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Dear Thelma (My Past Has Come To Haunt Me)

Dear Thelma please I need your advice and that of your blog readers. I started dating my boyfriend about three months ago although he started asking me out over five years now. For one reason or another I never said yes to him because I never believed he wanted a serious relationship. Eventually I agreed three months ago and I'm loving him more and more every day. I am in my late 20s and he is mid 30s and I know he will like to settle down soon and I'm really hoping that he will propose to me this year. I know he cares about me and he said he wants something very serious with me, but I am worried about something. 
     3 years ago I met one man who offered to give me a ride somewhere. We exchange numbers and started talking and I learnt that he is very rich. He started disturbing him to come and see him and spend the night with him but I refused because he is a married man and he is old too, about 50 years of age. One time I became very broke, I had not found a job then and I couldn't even afford to buy food stuff or recharge card so out of desperation I agreed to go and see the man. After sleeping with me he gave me 40k and we didn't see again after that but he told people that he slept with me (my town is a small town). Now it turns out that this man is my boyfriend's uncle's best friend and the man has told my boyfriend's uncle and all their friends and other men in their family that he slept with me and paid me. I asked my boyfriend about it and he said when he heard it he was very hurt, that he almost felt like crying, but this was before I agreed to date him. 
Now that we are dating I am very confused. Do you think my boyfriend can still carry me to his people as the girl he wants to marry? Can my boyfriend overlook what I did and make me his wife, and even if he can try to overlook it won't he be ashamed that everybody knows that his wife slept with one of his married uncles for money? Please do you think I am wasting my time, if you are a man will you still marry me? I am not a bad person but I was desperate and now I am scared that my boyfriend will dump me when he realize that his family will make him laughing stock if he brings me home as wifey. Advise please, should I just break up with him and move on or do I have hope?


  1. Its a 2way situation. If he asked you out after knowing its either he truly loves you or just wants to chop his own too. If you think he really loves you and will stay by you no matter what his people say then you can risk it and syay.

  2. I agree with Subomi, I think he just wants to chop his own too. This one hard o! Oga Wale, Easah, Memphis awon men please what do u think?

  3. I think you should call him and tell him u want out of the relationship, tell him your reasons and that u wouldn't want him to be made a laughing stock amongst his family and friends, after that,his response to u would determine ur decision, if he insist he loves you and doesn't care,then you can risk it. At least after the talk,he would know u have a conscience and you are not the way other men see you. But DAT old man is a bastard,sorry to say,at his age and he still wags his tongue after getting down wit a lady? Age no b maturity shaa. Good morning house. Happy Sunday.

  4. Hmmm,its a tough one. Why not just ask him? Why he still wants to be with you despite your past vis a vis his family acceptance of you? Still I would have you know that your past might always come up in another relationship if you break up with this guy,are you always going to bail? What's the plan dear poster?

    For the life of me,i will never understand men who go about telling the world about babes they slept with(paid for or not) and the people who give them a listening ear.....issokai

  5. He knows you slept with the old man even before u agreed to date him- I think dat shows he isn't bothered about it. Bt to be on a safer side, u could just have a discussion with him on that and hear wat he has to say. If he truly loves u, he will stay COS old things are passed away (new rlshp, new pple, new history). Goodluck... Goodmrn pple.

  6. I can't tell you if your boyfriend would marry you cause that depends on his value of sexual dalliances. Although I must state that most Nigerian men are skewed towards not crystallizing such relationships due to societal factors.

    From the foregoing, it seems things are still in your favour - he persisted in seeking to date you for a period of five years which is unusually long for any guy, he still continued after learning of your previous dalliance, you came out to tell him (honesty and integrity), he cares for you et al. Just maybe, your boyfriend might not be the average Nigerian guy!

    People make mistakes and it is okay to make one or a few. What's most important is learning from it. If I were your guy, I just might be serious with marrying you despite the circumstances. The question is what do you bring to the table as Thelma would say?

    1. Chrisyinks, are you the blog reader that goes to daystar?

  7. Ok, from their grammar you shall know them.

  8. If he is Igbo , run, if he is not, hang around. The Igbo man is too proud. He will never ever accept that.

  9. I am not even sure what to say. Personally i would walk away from the situation. Just me, i cant deal emotionally with the up and down emotions, i just cant. Because you can never predict what his reaction will be. The uncle too is an asshole, but i guess we cant control others.

  10. I think it was a mistake agreeing to date him. Some things r too good to be true.
    He may he for real but d risk is too much. Do u want to invest a few years just to give it a shot? Ain't it better to move on? You decide, tho.

  11. Can't help but laugh @ by their grammer you shall know them.

  12. Tough situation. Sit him down and express your fears and concerns. He may be are u ready to take d risk?ds is Dicey


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