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The Love Triangle: The Mistress, Her Man, His Woman

Hey guys, I found this piece written by Motilola Akintunde very interesting and I'm itching to hear your thoughts. Read and let me know what you think. 

Several years ago, I read an attention-grabbing book titled the GEISHA. It was a fascinating read about young girls who were taught to be the perfect courtiers from their tender ages. They were also taught other interesting things.I believe it is a must read book for all women in the world, because to survive down here, as a married or single woman, and even as a mistress, the skills taught in the book are essential.
It is a simple concept, so let me break it down.
It seems we are all in this love triangle, whether we are aware of it or not. That faithful and perfect husband of yours has a mistress somewhere. And even if he doesn’t have one yet, he is planning to have one. For the purpose of this argument, let’s say your lovely and great husband does have a mistress somewhere. If that’s the case, as a woman, you need to learn to balance it, if not you stand the risk of becoming the Nag.
Let’s even say you are the mistress. My intention is not to blame or judge you, bind or loose you, you are just a part of the love triangle that has become part of our regular lives. If he isn’t with you, he would be with somebody else. In that case, you also need to learn how to balance it, be the perfect mistress.
Let’s summarise: The two cases say it’s either your husband has a mistress or you are the mistress yourself.
I’m not here to decipher the age long question of why a man isn’t ever content with one woman. That is a question even my grandmother didn’t have an answer to.
My concern, however, is how to balance this love triangle we have all found ourselves in.
As a mistress, you are the one with the hardest work to do.
You need to know when to hold on and when to let go, find out what he is missing and why exactly he is with you, learn also not to give too much or you will be loose, and not to hold back, or you will be unwanted.
You also need to know that no matter how much he claims to love you, HE IS NEVER LEAVING HER!!!!!
At least not for you.
He is never marrying you and even if he does, you will always be in second place. She was and will always be his first choice. It may be better to stay out of their business even if you are with him.
I know you want to ask me how do you go about all of this?
Well, figure it out, you choose to be his mistress for a reason. The only good thing about being a mistress is you probably will have more of him than the wife, you are his dream woman he will rely on for all the love he needs.
Dear madam, this is straight from my heart to you, you need to accept that he has a mistress and then pretend like she doesn’t exist.
It’s hard, yes I know,but not being at peace is worse than that. Having to turn yourself into a CIA spy, sneaking up on his phone, checking his shirt like he is some terrorist, is traumatic and not helpful at all.
Accept it sweetheart and be at peace, love him like there is no other woman in the world. Play your part and let his excuse for having that woman be his own not as a fall out of your actions or inactions.
If you do not constantly nag, fight him or police him…he ain’t going nowhere and remember he is married you, and not to some 2 pence whore(that is how wives see mistresses) so chill and be number one…Lobatan.
I know some women will say oh it’s easy for her to say or my man will never cheat on me or who the hell does she think she is!!!! My people say the bitter truth is the same kin with utter rubbish… and men on the other hand will love this article.
To our dear husbands, whatever made you cheat on her , is known to only you, but remember this ….What if she decided to cheat on you too?
That’s gist for another day sha….When she decides to do the same sebi I’ve decided to help you perfect whatever path you choose…….

By Motilola Adekunle/Lagos
Her Face is familiar to a Nigerian audience. As an actress, a newscaster, a producer, a writer, Nigerian-born Motilola Adekunle, a graduate of philosophy from the Obafemi Awolowo University in Ife, has been in the public space for almost a decade.


  1. True points in there, but I don't believe all men cheats,there are men who would remain married to their wives without seeing another woman's nakedness,as for the issues she raised in the mistress section, those are real advise that work for most mistresses cos like she rightly said,the cheating man has seen something in her is wife probably doesn't have. GOD give me a man that would never notice another woman ohhhh. Amen and forgive me cos I have once been a mistress that almost caused palava. Lol.

    1. I will have to agree with you that not every man is a cheat. I know some very food me out there, and these men are unbelievably faithful. I pray that God grants you the desires of your heart

    2. Yes o..not every man cheats..even though research has it that 'a large percentage of them are vulnerable to cheating'. It's good to be a praying wife.

    3. everyman cheats. period. you my hubby fantatises about another girl, he stalks her on facebook, instagram every social media site, he mails her but never gets a respoonse, he is thoroughly obsessed with her, it hurts me deeply, he calls her his soulmate in mails i hv read... his password is her name, he writes poems dedicated to her.....yet he swears on his grandfather that he has never slept with another woman? so what do you call what he does? faithfulness? so u get it? those of u men keep fantatizing about kim K, amber rose, etc.... and you are loyal? get outta here/

  2. Accept that he has a mistress? Easier said than done.

  3. I once saw a witty saying (an advice to wives) which I'd paraphrase to the best of my memory - "..... the important thing is to be the highest shareholder". I could say the same for men/husbands.

    The honest truth is that everyone, men and women included have a number of competing objectives and a bit of moderation and contentment is key.

    Not all men cheat.

  4. Hmmmm so women don't hv their own gigolo ?

  5. Every guy always claims he'll be faithful so If he's gonna cheat,let him adhere to these:
    1) don't fall inlove with her
    2) don't have kids with her
    3) don't bring home any STD's
    4) don't marry her
    5) don't neglect me
    Ladies,while confessing love for each other,let him know ur love has Terms and conditions!

    1. Spot on Sasha!

    2. Lmao @ terms and conditions. I wish it were that easy..

    3. That's what I told the husband. You're free to do as you wish. Be discreet, be safe (no STIs). If you let me catch you, I'll get even. And he knows I'm a firm believer in getting even. I love and believe in myself. Which is what women should be taught. When we start believing we can do fine with or without you, the Nigerian man will evolve to respect women. And know he has more to lose by being unfaithful.


  6. Lol@terms and conditions, Sasha u no go kill

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. I totally disagree with her misguided, erroneous, impolitic conception. Not ALL men cheat! Some mistresses eventually become the madam... some wives do all of the above and still lose out in the end....

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