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What Should I Know About Marrying a Divorcee?




So I met someone recently and just as we were hitting it off he admitted to having a teenage child from a previous marriage. I've never been adverse to divorcees but for certain personal reasons I've always thought I'd pass up on proposals I'd get from one. Yet I gave it some serious thought recently and I realized that if I should meet someone who checks most of my DH boxes I'll go for it, even if he's been married before. 


Not long after this honest internal monologue, I had a conversation with a blog reader on the same issue. Her boo is in his late thirties, a father of two kids and has been married. She says she's certain the divorce is final, he has shown her the papers and everything. However she still has her reservations so we decided to post this and hear from others, especially those who have been in this situation. 

We found ourselves asking questions like:

-Are there any advantages in marrying someone who's never been married before over marrying a divorcee, and vice versa?
-Is there any stigma attached to marrying a divorcee?
-What challenges is a person marrying/married to a divorcee likely to face? (Emotional baggage, constant comparisons, insecurity, lack of attention etc)
-And generally what advice would you give to someone getting married to a divorcee, what can they expect?


One more thing I'd like to know is the attitude of parents when a daughter brings home a suitor and he has once been married. Has anyone been in this situation before? Were your parents indifferent and accepting, or was the divorce a deal breaker?

This is one topic I know little or nothing about and I'm curious to hear what you have to say. 



Ps: the title of this post is (admittedly) click-bait. I'm neither currently dating or considering getting married to a particular divorcee. 

Comments

  1. I'll just speak from the woman angle. Divorced men find it easier re-marrying than divorced women. There's more stigma attached to a divorced woman than man. It takes a man who can stand his ground to marry a divorced woman (with kid{s}) in Nig society.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What you should know first of all is to ensure that he is properly divorced, this is a mistake many people make. And investigation is very important, finding out the cause of the divorce is very crucial to your own marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It depends on the two people involved and the issues that happened in their past marriage(s) but most times divorcees relate with their new partners based on their past experiences which in most cases could be detrimental to d new relationship/marriage. U meet some singles guys and they turn out 2 be d devil himself and then meet a divocees who is loving, responsible,adores u, dedicated and respects u more than any single guy would ppprobably bcoz of d experiences he has garnered 4rm previous marriage.. So it really boils down to the individual involved.

    U also need 2 make enquiry in2 their last marriage, what actually went wrong (4 ur own good) and also if u are d type dt works strictly with d bible passage that says once u r married u cannot divorce on any grounds cept 4 infidelity,(adultery).
    U should also be ready 2 take and love any kids gotten 4rm their previous marriages as ur's, coz love is all about tolerating each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U said most of my thoughts so i'll leave it at that...

      Delete
  4. You know that passage in the bible that says if you marry a divorced person you are committing adultery with the said person? This is my personal reason why I would not be consider a divorcee. For anyone giving it a thought, make sure the divorce is finalized and find out the root cause of the the divorce. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with u on the biblical injunction.

      Delete
  5. Hmmmm, ok first of all marriage is particularly no different from committed relationships, if u say the person ll constantly compare the new marriage to d old one, its only normal cos we act out in life based on experiences, be it marriage or relationships. Truth is wat we experienced in any failed relationship is a lesson and we should not let that repeat itself. On the issue of marrying a divorcee, most loved ones are not very acceptive of it, but it should not be the first thing u present to your family cos it only sets off a negative alarm, allow them to get to know him/her, experience the good sides and inner beauty of the person so that if they eventually hear about the divorce, they wont be quick to judge the person. Am speaking based on personal experience though.

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  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    Replies
    1. Sorry for the KABUOY thingy Lol but really need advice. I had to go anonymous.

      Delete
  7. 1.If there is any advantage marrying a divorcee? Yes to an extent. Being that he/she now has an experience of what being married is like and how to handle certain situations when it arises.( This is subject to the individual because some people never learn).

    2.Well I don't know about stigma or no stigma. As long as one is ok with it,then people's opinion don't count. Some families don't care as long as you take of and cater for their daughter/son very well.

    3.Likely challenges includes but not limited to: ex-spouse interference,kids dislike for you,family members who likes the ex-spouse frustrating you,spouse comparing you with ex,conflicting ideas on how to raise the kids(you might be reminded you are not the parent when this issue arises).

    4.My advice to anybody marrying a divorcee:
    a) Know the reason behind the divorce. If you can handle it then by all means go ahead but if not, leave him/her for someone who can.
    b) Have lots of patience,you will need it when external interference and other issues especially relating to the child(ren) comes up.
    c) Be prepared for anything and know how you would handle them in a matured manner.
    d) Take a cue from why the first marriage ended and see if you could avoid making the same mistakes in yours.

    -HerRoyalSweetness.

    ReplyDelete

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