dawn each morning, the husband brews two cups of coffee and the wife opens all the windows in their bedroom. They return to bed and watch the city lights turn on while talking about everything on their mind.

An Israeli couple I interviewed have been having port and appetizers together for an hour before dinner for more than 30 years. Your daily checkups allow your spouse to express to you all that's on the mind ensuring that nothing goes unsaid or gets swept under the rug. It's a time to sync schedules for the day to make certain you stay connected. These checkups allow you to become a great wife while building a foundation of trust with your spouse.

4. COMMUNICATE YOUR DESIRES CLEARLY AND SUCCINCTLY. Didn't mama tell you that nagging is just plain silly? Well, she was right. Nagging will never get you anywhere. Neither will yelling. If you want something, inform your spouse calmly, and then figure out together how you can get what you wish.

5. PUT YOUR PARTNER'S NEEDS ABOVE YOUR OWN. The happiest couples in the world each place their spouse's needs and wants ahead of their own. It is the humility in this act that lets your partner know, "You mean the world to me." And in return, they want to give you the world.

6. EMBRACE YOUR LOCAL SOUS CHEF. I am a believer that we, as women, can do anything we want, just maybe not everything at the same time. So if you don't have time to be the chef of the house, then take off the chef's hat and pass it to someone else. Trader Joe's, Sprouts Farmers Market—if they've got great healthy food that's preprepared, rest assured it has made its way to my dinner table. I am the "dial it in, take out" queen. And my family is just as grateful and happy as if I'd made it myself.

7. CHOOSE HAPPINESS DAILY. Happiness is a choice that exists only in the present moment. It is like a perfume that will rub off on your partner each and every day. There is nothing greater than coming home to a happy spouse. With every interview, I watched each couple gaze into each other's eyes and marveled at how the men doted over their wives like they were still high school sweethearts after 25 years.

8. TAKE TIME OUT FOR FRIENDS, FAMILY AND YOURSELF. Marriage is one of the greatest gifts in the universe. But it is not meant to be your entire world. Make sure to continue feeding your soul, and that involves taking care of yourself. Spending time with friends and family, eating healthy and staying in shape are a part of that equation.

9. TOSS OUT THE LINGERIE (IF IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU COMFORTABLE). The sexiest thing you can ever wear is confidence. If lingerie is important to your partner, then take the time to find some you also enjoy.

10. LIGHTEN UP. This is one of the best things about being around a couple happily married for decades. They laugh until their bellies hurt. They can tease and joke with each other without either becoming offended. Neither partner is perfect and they embrace that fully.

11. PURSUE YOUR DREAMS. So many, for whatever reason, believe that in order to have a successful and happy marriage you have to give up a part of yourself. That is absolutely false. As the quote goes. "Marriage is not 50-50; that's divorce. Marriage is 100-100." You need to be a whole and fulfilled person, not in need of anyone but God, in order to truly be a great partner. Because you can't give 100 percent if you are not 100 percent. A happy woman becomes a happy wife.





Source: Essence
Authour Fawn Weaver is a happy wife, best-selling author and creator of Happy Wives Club (happywivesclub.com). 



Comments

  1. Not for the Nigerian man. As far as he is concerned, you have no needs or ambitions. You were put on this earth to bring forth his mini me and be his man Friday. To the would be and the wife; have a life. Don't give up your identity for someone else. Know how to be happy and pamper yourself. Most importantly, don't have more children than you yourself can take care of.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Speak for the men you know, some Nigerian men work harder and support their wives more than you can imagine.

      Delete
    2. Very true @Wale, my husband is simply the best, exactly like you say. @Anonymous when you date you have a feel of what such a person is, that's when you decide not after been married.-------UGOADA

      Delete
  2. Wow! I've learnt something. Thanks :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. This will come in handy when the time to b a wife comes..thanks

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmmm at that number 4, it doesn't work on everyone especially my dad and fortunately for him, my mum doesn't nag nor yell bt for me before I can get anytn from him, we must fight.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I Loved it. Nice read.
    Esp #11

    No one can give what they don't have. To have a Happy home, U as a woman must be happy!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm sorry o..but how does this help you to be a good wife while single? Answer is it doesn't! I also don't like the fact that the title directly addresses the wife. Why not the husband too? Na these kind things dey put the onus of a successful marriage squarely on the woman's shoulder which I personally believe is wrong.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa