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But What About Me?

He said he likes home cooked meals. -They said I better join a culinary club and learn. 

He said he likes flashy girls in pretty clothes. -They said I better gather my life savings and go shopping. 

He said he likes his girls nails painted red. -Despite my fungi infected nails I dipped my fingers in blood red paint. 

He said he likes girls that can 'do'. -They said I better go and buy the latest kamasutra.

He said he likes his girls sharp and aggressive. -They said I better put some 'ghetto' in my attitude. 

He said he likes his girls quiet and reserved. -They said you're already there Nwando, just be even more quiet than before, become a mouse, maybe.

He said he likes freshly made bread from home's oven. -They said Nwando never set foot in a bakery again, take these mittens and learn to bake!

He said he likes his girls to clip his toe nails once a week. -They said Nwando you better become a manicurist.

He said he likes his girls towering over him. -They said Nwando go get you some heels, it don't matter that when you walk you'll look like a moving mountain, what matters is "he said he likes..."

He said he can't stand to have his girl taller than him. -They said "Quick, trade those stilettos for ballet flats!"

He said he wants me to talk dirty in the sack. -They said Thelma google 'how to talk dirty' Now!

He said he doesn't like girls who fix weaves. -They said Nwando, put the hair braider on speed-dial!

He said he likes his women; a blend of Kim K and Mother Theresa. -They said Thelma go join the convent and make a sex tape while you're in it!

He said he doesn't like his girls to breathe. -They handed me a gun and said "here Nwando snuff your life out".

-Once, 'he' said his girls must do this, this, this and that. I wasn't a this, this, this and that kind of girl. But they said to me; "Nwando when your man says he likes a girl who can jump, make sure you can jump ten times higher than any other girl."

He says he likes, they say Nwando ACT NOW. 

They never stopped to look at me,

They never saw the crack in my smile, 

They never saw a smile reach my eyes 

They didn't see the pain in my eyes

They didn't see the hurt in my eyes

They didn't decipher the confusion in eyes

As I sat naked on the cold hard floor 

And I asked to backs retreating after they'd said "Nwando do, do, do... what he likes"

They didn't hear my eyes ask; "But what about me?"

Day in, day out, year in, year out... I'm told how to please a man, how to keep my man, how to satisfy his needs, how to settle his demands, 'They'; my friends, my family, society, the books, the blogs, the people, the world, they tell me I MUST do what he likes, act how he likes, BE what he likes. They never once stop for a second and ask "But what do you like?"

No one asks, so I ask myself; But what about me Nwando. When do we come round to me?

*Good morning guys. My first thought this morning was probably "But what about me?". What was the first thing you thought about this morning? PLEASE tell me. 

AND have you ever felt this way; ever asked yourself; but what about me? 


  1. Nope I haven't and its cos my philosphy about men is so simple...I am ME! Take me as I am or watch me while I walk away..
    ...In other news,tomorw is me and enjay's birthday..jan born rocks#

    1. Wow! I didn't know it's yours too! HBD in advance, dear! God bless you immensely this year and put great joy in your heart and give you that job you so earnestly desire by His grace.

  2. My first thought was " I hope I can get this children early to school today".

    And yes, I've thought of that too. A recent talk with hubby, I told him "all of you are falling sick and I've started feeling somehow too, but who will take care of me if I fall sick?" Now that's a luxury I can't afford. This is just an instance. There are so many others like you outlined above. When you shelf your own needs to please, can he sacrifice also in the measure you do? If he can, if he will, you've got yourself a goldmine.

  3. you know what, letting society dictate how you live your life is messed up. There are level headed guys out there, every single lady should pray to marry one. From Day One, make sure your relationship is about you both not one person. Do not give to you SO what he does not intend to give you or what you cannot expect from him. This has been my principle and I started day one to demand it. I can give myself in a relationship but that is only because I get that back from my spouse. it's LOVE in LOVE out for me. You can't give moderate in and expect brilliant. J

    1. T my first sentence was not referring to you o. I was speaking in general. I read my comment again and sounded like that. J

  4. It's the kind of world we live in. Thelma men outnumber the women and that's why women are told to do what their men like so that they will not lose him, because the one you don't want to do, twenty women are ready to do it for him. It's the unfortunate truth.

  5. As if you read my mind, Thelma. I woke up feeling exactly this way; asking why I practically have to shelve important plans and put my life on hold because there is a man that requires pleasing. Sometimes, I wonder if this isn't the reason a lot of lesbians made the decision to be one. I'm sure this wasn't what God had in mind in the beginning of creation.


  6. Girls, it's not fair but the fact is 'it is a man's world'


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Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
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