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Blog Reader Asks... (What Should/Can I Do?)



There’s something I’d like to share with you and I won’t mind if you share it with the BVs just so I can hear their thoughts too.

There’s this man in my office, I knew him whilst I was an intern, and he was one of those ‘ogas’. Of course as an intern, everyone is your oga and you accord them the necessary respect. Currently, I work for the company and he still works there. The first time he saw me after a long while, he expressed surprise at how big iv grown and of course that was a normal reaction after 3years. But he had this look on his face… you know… that predator look but I just ignored it and felt I was just overthinking things. Subsequently, anytime we meet and I stretch out my hand to shake him, he’ll pull me into a loose hug which I also felt was fine because it felt like one of those egbon to aburo hugs. I know I can be very naïve and I’m very inexperienced when it comes to gauging men, but I just didn't feel comfortable with the look on his face. But I kept telling myself to stop being paranoid and just be myself.

So today, I saw him downstairs before breakfast, we exchanged pleasantries, he hugged me as usual and we parted ways. Later on, he and a group of friends met me in the elevator and he did something. He drummed his fingers on my hip, turned and continued like nothing happened. It came across as playful but I felt sooo uncomfortable. Now, I don’t know… am I being paranoid or do I have something to worry about. Okay, if I’m not being paranoid, how do I react?  I can’t be rude to him because he is an oga… so if I truly have a problem on my hand, how do I handle this ‘situation’…  the company is big and I’m not in his department but still… I have to be careful.. so what can I do? 
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Photo source: pixgood.com

Comments

  1. He's buttering you up. To eat. Stop shaking him. Don't hug him. Always listen to your intuition. If he touches you, tell him it makes you uncomfortable. The work place is a pool of free sex for most men. Learn to be firm. Don't go out with him unless it's for a work event. If you have to, watch your drink. He might spike it. I'm talking from experience. But in my case, I told them all to back off. I remember a radio program on Cool FM. A girl went for drinks after work. Her drink was spiked and she was raped by her colleagues. Sex in the office is tricky. In most cases, you're just the favour of the month. Stand up to him when he starts to intimidate you. It's the fear of 'Oga' that they use to go through women like a lawnmower goes through grass. Stand up for yourself.

    Mallama

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear, it sounds hard but you need to stand up to him..to avoid stories that touch. Be strict in ur relationship to him. If he wants a hug, extend a handshake. He'll get the message. No more unnecessary smiles. The fear of Oga has made women victims of office abuse. It's well.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Poster,

    Don't leave room for anybody to take unnecessary liberties at the office. Avoid him if you can, if you can't, be as professional as possible where he's concerned. Don't be rude to him, just stop joking with him or giving him friendly smiles. Answer every question with "sir" and generally be "cold". With time, he will get the message.

    I repeat, don't be rude and be professional, always. Refuse to hug him at any time and take Mallama's comment above, if y'all go out for drinks as a department, do not leave your drink unattended. I resumed a new job a couple of months ago and there's this Oga that has been trying all sorts of nonsense, at first I used to smile at him and was friendly cos that's my kind of person but when he started acting funny I stopped all the niceness. Now even when I'm laughing with everybody, once he comes like this, I just calm down and leave the discussion. He tried to hug me one day and I took a giant step back and told him I don't hug married men. It took a while but he's starting to get the message. Now we greet in the mornings, and only discuss work related stuff.

    I have a friend who is still trying to get away from his "hands on" kind of friendship... smh. My dear, run from those kind of people.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Be firm. When he tries to hug you again extend your hand and keep the smile away with a resounding sir when you greet him. It works like magic (except for the very creepy pervs) .J

    ReplyDelete
  5. All the advice above r the best ,give it a try

    ReplyDelete

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