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MUST READ! The Reason You're Not Having Great Sex. (It's not what you think.)



When last did you have great sex?

Not regular sex. Not run-of-the-mill sex. Not 'sarewagba' sex. I mean great sex. Sex that made your belly flip. Sex that made your eyes roll to the back of your head. Sex that made your toes curl. Sex that made you hear the Lord's trumpet. Sex that made your hair plait dada. 

It's been a while, right? 

But have you thought about the reason for the dearth of great sex in this country? You love him. He loves you. So why the hell aren't you guys having grade A sex?

Before I tell you the reason, let me challenge you to have great sex with your man tonight. To do that you'll need a bowl of Icecream, whipped cream and a Jagged Edge cd.

Put the cd in your cd player and let that cool, orgasm inducing music waft round the room. Get yourself in the mood. When he gets home, jump on him and tear off his shirt. Tie his hands to the bed with his tie.

Then proceed to the kitchen to get the bowl of Icecream. 

Back to reality........

Alas, all these can't happen because Nepa has taken light and there's no fuel in the generator. Jagged Edge won't play and your ice cream will melt. Heat will nearly kill you people and both of you will be cranky as hell. 

Then you remember :"But Jonathan promised us steady electricity when he was campaigning during the last elections o"

Mtchewww. 

Jonathan.....denying Nigerians the opportunity to have great sex since 2011.

Jonathan the sex killer.

If that isn't a reason to vote him out, I don't know what is.

- Funke Tega Phillips.


******
Good morning guys! I just saw this on Facebook and I Laughed Out Loud. It's actually titled FUNNIEST CAMPAIGN MESSAGE EVER...., and it just might be. 

I hope it made you smile. Yes, that's the reason I'm sharing it, to make you smile and not to campaign for or against anyone. But while we're at it, have you decided who's getting your vote on February 14th? The last time I asked most of you were either undecided, neutral or indifferent, I hope that has changed. I also hope you know that your support doesn't have to lean towards APC or PDP, there are a lot of other parties out there, KOWA with the female presidential candidate, for instance. But err, who am I kidding...

 I pray the beauty of your day far exceeds your expectations. 

Comments

  1. For those not having sex at all...Jona is free in this regard....peeps like me...but if Iwere to vote I would vote for APC just so we have a new set of people in power and lets see how that fares...if after 16yrs the suffering has multiplied I think we just need to change power from PHCN back to NEPA....in other words...lets vote FeeDeeFee out

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lol@sarewagba sex and sex that makes u hear the Lord's trumpet, it made me laff T,as for votes, I ain't voting but I got my PVC and like I said before, I got it for certain transactions since I don't have a national I.D. GOOD MORNING HOUSE.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LMSAO!!!
    I was going to bash Thelma, saying something like is it not too early? Esp cos we have more single Readers than married ones.
    But this is freaking hilarious.
    Thanks T. U'all have a chilled weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chilled weekend Ko! Cold wan kill person oh! Harmattan is no one's friend abeg.

      Delete
    2. Biko don't sound like that. Abi no plans of going to obodo oyibo?
      Uyi, na me & u go act that film. #wink

      Delete
    3. Oya! Find a Pro-buhari to sponsor it na!

      Delete
  4. Lmao! That's quite funny! I could actually make a movie out of it though....*pensive*

    ReplyDelete
  5. APC (Buhari/Osinbajo). Not necessarily for what they stand for, just that oga Jonathan exemplifies incompetence at all levels and in all spheres.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have not been able to collect my PVC though I have the temporary one. I hope that I'm able to get the PVC or at least, INEC will change their mind and allow the use of the temporary.

    I'm definitely voting Jimi Agbaje/Buhari (for want of better candidates); not made up my mind yet on the assembly candidates (do they run campaigns?)

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can get your PVC at the nearest INEC office in your local government. There'd always be an INEC office in your vicinity. If you still reside where you registered for your temporary voters card, just turn in the temporary and get the PVC. If not, the INEC office would give you directions. Just got mine this week so it is not too late.
      Assembly contestants do run campaigns albeit it is not as popularized as Gubernatorial and Presidential

      Delete
  7. My own is nothing must hinder my Valentine gift, I no go like hear any story that day
    I pray for the peace of Nigeria, as it is our own Jerusalem. ABEG go vote if yu get PVC ooo!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm rili still confused, ain't even sure if I'll vote though I ve my PVC. I feel Buhari's win wud end d insurgency, but then d oda vices dat may follow ve to be considered. As for Jona, I dnt rili know wat oda good he has in stock for us. Dia choice of date though....guys be dancing Shoji since

    ReplyDelete
  9. Chai!!..Jona don suffer o ..lol. see blasting levels from all sides. May God save Nigeria from the hands of the wicked ones.
    Think I saw a statement where they were like.."the reason for the feb14 date is so that Nigerians will vote in love"..

    "They're deceiving themselves". *yimu*

    ReplyDelete

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