Skip to main content

Dear Thelma...

Good evening people. This came as a call not a mail but basically the blog reader wants me to ask you all, especially the married among us a question or two. She and her boo have been dating for a few months although they've been friends for much longer than that. She lives in the east and he lives in Lagos. He has a regular 9 to 5 while she's still job hunting but has a small business she's doing in the east. In the course of their brief relationship she has gone to see him at least once for a few days every month while he has gone to see her just once because of his busy work schedule, and also because it's more economical, in that when she goes over to see him she stays in his house but when he comes to see her he has to lodge in a hotel and eat out. She's meant to travel to Lagos to see him this weekend and when she informed her mum about this, her mum gave her the go-ahead but said that she should stay in either her aunty or her friend's place; "it's ok to spend time with him during the day or in the evenings, it's also Ok to cook a few meals for him, but sleeping over is a NO-NO. Do not go and cheapen yourself like that". 

This has got the blog reader thinking; will staying in her boyfriend's house for a week or two, cooking for him and helping him clean up, and have sex with him make her appear cheap in his eyes? 

Does it make a difference if she stays there as she usually does, or if she stays at her friend's place and just spend a little time with him when he gets back from work in the evening? Would this, perhaps, raise the value and respect he has for her?


  1. If d guy doesn't have any long term plan for/wt you, Yes! Sex cheapens you b4 ur 'boo'. But if it's been going on ever since, den withdrawal now ll raise d guy's brows esp if he has intentions towards u. Ur mum being a good mum, maybe doesn't know dat it has been going on gave d best advice. Personally, I'm not an advocate of premarital sex. Keep your dignity till marriage, though our contemporary world disagrees wt it.

    1. I totally agree with you. Actions that used to be repulsive or frowned at have become "normal" these days. I can't understand it.
      Poster your mum is absolutely right. But I hope it's not too late before the guy would start suffering from "withdrawal" symptoms. I wish you the best of luck *in grandpa's voice*

  2. I ain't married but I'm a BV so I'll just give my 2cents. Truth is,if ur serious with this guy and he's serious with u,i think u shld stay with him. From the story,its already a long-distance r/ship. Why strain it further when ur already traveling to see him? He hasn't asked u to move in with him. All ur doing is a brief visit. Your mum's precaution is in place but remember ur neither a kid nor a uni-fresher. But then again ur cld share ur time both with him and ur aunts/friends place...
    And to answer ur Q bout if u wld appear cheapened in his eyes,i wanna believe ur dating a man not a boy?

    1. Aren't they all the same? Boy o... Man o...

    2. Na d same o..Maturity is all that matters

  3. Depends on the guy and his maturity.. my husband and I spent a lot of time together before marriage and it didn't cheapen me in his eyes. Though I got the same advice from my dad but at the end my husband still proposed and we had a full wedding.
    The way u comport yourself while u are there matters a lot too tho.

  4. Wait but she has been staying at his house prior? I think i read correctly. So whats different this time? Or because she told her mother the truth?

    1. Yes, because she told her mum the truth.

  5. I think your mum is right. The relationship is just a few months old and you're already doing wifely duties? Biko give urself some dignity. If he cares at all about you, whether or not you do those things, he will marry you. Those things are not guaranteed to keep the man. He will go if he wants to go.

    I'm not saying you shouldn't care for/about your boyfriend, i'm saying don't do wifely duties while you're a girlfriend. If he comes to see u at your aunt's place, cook him a delicious meal, when you visit him cook for both if you and leave.

    You're saying its more economical for you to visit him et al. Did he specifically tell you that he couldn't afford it? Or you just thought you'd do that for him too, think that is. Please, take your mum's advise. When he asks, tell him you're obeying instruction.


    1. Have u ever been in a long distant r/ship and had to visit each other? Have u and ur boo ever gone on a vacation to a diff place? What was ur sleeping arrangement like? Pls,lets be real...

    2. Sasha I'm also in a long distance relationship. Sleeping arrangement is very platonic.

    3. But u guys share the same roof whenever u guys have to finally sleep? Platonic or not right?

    4. sunshine has said it all!!!! even my father always rings it to my ear. to visit inlaws gan .... he will still talk and talk... don't cheapen ursef bla bla bla. I see reasons with him dou but me I kinda believe that I have passed the stage of the cheapening story because myself and le boo are planning marriage for this year. shey person no go visit inlaws ni? well will still make him see reasons with me sha as for poster u guyz haven't dated for long so I tend to align myself with ur mum's position. u can pass d night once a while but not everytime abeg.

    5. Nope Sasha, we don't. Share the same roof ke? Don't you know how powerful the devil is?

    6. Lol...hmm
      Not prying but doesn't she visit u?
      How do u build self control if u don't test urself???

    7. Lmao @ "test urself" That's the lie people tell each other. Why put yourself in temptation's way? What's there to test? Abstinence is abstinence. The bible says "Flee youthful lusts" not "test your capacity to withstand youthful lusts".

      So what happens when you fall? You just accept that you're not made for abstinence abi?
      The yorubas have a saying that translates thus; you don't smell what you are not ready/prepared to eat. If you stay, the probability that you will both have sex is closer to one than it is to zero and everybody knows that.

    8. Really? Is that the angle ur looking at it from? Well there are some battles u flee from while there are some u stand and face. And a true soldier practices both!
      Even if u don't wanna test drive the car before buying,atleast don't settle for only online purchase na...

    9. Hahaha. Sasha o. Biko I'm so with Sunshine on this one. "...a true soldier practices both..."? Naahh. A true soldier hardly goes on suicide missions, and what you're suggesting is worse than a suicide mission. I'm sure you've seen these words: "do not put The LORD to the test...lead us not into temptation and deliver us from evil"? In this particular case, there's no need test driving any car. I don't want to have any kind of accident.

    10. Lmao @ accident... na real accident.

      God knows no one is a saint, least of all me but what's right is right and what's wrong is wrong.


    11. Nope,not case closed. There's nothing wrong in spending the night at ur boo's place. Excuse my english but the " Konji " must be on another level if you can't control urself over one night of visitation

    12. The *konji* is usually dependent on certain things: dress code, supper, sudden chilled night, water therapy(lol), even tv stations like CNN become erotic. When one party succumbs, the lack of response from the other darkens the atmosphere. Prevention is better than cure.

    13. I'm really surprised at the angle this is viewed from but then again,what do I knw?? I guess "spending the night" has a deeper translation than its literal meaning...

    14. Lol.. Sasha.. The thing is there's no guarantee that both parties will control themselves so there's no point looking for trouble. Plus, the poster wasn't thinking of spending one night. At some point, she spent one week.

      It's easy to argue that *Konji* is controllable from the comfort of our beds/offices but what happens when you're right there? I've heard many of my male friends say "Konji na baaaastard" on different occasions and the way they describe it, you'd think once it comes like that, they lose their senses completely.. I for one do not believe this and think its just an excuse to misbehave but I also will not go and test whether or not the theory is indeed valid any time before I get married.

      I just think its a matter of principle. You determine what is OK to do and what isn't and no matter what anybody says, you stick to it. I can't even think of visiting a boyfriend in his house alone. The one time I tried it six years ago, it was God's grace that got me out of the place before anything serious happened.

  6. Hah. This is something that has been happening since 19 korokoro, so what makes it different now? Like Sasha said, don't strain the already long distance relationship. You can do one week @ his place, and another week @ your aunt's.

  7. Thelma,there is a post on LIB about a lady who's about to marry her ex's uncle,i think you should feature it here too,i just wana know what the inteclectus here have to say about it.

  8. Every guy I dated and stayed with and cooked for and did all sorts with before marriage ended up leaving. With my hubby only cooked for him once and never stayed over night at his place and neither did he stay at mine....he proposed 5 months after we met and we r still very happy but u can't judge all situations equally.

  9. Tolulope, you have said my thoughts! Me, I be old fashioned girl. If I'm to spend a night with a guy, then it means we are MARRIED! Infact, my parents MUST NEVER know or hear I spend a night with a guy. Dear concerned TTB reader, the ball is in your court, shoot well!

  10. Too many holier than thou peeps on this blog especial kabouy or karbon and her sister and now memphis. Pls shut it up. All those that spent time together and how now married, are they dead or are u better than them? Sweetheart, if u:ve been doing it. It's no biggie, it's only normal to get that advice from you mum. Am sure you didn't tell her it's not the first time. Go sna spend time with him biko. Ignore that kabuoy girl that talks anyhow on every post.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa