Thursday, 31 July 2014
"It's not the same, this is diffferent"
"What's different". She was shaking uncontrollably.
"I love her, Uju. This is not a fling. This is real love."
She stared at him in the eyes. It was almost impossible to recognise this person.
"What are you saying", she collapsed on the bed. "Do you understand anything you are saying at all".
"Uju, you have to calm down. Let's make a plan. Telling you this hurts real bad already. Please don't make this any harder".
The temperature of the room climbed. She felt as though she was freezing. She wanted him to stop talking. If only everything could pause, and be still, and not move.
"What should I do"
"I will take care of you, I will give you money, you can have the house. Please let me follow my heart". He said.
"Ifeanyi, you want to throw away all these. You want to give up ten years for a fling, for lust".
"It's not lust", he retorted.
"It's lust" she screamed "it's lust, it's obsession. You don't love her. She is twenty three, would you love her when she is old, without firm breasts and glowing skin. Would you love her after three kids. Would you love her when there is no good sex".
People say what we're named has a lot with how things turn out in out lives, some say our names affect and influence our destinies. It's apparent in the amount of time and thought that's put into naming a child that most people belong to this school of thought.
However these days people are more concerned with cool sounding names that have little or no meanings. In the Western world celebrities name their children after inanimate objects like Blanket (Micheal Jackson) and Apple (Gwyneth Palthrow). Kimye named theirs North, Diddy's got a daughter he named Delilah. Recently a Nollywood actor named his twin children Hollywood and Nollywood.
Wednesday, 30 July 2014
This is quite sensitive so if you've got delicate sensibilities you might want to skip this post. These are stories of people born out of incest, rape or both.
My friend and I read this article together and for some reason he asked me to ask you guys:
If a few weeks to your wedding you find out that your spouse-to-be is a product of (brother-sister) incest will you still go ahead with the marriage?
If a few weeks to your wedding you find out that your spouse-to-be is a product of (brother-sister) incest will you still go ahead with the marriage?
6 People Spill.
1. Incest. Okay, so my real parents are my mom and her twin brother.
No, I’m not Joffrey. (Game of Thrones)
I found out when I was 15. It was night time and I came down a staircase to get a glass of water. My mom was laying on the sofa, she had been drinking earlier. She doesn’t usually get drunk, she likes to drink wine, but never really enough to get drunk, but this time she was really drunk. I passed her on the way to the kitchen and she just spoke up and said that she was glad I wasn’t her husband’s child. I asked her wtf was she talking about when she told me that her brother was the father of me and my siblings. She stated it was the reason why we were so perfect.
I haven’t confronted my mom or her brother about it. My mom either pretends she never told me, or she was too drunk to remember.
I’m 100% sure it was consensual incest, not rape. My mom talks to her brother a lot, and she always visits him. My dad is always away, so sometimes my mom will bring us to her brother’s house and we’ll sleep over. Me and my siblings even have our own rooms at his house.
Ok what's going on here? I leave town for a week and everybody disappears? This is the register please come and mark 'Present'.
Where's Salam Abiola, HSF, Favourite, Ejoec, Tiwa, F, Mrs M, Mrs O, Eazee E, Phransea, cccc, Phify, Sharon Achieng, Ziggylucious, Uju Beibe, Enjay, Tolulope Alabi, Temidayo Adegbite, all the great anonymouses and everyone else?
I see the others (Yippee!) but I need you all to make this place rock! *Now waiting impatiently*.
Yesterday during breakfast with one of my closest friends, Ginika (I came into Lagos on Monday, will correspond with someone on the site and work from here for now) I asked her if it's possible that rapture has taken place and we aren't even aware. I know that sounds silly and yeah well it was a rhetorical question but in reality too many things are going on at the same time and calling on God to 'help' seems not to be werkin. On my flight from Abuja to Lagos I was scared shitless! Already I just.hate.flying but add to that the recent plane crashes all around the world, planes getting shot at, planes falling from the sky, planes disappearing and all, it was difficult not to feel like I was going to wet my pants at any given minute. Add to that the fact that while waiting for my flight I read on some media publication that one of our very numerous pastors had recently just prophesied an impending plane crash. It was said that he rightly prophesied the World Cup Brazil-Germany match outcome. Under normal circumstances that bit of information will only elicit a yimu from me, but as I was about to board a plane in a few minutes it made me jittery. Thankfully we arrived safely. Terrible turbulence and very cloudy weather, but hey we arrived and landed safely. But more than plane mishaps I have an even greater fear.
Pastor Ituah must have thought he was on the pulpit. That's the only conceivable reason that he typed this not-so-well thought out piece and posted it on social media. This brilliant man must have slipped in his thinking, he must have forgotten that the internet is filled with a multitude/myriad/spectrum/cocktail of people unlike his congregation where he probably has the usual Nigerian religious zealots who feed on the every words of their pastors like people eating unpicked beans; no questions asked, no room for thoughts, rationalization or analysis. Swallow it all hook, line and sinker. Pastor Ituah Ighodalo greatly misjudged.
Tuesday, 29 July 2014
Hi Thelma, hope you are enjoying ur writing spree? We miss u small sha! I'm an ardent follower of ur blog but I dnt comment often.... As I'm a lazy writer!Lol! Twill be nice if u could do a post on coping wen ur spouse is unemployed! This might be a touchy subject but most pple have gone& are either going 2ru dis! Someone dat got married last year just opened up dat her hubby lost his job a few months into their marriage. I was so surprised&she has kept it to herself for dis long? I pray&expect a miracle 4 dem soonest! But how do u cope when a woman who is supposed to be the helper becomes d breadwinner & still has to do all d house chores,take care of the kids then service oga? Its not easy mehn!
Some weeks back, while sitting in the living-room at the Ikoyi home of a very irritable, bedraggled and stressed out family friend with a husband and three kids all in good schools, she blurted out "he doesn't do anything. He doesn't even know how much the kids' school fees is. There's nothing in this house that he bought. Not even a spoon!".
Blog reader and former Beauty of The Day; Steffi's birthday was on Sunday the 27th of this month. She sent me a mail but unfortunately I only just saw it. Steffi forgive me abeg. I trust you had fun.
On the behalf of the blog, the family and I I wish you a very happy birthday (in arrears) and pray that this coming year is the start of the best of many years to come. *Great big Hugsss!*
Steffi says she can't wait to meet everyone at the Thelma Thinks readers party. Over to you guys. Wish Steffi a happy birthday and (Lagosians) what do you guys think about this party of ours?
"I am sorry, Nkem", you said. Your voice was quivering, your legs were shaking, your heart was beating fast.
"You are always sorry. When will you stop being sorry", he said, his eyes darting about looking for something to shove. When he is angry, he shoves things to scare you. You can swear you see his eyes sparkle when you fidget because you think he will hit you. He never hits you, not physically though. But he hits your heart, hard and deep.
You know his next step. He will walk into the room and pack his cloth in his green bag. You bought that green bag for him. You don't know if he knows how much you hate the bag now, how his threats of leaving you with the green bag made you despise the green bag. You know he will wait for you to beg him. For you to cry till your eyes are red and puffy. Then he will stay, grudgingly, and put up with you, and manage you, and wait till you do something as little as serve his meal a minute late. Or as grave as smiling.
1. Talk about staying inconspicuous…
Two and a half years ago I was in dire financial straights, so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat. I neglected to tell the owners that they have an 800 sq. ft. bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago. The bunker that I’ve called home since I sold it. The entrance to it is well-hidden, but I still come and go very early/very late in the day.
I’m a single man who keeps to himself. I’m now in a situation where I could move somewhere else, but I love this hidden paradise so much.
2. Right then.
I cut off all contact with everyone I know and moved to Kenya, I tell people a fake name and a fake background and have made it appear to my family that I died on boat trip in the Pacific. No I am not joking. I am dead in the United States.
3. Is it strange that this feels romantic?
I once helped out a female friend’s family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.
4. Not sure how one can even keep up such a front…
Everyone thinks I have a good job and roommates but I’ve been homeless and a prostitute for over year.
5. That’s certainly one way of nabbing a girl…
There was a girl who I had a crush on the moment I saw her on my college campus. She ended up dating a douchebag dude a few weeks later. I happened to end up sitting in a study room with him and a few mutual friends. He talked about how he didn’t think she was that attractive and how he liked other girls. I wrote the girl an anonymous email using one of those websites telling her about the things I heard and how the guy was a dick. She ended up breaking up with him after she found out he was cheating.
The girl is now my girlfriend of 6 months. She has no idea (and is sitting across from me in the library). I’ve never told anyone this before.
Monday, 28 July 2014
Last week Bella Naija put up a post about an interview Lana Del Ray did where she hinted at sleeping with several guys in the industry to get to the top. The way BN couched the words suggested that she indeed slept with a ton of guys to get to the top although in actuality what Lana Del Ray meant was that although she indeed was very 'generous' with her body it didn't necessary lift her up the ladder of success.
An argument ensued in the comment section. Some were of the opinion that the only sure way to success is hardwork. Others begged to differ. A few were of the opinion that what constitutes 'Hardwork' varies as the word happens to be subjective. One comment however gave me pause:
Sunday, 27 July 2014
All through this abstinence journey I've not had much to worry about. My friends have marveled at it, a few have asked how I do it, if they don't know me better they'd think I'm either frigid or asexual, but they do know me better and they know I'm not (thankfully!). When they go on and on giving me kudos I always shrug them off, I sort of feel like someone who's being congratulated for a test they're yet to take. I hadn't taken the test just yet.
Oh Lord!!!! Why do we have to go through this? Sonia cried. I turned around. Her hair was in disarray; her body even in a more terrible state. Her eyes had the effects of the aftermath of a hangover- red. I mean blood red. She leaned on me. I was also scared but I had to be strong....after all, I'm Sonias' mother. Before I realized, our shoulders were both rocking in a lullaby of tears. I was tired of crying but the tears did not stop coming.
I'm so like her and it hurts so much. I love to come to conclusions about how other people feel without giving them that freedom of thought which would allow them to have other thoughts. I love to agonize over my conclusions. Worse still,the recipient of this character of hers happens to be me. Who am i talking of? My sweet mother. If i could turn back the hands of time, i would start afresh in her womb.
Friday, 25 July 2014
When I wrote the 'When It's Ok To Settle' post it's unlikely that I was writing from a place of regret as the first commenter suggested, but she was right to have asked if I'd discarded many. Oh boy! I have! And for the flimsiest reasons too.
First off, I'm not perfect, for as long as I can remember I've always battled with my weight and at every point I could be several pounds lighter, so I'm not perfect. And in honesty it's not like I'm looking for the perfect guy either, but I've turned down some pretty awesome guys for reasons ranging from reasonable, to weird to just plain outrageous.
Thursday, 24 July 2014
We all want what we want. When it comes to prospective (life) partners we have certain standards that we've set (if you don't then.... your case may be likened to the saying 'if you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything'). We've seen and applauded women and men who know what they want and who refused to settle for anything less till they got their desires. But sometimes one wonders; how much good does sticking to these standards do?
Good morning Guys,
I'm just powering up my ipad since yesterday afternoon and I didn't see comments till now. Yesterday was pretty hectic with batteries of both my phones and ipad dying. I was too tired to charge till now. Thanks a lot o! I really appreciate the comments. Please if you're in Abuja I hope your offer for meeting up is still open when next I'm in town.
This morning I spoke with an unemployed friend and after our chat I wracked my brain wondering who I know that can employ her. Then I thought of you guys. It's not just my friend, who's also a blog reader, but so many other blog readers that need jobs. If you have or know anyone that has a vacancy or needs some sort of service please mail me with the details (email@example.com) and I will put it up on the blog.
My friend really needs a job. She's very qualified, she's smart and she's competent. Unfortunately there was some restructuring at her last place of work several months ago and she had to be let go of. I know some other readers here are facing similar challenges, some have never even had a job. I'm asking you guys, because we need people to get ahead in life and who knows where help might come from. So please once again, if you, your company/employer, your friend/acquaintance is employing do let me know. Even if it's only one person at a time that can get a job through this medium, at least it means one less person without a job and that's good enough.
Thanks a lot.
For those who have a business or service they're rendering this post is an open thread for that. Feel free to advertise yourself/business. You can never tell who's reading; you never know where you may meet your next big client. Just don't forget to include your contact details in your comment, your email address should suffice.
Wednesday, 23 July 2014
Good morning guys!
I've been contracted to do a job for the next four weeks. I'll be working with a firm that's engaged in geophysical survey, hydrogeology, geology generally. They presently have a contract to do job somewhere in Edo state and they need someone on site, during working hours (from dusk till dawn, in their own words), to keep a daily update (journal), take pictures, interview the workers, from the menial labourers to the expatriates; geologists and engineers etc, and to give a general review of the job after four weeks. The person has to be on site at all times and will closely work with the IT department. At the end of the four weeks, the daily updates, the pictures and the interviews will all be compiled and turned in as a book (turned into a book) and I'm that person who's going to be doing this.
So I'm leaving for Abuja for a meeting this afternoon and tomorrow morning we head to Edo state where I'll be for the next one month.
Apparently I've got to be on site at all times, from morning till evening, because I need to take everything into account. So... I MAY slack off on the blog during this period.
And that's where you guys come in! Yesterday one of the TTRWT writers whose story we all loved (and was one of my favourites) asked if she could send in more stories and I was like YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! So guys, this is me asking once again, do send in stuff; stories, articles, questions, riddles, opinions, personal experiences, links etc., anything that you think the Thelma Thinks crowd would enjoy reading and would react to.
Thanks people! Have a blessed day ahead.
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Seriously though. We've all heard of the book Why Men Love Bitches, and as most of us have come to notice, men do love bitches. Some men want to be treated like trash and be disrespected. They want to be turned into your ATM machines and your personal magas. They want you to treat them with contempt and disdain. They want you to make them sweat, keep them waiting, stand them up, not call them, never answer or return their calls, hang up on them when you lose interest in a conversation that has lasted all of 55 seconds. That's what they want.
Monday, 21 July 2014
On Saturday my friend and I mused over some ironies, we wondered why some people have had everything in life easy. Go to high school, make good grades, come out and within a year get into the university, four years later they're done, with good grades, and then within a year they're doing their NYSC program, the week after service they get a great job, two months later boyfriend proposes, three months later; lavish wedding and then the next time you see them they're coming out of their nice car but before you can say 'wow' you notice the baby bump and scream an even bigger 'WOW!'
Tayo is your closest friend but more than a friend to you, Tayo is family. Your parents died when you were very little and Tayo's parents took you in and you grew up as siblings. You're not married and you have no children, and even after all these years Tayo is the closest thing you have to family.
One morning just as you're getting ready for work Tayo rushes into your house in a frenzy, sweating profusely.
"My husband, my home, my children. I will lose them. I will lose them all if you don't help me"
"What happened Tayo?"
"You know that man that was killed? The one in all the papers?"
"Yes. What about him?", you ask
"He was my lover. We've been having a clandestine affair for months now"
"Your lover? But Tayo, you're married, you're a good Christian, you're..."
There was always something about you
That thing, that thing
Was it your voice or the purity of your mind?
Scratch that - Your mind was/is far from pure. LOL!
That thing, it’s driving me insane not being able to say
What was it?
It couldn’t be your eyes because I was never privileged to look into them
I hear from those who did that they were at times, deep pools devoid of light
At other times, blazing with the intensity of the sun
I’ve been told that your eyes are a rich dark brown
I hear them say they catch the light and even turn grey
It’s not your kinky, African hair
Full and springy, so I hear
No, it’s not your skin, quick to warm at the slightest touch
Not your touch, not your touch.
Fit to light me up like a torch.
I never felt you, but it would have been such a rush.
Was it the quickness of your wit?
The way you had with a turn of phrase
The passion I heard when you spoke in those days
I loved that you loved to dream out loud
You weren’t afraid to put it all out there
Your words came to me in my sleep
Made me ponder, wonder, contemplate what manner of man was this
Sunday, 20 July 2014
Yesterday one of our blog readers suggested I incorporate some gossip into the blog, and while it may not be a bad idea I sincerely doubt that I can pull it off, reason being that I just don't give enough f#*ks about what's going on in other's (personal) lives, especially people I don't know and those that don't know me, eg celebrities. I'm sure I do to an extent, but just not as much as the average person.
I sat in bed this morning perusing different blog sites for gist that went down during the week, I was consumed once again by how little I care. So, I'm going to share with you guys the things that happened last week that leave me zoning out in indifference.
1) Jude Engees' Wedding to Ify Umeokeke: ok... I've been rather indifferent about the pair from the minute I heard they got engaged. What I'm interested in however is the rumour about Linda Ikeji and Jude Engees. When word came out, comments like "poor Linda, after sleeping with you he left you to marry someone else". Aha! That one piqued my interest. I hear she's debunked the rumours though.
And yes, HML to Jude and Ify.
Sometime last year I did a post on full disclosure and it's surprising to me to see how much some of my views have changed in less than a year. The topic was raised during a pre-wedding lunch we had for our friend at Ocean Basket a week before her wedding. There we were, five of us, instead of enjoying our variety of seafood (in retrospect) it seems we were trying to teach our friend to be a bad wife. All innocently though, I mean, we were speaking from the viewpoints of single women that we were/are.
However I still maintain some things I said; I am not in support of full disclosure. Some things should be on a need-to-know basis. I don't see why it's important for you to know how many men I slept with in the past, I don't want to know how many women you've slept with either. Also as I said to my friends on that day (repeating advice my friend's mum and aunties gave us); even when the love is still shakking you, don't carelessly open your mouth and tell a man everything about you because one day he will use the things you said against you. Truth is, even though this was told to me by older women who had all been married for at least ten years, it has happened to me in the past so I'm speaking from experience, I've learnt my lesson.
However my friend, the bride-to-be said she believes in complete and total disclosure. She said she told and tells hubby-to-be everything because that's the right thing to do, and also because she expects the same from him. She said a husband should know everything, from the most minor details to the most scandalous ones.
I've never heard anyone say being gay has an expiry date.
Although I have difficulty reconciling being homosexual with being a pastor, like I told a friend yesterday when we were talking about bleaching expert; Pela, I admire anybody who's willing to embrace their individuality, sexuality and 'uniqueness' regardless of how they're perceived by society or how people might judge them.
But this is just me, these are just my views. I'm all for doing whatever makes you happy as long as no one gets hurt, and I choose not to buy the baseless conclusions that homosexuality is similar to paedophilia and bestiality and I may tear my ears off if I have to hear that one more time. I would rather a man come out of the closet as gay, than marry while having trysts with other men, thereby possibly exposing his wife to STIs she may not even know exist, and also ushering her into a life of unending frustration and disastisfaction as he would never be able meet her sexual needs.
Anyways I just wanted to ask you guys; if someone very dear to you is secretly gay, would you encourage them to stay in the closet and remain frustrated and repressed but free from judgement and condemnation
Or would you encourage them to come out of the closet, embrace their sexuality and have a shot at happiness and love but risk getting judged and taunted?
I'm not even sure what my own answer to this question is...
Saturday, 19 July 2014
Four different conversations today, at different times with different friends all brought to mind the 'dreaded' 30s. Actually 29 is practically 30 so why are we all dreading clocking the Big 3-Zero officially?
I guess it's like mourning your 20s, those golden years, those years when you were invincible, when the world was yours and you were super woman/man and could do whatever you wanted. Those days when you thought you would live forever. 30 seems like the death and burial of all that.
Friday, 18 July 2014
Hey guys! I'm so happy it's Friday. Shout out to you guys for all the love in the Shout Out post. You guys remember how great it was in our first Open Keypad post, right? Today I was reading the comments in the Shout Out post and then I also thought about comments in every Rant post. It seems we're always going on about who hurt us, who did us wrong, who did us bad, who betrayed us, who broke our hearts etc, no one ever talks about their own f*#k ups. And no matter how good someone is, we've all at one point or the other been bad or done someone wrong.
People get married to people of different religions. I've got two friends, coincidentally both named Bukky. Bukky1's dad is Muslim while her mum is Christian. Bukky2's dad is Christian while her mum is Muslim. Both pairs of parents have been peacefully married for over 25years and any serious issues they might have face were not as a result of their religious differences.
However majority of people are wary of and reluctant to marry people of a different religion.
Yesterday in the comment section of the post on bagging a millionaire someone commented about having to end things with her wealthy Muslim Ex. And just the day before that I had a long chat with a terribly saddened friend. *Adaobi met Abdul towards the end of her Masters program in the UK, and what started out as a mild and mindless flirtation grew into a deep relationship.
This isn't a poem, it's just that after what just happened my brain seems to have shifted sideways...
The insanity workout
After looking at me
In the mirror
I said I had to do
2 minutes in and
god punish Shaun T.
What kind of
But I tried one more time
Down my face.
Then I stopped.
What to do?
And dieting is no
Longer as easy as
It used to
Insanity is obviously for
Then a lightbulb went up
In my head.
Is there anything too difficult for The Lord?
I'm going to pray my fat away.
Thursday, 17 July 2014
I just read on RML about Nadia Essex who said she had had enough of dating deadbeat/broke-ass guys and decided she would only go for millionaires. Now after being on a lot of dates with millionaires she's become quite an expert on finding and dating one.
So what are her tips for finding and bagging these wealthy romantic men? Nadia says;
So for those who don't know of Laila yet, she's one of my favourite gossip bloggers ( Laila's Blog ). I've never met her but I particularly admire her because she's obviously a strong and tenacious woman. I remember when Laila first started her blog which was then lailaikeji.blogspot.com and would comment on Linda Ikeji's blog. So much cyber bullying and insults were hurled at her, of course to everyone she was a Linda-wanna-be who still had the temerity to be on Linda's blog and all that. But Laila stood her grounds and did not let the mean comments get to her. Today she's one of the most popular gossip bloggers in the country, she's doing very well for herself, and from the look of things, she's just getting started!
Another reason I heart her is because unlike most other gossip bloggers, she has got a full time job (she's a banker), she's married and has got three kids. For me it's something to applaud because I'm neither married nor have kids and I do just about two or three posts a day, yet even that takes it's toll sometimes. So like I told Laila during an email correspondence a few weeks back; I wonder how she does it!
Happy birthday to the little chap. Here's what she wrote on her blog:
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
What's the funniest/weirdest/strangest thing you've heard while eavesdropping on someone else's conversation? Not necessarily the amebo type, but the type you involuntarily overhear.
I overheard a conversation today. And I was almost dying to say something! My body was itching, my tongue was almost swelling up. I was almost foaming at the mouth! I really wanted to speak. But what could I say to someone I'd never met before, about something I shouldn't have heard in the first place? Here's what happened:
"This is just an innocent question please but I kinda need answers, isn't anal sex unhealthy and painful? It seems so many people are warming up to the idea, I'm just wondering though... anyone kind enough to provide answers?
Thelma can you please make it a blog post or is it too " raunchy" (for lack of a better word) to talk about?"
So let's talk about it. I'll tell you what I know.
I'm soooooooooooo sorry people. I'm slacking majorly and I know it but hey, if I could help it I would. To worsen matters just as things were easing up I got hit by a bad case of the flu and fever. So that's just not helping. It also sucks majorly because I'm supposed to be going on this hot "date" tonight. Oh well...
Yesterday afternoon I had to go and do something on the mainland and when I was done I figured I had some time on my hands and decided to use the opportunity to see my friend *Mbong. Mbong has been my friend since I was 17. I remember the first day we met, I'd been seeing her around but we never spoke. My then boyfriend was out of town and my life was boring. On one of our very numerous phone calls I complained of the boredom and he said it was my fault; QC was over and I needed to start making new friends. He accused me of not trying so to shut him up I vowed that by the time he got back to town in a week, that girl we always see around would be my good friend. And then I started going on frequent strolls, hoping to run into her. Eventually I saw her and went to 'toast' her. "Hello, please do you have any novel?" I'd asked. And the rest, as they say, is history. She didn't have any novels, she however gave me something better; long lasting friendship.
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
"Talk happiness. The world is sad enough without your woe."- Ella Wheeler Cox.
Some comments I read on this blog and on some other blogs literally leave me feeling drained. So for once can be keep things light and talk happiness! No matter how bad things are there must be something good going for us, yes?
So this is a No-Rant zone. Share something that's going well for you or something exciting that just happened. Is there something that you've been praying for and you just finally got it, gist us biko!
See, your positive stories may just give someone the hope and inspiration they need. So gist us, brag if you want to, gloating is allowed too! I'm waiting...
But I'll go first:
But I'll go first: