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Handling Your Mother-in-Law 101.





Ok, so that title doesn't best describe this post as I'm not sure how much you'll learn from it, but you might learn something. Yet any text on mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships is of interest to me because one day I just might have one. It amazes me when I hear ladies either thanking God that their boos' mothers are late, or praying that the man who wants to marry them has buried his mum years ago... It amazes me because most of these ladies have mothers, and brothers, and I'm like don't you know this is how someone out there is praying for the demise of your mother?! Hia!!! 

So anyways, this is what Joro Olumofin has to say; Letter to the Ladies (Learn Assertive Training and Diplomatic means with your Mother-in-law)


What is Assertive Training?

This is a Psychological process in which you learn how to express your views without being rude or suggestive to second or third party. This being said, the Mother-in-law/Daughter-in-law "beef" or dispute is a Universal Phenomenon which has caused a lot of problems and ended a lot of happy marriages and relationships. Some of these disputes have led to verbal abuse, shouting matches, fights over territory in the kitchen, disagreement over naming of children and even Physical confrontations between Mothers and Daughters-in-law. 

For you to understand any situation you have to go to its origin, ladies take note, before you came into the equation, the apple of your bae's eye and his number one protector was his mother who he showered with love and affection and then you came into the picture and suddenly all the attention shifted from his mother to you. This change is a process, naturally there will be some tension because it takes some time for mothers in-law to get used to the fact that their sons are no longer 100% theirs and they have to share him, or permission has to be sort on certain things in his life which they usually did directly or without question. 

Ladies, you need to learn to be diplomatic with your mothers in-law because you have more to lose than them. Pick your battles, most times, your boyfriend or husband will take his mom's side if any dispute arises. Let me also say that no amount of Diplomacy or Assertive Training will help you if your man is a "Mommy's Boy" and can't handle his mom or if his mom doesn't like you. Therefore, if you're in this situation where your man can not defend you or hold your hand, you need to develop a thick skin, have patience and most importantly PRAY. Studies have shown that the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is one of the most difficult in social psychology and there isn't any clear cut solution or approach towards this, because the variables always differ i.e different mothers/daughters-in-law have different cultural backgrounds, personalities and family structures. Dear Ladies, may you not fall into a bad mother-in-law situation. However, learn to adapt to your environment and also learn how to manage such delicate relationship in a diplomatic way. Dear mothers in-law, with due respect, I appeal to you to use your wealth of experience to deal with your daughters in-law in tactful ways, for the benefit of your son towards maintaining a happy married life..




Comments

  1. Nice write up,really true,not easy for the MIL to actually watch their son's attention shift from them to the wifey. I pray for a MIL that would accept the above facts and take me as a daughter, not praying for any mother in law's death biko. BTW where is FLNP?.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Can I just say Nothing in this writeup is New?
    I don read am taya for years. Thanks for the reminder to the poster.

    FNLP biko we are sorry. Mabinu. Come back. We lur U muchuos!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thelms abeg FNLP na ur friend na so u'd know where she is. Abeg give us little expo on her whereabout. Na beg we dey beg.

      Delete
  3. I pray that my husband's mum would be alive when we get married. I'm going to gum her and make sure we have a good relationship. can't afford to have disputes with her over her son. My husband is going to be a mature man that understands the meaning of "leave to cleave" as stated in the bible. For example; my closest male friend speaks to his mum everyday.Say we get married, I won't want him to stop checking on her daily cos he's her only child and his dad abandoned him at a tender age so they've been together long before I came on the scene and I won't want to stop that. But a lot of women think they can replace their husband's mum. Women our place as the wives isn't a struggle. Remain in the position God placed u and stop trying to compete with ur husband's mum

    ReplyDelete
  4. there's someone I miss on this blog. Her name is F. Please I hope she's fine. I've not seen her comments in ages.........

    ReplyDelete
  5. If ur MIL is happily married you will hardly have a problem with her cos she ll be busy loving her own hubby, the problem is that most of our mothers are unhappily married thus thr only consolation is thr children and they put all there love n heart n attention to them therefore making it very difficult for them to let thr son be and enjoy his marriage. I say this based on my experience with my ex hubby's mum and my new MIL who is an angel on earth, she is too busy loving her hubby and wants us to ve same kind of love, God bless that woman sha!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tot I was the only one who noticed the link btwn MIL and their own marriages. If she's happy in her home,she wldnt have time dragging urs...

      Delete
  6. I ignored this post on Linda's blog. Oga psychologist hasn't said anything new.

    Anywaiz, i don't pray for a motherless husband but i shudder at some of the horror mother/daughter in law stories i hear. God help us.

    FNLP! Even if you travelled sef, e get where internet no dey? Biko come back.

    ReplyDelete
  7. @sunshine you never enter some kind villages even network to take make call you no go see.

    Am sure she must have a good reason for not commenting.

    @topic we keep reading and hearing about this issue, if both parties are reasonable then there won't be a problem.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I bless God for my MIL. We didn't start on a good note because she had issues with her son and extended it to me. But with time, she became my paddy. I confide in her more than my mum. She says things the way they are. I trust her judgement any day. I couldn't have asked for a better second mom.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I believe in boundaries and if everyone decides to know their boundary and stick to it, there won't be a problem.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My MIL is awesome. She and my mom are very alike. Laid back and non judgemental. She raised a good man, and i am forever thankful to her. My husband is very close to his mother and i understand that she is the one who has been there for the greater part of his life. Dynamics will shift but it wont change overnight. We all have different roles to play in his life and he treats us accordingly.

    To those who wish their MILs die before they marry, others will come and wish the same for their own sons.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "..others will come and wish the same for their own sons.."

      They don't seem to realize that they would possibly become MILs someday.

      Delete
  11. My sincere apologies to those who asked. Didn't travel. Just been busy.

    ReplyDelete

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