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Three Things I Wish My Parents Had Done Differently.





Have you ever felt like your parents failed in an aspect of parenting, or some aspects? Do you ever find yourself wishing they had done somethings differently when bringing you up? I most certainly do, sometimes. In truth I couldn't have asked for better parents. They're the kindest, most caring, most loving and most generous persons I know. Yet, there are some things which I wish they had done differently.

1. Taught us our language. This is the first mistake I think my parents made. Both speak Igbo fluently but somehow neglected to teach it to us, choosing instead to speak to us in English. These days I find myself wishing that they hadn't done that for several number of reasons. Children will always learn to speak the Lingua Franca, either in school or in social interactions outside the home. But it's left to the parents to teach the kiddies their native language. 

2. Allowed us to be more independent. Ok, so this is just for daddy. Then I loved loved loved being spoiled, adored and dotted on by him. Now, I wish he had let me be just a little bit more independent. My daddy loves me to a point of distraction, so much so that he accompanied me to Uni and did all my registrations (faculty, revisit and hostel) for me in my first year and came to my NYSC camp a number of times when I called home homesick. He would actually take the bus, not being able to drive the distance, come hold my hand and stroll round camp with me, then take the bus back home. And camp wasn't in Lagos! Now this is all well and cute, but I realize that it actually did me some harm. It would have pay me more in the long run if he let me stand on my own two feet. 

3. Allowed me to choose and decide what I wanted to be/study. Many Nigerian parents, especially the parents of my generation, are guilty of this. They got carried away with the idea of being called Mama-doctor, papa-lawyer and so on. They thought any discipline that couldn't end in a white collar job was likely to be an embarassing one. 


Ok, so these are three things I think my parents should have done differently. TTB readers, if you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? What do you wish your parents had done differently? Could they have been less strict, more strict, more loving, more present, less nosy, more approachable, more tolerant, etc?

Comments

  1. 1. Speaking my mother tongue to us
    2. Acting like talking to members of the opposite sex is a sin. I wish they had been more realistic in that aspect


    A Bili

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wished they didn't give me all i wanted. This will have helped me too be independent and make me think outside of the box.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are so right about the career issue! This has put me under so much stress and confusion. From medicine to accounting ? I have decided to block my fathers voice this year and just see where things go and find my own niche myself. Got a nice job at the bank now so il figure out the next step. do not pressure a child . Guide them and support, give options.
    My folks can't speak their native language so I'm not even going to bother myself.

    ReplyDelete
  4. 1. Had more time together with us,I wish they hadn't seperated.
    2. I wish they hadn't married each other cos it affected us badly.
    3. I wish my dad had stayed to teach us his language (efik)though I can speak but not as much as I want to learn or know how to speak. But thanks to mum,she taught me how to speak flawless Igbo language (I love u pieces mum).

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yea taught us our language when we had higher chances of learning not not when am all grown up

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wish my dad allowed us be enterprising like we wanted. We would have blown big by now. All we wanted us to do was study study study.


    ReplyDelete
  7. I can swear this post has been on this blog b4. Thelma r u repeating posts?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The post you're referencing talks (extensively) about the language issue alone.

      Delete
  8. LilLol @anon u try ohhhh to even remember. Dats cool,shows u dey monitor post.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Paid more attention to me and my life choices, not leaving everything to me. As a result, I made some mistakes I never would have made if I had had counsel.

    Been a lil bit caring and generous. My parents are stingy and petty. Dad especially.

    Etc etc

    ReplyDelete
  10. 1. They didn't marry at all! Reasons: two of my (deceased) siblings were SS and dad died too soon. A lot of stress, sadness and troubles growing up.
    2. The Career issue.
    3. I wish my mum was not so distant. Not that I blame her because she had enormous responsibilities with very little external help but we practically had no mother-daughter relationship until a few years ago. I cannot begin to list the negative effects this has had on some decisions I made.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  11. I wish they had taught me their language too.

    ReplyDelete
  12. 1) I wish i wasn't so spoiled. I enjoyed being pampered and having househelps do all the work when i was younger but now..

    2) I wish my dad hadn't tried to impose his preffered course on me, I would probably be doing what i love right now...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Smh. @ ur number one... i'm not judging anyone o! :p

      Delete
  13. 1) I wish ma dad dint have to make it ttoo obvious to everyone including ma siblings that I am (and stiLl is) his 'favourite' child.... Likewise ma mum with ma immediate younger bro. #most parents do that too. I think its not right though it feels like sometimes they can't help it.
    2) Erhmm, that's about all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah! I agree with you Sugarvie. Just like sunshine is my mom's favorite and she doesn't even hide it. I was jealous for a long time but I got over it sha. I still point it out to her now though.
      Till tomorrow... no one knows my dad's favorite cuz he treats us equally. maybe the baby of the house cuz she is the baby which is normal. but my mom.. she does not even hide it! Not gooder!

      Delete
    2. Lmao... we're still on this? Really?

      Delete
  14. Thelma, we share 2 and 3... but i'm actually kind of glad they protected and shielded me from a lot of things... and career wise... I didn't even know what I wanted.... so i'm grateful. all in all. I think they both did(and are still doing) wonderfully well and they gave me a very good start. I can still do what I love to do and so can u Sunshine!
    Big ups to baba and mama kabuoy mehn! They tried! Lol!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I wish he had taught us Fulfulde (Fulani). I wish he had used his influence to give us a leg up. Now I'm crying. I miss my father. I don't understand why some men are still alive in their 90s. While mine died in his 60s. I wished he had made better plans for his retirement

    Mallama

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thelma i feel u in the area of Language oo. My parents speak it soo fluently, n are typical igbo parents..as in d type dat say "tradition must be followed to d last"(like we usually watch in nollywood movies)...but sadly they never made it priority to teach their kids. That aside, some people still get to learn their language in school, like wen u mix up wt people/friends..but all my life I went to schools where the "Queens English" was greatly emphasised up till Uni stage, and d friends i had were 'English speaking', hence no slight opportunity to learn even 10% igbo. Chai!!
    Thank God my hubby is very fluent in igbo, as in he can rap in igbo sef..so at least my kids will get to learn. I'm beginning to learn small sha with him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Igbo Language is really sweet o..lol.

      Delete
  17. I think everyone wants to ensure that they present their best work at all times. This is so whether someone is writing in English or another language. Of course, it easier when you are writing in the language that you grew up speaking.

    ielts writing

    ReplyDelete
  18. I can only acknowledge these Faults from my Parents, but not ready to regret..i've chosen to do what makes me happy and doesn't make me feel like I'm actually working...(They gave me dat). Its Filmmaking or Nomaking! Hehe

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I wish dey'd been a lil bit liberal and not always confine us in d name of protection.
    I wish dey'd tot us to be more friendly wt people around and not think dat everybody is like dos @d villa plotting one or two tins

    ReplyDelete
  21. I also wish we'd grown up together under d same roof and not been separated by work.

    ReplyDelete

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