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This Institution Called Marriage...

Marriage is just so hard!!! God, if I had a chance, i wont even go into that institution!! This weekend, the wife gave me so much hell for something that was her fault. locked all the doors and hid the keys, stopping me from going out to avoid the trouble. Woman rough handled me, jacked, pushed and climbed all over me and I couldn’t do anything. even if I try to carry her off me, her hands where I gripped will be bruised. and she locked all the doors, I couldn’t even run outside to avoid her blows. I was so miserable, divorce was just on my mind all weekend cos this not the first time. And the shame of it, is that even though its her fault, she will insist I apologize to her, which I do regardless, if not, I might not even go to work that week. Yet I hear people say, walk away when a woman is violent. How will I walk away when all the doors were locked. And she does this because she was sure I wont touch her back.
She is really taking advantage of my seeming meekness and nice attitude. Sometimes I try to be the bad guy, but just do not have the heart for hanging out after work and come home drunk, I find myself driving home straight from work with trepidation . I am so tired, been hoping she gets this admission for her PHD in the UK instead of uniLag, cos that will give me at least 3 years of space!!!!
Marriage just equals depression I swear!!!!


I just saw this comment on Bella Naija and my heart literally broke for this guy. I'm posting this because it reminds me so much of a couple we know, and my friend keeps asking God why He gives these "crazy" women the great husbands, while he gives the deserving ones (like my friend) "useless" husbands (in her own words).  I've heard a number of men say things like this, and I've also observed that husbands with wives like these are the good and gentle ones, the ones who just want a happy wife and a happy home. Ironic right? 

But this isn't about troublesome wives, the comment just got me thinking yet again. One of our very active blog readers sent me a mail several weeks back admitting to me that she stopped reading the blog because there were too many posts on marriage. While I apologized for that and made a deliberate effort to cut down on those, I just find that this topic intrigues me and until I can make sense of things, It's likely that this is something I'll keep talking about...


  1. A man believes a pitbul makes for a good security dog until it turns on them. I wldnt be surprised if it's this "aggressive" nature in her that he found attractive in the beginning but has now come to bite him in the butt.

    1. Sasha, hug you for that. I used to feel sorry for such men. They know what they got into. And such men never leave the woman. Just be running his mouth. Look at his dating history, at some point he dated wife material. But she was too boring. Feisty chic will keep things spicy. He marries her. Then finds out it's pepper soup every day. Now he complains. Why can't he leave? That's when he'll tell you he doesn't want to disappoint granny. Who tells a blind man it's raining? In fact this is the type of woman that idiot sponger brother of mine should marry. She will teach him sense. Yes, I'm ranting.

  2. It's true, the virtuous women get lousy men. The lousy women get virtuous men. God why?

  3. Nice one.
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  4. Each marriage to its own jare. ..

  5. Truth is most people saw d signs while dating but chose to ignore it or hope the person ll change and by the time they realise they cant take it anymore, they are already in and not many ve the courage to walk away from the situation. I think people should focus on what they dont want in a relationship rather than what they want, cos focusing on what we want usually blinds us from seeing the bad signs. Finally i ll say the Angel we dont know is better than the devil we know, no one should know the devil and stick to him/her. We should not be afraid of starting new relationships irrespective of the number of years we ve put in an existing one, we may see it as wasted years, but an unhappy forever is a whole lot worse, Marriage is not the price, Happiness is!!!

  6. Hmmmmmm. Am scared again, after yesterday's post,Thelma biko don't u want me to get married with all these post?am hell scared.

    1. Don't be scared my dear, marriage is so beautiful

  7. I feel so sorry for the man. The best thing for such a wife is separation. This is abuse.

  8. Ngwanu!!! Ozuele!!!!
    The Plan is this,
    I'm gonna have a baby at 30 with an Australian Sperm donor. At 32, another baby with a Canadian Sperm donor. I hope it's a boy & girl.
    Let me just kuku rest. I don taya. Only 2 out of the 50 something marriages around me are HAPPY. I mean, Mom,Dad,Kids are REALY HAPPY. Half my friends & cousins got divorced less than 2years after I suffer buy Asoebi take dance at their weddings! The rest na suffering & smiling.

    What is Their problem sef? Kai.
    I no marry again jaree. E do!!! *very angry face*

    1. Lol, Ruthy, I think I like your plan......

      Ama consider it

    2. Ruthy half of ur friends ke?! Ah change ur friends o. I do not have any divorced friends and most of my friends are married. Don't let negative experiences influence u

    3. Hmmm. Ruthy and co. looking for sperm donors, you people are grooving. Get pregnant while donor can go to blazes. What say I and sons of Adam who want Australian and Canadian egg donors? Is that even possible?

  9. These horrible marriage stories worry me and I mean it.

  10. Ruth ifahear! U must marry that bobo ooo *winks*

  11. yup its official, i'm not getting married! Thanks for this post T, it just put things in perspective for me.

    Whatever the case though, i must have that baby at 30. Like Ruthy. Lol. Already found the potential babydaddy, he's hella cute too....

  12. Marriage is sweet for some. Difficult for others. It's what you make of it.

    We simply place too much value on superficial things and ignore the main ingredients that should make us happy.

    Ruth you will find the right person, in the mean time. Live your life, do the things you love. The right man will find you.

    Same for others. Clare

  13. This is sad...I dnt knw anything about marriage thou

  14. Okkk people. In the midst of all the bad stories I feel obliged to share this. I don't know if it's a blessing but i'v seen a fair share of beautiful marriage. My parents for one, my friends over the years say great things about my parents and the inspiration they had in their marriages.My very good friend, Chioma's parents still remind me of secondary school love. I have lots os stories but i'm afraid my comment will disappear. My sister's husband treat her like egg and my sister in turn treats him like a baby, literally. I'v had a really blissful married life myself. I read what people go through in their marriage and it blows my mind. We quarrel like all couple do but we dnt let it go on for more than 24hours. Till date whn my husband and I fight he wakes up like 5am to settle the matter. My best friend has a good marriage with her husband. I have so many stories but I have to step out to watch a movie with hubby. Will finish this later. J

    1. Please write more about the positivity, ppl need to hear it.

  15. God bless you J. Please keep it coming. I know within me there are GOOD & BEAUTIFUL marriages; only that the BAD ones have overshadowed them.

  16. There will always be happy and sad marriages. Determine which you want yours to be and work towards it. One thing I have learnt is you can never know what really happens in anyone's marriage. So I don't compare. I know I can't have a broken home and so I work towards a happy and fulfilling marriage with my actions, thoughts and words.

    I know so many people wear masks and you think all's well until they spill. Be your own yardstick and surpass all your positive expectations. Whatever you do, make sure that your spouse feels blessed to have you as his/hers.


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