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Should I go? ...Should I Stay?

Hey! So yesterday was hectic, work, work and even more work! And at each minute just when I'd think I can slip a post in something else comes up *Pheeew*! I'm sorry for the absence, did you miss me? Yeah, I most definitely missed you.

So.... Ok, I didn't gist you guys about who I met at the airport on Wednesday evening. I didn't gist y'all because (moment of truth) some of those situations/persons that are very very important or instrumental to me/my life, I don't discuss them on the blog. Yeah, as open as I tend to be some things are best kept secret lest they become jinxed, moreover not everyone who smiles and acts all sugary sweet has good intentions, so...

But I think it's safe to talk about him now. So this dude, hmmmm. Let's just say he's "special". He isn't Nigerian, lives in the UAE and works in that sector that some Nigerians wet their pants for. So, as per delayed flights and all we got talking and it was a very very lively chat, so much so that we just had to exchange contacts before he boarded his Abuja bound plane, and we've been texting and talking ever since. His team and him were to come to Lagos this evening but he just called to say plans have changed and asked if I can come to Abuja for the weekend. 

I let him know that I wasn't too keen on that plan and he said it's just to talk some more. I'm like... Ok. So here's what I'm wondering (and no I definitely wouldn't ask him directly) 
-Will a guy pay for a lady's flight tickets to come and spend a couple of days with him and not expect sex?
-Considering the reputation/profession of some Nigerian girls in his country, dies he imagine me to be just another aristo babe?
-Should I insist on him getting me my own room (I intend to IF I go) and is he likely to oblige?
-When he says he just wants to talk some more does he mean this literally, meaning that he's being sincere, or is that a euphemism for "I wanna shag"?
-in my shoes, would you go? Reasons please?

And oh... Please what's wrong some of these butterflyish girls that work in PR in some outfits? Aaaargh! The entire river Niger cannot quench their thirst mehn. *to be continued* jare. 

Sleep beckons...


  1. You should go. Is there a friend u can stay with? He can cover your airfare and you can meet up on ur own terms. That way you aren't trapped in a bad situation should it end up that way. Meet in public places, hotel lobby etc.

    life is for the living.

  2. Well, most of the answers to your arising questions depends on the guy and the impression he has of you, thus no 'cut in stone' answers.
    If you are still keen on remaining celibate, I'd advise you trash out room occupancy before leaving. It is easier to abstain from sex when you have your personal room than otherwise.
    Often times, 'just wanting to talk' from an average guy is said in expectation of some form of compensation later. The relevant question here is - do you consider him the average guy or the exception?
    Last, if I were a lady, I'd probably be in Abuja now. I like meeting people, thus I rarely pass on cognate opportunities when they arise. My extrovertish nature has also taught me that some people aren't needful to me so I'd advice a good sense of discretion and also, enjoy the moment.

  3. Ok so I don't comment but I just tot I shld on this. If he's paying for your flight to come visit as friends just like you said you can make arrangements to stay in an inexpensive hotel let's say 5k, 12 etc depending on ur purse and then you guys can hang out somewhere when you ve rested from your journey. Taxis here are pretty cheap and you rarely meet traffic in town. Would be nice to meet u doh if I was free. Between your blog is like a daily medicine hehe!!😆

  4. Its a simple answer T, please DO NOT GO. I got a little bit confused when i read the post though, because you said some people are very instrumental to your life and that he is special but then towards the end, i also got the impression that wednesday night was the first time you met him so just clarify for me please because my answer is based on the fact that y'all met for the first time only day before yesterday.

    If thats the case, dont travel to abuja just to 'talk'. Dont make yourself one of 'those' girls. If he wants to talk some more then he should come down to your city where you live, Lagos.

    would be a different case if you were paying for your ticket and had something doing in abuja and then yall were going to meet up or something. Otherwise, its a bit tacky. If he wants to talk so bad, let him come down to Lagos then maybe later on if all goes well and you guys get closeR, then you can start doing the whole abuja p.

    1. I totally agree with FNLP
      I also got the impression that you only met him on Wednesday. In that case it is too early to be making such trips,you can explain to him that you wont be able to make it and keep the communication.

      I know this doesn't have anything to do with your question, but just to have an idea, I would like you to think about what exactly you would want to gain from this new relationship/friendship...Do you see him as a potential business partner ,a long lasting friend , mentor, or a potential SO?
      Whatever it is just make sure you always start off right, so don't start sending signals that can form wrong perceptions.

    2. A million and one likes to your comments fnlp. It also gives the impression that you are idle. Dont even dare make that trip. Bises!

    3. Was abt writing same as FLNP, but she's got it spot on. If he truly wants to talk more, he shud get on a flight to lagos wen he's done with his abuja bizness.
      If he's got good intentions he wud do dat, I'm sure you can take care of him here in lagos, dis is your town...

      And just by the side, Today happens to be my B'day. I Thank God for Good Health thus far

    4. FNLP.. No ooooo, he's not instrumental or important yet, I was speaking generally (so say for instance I meet someone I sense will play a big part in my life, there are certain times you can tell almost immediately, I keep it to myself in order not to jinx it, you dig? As regards the guy, I thought he might be one of those so I didn't talk about him before, but after asking me to come over I decided I might have been wrong after all. Thus, I don't mind discussing him on the blog). And by special I meant different as in, I've not met someone of his ilk before, not that he's special to me, there's a reason I put the word in quote. I should have been clearer but at almost 2am there's a limit to my brain power, I think...

    5. Very good comments from fnlp.

    6. Okay I get you now. then definitely don't go.

      thanks guys.

      oh and HAPPPYYYYY BIRTHDAY Uyi!!!! I know you and you know me but you don't know its you have a fab day.

    7. I agree with this thread,u shouldn't go.its too early for such trips.more talk can be said via phone for now & if really he insists.he should come to ur town after his business.

    8. Happy Birthday Uyi!Wish u many more great yrz ahead in good health. Have plenty fun..



    10. I wouldnt go if It was me, reason being I don't know you like that, why on earth would I hop in a plane just to talk to you? There are phones and tablets with numerous platforms to keep communication going. Thats just me though. I have done this all my life and it has saved me from so many things I cant even begin to count.

  5. I agree with fnlp on this one, u guys can talk more on the phone, travelling to visit someone means a lot and should not be considered till u two ve defined your relationship, there is nothing you ll talk about that you cant share on the phone for now. The definition of your relationship ll determine if he is worth travelling for and the terms and conditions attached therein. And to ur question, if i were you i will not go, lets define our rship and let him be the first to visit.

  6. I'll go, even if he is thinking one kind, u can proof him wrong, life is too short abeg, stay with a friend and then hang out with him when u can. If it doesn't work out at least u made an effort.

  7. Four go, three don't go... I'll balance it out to 4-4 just so its fair and maybe to confuse you a lil.lols.
    Ok on a more serious note T don't go phone conversations should be ok for now till he finds the time to come see you except you know him well enough to trust him. Please I need you alive they don't write serial anything bad on the face so its up to us to be wise and smart.

  8. I agree with flnp,she has said it all,I would just add this bits by saying if he wants to see you and talk like he claims, he should come down to meet u,he wants you so therefore he should give u the chase. Plsss NNE don't go so u would not appear cheap or like every other girl and BTW T,you have been ignoring my mails,did I offend you nii?just wondering shaaa.

  9. greatest saddist ever liveth:)7:02 am, December 12, 2014

    Abeggy , toto don dey water you already, I have known you, since you popped that cherry na so so reason you dey find to take fuck. I sure say ur body count don reach 30, and at 28 personally i think ur a heaux.

    SO if u wan fuck, then by all means get on that plane, but if u no want, then siddon ur house for lasgidi. The guy just subliminally asked if u would like to fuck him, and honestly speaking, if you have already done it or seen it happening in your mind and dreams, just go and fuck and don't wait for him to go the whole nine toasting yards. who knows? you might be on his bed now sef waiting for round two, you might have already done the deed and just asking us so you will use our answers to make urself feel better or worse, maybe for your conscience sake, My dear you have already thought it, then just go. But on his first thrust of his dick into ur poonani, just know ur a THOT "That heaux over there" am out.

    1. Yh, and stay out. Sex isn't the greatest sin on earth ok. Keep calm and enjoy the harmattan!

    2. Said like the saddist dt u are. Why shouldn't we expect smthg like this 4rm d greatest saddist ever liveth? U Really need some sugar in ur life!

    3. LOL. I'm actually 29 going on 30, and hey you're welcome to Thelma Thinks!

    4. omg....T now is the time for you to trace the IP address of this loser,....what tha hell? Some people live very sad lives.

    5. Your name says it all,,,,,Get well soon!

    6. greatest saddist ever liveth:)11:18 am, December 12, 2014

      lol. hahahah. getting just the replies and reactions i needed. that post was actually a human behavioral project. Like to understand the human response to certain situations and use it to judge guilty from innocent. although the reply here that actually matters is Thelma's.Thanks y"all :)

      N.B - Y'all try to think bigger than situations as they actually appear.

      and IMO she shouldnt go. would make her appear cheap, even though she might not be, better still who am I to judge who is cheap and who is not? and by what standards? what about a woman that just wants a fling? is she cheap too? i think it would be the man appearing cheap in that situation, or oh well, my crazy head thinking again.

    7. Funny. All of sudden you're trying to be diplomatic. Yet your first comment is vile and hateful and already damages everyone's impression about you. Even if you personally know/knew Thelma, what's the purpose of spewing such hateful comment? What's the purpose of portraying yourself as a sadist? And even if she's who you claim she is, a friendly advice from you won't hurt, would it? Anyhoo...

    8. Memphis nobody who knows me personally would talk to/about me this way though, so the commenter is allowed; human behavioral projects and all. Hehe.

  10. One thing women need 2 know abt relationships is dt Men need to be challenged. Men are aggressive by nature, and once we devour our prey, we’re off on the next hunt (mostly). This means that once a man feels he has you effectively under control, he will move on to the next prey that presents a greater challenge. As a rule, you should be elusive enough to keep the hunter hunting and accessible enough for him not to quit. IMHO, if u only met him on wed, and u are going 2 Abuja by weekend 2 see him, could send d wrong info save it's a biz relationship..

    Also, u should always be careful abt men dt'd meet u on wed, and organise an all expense paid trip 4 U 2 see him in Abj by weekend considering d reputation of most Nija girls in his country and also in Naija here.

    #All the best

  11. Don't go. Methinks its early days. But then again I am a tad bit conservative and sometimes it seems like am from a different generation. OJ

  12. Go vrs Don't Go. I guess everyone has said it all. Nothing else for me to add...

  13. First of all, before my answers, remember that this is the festive season and elections are 2 months away. I'll STRONGLY suggest that any meeting with strangers MUST be done in public places.

    - It depends on his intentions. Either he wants to take something from you or start a professional partnership.

    -It must be clear from the onset of your meeting (if you finally decide to go) that you're in for a platonic relationship.

    -It's not polite/professional. Just let him know you're coming, and if he offers to make reservations tell him straight away that you've already done that.

    -It means he likes you. You decipher the rest :-)

    -If you were my sis, I'll become a monitoring spirit.

    1. Let me also add that if he wants you to meet him it means he's got the impression that you have more time to spare than he does. His 10hours to 2 days equals your 3days to 1 week. Stay blessed T

    2. 10hrs to 2days = 3days to 1week?
      Is there a mathematical calculation to this?????

    3. Integration of complex numbers 10xi and 2yi

    4. Lol...I see!

  14. I go with FNLP.

    Happy birthday Uyi. I hope you have a perfect day like mine yesterday...and I hope protocols are broken for your sake. God bless you and keep you. Have a great day.

    1. Thank You dear! I'm grateful.....and God bless you too!

  15. Dear Thelma,

    Please don't go. Its too early. You guys can talk for hours on the phone and text each other every other minute if you like and that should be enough for now. If he wants to see you that badly, he should find a way to show up in Lagos if not, he should be content with phone calls and text messages or even skype.

  16. well, T... i think you can go if you have TIME to spare n REALLY want t go. you are an adult d guy cant rape u in a public. he might not be able to make it to lagos depending on his work schedule, yes! even if its a weekend. some jobs are like that. this guy cld mean no harm. let him take care of the flight then stay at a friends place if you have one or even hotel sef ALONE money aint the guyz problem. he probably saw you as a fascinating young lady and want just friendship no benefits attached DEPENDING on how your conversation went on wednesday. not all men are dogs though some guys are sleek pretenders. i might not make such trip cos am a recluse, i work for some1 thus dont have such luxury of time n for the sake of my alter bound r/ship. life is short to not have fun, make new friends, meet pple n live life. whatever happened to "oh well instead of what if"

  17. Please dont go.....@saddist,we dont need ur sad life in our home.just get lost Or go and die*in oshos voice*

  18. It's like the romantics are the ones urging u to go. Sha don't let me look for u this weekend.
    Happy Bday Uyi...hope u have fun.
    I heard Boris (my ultimate crush) is in town! So near yet so far... *sighs*

  19. I go with the nays on this one T. If it means all that to him, then 'He' should make the trip! Flnp and Memphis already did justice to the my own reservations so no need to repeat it.
    Happy birthday Uyi! Have fun and God bless you!



    1. Thanks dear.... Can't wait to celebrate you as well.

  21. With just one meeting? Umm. Its a no no for me! I tink u shudn't go atleast nt yet.

  22. Thanks for accepting not to go, T ;P, for safety of body and mind.

    1. Hia Kene! Where did I say that I've made a decision?

  23. T, i'd advise you go.Woke up to hear abt the death of a very good friend of myn.

    1. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm presently experiencing what it feels like to have a loved one suddenly leave you, and I can tell you it's not easy at all. Take heart dearie. May your friend's soul rest in peace.

  24. It depends on the importance of what you both have been discussing and if there's a need for meeting physically soon. If not, Wednesday seems too close to have to travel just to see him.

  25. I think you know the right thing to do. What was your conversation with him like, was it a stimulating one and do you think there is a possibility of something positive. There is no straight answer to your question just prayerfully follow your heart and take precautions if you will go. Fayo

  26. It kinda is too early for him to ask u to travel n see him ,but then again you can go to abj,stay with a friend n meet somewhere open to talk since that's what he said he wants you guys to do

  27. Hi Thelma,
    In my opinion, I'd say don't go just yet. If you really want to see him so soon, you could perhaps mention that you will be in Abj in a few weeks ("previously planned, and for another reason") and would be happy to see him at that time. Make plans for your own accommodation. See him on your own terms, not his.


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