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I'm Friends With The Other Woman.




She's not so young, the other woman, not more beautiful than his wife either, she's just.... another woman.
She's my friend, she's older than I am, over 40 I think... And that's why we all said she should get pregnant. At least if there's no hubby she'll have her own kid, "half bread is better than none". And so she did. 

We really weren't thinking of the sperm donor, all we knew at the time was "go get pregnant", what we didn't anticipate was she'll use another woman's husband. Soon enough baby came and today we all rejoice. The baby is beautiful, the baby daddy adores his new baby, the baby daddy has gotten them a new apartment... And we all rejoice for her. 

Today I thought about her for the first time; that other woman. The Mrs, The wife, The mother of his legitimate children. I thought about her, will she ever know, will she ever hear, will she ever find out? She's done no wrong, at least not to my knowledge. The only wrong she did was marrying a man so generous he was willing to share his seed with a woman in need. Her generous husband who has now gotten the other woman her own place and continues to visit her bed. Soon she'll take in again, if all goes according to plan, he doesn't know that's her plan... Soon he'll find out. 

And they egg her on. After all, menopause is looming and in life one must be selfish, sometimes. There were silent nods of understanding. 

This only made me wonder what I'm willing to do if push comes to shove. I claim to be all that's just and good but if my back's against the wall and I find myself in those shoes, would I do what she has done? After all I did not castigate her, no I congratulated her, rejoiced with her, bought the baby clothes and gently rock baby to sleep in my arms... 

I'm friends with the other woman and I find I don't judge her, I don't blame her, I don't hate her. No, I rejoice with her. 

And I'm not sure what this makes me...

Comments

  1. It makes u a friend of a mistress....lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. It makes u an emotionally matured person.

    ReplyDelete
  3. An accomplice to infidelity. You're rejoicing with someone who's ruining a marriage for selfish reasons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls what does "Accomplice to infidelity" mean? Did she hook them up? Did she encourage the married man to get the woman pregnant? (cos I doubt if it was a one-night stand).
      Now that you also know the gist,that equally makes u an accomplice to the accomplice...lol

      Delete
    2. Very intriguing twist. Lol.

      Remember the man who displayed his suicide on Skype? Those who cheered him on were accused of "negligent homicide". Normally we would say "wetin consign agbero with overload?"

      Delete
    3. In this scenario,they encouraged her to go get pregnant. She alone decides the baby daddy shld be a married somebody. I blame the married man and not the woman.

      Delete
    4. Well Sasha, now that T knows that the babydada is a married man, whats stopping her from being honest and telling her friend the truth? Mind you, this is not a stranger, its her FRIEND. I think that makes all the difference. By T being silent, it means she acquiesces. Think about it.

      Delete
    5. And also, on being an accomplice to the accomplice, nahhh you are wrong. Why? Because;
      1. Memphis as T's 'friend', has told her the truth i.e that her 40 year old friend is out of order. He has done his bit.
      2. I dont think we can compare the 'friendship' between T and Memphis to the friendship between T and her 40 year old friend. I am also looking at the closeness of the friendship here. If this lady were a stranger, you think i'll be bothered about T telling her the truth? Nahh. But if you disagree, go back to number 1.

      All i'm saying is T should just be brutally honest with her. In terms of right and wrong and morality and ethics and all that stuff, 40 year old lady's behaviour was/is out of order.

      Delete
  4. have you ever told her what she did was way out of order? I agree with Memphis. Accomplice through and through. I'm still curious though, have you ever said to her "babe look, what you did was bad" ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is a woman in her mid-40s and you think she doesn't know? Of course she does, at this point all that matters to her is that she has offspring before menopause hits. And guess what, I still rejoice with her through and through. I hate that it had to be with someone else's husband, but I love knowing that she will most likely not grow old alone, that she wakes up with a renewed sense of purpose, that she has something to live for, that she is happy. You think she doesn't know what she is/she's doing is wrong? Of course she does, she's just at that point where she's like "f*ck it! I need to get mine."

      Delete
    2. Hmmmm i totally get u hun, BUT what if you telling her as a dear friend, makes all the difference? What if because of you, she starts to see things differently? You never know, you should just do your bit by doing the right thing, would you have anything to lose if you do? Nope. Even if she was in her midsixties, who says you cant be blatantly honest with a friend? I could be doing something wrong for 20 years but one day, the words of just ONE friend could make all the difference and set me on the right path. Its almost like you are watching her self-destruct. As for me personally, i believe there is a verryyyyy special kind of karma for women who knowingly ruin another woman's marriage and thats mainly because i have experienced it firsthand, trust me T, its a very different special kind of curse. It may or may not manifest immediately but it will manifest.

      Delete
  5. If she just got preggy & used him as a sperm donor, i'll cut her a lil slack. But literally dating another woman's hubby & getting pregnant for him, it's Unforgiving Hon.
    Pls talk to ur friend persistently to STOP!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hmm,the other woman. I have no problem with being a single mother,I would only judge her if she has another child for him and/or tries to make herself Mrs #2 (her inch is slowly turning into a mile).
    A child wld always be a blessing whether it's from ur husband or another woman husband.
    In the end,I hope he settles her and not force a drama during his funeral...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah Sasha, do you think it's easy to walk away from a your baby's daddy? I bet u, she's already inlove with this guy and not just planning baby number 2 but 3 and 4. In this things, the string attached is as strong as olumo rock. Single mother ke? In her heart she already wife number 2 jor.

      Delete
    2. Exactly,and we forget that the man is happy and not hiding his head and face in shame...

      Delete
  7. My conscience won't even make me still be her friend.i'd feel am the one ruining another person's home & will have sleepless nights with it.to save myself plenty stress,we can't be tight again, that's just me sha

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thelma, what your friend did is not right. Let's call it what it is. If she really wanted her own child, why choose a married man as sperm donor? Aren't no single mature guys around? I'm with Memphis, FNLP, Ruthylicious and Dee. I hope her child or should I say children since they plan on having more won't claim to his properties when he's gone? I really doubt that. Women! Women!! Women!!! Hian!

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    Replies
    1. Ok,whats the difference btwn using a married man as a sperm donor and using a single guy who wld later get married in future? How many women wish to marry a man who has kid(s) outside wedlock? Wld u prefer ur children to be older/younger than his illegitimate kid(s).

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    2. Erm Sasha hope you know what a sperm donor means? Do a quick google search. It is "principally for the purpose of inseminating a woman who is not his sexual partner". This nigga right right here has CROSSED the line of sperm donor. He has gotten them a new apartment? c''mon mehn, he isnt a sperm donor. Its an affair plain and simple! Lets not sugarcoat here. This is why i have an issue with T not being honest with her darling friend. If she wants sperm donor, let her do it the official way, no strings attached.

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    3. Yep,the lady was calculating. She picked one who cld not only father her child but take care of the child too. I hate to cry over spilled milk and this post is one. So what next? Kill/abandon the baby? Tell the father not to get involved in their lives? Reject financial gains/help from him? Marry her so they become legit? What next?

      Delete
    4. Stop the Sexcapades and let all Go...be happy with your Child, accept financial aides for baby's upkeep and move on with ur life!

      Delete
  9. Hmm this is a dicey one. If you put yourself in her shoes it might be easy to say I understand why she did what she did. But take it from me as one who recently found out her husband had an affair, it's a crippling crushing blow. To now find out there may be a seed from that affair will all but paralyse me. That will be a constant reminder, a scar that will refuse to heal. The poor child didn't ask to be born under those circumstances but the Yorubas say when there is peace in a home, the 'bastard' born there hasn't grown up yet, for lack of a better word. There's damage being done all round as the child will start to wonder why dad isn't around all the time and as he grows older and knows about the 'first' family, will feel resentment towards them. What can I say? Am still dealing with my hurt, trying to rise above one day at a time. OJ

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    Replies
    1. Thankyou. The key word here is "affair". This is clearly not a case of sperm donation.

      And sorry for what you are dealing with O.J

      Delete
  10. Like I said,using a married man as a sperm donor is wrong but it's already done. She wanted a child and now she has one.
    As they say,if u wanna eat a frog,eat the juicy one. Her juicy frog happens to be married. Whether she makes herself #2 or has more kids,the crack is already on the mirror. What advice do u give a woman blinded by a selfish mission?

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  11. You guys shouldn't misunderstand me. I'm not an accomplice, I never asked her to get pregnant by another woman's husband. And when I said she's planning for baby number 2 I saw "They egg her on", "they" not "we" and that's to show that this time I'm not in support. This time I've washed my hands off it. But I still remain thankful for the baby. What she did is wrong, she knows it. But the fear of growing old alone, husbandless and childless was greater than any sense of guilt or morality, and I can empathize with her for this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. T i think you are still missing the point here. but its all good. I guess the 2nd time around, you aren't an accomplice then.

      Delete
    2. There would always be fears, T. But she was very calculated. She had no fear of growing old alone.( if she did, she could have gone to a sperm bank)... She found the guy who could sort out her needs and maybe eventually make her a Mrs.

      If all she wanted was a child, there's no need accepting the guys gifts and still planning for other children. She's a selfish home-breaker, simple! She's scheming T, carefully destroying a home she doesn't know how it was built. Hmmn....... Diaris God sha.

      Delete
    3. And if tables were turned, and this man was your hubby, would this post and your comments still be as they are?

      Let's reflect. Tee

      Delete
    4. Shuoooo. Should I kill her or ask her to throw the baby away? I'm happy for her and that is not going to change. Of course if this happened to me or my loved one I would not be happy, but I was happy for her when I heard she was pregnant (I didn't know the about the baby daddy then) and I rejoiced with her when the baby came (although by this time I'd heard he's a married man). Not going to lie about it.

      Delete
  12. "I still rejoice with her through and through. I hate that it had to be with someone else's husband, but I love knowing that she will most likely not grow old alone, that she wakes up with a renewed sense of purpose, that she has something to live for, that she is happy."
    Thelma, as she's your friend and u just have to 'rejoice' with her, would you 'rejoice' if she did it with your husband? Afterall, u understand the Age, menopause etc. Is a huge factor in her doing wat she's done(doing), would u rejoice?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. That's the killer question, if I may use that word. Would you rejoice if it was your husband or a sibling's or cousin's? Whoever said she wouldn't still find a hubby and be able to have a baby? I read a story somwhere about a woman who wanted a male child because her husband wanted one, she went as far as swapping babies and this same male child turned out to be a real thorn in their lives. The husband died, it was just her taking care of the boy and still the boy never gave her peace for one day.

      I am a firm believer in setting the foundation right. If she walks up to a hospital and the partner knows he is clearly a sperm donor, honesty would be established. She shouldn't continue with this affair, that is what it is. If she wants more children, let her be a second wife to a man who is willing to take a second wife with the consent of the other woman of course and knowing that would be difficult to find...remain focused on your one offspring and don't destroy another's home.

      Delete
    3. haaaa Oyin now I'm scared, did i write the 2nd paragraph or you did? geeezz you are really my twinniee.....:p

      Honestly, your 2nd paragraph just echoes all i have said. *sigh*

      Delete
  13. I just like the question Thelma, will you still be supportive if it were to be your husband or sister's husband? Lets call a spade a spade, she should have gotten pregnant for a single guy or go to the hospital and ask for a sperm donor, they do it everywhere, she just has a hidden agenda she's not telling you. Better wash your hands off it, tell her the truth, she's getting it all wrong!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Whatever happened to adoption or visiting a fertility clinic? These options are available so we won't have to hear stories of using married man as sperm donor "sexically" (that's not a word, I know). And Sasha Bone, the difference between using a married man and a single guy as sperm donor is in mode of application; donation clinically is same but engaging 'sexically" (that word again, I know) is way different. If you're in doubt, volunteer your boyfriend for baby no 2 and then marry and volunteer your husband for baby number whatever, then tell me how exactly you felt both times..... And note, I am not saying the man is blameless, he is in the same f*#ked up mess as the woman only she is more dirty due to her conniving. Thelma, you are not absolved too until you tell her she's doing wrong. Even if she doesn't take your word for it, posterity will judge you clean of sin of accomplice. #DropsMic

    ReplyDelete
  15. The deed is done but I can never be close to this kind of person, not because I am better but to reduce the complications in my life.
    The woman must be evil to be plotting for child 2 and the man must be insane to be destroying his life without realizing it.
    What is wrong with growing old alone? Doesn't the woman have siblings or relatives she could grow old with? I think people are just plain lazy and wicked in their thoughts and actions.
    What is wrong with the married man? Why didn't he divorce his wife if things were that bad? Why subject the wife to ridicule?
    Too many questions in my head but this is just so wrong. Thelma should counsel her friend to stop her plan.

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  16. Thelma, your friend is WRONG and evil minded and calculating. The mumu man is setting his future on FIRE! Mtchewwww. Thinking about this is ANNOYING!

    ReplyDelete
  17. dunno y this post gets me like this.....gawsh. Wale's first line is exactly how i feel, not because i am better BUT i cant even be close to that kinda person, i mean, these are the sorta ppl i cut outta my life on a daily basis....too much drama. she is having an affair with a married man, having his baby (babies maybe soon) too, making him give her an apartment and feeling all comfy about it because she is approaching menopause? etc oh pls spare me, like seriously spare me! Nothing even wrong in using a married man as sperm donor but pls let it be done the right way, the real sperm donation kinda way!

    okay so i am calm now and i have said all i have to say on this matter.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thelma don't misunderstand the comments. We all know that the deed has been done, but this is the reason for most of the comments:

    "...if push comes to shove...would I do what she has done?...I'm friends with the other woman and I find I don't judge her, I DON'T BLAME HER, I don't hate her. No, I REJOICE WITH HER. And I'm not sure what this makes me..."

    If push comes to shove I'm most certain you wouldn't walk that path, that's the path of a home breaker and it's so unnecessary.
    And then you shouldn't judge her but it's appropriate to blame her for her obvious scheme, since other viable options exist without hassles.
    The rejoicing part is most confusing because she'll feel exonerated by your constant "happy for her situation" stance. Since you don't blame her, where else will she find penitence?

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    Replies
    1. Ok I now understand. Although I do not approve of the donor I'm thankful for the new life and that's why I rejoice. I thought I made it clear enough that I'm not in approval, the very reason I made this a post should show it, it's already suggestive of my disapproval, YET when I saw the little one I felt only one emotion; joy. Thus "I rejoice with her". Dunno how else to explain myself biko.

      Delete
  19. Blame the married man and not the single lady. Who died and made him comforter of single women? Some men just piss me off. If we had favorable laws,the man wld be paying alimony and child support thru his nose (since he clearly has enuf to share)

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    Replies
    1. I think the man is alrready taking responsiblity so dat law doesn't hold anything on this man and d situation at hand.

      Delete
    2. Yh,i was referring to his wife...

      Delete
  20. I don't know what the arguments are all about. They were having sex and she decided to benefit from it and she's planning on benefitting on it again. Did she force the guy to sleep with her?
    You guys want her to leave him - she doesn't have to pay him, she knows his physical and behavioural attributes, she knows his blood group and drepanocytosis status, she probably knows his medical history and that of his family? Why should she not capitalise on that?
    She should continue having sex with him, then leave him and go to a clinic and spend tons of money then probably end up not getting pregnant. Or she finally gets a child and he's afflicted with some terrible physical deformation/complications or whatsoever.
    Please, a bird in hand is worth millions in the bush.
    The problem with you people is that no one is condemning the sexual relationship but rather the fact that she's got a child out it. How does that sound?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you think dat the we have a problem With having a child.
      We are actually condemning the 'continual' Sexual relationship, well I should speak for myself sha!

      Delete
    2. Hmm,I think the issues here are
      1) she chose a married man
      2) she had sex with him as opposed having artificial insemination
      3) she's turning this into a full blown affair

      Delete
    3. 1) She chose a married man and he chose her. It takes two to tango. And does the fact that the man is married change anything at all? Will you feel better if it the guy was single?
      2)Why should she have artificial insemination when she already has a man she's sleeping with (and without protection)
      3) Wasn't it an affair before? Is it only now it became an affair?
      My people say that a goat will only eat grass where it is tied. I don talk my own

      Delete
    4. From the ridiculous and preposterous points u arre laying down lady Eni, it seems u can only be the lady in question or you are also passing through the same thing.
      Even a serialkiller has got 'reasonable' 'reasons' why he does wat he does but that doesn't make him right. So don't try to justify a wrongdoing.
      I don talk my own

      Delete
    5. Lol...
      4) we are drinking panadol over another woman's headache!!!

      Delete
    6. Sasha bone, I officially like you. You & I can definitely get along.

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    7. Sasha bone, I officially like you. You & I can definitely get along.

      Delete
    8. Smh. Mistresses United @ lady Eni and Sasha

      Delete
    9. Lol@ Anon 9:27, then u must be a married man who screws around...

      @Lady Eni,hope to see more comments from u on this blog!

      Delete

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