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Dear Thelma...

I'm in a relationship and we are supposed to wed later this year. We have dated for almost two years now and everything has always gone smoothly. My boyfriend is the spiritual type, prays morning and night, fasts every week, he does not miss service on sundays. But it's not like he is too born again or anything because we have sex regularly and we have a normal relationship. But recently he has been acting strange and is always saying he is not feeling well then last month he called me to tell me that he has a revelation, that he thinks he has a calling. Me I took it as a joke and I told him that he cannot be serious, but it's as if he is very serious o! Thelma he has gone to meet the pastors in his church to tell them about his dreams and revelation and to ask for guidance. Me I don't know what to do because I cannot be a pastor's wife and I don't want to marry any pastor or minister or whatever. Please what can I do, we love each other so much, I really want to marry him and we have already done introduction and started planning the wedding. 


  1. Why don't you want to marry a pastor? What's so frightful? Sad? Annoying? Distasteful? in being a Pastor or the spouse?
    Are you plain scared of responsibilities or of him changing to being more 'spirico' than you'd like?
    Besides, aren't there Pastors who know how to 'ride&grind' with their loved ones whilst maintaining morality and all? There are!
    Anyway, if you never want to be involved in his life as a Pastor, then you should speak with him about your fears, thoughts and all.
    You just have to make a choice.

  2. Dear poster,can I ask u a question?? Is marrying a minister a sin? Anyways, I used to have this kind of mind set until recently, but the truth is,marrying a pastor or minister ain't a sin,all u should be asking GOD for is a man that would give u rest,make u happy and feel special, am not saying marrying a minister would bring the above but all am saying is,if u truly love this guy,you should support his dreams, his dreams and aspirations should also be yours,and do not seize to pray,ask GOD for directions on what to do and also ask God to show you if he is truly your husband and if thats where you should be. Don't also hesitate to talk to your husband to be about it and ask him if it's what he truly wants and if he is sure of what he saw because if he is truly sure of what he saw,then God's calling cannot be ignored, it has to be answered. I hope u take the best decision.

  3. Ccc and Maybel have said it all, please dnt let your husband pass you by because he has a Calling,Pastors can be wonderful Husbands too

  4. I agree with the above comments. I feel it's the responsibilities attached to being a pastor's wife that you're scared to handle. Pastors can be fun husbands too. Just talk with him and take everything to God in prayers.

  5. "But it's not like he is too born again or anything because we have sex regularly and we have a normal relationship"

    Lmaooo! Dear poster! That's where you lost me o! He is not "too" born again... what does that even mean? so an abnormal relationship is one where they don't have sex! Hahahaha! O ga o... okay

    And then your question about what to do... the "not too born again" fiancé has a calling and you don't want to be a pastor's wife...
    Whatever happened to purpose before marriage? Knowing your purpose and making sure it fits into or is in line with the other person's purpose.
    You both need to have a very serious talk about your future together. Before you both run into serious problems later and then you begin to patch and patch till you can't patch again. If he really has a calling and you really do not want to be a minister's wife cuz it's really not a walk in the park... then well... you probably need to go back and think again!

    Meanwhile, when my mom married my dad... i'm sure she didn't even envisage all that he is now... it took a while but here they are and they are doing well. everyone has a ministry/calling. It might not entail standing at the altar to preach but we all do. So dear poster... it's not such a terrible thing to be a mommy pastor! lol! But there are lots of 'things' involved and if you're not ready.. jejely step back... *hugs*

  6. Ur man is not getting any calling ....I doubt God will call a chronic unrepentant fornicator. Please maybe God is calling him to repentance. Without Holiness it's impossible to please God. #bittertruth

    1. Haba tolu, Dats harsh now.Lol I couldn't stop laffing but ur opinion though.

    2. @Tolu, well said. Perhaps it's a call to repentance. You cannot mingle your spirituality with your vanities. If he wants to be a pastor that's good, but you cannot be sharing his bed with him while he's working towards whatever calling he has.

    3. Lol, u too Memphis. Kaii there is God ohhhh.

    4. Maybel the truth isn't always sweet. Memphis and I are just saying what every one else is thinking....sorry mummy pastor to be If I sound harsh :)

  7. But Memphis and Tolu what about those pastors that were deep in sin when they got called? I've heard many testimonies, even a former prostitute who's now a minister talks of how she was living in sin; prostitution, drunkeness and drug abuse. An old classmate also, who started her life as a runs girl right from Queen's College. She's quick to tell everyone how God arrested her, how she knew she had a calling but continually resisted it and pushed her way deeper into sin till she was finally arrested.
    Even the Bible gives us so many examples so I don't understand what you guys are saying; that God calls only saints?

    1. Thelma that's not what Tolu and I are implying. Even the person with the most hideous sins imaginable gets a call from GOD. But the poster is implying that her boo isn't "too born again" and they're having a *normal* relationship. Even after getting such a call? Nah..doesn't work that way. When you get a call, your relationship should go from *normal* to normal.

    2. Exactly ! If he believes his calling and already answering the call he wont still be having his version of normal relationship with u. The guy needs to become bornagain first before u Start worrying about being called 'pastor Mrs' .
      And thelma how can he know its even God calling him when the bible clearly says sin separates us from God. Anyways he need to retune his antenna. #manyarecalled #fewarechoosen

    3. Hmmmmmm tolu another dimension, when the bible says sin separate us from GOD, that didn't imply that sin would hide us from God's calling or not mk us see him,my dear GOD is not man and can never, dats my own way of interpreting the part u talking about.

    4. When you get a call, you either ignore it, are undecided or start considering an acceptance - these are mostly the initial reaction. I doubt anyone notices he has a calling and accepts the first time he hears it or stops sinning automatically.

      The guy has 'noticed' he has a calling and has done the right thing by approaching his 'seniors' for guidance. He has not answered in the real sense.

      As Thelma rightly said, examples abound in the Bible. Abraham lied & committed adultery; Moses was a murderer, Jacob a cheat etc.

      One more thing: having a calling or answering a call does not automatically translate into a heavenly candidacy! He's going to be a mere tool in the hands of the Lord.

      He who God calls, He qualifies; He who He qualifies, He glorifies. God hardly calls the qualified, he qualifies those He calls.


  8. Talk to you man please and find out exactly what is going on b4 u start posting epistles that touch in a year.

  9. He has a calling doesnt necessarily mean he is going to become an Adeboye tomorrow or be a pastor. But he will minister and touch lives. And don't think he can't get called because you two boning. God doesn't call the qualified. It's time for YOU to work out YOUR own Salvation with Fear and Trembling. Let God also reveal himself to you!!!

  10. Dear Poster: if you can share with us the reason for not wanting a Pastor as a husband, maybe it will guide our advice to you.



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