Skip to main content

Handling Your Mother-in-Law 101.

Ok, so that title doesn't best describe this post as I'm not sure how much you'll learn from it, but you might learn something. Yet any text on mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships is of interest to me because one day I just might have one. It amazes me when I hear ladies either thanking God that their boos' mothers are late, or praying that the man who wants to marry them has buried his mum years ago... It amazes me because most of these ladies have mothers, and brothers, and I'm like don't you know this is how someone out there is praying for the demise of your mother?! Hia!!! 

So anyways, this is what Joro Olumofin has to say; Letter to the Ladies (Learn Assertive Training and Diplomatic means with your Mother-in-law)

What is Assertive Training?

This is a Psychological process in which you learn how to express your views without being rude or suggestive to second or third party. This being said, the Mother-in-law/Daughter-in-law "beef" or dispute is a Universal Phenomenon which has caused a lot of problems and ended a lot of happy marriages and relationships. Some of these disputes have led to verbal abuse, shouting matches, fights over territory in the kitchen, disagreement over naming of children and even Physical confrontations between Mothers and Daughters-in-law. 

For you to understand any situation you have to go to its origin, ladies take note, before you came into the equation, the apple of your bae's eye and his number one protector was his mother who he showered with love and affection and then you came into the picture and suddenly all the attention shifted from his mother to you. This change is a process, naturally there will be some tension because it takes some time for mothers in-law to get used to the fact that their sons are no longer 100% theirs and they have to share him, or permission has to be sort on certain things in his life which they usually did directly or without question. 

Ladies, you need to learn to be diplomatic with your mothers in-law because you have more to lose than them. Pick your battles, most times, your boyfriend or husband will take his mom's side if any dispute arises. Let me also say that no amount of Diplomacy or Assertive Training will help you if your man is a "Mommy's Boy" and can't handle his mom or if his mom doesn't like you. Therefore, if you're in this situation where your man can not defend you or hold your hand, you need to develop a thick skin, have patience and most importantly PRAY. Studies have shown that the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is one of the most difficult in social psychology and there isn't any clear cut solution or approach towards this, because the variables always differ i.e different mothers/daughters-in-law have different cultural backgrounds, personalities and family structures. Dear Ladies, may you not fall into a bad mother-in-law situation. However, learn to adapt to your environment and also learn how to manage such delicate relationship in a diplomatic way. Dear mothers in-law, with due respect, I appeal to you to use your wealth of experience to deal with your daughters in-law in tactful ways, for the benefit of your son towards maintaining a happy married life..


  1. Nice write up,really true,not easy for the MIL to actually watch their son's attention shift from them to the wifey. I pray for a MIL that would accept the above facts and take me as a daughter, not praying for any mother in law's death biko. BTW where is FLNP?.

  2. Can I just say Nothing in this writeup is New?
    I don read am taya for years. Thanks for the reminder to the poster.

    FNLP biko we are sorry. Mabinu. Come back. We lur U muchuos!

    1. Thelms abeg FNLP na ur friend na so u'd know where she is. Abeg give us little expo on her whereabout. Na beg we dey beg.

  3. I pray that my husband's mum would be alive when we get married. I'm going to gum her and make sure we have a good relationship. can't afford to have disputes with her over her son. My husband is going to be a mature man that understands the meaning of "leave to cleave" as stated in the bible. For example; my closest male friend speaks to his mum everyday.Say we get married, I won't want him to stop checking on her daily cos he's her only child and his dad abandoned him at a tender age so they've been together long before I came on the scene and I won't want to stop that. But a lot of women think they can replace their husband's mum. Women our place as the wives isn't a struggle. Remain in the position God placed u and stop trying to compete with ur husband's mum

  4. there's someone I miss on this blog. Her name is F. Please I hope she's fine. I've not seen her comments in ages.........

  5. If ur MIL is happily married you will hardly have a problem with her cos she ll be busy loving her own hubby, the problem is that most of our mothers are unhappily married thus thr only consolation is thr children and they put all there love n heart n attention to them therefore making it very difficult for them to let thr son be and enjoy his marriage. I say this based on my experience with my ex hubby's mum and my new MIL who is an angel on earth, she is too busy loving her hubby and wants us to ve same kind of love, God bless that woman sha!!

    1. Tot I was the only one who noticed the link btwn MIL and their own marriages. If she's happy in her home,she wldnt have time dragging urs...

  6. I ignored this post on Linda's blog. Oga psychologist hasn't said anything new.

    Anywaiz, i don't pray for a motherless husband but i shudder at some of the horror mother/daughter in law stories i hear. God help us.

    FNLP! Even if you travelled sef, e get where internet no dey? Biko come back.

  7. @sunshine you never enter some kind villages even network to take make call you no go see.

    Am sure she must have a good reason for not commenting.

    @topic we keep reading and hearing about this issue, if both parties are reasonable then there won't be a problem.

  8. I bless God for my MIL. We didn't start on a good note because she had issues with her son and extended it to me. But with time, she became my paddy. I confide in her more than my mum. She says things the way they are. I trust her judgement any day. I couldn't have asked for a better second mom.

  9. I believe in boundaries and if everyone decides to know their boundary and stick to it, there won't be a problem.

  10. My MIL is awesome. She and my mom are very alike. Laid back and non judgemental. She raised a good man, and i am forever thankful to her. My husband is very close to his mother and i understand that she is the one who has been there for the greater part of his life. Dynamics will shift but it wont change overnight. We all have different roles to play in his life and he treats us accordingly.

    To those who wish their MILs die before they marry, others will come and wish the same for their own sons.

    1. "..others will come and wish the same for their own sons.."

      They don't seem to realize that they would possibly become MILs someday.

  11. My sincere apologies to those who asked. Didn't travel. Just been busy.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa