What greater misfortune can befall someone in these days of the Generation Y? There are ten worst misfortunes I can I think of in life and among those 10 one of them has got to be posting a picture on Instagram and not getting enough or any likes.
...You wear your Sunday best, then you walk to your friend's crib, that one with the expensive looking mahogany door and interlocked floors, you know, you can't have people knowing that your house is gated by iron burglary proof... You probably don't even tell her you're coming, you're incessant popping up at her door step is beginning to irritate her and you've noticed. You ask the maigaurd if she's home and he says yes, then you tell him, wait first, please help me take some pictures.
You strike a variety of poses, do a variety of pouts; the duck lips, sticking your lower lip out like a petulant baby, pushing your both lips out so you look like a cute toddler that you're most obviously not. You almost look epileptic striking those poses in lightening-quick succession; you need to get as many as possible before you get 'caught'. You stick your hip out as far as it could possibly be stuck out; you cannot afford waist trainers yet and God didn't bless you with natural curves, and how dare you post pictures on Instagram with no body curves, isn't that the point of Instagram? The maiguard is getting irritated just like your friend the home owner but he knows a hundred naira or two would come out from this, so he tries to be patient.
Back home you begin the process of sifting the wheat from the chaff. The maiguard must have taken about ninety pictures in all, turns out they're all chaff!!! You're deleting this chaff one after the other, hoping you'll get a few grains of wheat. You delete and delete and you're left with almost nothing, these few still look like chaff but they've got potential, no matter how faint.
But there's a God somewhere and the evidence of this is in that great thing called FILTERS! Alas the day is saved!
You pick that single grain of wheat and edit the life out of it it to within an inch of it's original form. You look nothing like the person in this picture. This picture is what you wish you look like but know you will never look like in reality... And isn't that just perfect for Instagram?!
Then your heart begins to race as you click and upload. Wait!!! Hashtags! You need hashtags... You need to sound smart and forward-thinking yet playful and witty. Hmmmm, let's see; #iwokeuplikethis #youlivelifebutonce #flawless #nofilter #beautyandbiggerbrains #gidiliving #morningrose #happypeople #iknowyoucare #idontfuckwithyou
Then you post.
It's been ten minutes and not one person has liked your picture. You decide to stay calm, you choose to think positively, you remind yourself that your laundry is still waiting and with a smile on your face you get right to it, no doubt when you return your picture would have garnered soooooooo many likes, maybe your followers weren't on IG those few minutes ago.
Two hours later you return, you heart is racing, your palms are sweaty, your mouth is dry but there's a smile on your face; positive thoughts only. You open your IG and somehow expect to be knocked down by a barrage of notifications. But there's just the one.
Two hours and just one like. Only one like. One like in two hours.
Your heart plummets, your smile fades, your eyes water, you begin to question the meaning of your life. You begin to wonder who you are and why you're a nobody, why others get so many likes and why it seems you're invisible. Or am I invisible? You wonder. Yes, maybe I have cobweb spirit covering my glory, just like that pastor said. Maybe I need deliverance, that's why my light is never shining.
Yes Prayer City here I come. My pictures must be liked by fayaaaaaaaaaaa!
The things that people would do for Instagram likes though... And why is it this way? Why have we become a generation that attaches no importance to the way our neighbours and colleagues feel about us, yet seek validation from strangers? Why has that one act which requires no effort at all, a mere double tap, come to mean so much to some people, the very essence of their existence?
My friend has been on bad terms with another friend of hers and when I asked why, she listed a number of reasons and ended it with "... And she never likes my pictures on Instagram".
People, please there's more to life than Instagram likes, ok? But while we're on the topic please follow me on Instagram @thelmathinks and remember to like my pictures. Haha!