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Those Things You Can and Cannot Negotiate On in Bed.

This post may contain some adult content so we're keeping it +18. 

The past weekend was a very interesting one. 

So as you may or may not know, a large percentage of mails I get from blog readers don't come with a permission to have them posted. Last week I got one of those. But before I get to the email can I first ask why people think it's ok to tell me all the nitty gritty dirty details of their lives? I mean, sometimes I enjoy hearing all the dirt, but sometimes I get squirmish and wonder why they think it's ok to share this with me? It makes me wonder of it's a reflection of my person; do they think well Thelma is a "bad girl" so she'll understand and she won't judge me? Or do they think she seems pretty wise and unjudgemental, let me share this with her? I seriously hope it's the latter. 

Anyhoo, I'm all ears most of the time, so feel free (but not to free because sometimes y'all make me blush) to share with me whatever you like. 

So this blog reader reached out to me and told me about her sex life with her fiancé. Apparently le boo is her perfect man and marrying him is her dream come true. BUT there's one big but. They have a good sex life and he knows how to bring her immense, intense pleasure. However, in order for her to reciprocate, to bring him to those same throes of pleasure, there are certain things he prefers her to do which this blog reader isn't too comfortable doing. For instance le boo wants her to give him oral sex, not just his genitals but also his anus. By the way this isn't the only weird preference he has but this is the one that I personally find most unnegotiable

Last night I had dinner with two girlfriends of mine and we had a very interesting conversation. *Biola started talking about things her boo does in bed which she doesn't like, but which she puts up with because she loves him. Things like spanking her, going to bed in six inch heels and so on... At this point I recalled the mail the blog reader sent and told them about it. 

My other friend *Marcy is of the opinion that anything other than conventional sex is unacceptable except both parties want it. In her words "he should even be happy that you're willing to have sex with him at all". 

But Biola sees things differently. Biola talked about the blog reader's mail; asking you to do certain things like oral in less-than-sanitary body orifices, spanking, watching porn with him and acting it out etc. She opined that if you're dating/engaged/married to someone who likes all these things and you're willing to play ball and please him just how he likes, then you have the keys to his heart and his "mumu button". According to Biola if your man has these 'needs', the easiest way to keep him is by meeting those needs; he will never leave you alone... 

I couldn't contribute much but I've given it a lot of thought. I understand having to go extra lengths to please your partner, but when it comes to sex, how much are you willing to displease yourself in order to please your significant other?

What are those things that you can negotiate on in bed and those that you most certainly can't? (Some might argue that submitting to your husband includes giving in to his demands even in bed. For instance, you've sworn never to have anal sex but hubby wants it. Would you or would you not?). Some partners' demands are as harmless and acceptable as oral sex, mild spanking, dirty talk, maybe even anal sex. While some demands are as unorthodox and unthinkable as threesomes, swinging, public sex...

Do you believe that you have to satisfy ALL your partner's (sexual) needs in order to keep them (happy)? Has you significant other (either the present one or in the past) ever made any outrageous demands from you in bed? What are you NOT willing to negotiate on in bed? 

Let's talk. 


  1. Lick his anus? Eeew. But is it really worst than swallowing a man's sperm. Because a lot of us do it.

    1. The healthiest protein-shake out there...!!!

    2. People need to stop saying this rubbish about sperm being proteinous. If you need protein there's beans, eggs, meat, plantain and many other foods. Sperm has no business being inside your mouth. The sad part is that most men want to cum in a woman's mouth but they will die before they taste their own sperm.

    3. Like it or not,its proteinous. Whether in ur mouth,on ur skin,in ur uterus,fact remains it's proteinous...

    4. Lol @ Sasha. I feel you jor.

    5. I let my girl cum in my mouth tho....

    6. My boo likes me to cum in his mouth, I don't know why but he really enjoys it.

  2. Nyama@licking anus,I for one can do certain things to please my partner if I love him and the money is flowing, u know what I mean but dere are certain boundaries or limits I would have to put for example I wouldn't allow anyone pee in my mouth when ejaculating, I once had sex with someone I dated and before we had sex he told me he liked to pee in his lady's mouth while ejaculating,I thought d dude was joking till we had sex and he tried it,goshhhhh I got angry at him n all that,he said he enjoys it DAT way,omo,I broke up with d guy sharparly,I met another one who liked to put his hand on my throat while having sex with me,I almost got choked one day while trying to bear, and damn it I left this guy because the truth is some things aren't just hygienic or safe for the body,and u wanna pee in my mouth or strangle me all in the name of pleasure and love or money??? Hell no thelms,I am not willing to negotiate such shit in bed. The thought of it all makes me wanna puke men.

    1. Why don't u just ask them their fetishs before having the sex? It'll save u the time of breaking up with them...

    2. Lol@sasha I just started doing that ohhj.I never thought about that then.

  3. Thelms,its the later for me. You are pretty wise and non judgemental

  4. Women dey try sha. I agreed to a 3some once because I thought it would "keep" my man. Well it kept him but the demands got more and more crazy and I had to run. The problem with these things is that sometimes when you give allow a man will take allowance. My ex started with let's watch porn in bed, then tell me about other guys u have slept with, while we're having sex, and he wanted all the details o. I agreed to all the nonsense hoping it will stop but he got greedier and greedier. Next thing he started disturbing me for 3some. I eventually agreed but he wanted more nonsense. I love him but I had to leave. Going anonymous on this one.

    1. No need 4 d anouncement dearie, u can always go anon whn ever u want 2 wothout anouncing. Nobody'd persecute u 4 dt.

  5. Lick anus? God forbid...... Lemme just sit and read comments mbok

  6. Mehn,anything anal wld bave to be mutual. If u wanna lick my ass,fine but something wld have to lick urs for u. If u have to screw my ass,I'll have to use something available to screw urs too.
    I think it's best and safe to draw up a "fetish contract" so that we don't surprise anyone halfway down the r/ship

  7. Jeez!..are diz what people see?

    1. Queen hun these are what we see ohh,part of the reason I decided to practice celibacy, I cannot come n die.

  8. This post is hilarity at its peak!!!
    WT actual F. What rubbish fetish is this?
    As a guy, there are only 2 places Ur D can enter on my body, Mouth & Vahjayjay & U'll reciprocate in same measure shaken together!!!
    Everything else is a NO!
    Be you boyfriend, Maga, Hubby!

    Nonsense! Person come world to die on top sex matter?

  9. In as much as I'm all for trying new tricks to keep things hot and sizzling in the boudoir, they are things that are unacceptable 4 mua. I'm reffering 2 analigus, anal sex, and other extreme fetishes. Yes we can try out some things outside conventional sex that doesn't go against my beliefs and principles but it has 2 be deliberated upon and must be consensual betwn d 2 parties. Infact, we gon talk abt all these b4 tying d knots.

  10. My ex wanted us to make sex tapes then he progressed to wanting his friend to watch us during sex. I agreed but not long after he wanted his friend to fuck me in his presence. Love gba kwa oku, that was the end of that useless relationship.

    1. Lol, did you? Did you make a sex tape? Omg,Kim Anonymous is on this blog!!! Lolz #JustKidding

    2. Lol@kim anonymous,jeez,sex tape??I hope u didn't anon?? Some guys can be sickos I am.telling u,hiaannnn sex tape n watch his friend make love to u. Love gba kwa oku truly.WTF

    3. Holy 5hit! Where did u get dt cuckold pusaay a55 niqqa 4rm?


    4. Lol@eesah u not serious, is DAT last line grammar or wat?

    5. You've got to be kidding. You let his friend watch you guys. News flash that guy was just using you to fulfil his sik fantasies. Funny enough only 1% of guys will do somethn they r nt comfortable with as per fetish. My husband wants to try anal, I already told him i'll give him a chance if he will let me put my fingers up his ass. J

    6. Easah your comment just proved to me that you watch a lot of porn.

    7. Lol@anon,seriously porn??? Nahhh don't think he does.

    8. Haa anon, in the 21st century? U must be kidding!

  11. Lick Anus??that is just gross
    I will not give in to what I dnt want to to keep a man bawo,a man will leave if he wants to no matter how good the sex is ,if am not comfortable with it,its not happening

  12. My own is don't start what you cannot finish. And don't give all your husbands benefits to a boyfriend. Even with your husband do what you can jare. No die untop the matter. Just find a common ground!

  13. I dont have a fetish per se, just really like oral sex (giving and receiving). Sadly my wife doesnt like giving blowjobs, and it kills me inside on the daily. I have tried all sorts but none works. I am lucky to get 3mins of it once a quarter before she hastily proceeds to sex. And for someone who's ex was always willing and enthusiastic in that regard... sigh! I love my wife, but this is a problem for me. Been hanging in there for 1.5 years now though.

    1. I'm sorry Anon, I know how you feel and it can be frustrating but some women just hate bjs so much. Try and manage the little she's willing to do and please don't start thinking about getting it from elsewhere.

    2. oga no vex abeg! didnt you people talk about it before you got married? anyway... what is done is done... but its been just 1 and a half years and you're already sounding like this... not 'goode'r o! in the next 5years...i hope you won't have found a permanent "alternative" that would affect your marriage.

    3. If I promised you one million dollars to quit oral sex, I'm probably certain you'd quit it. Your wife is invaluable, don't forget that!

      It's still not to late to have a discussion to come up with a compromise or a workaround. Maybe, just maybe she might be willing to favourably consider your demands if she had access to educational and resource materials that teach oral sex. Maybe also you might consider her disposition if you knew the harm or pain she probably felt engaging in oral sex.

      You took the woman you love as wife cause she triumphed over other ladies including your ex, inspite of the good oral you had with your ex. Don't miss out on the 80 percent you have with your wife cause you are looking for the 20 percent your ex provides.

    4. Hmmm, I like this "angu" Chrisyinks is coming from.

  14. Thelma the things I had to negotiate on with DH was oral. He likes blowjobs which I didn't like but I had to learn to do it for him. I also had to learn how to give massages because he likes massages. I agree that if you can really please your man to an extent you have the keys to his heart.

  15. ha! anal sex, oral sex, licking anus, and any other 'demonically inspired' position. Oga i wont do it! please hope christian brothers dont have these weird fetishes o!!! heheheheheee! i cannot come and go and marry an animal o! what kind of thing is that... pee or poo in someone's mouth in the name of pleasure! hian! i just cant. there are too many sick people in this world o!

  16. Anal Sex, naaa, my hubby wanted to try it with me, I got a Sex toy and said, let me try it on your anal first, if u like it, u can do me.

    He said naaaa, he solved the problem for us both with his response.

    My hubby also likes blow jobs, but doesn't wanna give me the head.

    I told him, do for me I do for u, case closed.

    I do like spontaneous Sex especially in public, well we do that once the scene is safe.

    The day his dick mistakenly entered my anal, when we were having a serious session, I cried o. It was darn painful. Biko, I can't shout!!! Ciao

    1. It wasn't a mistake. It's never a mistake.

  17. lol @ having a serious session. Anon you are me o. Told hubby once I can put my fingers up our arse then we do anal. Secondly I don't like that public spur of the moment thing, my greatest nightmare is anyone walking in while we are at it. Same goes for BJ, I don't mind it but it must be reciprocated. This makes me wonder, why women are so eager to do crazy things just to please the guy. Only 5% of guys will go out of their way to do something they are not comfortable with. Have you ever heard a guy that hates giving head consider it just for the woman. Women don't kill yourself, try if you can but......... The lady that said she let her BF's friend watch, I hate to break it to you that guy did not like you talk more of love. he was just using you to satisfy his crazy fantasies. J

  18. Anal sex ko, uterus sex ni. Ordinary constipation to push out poo na die then someone will say let me insert something inside your anus, no way biko. BJ for me is do me I do you. I don't exactly enjoy giving it but if you're willing to give me and ask for reciprocation then I will give you.

  19. I'll pass this..hv no idea about such cos I've not indulged, hence I'm going anonymous. #futurehubbycomequick so I can contribute next time. Lol

  20. una dey talk abi,wat about during sex,pulling out the dick and putting in ya mouth.........or pulling out n sucking ya hubby loves doing dat guys dont yuck for me oh.....u gatz to satisfy your man or else Ekaeatte will help and you dont come bk crying cheating bastard

  21. hehehe, ashey i have the best boo, giving me head like kilode n i only reciprocate when i feel like n hes ok with it though i love to give him too. boobo knows i love it and he eats it up like there's no tomorrow either raw, with ice cream or ice cubes. this one is alter bound IJN. Thelma ooooo, dis just got my horny. meanwhile Kabouy et al i said worse when i was uncut bt now all is history and i have no regrets esp with current boo. NEVER say NEVER. good oral is the next best thing that can happen to any woman.


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